Group Home

 I might get into a group home soon. It would be free eventually. I think disability insurance will cover it and social security. It could be like early retirement.  I still might work part time somewhere or just write blogs and books. I could do pizza work again. 

But I also have a dream to have family number 3 so maybe that could work out. I had tons of fun being a mom when I was. I miss kissing my son's face. I miss seeing him smile. I miss his happy carefree nature. I loved all my time with him. 

Of course maybe I could get my son back in the group home. All things are possible with God. I had a really hard time finding a step dad for him. No guy these days likes kids. Or very few do. It is so sad. But it's because the whole world is poor now. Very few people have a savings. May God give us all wisdom regarding money. How much to make. What to buy or not buy. May we all have self control so we don't have to work as hard. And try to say bye to credit cards. They will mess up your whole life. :(

Porn

 Is porn good or bad? It is interesting that is for sure. Should you watch porn? I don't know. You decide. The Bible never addresses the topic. Is it cheating? Jesus did say if a man looks at a woman with lust he has committed adultery in his heart. Can you watch it without feeling lust for either person? Yes. You can enjoy the love you see. Enjoy watching the exercise. Learning things to do or have done to you. 

Often religious people never have fun. Go watch porn a bit. Have a few shots of rum. Dance. Sing. Do what you love. Is all fun sin? I sure hope not. Jesus came to give us an abundant life didn't he? Yes he did. 

Heartache

 I have a guy who has canceled or stood me up every day for 4 weeks now. Pray he figures out what he wants. My ex husband told me he was watching porn our whole marriage. I was distraught. An ex dumped me on Christmas Eve. I have been fired 3 times from jobs I loved. My brother put me in jail and psych wards. My ex told me he was cheating on me with his mom and his grandma. 

When I read about Paul getting beaten in the Bible I think my goodness I could not go through that. But look at all that I endured. And I still try to stay positive and think my life could go well eventually. 

Don't ever give up hope. "According to your faith it will be done to you." Do you have faith that God is good? Maintain that faith. God loves you and you deserve good things. Believe in yourself.  Make the good things happen. Run away from bad situations. You don't deserve that. Treat yourself well and then others will too. 

Paths

 With each path you take there is risk. You could do nothing but then you stay bored and depressed. Accomplish your dreams. Stop procrastinating. What are you waiting for? Courage? The courage will come when you start walking. Get your ship moving so God can steer it. So many of us are docked ships. We wonder why we are sad. It's because you aren't doing anything. Fall in love. Make babies. Get a dream job. What vacation have you always wanted to do? Go swim with dolphins. Fly to India. Hike to the bottom of the Grand Canyon. Join a biking team or a basketball team at the Y. Go swimming again. You know you miss it. Go play frisbee at a park. Don't just watch TV or scroll your phone all day. What fun could you have? Remember all the fun things you used to do? Do them again. :)

3 Months of Hell

 "Get a job and work or you're gonna go to jail." Yes. I was in jail for 33 days a few months ago. My mom kept me company, her spirit. Or maybe it was an angel imitating my mom. I slapped my brother for coming in my room too much. He pressed charges. He also sent me to a psych hospital 3 times. The last time was hard. A lady was yelling from like 6am till 10pm every day. Why and how right? She was very crazy.

 In jail I heard a woman inmate get raped. It sounded pretty traumatic. I really think all jails and prisons should be shut down. They only cause pain and sadness. Psych wards are OK. But no one deserves jail. No matter what they did. My first 24 hours in they gave me no food and no bed. 

I also was in 2 homeless shelters. They were OK places. Finally I found a room to rent. It is a nice house so praise God for this. Match.com saved me. I hope to get a gas station job soon and have a normal life again. Since my son got taken 9 months ago by his witch grandma my life has been hell.  Pray for her. May God save her. I think she curses me a lot. May she stop today. I am quite tired of going through so many bad things. :(

Decisions

 Two roads diverged in a wood. What road will I take? There are 3 men I could breed with. One is 23, another 42 and one 62. Or I can forget about families for now and just go make some donuts. I wonder if it's hard. I like making muffins and it's probably similar.

I have had 2 family attempts. My 2 daughters  got taken by the dad's mom. Then my son again got taken by the dad's mom. Maybe both women were hoping to marry their son ewe.....

The world is crazy. I also could live in a group home and play scrabble with women forever. I probably would still chat with guys on match and try to find true love. Does that exist? It seems most men hate most women. Why? Why do we ever try to be even friends? It works at times but it's often sad. Your heart gets stomped on over and over. But we saddle up and ride again. Lol. Why? Because life is boring without love. It is risky but all things are. Staying unloved is risky too. 

Marriage is hard. Single is hard. Chose your hard. 

Life

 Should I make donuts for work? I might have a great opportunity soon. Many good doors could be opening. Sorrow may last for the night but joy comes in the morning.  

If I make like 20 an hour that could be 800 a week. Find a gas station to make donuts at yall. My goal is to work 2 weeks and then buy a car and keep on going. All humans should work. So many mooch from all different ways. Earn a check or make a baby. That is what God often tells me. Most men are not excited to make kids now though. Prices are rising. Stress and anger are up. All bills should be $50 each. That would be so nice wouldn't it? We can dream a little. 

What dreams do you have?

May the minimum wage be $20 and all bills be made $50. JD Vance make it happen. :) The scrooges at the top need to let us all build up a savings. They have savings. Why can't the rest of us? Most of my life I have been close to zero for my net worth. Yet I made 3k YouTube videos and wrote 35 books. But what can money get you? Fat lol. The more money the more stress. Or is that true? 

May we all get to a nice middle ground and be comfy and not stressed. May you have what you need and give your extra to others. Try to not get greedy but meet your needs. Care for your family and be content with what you already have. Take a break from the rat race. Or jump back in if you have had enough of a break.