Dream

 What do you dream to do? Marry a rich guy? We all want that. Elon will you marry me?

 What else do you all want? 

Do all the things I did.

Go write a book. Work on a cruise ship. Have 3 kids. Live. Spend 4 years making pizzas. Hike around Alaska. Snorkle the Great Barrier Reef. Go save all the world! As best as you can. Make 3k YouTube videos. Write 2k blogs. Ok that's enough bragging. :)

I keep telling God I have done enough. Can't he take me home now? But he says I'm only 41. I'm like, "What else could I possibly do? Why must I go on living?" 

To have another kid? But no one wants to for now. Make donuts? 

What else do you hope to do before you die? I would love to be president and buy a beach house. Maybe in 2 years. Pass the baton to me Trump, soon. I'm ready. :)

Or maybe Jesus will return soon and we can all be happy. Pray for him to come soon. 

Hang in there fellow Christians. This too shall pass. There will be a reward someday. Keep pressing on. 

Money

 I got $200 stolen but I made it back in 3 days. What is wrong that people are so desperate? But we all get like that. We all need things bad from time to time and do what we need to do to get things. 

I thought my phone wasn't gonna charge this morning. It needed a system update and to be turned off for awhile. My poor new phone can't handle 12 hour a day use. :) Oh well. May it live long and stay strong. 

I felt desperate after my last job fired me. Praise God my mom still is helping with my rent. A lady kept correcting me on how the pillows looked in a hotel so I walked out. That was the 4th time I've walked out on a job. Need to stop doing that. I almost did today at work. It's hard when you get hungry at work. "Their god was their stomach. Put a knife to your throat if you are given to appetite." Crazy right? Like kill yourself if you constantly need food. But if we stay hungry we get headaches. So what do we do God? Work hard so we have food but then there is a lot more hunger. 

I wish we never felt hunger. Don't you? Why do we? Maybe someday Jesus will take all our hunger pains away. 

Work

 I have a great job that I found. But "Don't wear yourself out to get rich....The love of money is the root of all evil." I generally don't work for money. I work because it's fun and I like making friends. I am worried if I work over 20 hours this week if that will disqualify me for a group home I might get into. I heard they are fun. Trips to the movies and the mall. They are like forced friends. I suppose at work it's pretty much the same thing. In my current life my walk to work is about 20 minutes. That is fine if it's not raining. I could just tell the main manager yes I would love to open the store for you every day the rest of my life but if its raining can you do it? :) And then maybe magically I can have a car given to me at the group home. "All things are possible to those who believe." :)

Group Home

 Well I enjoyed my one day of making pizzas in a gas station yesterday. My feet were in serious pain by the end of the day though. Felt like tons of knives were going in them. And I had to walk to and from work. I would prefer to do that every other day. But the group home is taking me soon. I'll live with 3 other women who are basically orphans or widowed. I would prefer to live with my mom but she prefers to pay for that for now. I heard they go out to movies and the mall. That should be fun. It's like summer camp for adults. Except I will try to get a job working 20 hours a week. Maybe in a restaurant. It would be funny if a Casey's gas station is around there. I could say I've already been hired and transfer. That would be nice. It will be nice to just be around women. I have not done that since college. I need to say bye to men for now I think. A guy stole $200 from me 2 days ago. It was meant to be my rent for him so I could live with him. He just took the money and drove off. Now all I have is $20. :( He was 22 so watch out for those young guys. Another guy somewhat offered for me to live with him but his bills are super past due. That would be too stressful. My current house mate is bisexual so that has been a bit odd. We were a bit intimate but he kept trying to pressure me to do anal. I have no interest in that. So I kept looking for work partly to get away from him. I cared about him but it was a tense friendship I would say. I was just listening to a Rick Warren sermon and it made me think I should move on from him. He seems to be angry all the time about everything. I don't know why. So mostly I am excited to get into a group home. I will get picked up today or tomorrow.  :)

Friends

 I made 3 new friends today Darrell, Glow, and Deb. I got to ice donuts and make pizza all day. It really is a dream job. I start at 3am. At first that seemed intimidating but it was ok. I felt a little foggy at 2am but sweet tea fixes everything. I might be the opening manager soon. Super cool. I believe I'll remember all the different things I need to learn. 

Another guy kind of wants me live with him but just kind of. He has a teen daughter. I maybe could be friends with her. But I prayed to stop bouncing around like a ping pong so probably I should stay here and do this job. 

I do wonder though if he would be nicer. At times I eat some of my house mate's food and he doesn't like it. My mom is giving a lot for my rent so it should be OK. But I can mostly get free food at work now so that is great. I have worked in food half of my life to get free food. :)

It is raining. Hopefully the clouds empty by 2am when I need to walk. I am kind of thinking I could do this forever,  rent this room and be a manager at that gas station. But my feet were in serious pain after work so a group might still be nice. It's a free option for slightly disabled people. I could just work 20 hours a week then at a restaurant probably. It can be hard to find just part time work. 

Hook Ups

Don't risk everything for one day of fun, that might not even be fun. 😂

I have been in the hook up culture many times. Is a hook up a sin? Is it sexual immorality? Yes kind of but that is just dating now. Some angel voice told me to have a sex ministry at some point. Feel free to do it but stay safe. Use a condom or the pull out method every time. And if you have a blog or any project they become more interested after sex with you. 😂

I have had fun chatting on dating apps for 18 years now, every single dating app. Like for real. It is nice to just chat with or call people. You don't ever have to meet in person. But in two periods I had lots of hook up for 3 months each time. In both times I was trying to find a step dad for my kids. That angel voice said, "You're being too picky!" Maybe I was. It's hard to fall in love though. It can't happen in one day. Or you might feel love but they don't. Or they do and you don't. 

So I kept searching but was just disappointed each time. Most men had a dog or bad breath or lived with their mom or were always broke due to child support. My current man does have a dog which is interesting. His breath is ok. His mom is distant. And he is kind of broke but mostly ok. 

You will never find all that you want. There is no perfect person. Really you just need to meet your own needs. Yes I am referring to masterbation. Pleasure yourself. Make your own money. Forget about relying on someone who might resent your dependency. Unless that is your parents. They are supposed to help you but no one else really is supposed to. Ok if a guy got you pregnant he should always care for you. May God bring one of those two men back into my life someday. They were very special to me. 

The conclusion I came to after dating for 30 years now is there is no love, just con artistry. We give to get. Most only care about themselves. They don't want to give anything. So why do we? To get something but is that love? 

Love is giving and expecting nothing in return. You give because their happiness makes you happy. You give because it makes God happy. Go give something to someone and have fun. 

And if you have a mostly good person stick with them. The grass isn't always greener on the other side. "Love the one you're with." "There are no soul mates it's just who are you willing to make it work with." 

My Mom

 My whole life I have tried hard to impress my mom. I did sports and dancing and singing and got straight A's most of my life. I got a new house and a new car years ago. Did any of it work? She actually never said she was proud of me. Ok maybe she did but I don't remember when. I gave her 3 cute grand kids, won a karaoke idol contest, tried being a manager, went to India, Mexico and Taiwan, wrote 35 books, made 3k YouTube videos. Search Lisa Bedrick to see them. :) The only thing I failed in was not saving lots of money. That is next on my list. I will succeed! 

Of course I also wanted to impress God. May God say to me one day, "Well done good and faithful servant." 

Now 7k read my blog each day. Tell your friends and family about my blog. It is nice to have a voice. And go write a book or a blog. Then you will be happy. :) And I hope you all impress your parents and God a lot.