Regrets

 I wish I put a helmet on my oldest girl 8 years ago. Always put a helmet on your kids if they are on wheels. 

I wish I would have never let the girls wrestle on the bed cuz Joy hit her head. 

I wish I never yelled at Zach, Nate or Ben. I should have stayed more calm around them.

I wish I would have never gotten impatient with my son James. I know he is more happy now and that is very good. 

I wish my mom wasn't mad at me. I wish I didn't do whatever she's mad at me for. 

I wish I would have spent less money my whole life. 

I wish I never would have smoked cuz now I have high blood pressure. 

I wish I would have written more books lol. 35 isn't enough. One on pot and smoking will be good. Pray I get a laptop soon. :)

I wish I would have let Ben get me pregnant a third time. 

I wish I had kept more friends. But at least I have Ash and Laura. 

I wish all my exes didn't get scared away from me. 

I wish I had applied at Casey's over Burger King but oh well. May Burger King work out long term even at just 12 hours a week. 

Repeat

 My life now is a copy of when I was 22 to 25 living with my parents. Single and free and happy. I would watch movies usually alone in my room. My favorite one was "Must Love Dogs." In the afternoons I would ride my bike for miles. If I get a bike that would be so cool! I wonder what riding a bike in the winter is like. Could be pretty cool.

I worked part time. All I had for bills was rent for $200. I had my car to pay for and student loans too. Now my only worries are rent if my mom doesn't want to pay it and my phone bill. I am working just in case my mom's generosity runs dry. I should save though to get an apartment someday. 

I also listened to music any time I was home back then like I do here. I journaled a lot which was writing like what I do in this blog. I tried dating apps even back then Christianmingle. It used to be a website before being an app. I read books at times. I didn't listen to sermons like I do now but I went to church every single Sunday. 

I have had some luck on Tinder. I had some great dinners with good guys. 

Smoking is Evil

 I keep saying my next book will be on smoking. Don't smoke. It is bad for you. Don't vape. It will make you very sick. Don't smoke pot. It's too risky. No need to go to jail over something that is bad for you. Jail is the worst thing in the world. Be a law abiding, good ctizen. Yes smoking calms you down but so does a bath or a good movie. 

There are many things you can do to relax other than smoke something. Eat some good soup that you make. Watch clean comedians. Go on a date and ask for a massage. Walk around the block. Get groceries of food that you love. Drink hot chocolate.  Lay down for a day and chat with people on dating apps. Open the windows and enjoy the fresh air. Go sit in the sun like a lizard. 

:) 

And stay happy. 

Money

 I am supposed to get a big paycheck tmrw. All I want to get with it is curtains to match my blanket. 

My house mate has bed bugs. I bet they are fleas because I think her parents have dogs. 

I will apply for disability today and other benefits yay! 

I can still work 20 hours while getting disability. I want to work 2 days and then have one day off. Like mon, tues off wed. Then Thurs Friday. And then Sunday maybe. 

Or I'll just buckle up and do the 5 days in a row. I think I am collecting on my book sales finally. Praise God. 

 

Family Number 3

 Is it good to breed?

Overall I should heed

The caution from my mom

But I am strong

I know before long 

Family number 3 will begin 

I hope no one sees it as a sin 

It is what I was created to do

The end of pregnancy is blue 

I feel sad at the upcoming pain

But no pain no gain 

So go sing in the rain 

And be happy I might get to start over 

Disability

 I have two meetings this week to help me get disability payments. I have had 3 bad falls that hurt my neck so I should qualify. Also I have schizophrenia. You could say all anointed Christians have that. But some of us talk to God more than others. But is it always God? "Test the spirits." The Bible says. If they do not love Jesus don't talk to them.  Why do spirits exist that are not the Holy Spirit? God wants to test our intelligence and wisdom. Don't just assume you are talking to the Holy Spirit and not fallen angels. The spiritual world consists of all kinds of beings. They are wise and comforting usually. They should be. Only speak with wise and comforting humans and spirits and ghosts and angels and aliens and gods. Or just watch TV, work and chat on dating apps and ignore the spiritual world. That is what most humans do. 

Work

 A lady in my intake meeting said I shouldn't work. It might overwhelm me. It is a bit overwhelming yes. If we don't have a full staff it is hard. I have food stamps so that covers my food. My mom or disability can cover my low rent here. Only $350. So nice. I could do 12 hours instead of 20 hours each week. I don't know. But down time can be stressful if I chat too much with annoying guys on dating apps. All of life can be hard. There is always a task to get done or is there? I heard we are human beings not doings so just Be sometimes. Just be. Just exist. Try to relax more. Take a true sabbath.  No work and no driving around Sundays. Can you handle just laying down and listening to worship music or sermons on Sundays? "Honor the sabbath. Keep it holy." Holy is to be set apart from society for one day. You can do it. :)