Come Here, Go Away

 That was a book title. Why do we do this? We want some connection but relationships are scary. People hurt us all the time. So we try to hide. Is it good to hide? Maybe it's better than letting someone hurt you over and over. Try to walk across the bridge more often. It takes courage but you can do it. :)

Dream

 "Write the vision and make it plain." What is your vision for your future. I applied for about 10 jobs recently but none wanted me. I am taking that as a sign I'm supposed to just make babies again. :)

I miss being a mom. I miss always having a thing to do. Writing is similar.  There is always more to say. A mom and a writer never stop working. 

Crazy Life

 Since I decided to be a stay at home mom 5 years ago I let so many things slip. My glasses are not up to prescription and my bank account closed. At some point I need new glasses,  a new bank account,  maybe a new car. I just got a new phone. I am working on getting a new job and a new bf. May God help me. I have a house mate currently but he complains a lot so lately I avoid him and hide in my room. His basement floods so there is mold. His dog poops and pees all over, except in my room. Thank the Lord Jesus. 

It is hard to be friends with a negative person. Pray for me yall that I'll find a nice guy soon who will help me get things I need. Ah life is so complex. :(

Anger is Dangerous

 I wrote a book with that title. Search Lisa Bedrick books on Amazon to see all my 35 books. When do you get angry? When you expect and don't get. Stop expecting.  Most people will never give you much at all. Accept it. Go your own way. Provide for yourself. If you can. Let people off the hook. You will never get everything you want. Learn to want less. It is good to dream but rarely do we get our dreams. We need to step back and think before rushing in. Fools rush in right? "Those who wait on the Lord will renew their strength."

Adventure

 Life is bipolar. For real. Lol. We rest for a season then we have some grand adventures. I rested most of high school after going to India. I rested and hid in the library most of college and then went to Taiwan. We need great challenges but also time to relax.  That is probably why half of people are calming depressed people. :) And the other half are energetic go getters. They never rest. I have no idea which I am. I have been both I suppose. The depressed people get that way because they tried and failed many times. So they like to sit on the bench and watch others play. I hated being on the bench in high school. I wanted to be on the court the whole time. "He Makes me lie down in green pastures" the Psalm says. How does God make you lie down? It's ok to chill sometimes.  

Group Home

 I might get into a group home soon. It would be free eventually. I think disability insurance will cover it and social security. It could be like early retirement.  I still might work part time somewhere or just write blogs and books. I could do pizza work again. 

But I also have a dream to have family number 3 so maybe that could work out. I had tons of fun being a mom when I was. I miss kissing my son's face. I miss seeing him smile. I miss his happy carefree nature. I loved all my time with him. 

Of course maybe I could get my son back in the group home. All things are possible with God. I had a really hard time finding a step dad for him. No guy these days likes kids. Or very few do. It is so sad. But it's because the whole world is poor now. Very few people have a savings. May God give us all wisdom regarding money. How much to make. What to buy or not buy. May we all have self control so we don't have to work as hard. And try to say bye to credit cards. They will mess up your whole life. :(

Porn

 Is porn good or bad? It is interesting that is for sure. Should you watch porn? I don't know. You decide. The Bible never addresses the topic. Is it cheating? Jesus did say if a man looks at a woman with lust he has committed adultery in his heart. Can you watch it without feeling lust for either person? Yes. You can enjoy the love you see. Enjoy watching the exercise. Learning things to do or have done to you. 

Often religious people never have fun. Go watch porn a bit. Have a few shots of rum. Dance. Sing. Do what you love. Is all fun sin? I sure hope not. Jesus came to give us an abundant life didn't he? Yes he did.