Praying

 "God can turn the most reprobate sinners into the most devout saints." God told me recently that he allowed one of my co workers to die so that I can help all the rest of my co workers get into heaven. I know some of them pretend to not care about what happens to their soul after death, but I care very, very much whether they make it to heaven or not. Sometimes you have to experience being at rock bottom first before you can climb up the mountain of faith. And it is a very long climb up a very high mountain. My brother bought his first Bible two days ago. I have been working on trying to save him literally for the last 23 years. I got saved at age 14. I am now 37. For 23 years I have prayed a ton for my big brother to love Jesus as much as I do, and finally my prayers have been granted. Praise God!!! I have been frustrated that my co workers aren't making faster progress toward God but I need to think about that. It took me 23 years of praying for my big brother before he finally bought his own Bible. It might also be because I recently wrote down a prayer list. I have about 20 people on it. I try to pray seriously for them all every day. I know that's why Satan keeps trying to trip me up, cuz any time we pray for others he hates it. Don't give up. Never underestimate how strong your prayers can be. Pray for all the people you love the most. They deserve it. You never know what can happen until it does. But you can imagine what might happen. And that is what faith is. Pray in faith that the impossible will become possible. 

Going Crazy

 How many days in a row can a person work before they go crazy? :) The main issue with working a lot is the jealousy it evokes and that is what makes people go crazy. People don't get how you can keep going. But if God calls you to do something then do it. Don't sit down, even if you really want to. Or maybe it is time for me to sit down. Rest is nice. Peace is nice. Throwing in the towel sounds nice sometimes. Life will go on if you need a break. You are not holding the world up, God is. Jesus said, "My yoke is easy and my burden is light." Keep it light. What load are you trying to carry and you are making it too heavy? Make it light. "Cast your cares on the Lord for he cares for you." Throw some weight off. Give it to God. He can carry your load for awhile. Don't take yourself or your job too seriously. Jobs are easy to get. Friends are easy to get. No situation is worth so much effort that you let yourself go crazy for it. Take a step back and just breathe. Let yourself be at peace. 

Getting Saved

 How can a person be saved? I'll just say it isn't a one step process. It isn't easy to save a person. That is why most people never even try. They give up before it even begins. You have to keep your faith alive through the entire process. You have to hang in there until the job is complete. It takes a ton of prayer and patience and believing that things that seem impossible can and will happen. The first step is really loving that person. Most people don't really care about anyone but themselves. That's why they never care to save anyone. They literally couldn't care less if others go to hell. Which describes the attitude of most "Christians" out there these days. Ultimately we can't save people, God does, but he wants us to be his hands and feet and his voice. He wants us to take action when he leads us to. God speaks through us if we allow him to. If we have the courage to let our voice be his voice. You can't be scared in order to save others. You have be bold and courageous like a lion. You have to fear God MORE then you fear people. You have to want to serve God more then you want to be subservient to others. Are you living to please people or God? It is impossible to do both sometimes. People might get jealous of you. They might try to throw rocks at your light and try to put it out, but keep that light on. Be a lighthouse that shows others the way. Most people are lost out at sea and they need that light to guide them home. Never stop being that light for others. Ever. May God bless you in your efforts to rescue the lost. God has given us all this great commission to go into all the world and make disciples of all people. Take that seriously and do it. You will be greatly rewarded in this life and the next. Now go save 20 people. :) And may God bless you! 

Disrespect is Annoying

 I have felt disrespected as an employee ever since I started working at my current job. I suppose probably every worker out there feels disrespected at times. Any time people are around each other Satan tries really hard to pit them against each other because Satan Hates unity. He hates when people really love one another so he tries to start fights. Why does God allow it? I don't get why. But he does. Probably to make us stronger. To help us get over our own ego. It takes two to tango. Others cannot "make" you mad. You can choose to get mad or not get mad. If you want to let yourself get upset by what others do that is your decision. But where is the fun in that. As my big brother says, "Just do you. Don't worry about what others do. Just be the best you that you can be." Don't rock the boat but don't let others walk all over you like a door mat either. Find that middle ground. The more we love others, the more we let them get away with. So then our natural tendency is to pull back and express hatred rather then love because we don't want to feel taken advantage of. But what does the Bible say? "Love your enemies. Pray for those who persecute you and abuse you." Why? Because God Will punish those who mess with his children. Don't mess with God's children unless you are ok with God hurting you. Fear God. Respect God and respect those who are doing their best to serve him. If you don't, things will not go well for you in this life and in the next life. 

Power Games

 I have been slightly competing with an older co worker for the opening manager position for 5 months now. I really did not mean to compete though. This entire time I told my head boss to let him do it. But I don't know if he wants to do it. That is the problem. I think he is a scared little boy on the inside, but he masks that by trying to appear macho. Me doing it now reminds me of the scene in Gladiator when Maximus says he has no desire to become the king. That is when the current dying king says "That is why it must be You." Those who want power, those who crave it, should not have it. Those who are humble and don't care about having all the power, those are the ones who deserve to be in power. 

What is your dream? Make it happen. But stay humble and you will deserve to get it. 

My Favorite Poem

 

I was an English major in college. This was my favorite poem that we read for my American Lit class. I read it again every few years and sometimes it makes me cry. 

Mother to Son

BY LANGSTON HUGHES

Well, son, I’ll tell you:

Life for me ain’t been no crystal stair.

It’s had tacks in it,

And splinters,

And boards torn up,

And places with no carpet on the floor—

Bare.

But all the time

I’se been a-climbin’ on,

And reachin’ landin’s,

And turnin’ corners,

And sometimes goin’ in the dark

Where there ain’t been no light.

So boy, don’t you turn back.

Don’t you set down on the steps

’Cause you finds it’s kinder hard.

Don’t you fall now—

For I’se still goin’, honey,

I’se still climbin’,

And life for me ain’t been no crystal stair.

Wrath

 I have experienced a lot of wrath toward me and against me and around me my entire life. My mom had a huge temper problem. Various guys I have been with or have worked with had a huge temper problem. It takes a lot to make me really angry. I have learned from all these people I have had the sad pleasure to be around the importance of remaining calm. I have learned that I want to be nothing like that. Someone has to do a lot to really make me angry. I have a very hard time respecting people with a short fuse. My mom, I had a very hard time respecting my mom because of her short temper and all her terrible anger issues. If you want others to respect you, don't get excessively angry. If you do get angry, don't flip out. Write about it. Pray about it. Let God fight your battle for you. Let go and let God. He will help you and guide you. All will be well in the end. Just trust God. 

Lying

 Why do people lie? It is because they are afraid. Should others be sympathetic when a person lies out of fear? It depends on the situation. Fearful people are annoying, overall. What is the point of being afraid of anything? Be fearless. That is the only way to live and have a happy life. To live a life full of fear is no life at all. "If God is for me, who can be against me?" People might actually be against you, a ton might be, but it won't work and it won't trip you up if God is with you. And that can be your testimony, that no power of hell can stop you. Satan is referred to as the father of all lies. When people lie they are filled with Satan in that moment. That is why we should all be very scared of lying. It makes you a little at a time more and more like Satan. So don't lie. Be a giver, not a taker. "Each person should look out not only for his own interests but also the interests of others." Lying is selfish and conceited and evil. Don't ever lie. Be honest. 

A Tragic Death

 One of my best friends just died 3 days ago. He was one of the sweetest and wisest guys I have ever known. I admired him more then I have admired most people. Now I feel the need to fill his shoes. I believe I can do it. Me and our other manager can be the strong courageous leaders that he was. Pray for us all to recover from this loss. I felt so broken the last few days and so overwhelmed with sadness. Overall I am glad he is in heaven now, and I know he is. I believe I helped bring him back to God before he died. Michael has no more pain now. His past will not trouble him anymore. He gets to be carefree now and hang out with Jesus all day. Praise God. :) We will all miss him. May we all stay strong and keep going. Thank you God for taking good care of our friend. Thank you that he finally gets to rest and be totally happy now. 

Pizza Stores

 Every single day in every pizza store across the world there is probably a fight going on between two workers. It gets hot with the ovens so that doesn't help. People get tired quickly. H.A.L.T. stands for hungry, angry, lonely or tired. If you are any of those 4, the goal is to fix that issue before messing up your job or your friendships. You will almost never be lonely in a pizza store, unless you are working on the oven. But we all are almost non stop hungry because the work burns so many calories. We all get angry often if things aren't done quickly and perfectly. And we get tired quickly, mentally and physically. I have said for 3 years now, "You haven't truly worked until you have worked in a pizza store on a Friday night." It will kick your but. The amount of stress you have to be able to endure can be extremely high. I have worked in every kind of job there is and I have experienced many forms  of stress. Nothing compares with pizza work stress. Even preschool work stress. It can cause extreme bonding among co workers or extreme conflict. I suppose I keep doing pizza work because there is never a boring day working in a pizza store. Something is always going on. Someone is always fighting with someone. Hopefully that will change at some point, but pizza work requires people who are very strong in every way. Strong people often conflict with each other because we get jealous of each other. There are power struggles. We all want to shine the brightest and be the best. It is good to try to work hard, but not when it causes you to look down on others. May God help all of us who work in pizza. I hope you enjoy your job, whatever it is. God bless. :) 

Gossip

 I have a co worker who seems to be stabbing me in the back. She seems to be trying to turn all my closest friends against me. It would not bother me so much except that she seems to be trying to turn what were really great friends against me. But now I guess I realize they never were truly friends. With real friends it is impossible to turn them against you. I have been very much and stupidly in love with my boss for about 4 months now, but I have been too pansy to tell him. He is younger and overall I have no desire to be with an immature guy. But now this other girl I think wants him and it bothers me because she seems worthless. Maybe someday he will see that. Part of me wants to say whatever she can have him. But she is toxic. I can tell. There is no way that he could be happy with her. But I'll just see how this all plays out. I don't get what her issue is but she needs to stop her silly games and grow up. Please all pray that she will stop gossiping so much and get saved and actually be nice for once in her life. 

Respect

 So many parents left their kids to fend for themselves ever since the 80's when too many women left the home and started working. Parents are supposed to teach their kids how to respect others. Now we have an epidemic of people having no idea how to respect others because they were not taught. They raised themselves. If you have kids, I beg you, please teach your kids the value of respect. One issue is if you don't respect your kids, they will not learn respect. Kids deserve respect too. The degree to which you respect and value your kids is the degree to which they will respect others. Believe in your kids. They can do more then you realize. They only need you to believe in them. We all live out what others believe we can do. According to your faith it will be done to you. Just believe. 

Single Mom

 My mom was a single mom for 7 years. I always admired her, that she was capable of that, but I was always scared that might be me someday. My dad almost never paid child support. We always had enough food though. Thanks be to God! It helped that my mom got a ton of help from my grandma. My dad was too crazy to keep a job for very long. Now I am in the city where my daughters are. I keep hoping to work out shared visitation with my ex in laws but I think the situation is just and could be quite awkward for all of us. It would be a new normal. Saying goodbye to my girls for a week or a few days would be odd. I have no idea what to do about the situation. I am quite sure I don't want my ex husband back. He is not the same person now that he was when I met him. He came to be too attached to his parents. When I met him he was a strong independent man. Now he is so weak. I feel he would be a third kid I would need to care for. Instead I have decided to take care of my 10 fake kids at my new job. :) I think that is the best situation for me maybe until I die. We all desire to take care of some group of people. For some of us our group is blood related. For others they are the group of people we pick, or that God picks for us. Go find people to take care of. God will guide you to who deserves your care the most. 

Dating

 When it comes to dating, you want to find a good person, obviously. But if they are good, they probably have very little interest in sex. Either you can date the play boy who is willing to hook up with anyone, or the guy who probably feels disdain for most people and they want no one. I suppose we all swing back and forth between those two extremes. At times we feel open to love. At other times we want nothing to do with it. Dating is hard. Marriage is hard. Being single and wanting to stay single is the easiest life a person can live. Thus saith the Lord. :)

Pride and Ego

 Pride comes before a fall. God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble. I have had pride many, many, many times in my life. It has led to many chaotic and sad events in my life. When I think I can go it alone and I don't need anyone, bad things happen to me. I start to get too independent and strong willed. I like to be free but then I regret wanting to be free. There is strength in numbers. Don't be too proud to ask others for help. Don't ever think you don't need anyone. We all need friends. We all need a boost up sometimes from others. Let others take care of you sometimes. The rewards will be great. You will have less stress and feel more grateful in general. You have not because you ask not. Let your pride go and let others show you love. You might think you don't need love, but we all do. It is a human requirement for a happy, fulfilling life. Let others help you. Don't be too proud. 

A New Song I Just Wrote

 Come Now God 

I am broken

Come restore me

I Need you now more then ever before 

I hunger and thirst for your radiance to be known 

I desire nothing but to be a sacrifice for you 

Come fill me, come guide me

I Need your direction, your wisdom

Do whatever you want with me

God lead me to your everlasting peace 

I am all yours forever 

I belong to No One but you.