Friends

 I made 3 new friends today Darrell, Glow, and Deb. I got to ice donuts and make pizza all day. It really is a dream job. I start at 3am. At first that seemed intimidating but it was ok. I felt a little foggy at 2am but sweet tea fixes everything. I might be the opening manager soon. Super cool. I believe I'll remember all the different things I need to learn. 

Another guy kind of wants me live with him but just kind of. He has a teen daughter. I maybe could be friends with her. But I prayed to stop bouncing around like a ping pong so probably I should stay here and do this job. 

I do wonder though if he would be nicer. At times I eat some of my house mate's food and he doesn't like it. My mom is giving a lot for my rent so it should be OK. But I can mostly get free food at work now so that is great. I have worked in food half of my life to get free food. :)

It is raining. Hopefully the clouds empty by 2am when I need to walk. I am kind of thinking I could do this forever,  rent this room and be a manager at that gas station. But my feet were in serious pain after work so a group might still be nice. It's a free option for slightly disabled people. I could just work 20 hours a week then at a restaurant probably. It can be hard to find just part time work. 

Hook Ups

Don't risk everything for one day of fun, that might not even be fun. 😂

I have been in the hook up culture many times. Is a hook up a sin? Is it sexual immorality? Yes kind of but that is just dating now. Some angel voice told me to have a sex ministry at some point. Feel free to do it but stay safe. Use a condom or the pull out method every time. And if you have a blog or any project they become more interested after sex with you. 😂

I have had fun chatting on dating apps for 18 years now, every single dating app. Like for real. It is nice to just chat with or call people. You don't ever have to meet in person. But in two periods I had lots of hook up for 3 months each time. In both times I was trying to find a step dad for my kids. That angel voice said, "You're being too picky!" Maybe I was. It's hard to fall in love though. It can't happen in one day. Or you might feel love but they don't. Or they do and you don't. 

So I kept searching but was just disappointed each time. Most men had a dog or bad breath or lived with their mom or were always broke due to child support. My current man does have a dog which is interesting. His breath is ok. His mom is distant. And he is kind of broke but mostly ok. 

You will never find all that you want. There is no perfect person. Really you just need to meet your own needs. Yes I am referring to masterbation. Pleasure yourself. Make your own money. Forget about relying on someone who might resent your dependency. Unless that is your parents. They are supposed to help you but no one else really is supposed to. Ok if a guy got you pregnant he should always care for you. May God bring one of those two men back into my life someday. They were very special to me. 

The conclusion I came to after dating for 30 years now is there is no love, just con artistry. We give to get. Most only care about themselves. They don't want to give anything. So why do we? To get something but is that love? 

Love is giving and expecting nothing in return. You give because their happiness makes you happy. You give because it makes God happy. Go give something to someone and have fun. 

And if you have a mostly good person stick with them. The grass isn't always greener on the other side. "Love the one you're with." "There are no soul mates it's just who are you willing to make it work with." 

My Mom

 My whole life I have tried hard to impress my mom. I did sports and dancing and singing and got straight A's most of my life. I got a new house and a new car years ago. Did any of it work? She actually never said she was proud of me. Ok maybe she did but I don't remember when. I gave her 3 cute grand kids, won a karaoke idol contest, tried being a manager, went to India, Mexico and Taiwan, wrote 35 books, made 3k YouTube videos. Search Lisa Bedrick to see them. :) The only thing I failed in was not saving lots of money. That is next on my list. I will succeed! 

Of course I also wanted to impress God. May God say to me one day, "Well done good and faithful servant." 

Now 7k read my blog each day. Tell your friends and family about my blog. It is nice to have a voice. And go write a book or a blog. Then you will be happy. :) And I hope you all impress your parents and God a lot. 

Double Minded

 "A double minded man is unstable in all his ways." The biggest problem in the world is that no one knows what they want. What do you want?

If you want kids make them. If you want cash make it. If you want love be nice. 

Focus on what you want and go after it. Don't put it off too long. You only get so many chances. If you don't have peace about a place or a person, change something. 

Life is full of so many paths we can walk down. Chose the most peaceful path. Maybe the most fun but for sure the peaceful one. 

Honor Your Parents

 Your parents generally know what is best for you. They have lived longer. If they think you need to be somewhere, be there. If they don't like a person you date, move on. Don't ignore their advice. They love you. They may not show the love in a way you feel loved but know they do. My mom helps me with money. I wish she could give me a room in her place but at least she helps me. She is my angel lately. I always feel she is protecting me and providing for me. We have been through a lot together. I hope we will always stay great friends. Remember to be a good friend to your kids and parents. They need you. 

Change

 Any change you do will be hard. What seems bad now might be nothing compared to what you could go through. Be grateful for what you have. Things can always be worse. The grass is greener on the other side maybe. Stability is nice. So what if you have the same old routine. We often go on a dating app because we think we want a different life. Most don't really though. We are creatures of habit. We like the routine and the predictable life that we know. 

Happiness can come with a change of scenery though. Embrace change. Do things always improve when you change a thing? Not always which is why we are scared of change. It is exciting and a bit risky. You never know if the new thing is better than the old thing. We often dream of a better life but what really is better? 

If you all want a change may you have the courage to change that thing today. Good luck and may God bless your efforts. "God will give you the desires of your hearts...I came that you might have an abundant life." 

Afraid of Love

 Are you afraid of love? Or afraid of people? "Fear of man proves to be a snare." "Be strong and courageous." It takes great courage to love because humans are capable of so much evil. You have to gain trust over time. You have to learn to trust them. Have faith in them. If they have faith in you do the same in return. What you expect of others is what they will do. The law of attraction. You get what you expect.

 We don't naturally trust anyone. Most are guilty until proven innocent sadly. That is why we all hide. We are too scared to trust and to love. We never know what to do with each other. Always walking on egg shells not wanting to anger them. "Single people are lonely. Married people are angry." Which is better? Hard to say. I usually pick the lonely option. So even if I am with someone I keep to myself mostly and feel single and free.  I like to be the only one in charge of me. I care what the trinity wants and often ask their opinion individually but overall I run my own life. Only you really know what you want. What do you have peace about? What makes you feel calm and beautiful? What really makes you happy?  Do that. 

3 Weeks

 The last 3 weeks have been heaven. I got to have my sweet house mate cook lunch for me almost every day. I got plenty of sleep. This house is peaceful and quiet. I had some great sex. I only worked 2 days. That was bittersweet. Part of me wanted to work more but oh well. My bed is the most special bed I've ever had. My mom came through every Friday on helping me with my rent. The food was always good and plentiful. It pays to stay with a retired guy. Who I love very much. :)

I do kind of miss going out more though. We just go to Walmart at times together which is still fun. I turned him down on a pizza date. How rude of me. :( 

I have been a bit bitter that he won't give me rides to work or interviews. But then I remember I always walked to school and I was fine. It's been 19 years since I walked all over outside. So funny. I really wanted to get a job and take care of him but not many places are hiring. Pray for us. Maybe I'll migrate and find work and a room to rent somewhere else. 

Tips to Not Get Banned

 I got kicked out of a few places recently. Here are tips to not get kicked out of a place. Don't yell ever. That always scares people away. Don't cook food in bulk. Don't order groceries alone. If you have a mate, order them together or get them together.  Decide as a team what to spend money on. Don't move anything. If people have things in a spot just leave them there. Give up wanting control over their stuff. Clean but not too much. Try to stay in your own room as much as possible or get two jobs. "Stay in your neighbors house too long and he will hate you." It's a verse in Proverbs. I recommend couples have their own room mainly due to snoring. It can be nice to cuddle though. "Absence makes the heart grow fonder."

Hug every day to remember you still love each other. Cook together. Watch movies together. Don't ever demand sex or if anyone does just the guy can. Avoid talking to their family. Don't talk about making a baby. If it happens then it is God's will. Be patient with each other in finding a job. They are not always easy to get. 

Good luck and may God bless all your relationships.  Be careful and sweet always. And stay patient. 

"Love bears all things and believes all things. Love never fails." 

Anal Sex

 If a woman says no she means no. I have heard that my whole life. In regards to anal most women dont like it. We would prefer normal sex. If a man keeps asking over and over to do anal it gets annoying. Of course the lady can just keep saying no. But men, don't ask. Our pain matters more than your pleasure. Supposedly it feels better for the guy since it's tighter. The more sex the more fighting I always say right? It tends to go that route because people get greedy. They want more organisms or a bigger one. We have all had thousands of organisms. Yes they are nice but other things are important too. Other things matter more like having good food and a good friendship. Go work and get money. Don't focus so much on sex. It is not a necessity. It is fun for sure. But we can all survive without it. 

Come Here, Go Away

 That was a book title. Why do we do this? We want some connection but relationships are scary. People hurt us all the time. So we try to hide. Is it good to hide? Maybe it's better than letting someone hurt you over and over. Try to walk across the bridge more often. It takes courage but you can do it. :)

Dream

 "Write the vision and make it plain." What is your vision for your future. I applied for about 10 jobs recently but none wanted me. I am taking that as a sign I'm supposed to just make babies again. :)

I miss being a mom. I miss always having a thing to do. Writing is similar.  There is always more to say. A mom and a writer never stop working. 

Crazy Life

 Since I decided to be a stay at home mom 5 years ago I let so many things slip. My glasses are not up to prescription and my bank account closed. At some point I need new glasses,  a new bank account,  maybe a new car. I just got a new phone. I am working on getting a new job and a new bf. May God help me. I have a house mate currently but he complains a lot so lately I avoid him and hide in my room. His basement floods so there is mold. His dog poops and pees all over, except in my room. Thank the Lord Jesus. 

It is hard to be friends with a negative person. Pray for me yall that I'll find a nice guy soon who will help me get things I need. Ah life is so complex. :(

Anger is Dangerous

 I wrote a book with that title. Search Lisa Bedrick books on Amazon to see all my 35 books. When do you get angry? When you expect and don't get. Stop expecting.  Most people will never give you much at all. Accept it. Go your own way. Provide for yourself. If you can. Let people off the hook. You will never get everything you want. Learn to want less. It is good to dream but rarely do we get our dreams. We need to step back and think before rushing in. Fools rush in right? "Those who wait on the Lord will renew their strength."

Adventure

 Life is bipolar. For real. Lol. We rest for a season then we have some grand adventures. I rested most of high school after going to India. I rested and hid in the library most of college and then went to Taiwan. We need great challenges but also time to relax.  That is probably why half of people are calming depressed people. :) And the other half are energetic go getters. They never rest. I have no idea which I am. I have been both I suppose. The depressed people get that way because they tried and failed many times. So they like to sit on the bench and watch others play. I hated being on the bench in high school. I wanted to be on the court the whole time. "He Makes me lie down in green pastures" the Psalm says. How does God make you lie down? It's ok to chill sometimes.  

Group Home

 I might get into a group home soon. It would be free eventually. I think disability insurance will cover it and social security. It could be like early retirement.  I still might work part time somewhere or just write blogs and books. I could do pizza work again. 

But I also have a dream to have family number 3 so maybe that could work out. I had tons of fun being a mom when I was. I miss kissing my son's face. I miss seeing him smile. I miss his happy carefree nature. I loved all my time with him. 

Of course maybe I could get my son back in the group home. All things are possible with God. I had a really hard time finding a step dad for him. No guy these days likes kids. Or very few do. It is so sad. But it's because the whole world is poor now. Very few people have a savings. May God give us all wisdom regarding money. How much to make. What to buy or not buy. May we all have self control so we don't have to work as hard. And try to say bye to credit cards. They will mess up your whole life. :(

Porn

 Is porn good or bad? It is interesting that is for sure. Should you watch porn? I don't know. You decide. The Bible never addresses the topic. Is it cheating? Jesus did say if a man looks at a woman with lust he has committed adultery in his heart. Can you watch it without feeling lust for either person? Yes. You can enjoy the love you see. Enjoy watching the exercise. Learning things to do or have done to you. 

Often religious people never have fun. Go watch porn a bit. Have a few shots of rum. Dance. Sing. Do what you love. Is all fun sin? I sure hope not. Jesus came to give us an abundant life didn't he? Yes he did. 

Heartache

 I have a guy who has canceled or stood me up every day for 4 weeks now. Pray he figures out what he wants. My ex husband told me he was watching porn our whole marriage. I was distraught. An ex dumped me on Christmas Eve. I have been fired 3 times from jobs I loved. My brother put me in jail and psych wards. My ex told me he was cheating on me with his mom and his grandma. 

When I read about Paul getting beaten in the Bible I think my goodness I could not go through that. But look at all that I endured. And I still try to stay positive and think my life could go well eventually. 

Don't ever give up hope. "According to your faith it will be done to you." Do you have faith that God is good? Maintain that faith. God loves you and you deserve good things. Believe in yourself.  Make the good things happen. Run away from bad situations. You don't deserve that. Treat yourself well and then others will too. 

Paths

 With each path you take there is risk. You could do nothing but then you stay bored and depressed. Accomplish your dreams. Stop procrastinating. What are you waiting for? Courage? The courage will come when you start walking. Get your ship moving so God can steer it. So many of us are docked ships. We wonder why we are sad. It's because you aren't doing anything. Fall in love. Make babies. Get a dream job. What vacation have you always wanted to do? Go swim with dolphins. Fly to India. Hike to the bottom of the Grand Canyon. Join a biking team or a basketball team at the Y. Go swimming again. You know you miss it. Go play frisbee at a park. Don't just watch TV or scroll your phone all day. What fun could you have? Remember all the fun things you used to do? Do them again. :)

3 Months of Hell

 "Get a job and work or you're gonna go to jail." Yes. I was in jail for 33 days a few months ago. My mom kept me company, her spirit. Or maybe it was an angel imitating my mom. I slapped my brother for coming in my room too much. He pressed charges. He also sent me to a psych hospital 3 times. The last time was hard. A lady was yelling from like 6am till 10pm every day. Why and how right? She was very crazy.

 In jail I heard a woman inmate get raped. It sounded pretty traumatic. I really think all jails and prisons should be shut down. They only cause pain and sadness. Psych wards are OK. But no one deserves jail. No matter what they did. My first 24 hours in they gave me no food and no bed. 

I also was in 2 homeless shelters. They were OK places. Finally I found a room to rent. It is a nice house so praise God for this. Match.com saved me. I hope to get a gas station job soon and have a normal life again. Since my son got taken 9 months ago by his witch grandma my life has been hell.  Pray for her. May God save her. I think she curses me a lot. May she stop today. I am quite tired of going through so many bad things. :(

Decisions

 Two roads diverged in a wood. What road will I take? There are 3 men I could breed with. One is 23, another 42 and one 62. Or I can forget about families for now and just go make some donuts. I wonder if it's hard. I like making muffins and it's probably similar.

I have had 2 family attempts. My 2 daughters  got taken by the dad's mom. Then my son again got taken by the dad's mom. Maybe both women were hoping to marry their son ewe.....

The world is crazy. I also could live in a group home and play scrabble with women forever. I probably would still chat with guys on match and try to find true love. Does that exist? It seems most men hate most women. Why? Why do we ever try to be even friends? It works at times but it's often sad. Your heart gets stomped on over and over. But we saddle up and ride again. Lol. Why? Because life is boring without love. It is risky but all things are. Staying unloved is risky too. 

Marriage is hard. Single is hard. Chose your hard. 

Life

 Should I make donuts for work? I might have a great opportunity soon. Many good doors could be opening. Sorrow may last for the night but joy comes in the morning.  

If I make like 20 an hour that could be 800 a week. Find a gas station to make donuts at yall. My goal is to work 2 weeks and then buy a car and keep on going. All humans should work. So many mooch from all different ways. Earn a check or make a baby. That is what God often tells me. Most men are not excited to make kids now though. Prices are rising. Stress and anger are up. All bills should be $50 each. That would be so nice wouldn't it? We can dream a little. 

What dreams do you have?

May the minimum wage be $20 and all bills be made $50. JD Vance make it happen. :) The scrooges at the top need to let us all build up a savings. They have savings. Why can't the rest of us? Most of my life I have been close to zero for my net worth. Yet I made 3k YouTube videos and wrote 35 books. But what can money get you? Fat lol. The more money the more stress. Or is that true? 

May we all get to a nice middle ground and be comfy and not stressed. May you have what you need and give your extra to others. Try to not get greedy but meet your needs. Care for your family and be content with what you already have. Take a break from the rat race. Or jump back in if you have had enough of a break. 

Keep Going

 If you are tempted to give up, don't. If you want to quit, think twice. If you get fired find a better more fitting job. If you get dumped find a nicer mate. Every cloud has a silver lining. All things work together for good. Perseverance is needed.  Perspective is key. Look from a new angle. You don't have to walk, you get to walk. You don't have to do anything.  You Get to do things. What makes you happy? Do that. Never give up until you get to do what brings you joy. So many struggle with depression and anxiety. It is because you don't know what you want. Decide what you want and get it. Make it happen. 

My Last Year

 I have had a crazy last year. I lost my son about 8 months ago. Since then I have had a spirit party for a long time. I thought the spirit of Trump and many important people were visiting me and listening to my random advice. I keep begging Trump to get me into the White House and make me an official advisor. Come on Trump just do it. :) 

Or maybe I'll take a break from the spirit party. What are ghosts? They are disembodied spirits. They might be dead or alive people. Life is boring so I suppose that is why people astral project their spirit. "I am with you in spirit" people used to say. And anyone can be at any time. You might see them or feel them. 

I had to suffer time in jail recently.  I slapped my brother for coming in my room too much and he got me in there. I swear Elon himself was thinking of getting me out of there. But that didn't work out. I told Bill Gates he owes me for me tutoring the whole world. Maybe he will give my mom money. That would be spiffy. I have mentored many for 14 years through my 3k YouTube videos and this blog and 35 books. My great adventure now could be walking 2 miles to a pizza job. Or I might get picked up for a group home soon. There is also a guy I met on POF who wants to make kids with me. That would be nice. To fall in love is the best thing in life. To raise kids is a magical life for sure. 

God loves you all! Go fall in love or find a job you will love. What is the point of doing nothing? Find a thing to do that you love. :)

Hotel

 Should I make beds at a hotel or pizzas at a gas station or a baby? Pray for me. :)