Drunkards

 I just watched Titanic again. I never noticed it before, but the rich fiance that Rose didn't want to be with is always drinking in the movie. Any other time I watched it I could not understand why she wanted to leave him. Yes he had a bad temper, but a lot of guys do. The director must have meant to show the reason was that he was an alcoholic. 

Drinking can ruin your entire life prospects. I considered leaving my current bf because he drank too much on his days off. But then he decided to give up drinking, praise God. People can always change. Never give up hope. 

If you drink and people have told you it is time to quit, listen to them. They are only wanting to help make your life better. Most likely you just need to find a new hobby that you like. Often times people want to drink to distract themselves from the annoying aspects of life. Find another past time distraction. If you can't think of one, ask God to give you something fun and happy to do. 

You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you. 😁

Make Up

 You don't need make up. Embrace your natural beauty. 

If you think about the term make up, it is like you need to make up for all that you lack. Why do you think you are lacking? God made you beautiful just as you naturally are. 

I used to feel very insecure about Having to wear make up. I would not go out without some make up on. But as I got older, I realized most people I see when going out I will never see again, so why wear it? 

If you wear make up for your man, isn't everything else you do good enough for him? If it's not, then he needs to learn to be more grateful. 

Women primarily wear make up to attract a man. Basically what it communicates is, "I want you." This is why men are attracted to it. Once you have a man, why would you Ever send that message to other men? That would be so wrong. 

I had a woman I worked with. She had a long term bf, but she still wore Tons of make up to work. I knew she wanted a new bf because she told me. She sent that message very clearly with the high amount of make up she put on. It always annoyed the crap out of me that she was so loose. 

If you want to be a cheating, lying whore go ahead and wear lots of make up. If your goal is to only be with one good man, Don't wear it. You don't have to wear it. 

Jobs

 I have worked for 23 years. My first job was when I was 14. I helped run a summer camp with about 40 kids. It was lots of fun. Then I became a cashier at Petco. I liked that place a lot. Then I made ice cream creations at Cold stone. Super good ice cream. :) Then I was a cashier at Office Depot for a long time. I wanted to quit college and just work there for the rest of my life but my mom wouldn't let me. 😣 Then I did tutoring for a long time, 2nd graders up to high school kids on all subjects. 

Then I stocked books at Barnes and Noble. I loved working there. I helped run a summer camp two more summers. I worked in a few preschools. Then I did pizza delivery for a long time. Then I did waitressing. Finally I got a career type job at a call center helping answer questions about student loans. Then I worked in another preschool and did more waitressing. Then I had fun doing pizza delivery again. Then I was a Papa John's manager. That was a huge flop. So I decided to take a break from work and be a stay at home mom. Now I am waiting for baby Angel to come out. 😁

Keep Your Space Clean

 You are not a pig, so don't live like a pig. Throw your trash away. If there is anything you don't use or you probably will never eat, throw it away. Simplify your life. The more things you need to manage, the harder your life can be. 

I have had to live with so many messy people and I never understand how they can live like that. Your mind will reflect your living environment. If it looks chaotic, your mind will be chaotic. If it looks clean and orderly, your mind will stay in order to. 

Instead of taking a day to clean the whole house, just keep it clean. Keep dirty clothes in one location. Always wipe out sinks and clean the counters. Don't accumulate tons of stuff. Wash dishes right after you use them. Wipe out the bathtub after you use it. 

Cleanliness is next to godliness. Why? Because godly people are never lazy. They are good stewards of whatever God has given them. 

Keep your home spotless. Your life will be much more happy if you do. 

Stay in Peace

"As far as it depends on you, be at peace with all people." 

You can fight with others and stress yourself out, or you can hold your tongue and keep the peace. The most important thing to learn in relationships is how to remain silent and calm. A lot of people do not like peace, ironically because it can feel boring. There is less excitement. Less drama. Less to talk about. But you can always watch a movie if you crave some drama. 

Don't start drama with others. Satan will tempt you a few times every day to lash out on someone. Just remain in peace. It's not worth it. You may prove your point but why cause drama? Why hurt someone else? Why damage the friendship forever? If you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all. 

Don't let Satan steal your peace. Maintain a positive mind set. Be grateful. Stop complaining about stupid things in your mind. Does it really matter? Maybe for a minute it matters, but in the long run it will not. 

"I never regretted anything I did not say." "Life and death are in the power of your tongue." Choose your words wisely. Be careful how you treat others. What goes around comes around. 

God says, "Peace is a requirement for a good life. It will keep you sane. Don't let others ruffle your feathers. Stay calm and pray. Then you will not worry about anything, and you can keep the peace."  

Good Marriages Take Work

 Women, respect your man, if he is respectable. If a man really loves you, he will make himself respectable. If he does not seem to care about being respectable, he might not love you and you might as well separate and find a new man. Find one who actually loves you enough to make himself respectable. 

Men, love your wife, if she is lovable. If she really loves you, she will be lovable. She will act in a loving manner toward you and seem more lovable. If she does not appear to be lovable, she probably does not love you, and you might as well move on. Or try to make her love you more by being a more respectable person. 

Respect should not be just given. It must be earned. Men, you have to go to work every day. Get food or water when she asks you to. Help her keep the house clean and don't be a pig. Be kind and gentle toward her, always. Never loose your temper around her. Never speak with cuss words. Listen to sermons with her, if she wants to do that. Don't go to strip clubs. Don't drink a lot. 

If you cannot do all that, don't ever get married. You will only make life harder for any woman you are with. 

Ladies, keep your legs shaved. Stay in relatively good shape. Wear sexy, lady like clothes.  Don't speak badly of his family to him. Get groceries of food that he really likes. Make him coffee every morning. Offer him sex every single day. Spend time with him every day and talk. Find fun movies to watch with your man. Don't force him to go to church. You can listen to it online. 😉

If you want a marriage that is fun to be in, just be nice. That is the main thing. Be a nice person and then your partner will most likely never cheat on you and not want to leave you. 

Good luck and may God bless you all. 

Cults Make You Go Crazy

  A cult is, "A system of religious veneration and devotion directed toward a particular figure or object. And a relatively small group of people having religious beliefs or practices regarded by others as strange or sinister."

My parents were in a "Christian" cult for 12 years. My ex husband was obsessed with the Charismania cult for 15 years. I have much knowledge about cults. 

If a group of religious people think they are the only ones going to heaven and anyone not in their group is going to hell, that is for sure a cult. 

If the group worships the pastor or a "Prophet" more then God, it is a cult. 

If the group is super controlling about what you do with your money or who your friends are, it is a cult. 

If the people in the group literally try to break up your marriage, it is a cult. 

If you feel an eerie feeling around the people in that group, it is a cult. That is God telling you to run away quickly. 

If they claim to be able to heal lots of people, it is a cult. 

If they are verbally abusive in any way, it is a cult. If they chastise you for choices you make. If they act like they own you. If you sense they want to control your mind. It is a cult. 

If they limit your involvement with family and try to turn you against your family, it is obviously a cult. 

If they program you to question and fight hard against any criticism from outsiders, you are in a cult. 

If you are, please run away. My dad molested me probably because of his stupid cult. It messes up your mind a lot. Break free. Be an adult. Learn to manage your own life instead of being bossed around. You were meant to be a free agent. So be one. 

Evil Women

 I have known many evil women. The only kind women I have known are my two best friends and my 6 aunts. They are all pretty chill and nice. 

A woman I used to work with was a Wiccan. She made my life hell for a few months. Then a lesbian woman at work made my life hell for a month. I think they were trying to gang up on me to cause me to either loose my job or want to quit. And it worked. Eventually I was fired. The main reason for that was a lot of people tried to turn my boss against me. They were jealous of the close relationship we had. Also I suppose they were jealous of all the hours I got and the money I made. But maybe if they were less combative and less lazy, they would have gotten more hours too. 

In my job before that I had a hard time with my woman boss. We grew very close, but there kept being stupid little conflicts. Her mom practiced Santeria, which is witchcraft. Don't be deceived people, it is.  She came to work with us, and I could tell she just seemed evil. She tried to start a lot of drama between me and my boss. 😢 It was very, very mean and annoying. 

So that was my last 3 years, having to work around possessed, demon worshipping women. 

For the 7 years before that I had to deal with a possessed mother in law. She was by far, the most annoying woman I had ever been around. She would call my ex 7 times a day. I don't know if she was just trying to annoy me, but it drove me nuts. I remember my ex saying his dad was never happy being married to his mom. How could someone be happily married to a possessed person? Her anxiety was unbelievable. She worried about everything. The sad thing is she is now the woman raising my two daughters. I can only hope they will not grow up to be anything like her. Someday when I miraculously have tons of money, I hope to get full custody of my girls again. 

The other highly evil woman I knew was my step mom. It is very hard to have step parents. You never really feel like they love you. You always sense they are jealous of you and hate you. 😢 Christine was a clean freak, so living with her on the weekends was like being in the army. Her father actually was an army general, so that was why she was OCD about keeping things clean. I later appreciated that about her though, because she made me more clean. I am happy now that I maintain my home well and keep it super clean. 

From the time I was 14 to 25 my mom seemed possessed at times. Her rage was incredibly scary. She seemed to enjoy screaming at me when we were in the car together, which was always annoying because I couldn't get away. One time I locked my door to my room and she dismantled my door knob with tools. I was like wtf! All because I Had to go with her to some church picnic. 

So due to all that, I have been very happy to just live with a bf for the past 12 years. Sadly there are always crazy women attached to those men, which is why the relationship usually does not last, but at least for a season I get a break from all the psychotic women out there. 

To all the gay men out there, I totally understand why you like being gay. 😂 

May God help all the crazy women around the world. If you are a woman, try to not be crazy. 😀

Anger

 "Anger is one letter away from danger." My last 3 bf's all had serious anger problems. One of them was very verbally abusive to his poor, cute little 3 year old son. 😣 One of them tried choking me when he was mad. Don't worry I called the police. Another one shot up a building and went to jail. 

 I was just thinking, maybe me being with 3 rageaholics was karma for me. What you dish out is what you will get. I had a bad temper toward the end with my ex husband. So God sent me 3 guys whose anger I had to deal with, maybe to teach me that anger is really annoying. 

You can get mad at your mate, but you should never, ever yell at them. I made that terrible mistake for a couple months with Ben. Watch out for how you express your angst over things your partner does. The best thing to do is try to not let things bother you. At times you can't help but get bothered, but don't yell at them because of it. Yelling never solves any problems. It just makes everything more chaotic then it was before. 

I learned to yell when angry from my mom. She had quite the temper. A few times growing up I thought she might kill me. 😣 It was not a fun childhood. Rather then being different from her, I almost became just like her. They say no matter how hard you try not to, you will become just like your parents. What you see a lot growing up is what you will do. My mom became a rageaholic because my grandpa was one. He was very abusive to his wife and kids. 

Just because you got abused does not mean you inevitably have to continue the curse of abusing others. You can change the family line standard. You can break the pattern. Always strive to be better then your parents. You can do it. I know you can. :)

Annoying Kids

 Please pray for me. There is an annoying neighborhood boy who seems to enjoy knocking on people's doors asking for food or money. I gave him chips one time, but I felt God told me to not give him anything else. He should be getting well fed at home. Pray that if his parents can't take good care of him, they will send him to live with a relative. The kid is almost always out front, so it seems the mom hates having him inside. May God help that kid because I don't have a desire to. That may seem Un-Christian but you can create a monster in kids by giving them whatever they want. He is probably spoiled by his parents, so he expects other people to spoil him. Or they don't have good boundaries with him. Whatever the case is, he is very annoying. 

Learning Disabilities

 Everyone in my family had a learning disability except me. My mom had dyslexia. My dad had ADHD to the max. He was extremely hyper. 😣 I have no idea why. And my brother had ADD. My mom always told me I had ADHD but I would just say, "Then why did I get straight A's the entire time I was in school?" I'm sure my intelligence was a gift from God, maybe to make up for getting sexually abused as a kid. 

For some reason almost every guy in my generation had ADD or ADHD, or they seemed to. It could just be said that apparent learning issues go with being a boy. Boys were not meant to sit still and look pretty. 😂 They were made to be hunters and warriors. And all the boys say hoorah! 😁 So every little boy comes off as stupid and uneducated because they really just don't care. They are thinking, "Just give me some deer to shoot. Can I just go shoot deer?" 

The little girls understand school well. They fall in line easily. They love to write and make cute crafts. They love to be artistic and write cute poetry. Boys are like, "Ah when will this torture be over...."

I taught one year as a Junior High English teacher. Two days a week we had an essay writing day. I tried to keep it interesting for both genders. I made the essays debate essays, like; "Write for or against, Is TV good or bad?" Then they would get up and read what they wrote and we would turn it into a debate. It was tons of fun. Maybe someday I will have the courage to do that again. It is stressful to teach but also rewarding. 

If you thought you had a learning disability, don't worry about. School is just something we survive until we get to be adults. When we are older, none of it really benefits us, other then knowing how to read. At least you got through it in one piece. 😁 Good job getting through school even though it was difficult. 

Pentecostals

If you try to be Pentecostal, it will cost you your family. Don't do it. 

My ex basically forced me to become that for my entire 7 years of being with him. I will always resent that. It is an interesting religion, but it is off in many ways. 

Pentecostals claim to be super Christians but they have barely read any of the Bible. 😳😣 If they did, they wouldn't be Pentecostal.  And anything they have read, they twist it to suit their skewed retarded theology.

They are the most ignorant and arrogant people you will ever meet. They are the most stubborn people in the world. You can't teach them anything. They "know" they already know it all, because they almost see themselves as mini gods. This is why God doesn't give tongues to every believer, because the ones who get it become so puffed up. Maybe that is why God allowed me to have a divorce after I got tongues, to keep me humble. I have the gift of tongues now but I would never in a million years call myself a Pentecostal. They are insane. 

They think they are the super Christians. They have it all figured out and you don't know anything. This is why they remain retarded, because they can't be taught anything. 

If you ever interact with a Pentecostal just run away. They will probably try mentally abusing you at some point. Just stay far, far away. 

Turpin Family Thoughts

 I was thinking about why the Turpin family functioned the way they did. You can't explain crazy people, but maybe sometimes you can. The food rationing and the cabinets locked may have been that the grandparents did that with their kids. Maybe they grew up in the Great Depression and that was common back then. Food had to be rationed out because there was a huge national shortage of food.

The chaining the kids to their bed was probably so the kids would stay in bed at night so the parents could sleep. That was extremely inhumane though, because what if the kid had to go to the bathroom at night? The parents having food that was not allowed to be the kids' food, that was just because the parents were highly selfish. The dad was driving a BMW and the kids could Only eat bread and peanut butter. What a freaking jerk! They should have stopped making children after 1 or 2 kids. If they felt they could not afford a huge family, they should not have had a big family. Some women, and men, have a fetish for having kids at an ongoing rate. I don't get why. They should be content with 2, but they get greedy. I guess it is like when you have kittens and they grow up and you wish you still had kittens. But you just have to accept the new stage of life. 

The main thing I don't understand is the trash all over the house. Why? They had 13 kids who could have taken the trash out. Why didn't they have their kids clean up the house? Kids need chores to do. What else does a kid have to do, besides be a couch potato, but that is not good child rearing. 

My grandma was a pack rat. She had all kinds of crap stuffed in her 6 houses. Why? I have no idea. I always thought she needed counseling to help her to be able to throw things away. She just never had the courage to throw things away. She grew up in an orphanage, so that made her cling to random crap too much. Because of seeing that, I get rid of stuff all the time. I hate having tons of stuff.  And I very much hate a messy house. 

Most likely the parents were raised poor so that is why they bought lots of random crap. But then they couldn't afford normal food for their kids. Your kids' food and clothes come first. Nothing else is really needed. Remember that mothers. There may be tons of retarded stuff you can buy, but none of it matters in the end. Taking good care of your kids is all that matters. 

The main reason the parents were extremely horrible parents was that they were getting into witchcraft. Freaking retards. This is common with Pentecostals, because they want to be more open to the Holy Spirit, but they can stupidly let other spirits in. Their discernment is low, so they cannot clearly see the difference between God and evil spirits. This has annoyed me a lot for a long time. I have been around many Pentecostals. They crave the supernatural more then anything which can be very dangerous. God will not always give you a surreal experience. I have only had one in my life. But Pentecostals expect supernatural events to happen every week! When they don't happen, they tend to go after demonic entities without even realizing it. 

Also I think Satan attacks families who are more "Spirit filled" because he feels threatened by them. They can potentially have more spiritual power because they are more on fire for God. So Satan tries to destroy such families. I know because Satan did that with mine right when we all started to get more on fire for God, both times. My family of birth was very on fire for God. This caused Satan to invade my dad's mind and he tried rapping me. In my second family, Satan penetrated my husband's mind and made him almost suicidal. 

Satan can be extremely powerful. He is sadly very much alive and working in every home all around the world. That is why you need to pray non stop, to keep yourself and your family protected. Also keep some worship music on at home, or at work, a lot. That helps keep the atmosphere in your home clean of demons. 

May God help the children around the world. May their parents stay wise. May the kids be well fed, and if they are not, God may you give them a new home where they will be well taken care of. In Jesus' name, Amen. 

Love

 "Those who deserve love the least, need it the most." 

I thought of this quote often when working with kids for 20 years. The most troublesome kids were that way because they did not get enough love. When any person is deprived of love they feel they deserve, they get angry. Any child or adult who seems to have anger issues, know that that is why. They were neglected by someone or a lot of people. Their love tank is empty. They are starving for love and affirmation. They just want to know someone out there cares for them. Some people never heard I love you as a child. Then they grow up trying to get love any way they can. They are more likely to get into gangs or church cults. They want that tight knit sense of family that they never had. 

Watch out for the trouble makers of this world. There is a big reason they are that way. Try to love them into wholeness. Love them into their recovery. All things are possible to those who believe. Any "evil" person can be changed with God's assistance. Only believe. 

Child Abuse

 I just watched YouTube videos about the Turpin family. They were from West Virginia and ended up in CA. On the outside it looked like they had a nice house. Their parents were Pentecostal, which I found very interesting. Not all Pentecostals are evil, but I could see how it could lead to family abuse. I know I felt emotionally abused by my Pentecostal ex husband. The mentality among that group is that they are the only true Christians. All other Christians are only pretending. There is abuse within that church if you don't pray in tongues. You are seen as less then the others. They need to open their stupid eyes and see that there are different gifts. Not every saved person will get tongues. Every person gets a gift that suits their personality best. 

So this crazy Pentecostal couple had 13 kids. They beat their kids, barely fed them and chained the kids to their bed if they stole the parents' food. For some reason neither the mom or dad ever realized that was not normal. The kids only got to shower once a year! The mom did not work, did no cleaning of the house and no laundry. What did she do all day? Apparently she had a shopping addiction. Most likely because she grew up in poverty. But it was total insanity. The aunt says she thinks her sister got into witchcraft toward the end. 

Finally one girl escaped by climbing out a window and called the cops. The parents were sentenced to 25 years in prison. Thank God.  Most of the kids were over 18 so they were set free. Pray that they all found jobs and are doing ok. The younger kids got put in foster care. Hopefully they will be ok as well. 

I don't get why things like that happen. Why do so many kids get abused? Why does God permit that? I have no explanation for that. All I know is God works all things for the good. Now anyone who sees the videos about that family can help other kids in situations like that. If you know any kids who aren't being raised right, offer to give them a home. They stay in the abuse because they have no where else to go. May God rescue all the abused kids and put them in safer homes. 

You are Free

"If the son sets you free, you are free indeed." 

So many people battle addictions their entire lives. Why? Because you think that is what you deserve. Maybe you grew up around addictions so you think that is just part of life. You have not seen people who are happy and free, so you think it's impossible. You can get free if you want to. You just have to want to. 

 Get busy living or get busy dying. Either you can do all the things that lead to life or those that lead to death. Try saying this aloud, "Spirit of death be gone from me."

 Ask yourself every day, do I want to stay alive, or am I wanting to die? It's time to start telling yourself the truth. And if you do want to die, why? What about your life is so bad? Can you change whatever is bad? 

It might just be an issue of perspective. Try seeing your life from another person's point of view. If others looked at your life, would they say you have a great life? If they would, why are you so despondent? Sure your life isn't perfect. No one's life is perfect. Try to be thankful for what you do have. If you are working, at least you get to make lots of money. If you are a mom, at least God blessed you with cute little kids. If you are retired, at least you get a super long break from our crazy society. 😁

The more you force yourself to see the good things about your life, the less you will feel the need to fulfill your addictions. Negativity is the breeding ground for addictions. Ingratitude. Angst over your life. Try to be more positive about your current life. 

Remember the Serenity Prayer, "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change." If you cannot change that sad thing, accept it and move on. Refocus your mind to your present and forget your past. It is gone. You may have regrets, but focus on living your present life well and leaving no regrets. 

"God cannot give you beauty for ashes if you are still holding onto the ashes." Let those ashes go. Focus on the beauty in front of you. 

And always remember how Much God loves YOU! 

Eric

 I just saw a movie partly about road rage and it made me think of my ex. He would drive around super crazy and at times flip people off. I told him he needed to be careful of that because you never know who might have a gun in their car. 

He was from Miami. I met him in Austin. He had just broken up with a girl who was a drug dealer. He didn't do hard drugs but he was fond of pot. His parents were rich, and he was Jewish. I asked him to come over because I thought maybe he was a Jewish Christian. The owners of my Papa John's were, and I loved them a lot. But no, he was not. 😔

We hung out a lot for a year. I felt very close to him. I think he reminded me of my older brother a lot. I think all his anger was from his parents divorcing when he was 14. My parents also divorced when my brother was 14. 

He mostly just laid on his bed and looked at videos on his phone. He had a beloved cat so he stayed up late with the cat Rolex and slept most of the day. He liked videos about narcissism. I guess they helped him get over his ex. I suppose we had that in common, that we both wanted to move on from our past relationships but it wasn't easy. He mainly was a good friend to me for a year. And I tried to be a good friend to him. It was not easy, but I tried. 

I hope he is doing ok now. He is back in Florida living with family. Pray for Eric please. That he will find a happy and fulfilling life and get to be a dad someday.

God loves you Eric! 

Favoritism in Families

 Every parent has a favorite child. My dad favored me and my mom favored my brother. With my girls I felt like my ex favored my oldest girl so I favored the youngest girl. I think I mainly worried she would feel neglected like I did as a child, so I gave her more attention. But then my oldest probably didn't get enough attention.

 No parent has it down perfectly. You can have one child so no one is favored, but then they don't have a sibling to hang out with. Do only children grow up more or less healthy? My happiest time in my life was when it seemed like I was an only child. 

In the Bible, Joseph was favored over all his 11 older brothers. They were so jealous of him that they wanted to kill him. His dad had given him a special coat. His brothers hated him even more. Be careful of giving one child all the attention and neglecting the other kids. They all need love to develop perfectly. You may click better with a certain kid but they all need you. Try to have one on one time with each child. Then later in life, you will have less regrets about how you raised your children. 

Money or Family

 We all have the biggest decision in life to make all the time. Am I going to go make more money? Or am I going to save my time for those I love? It seems that getting more money will benefit your family, but time usually is more needed then money. 

When I worked at Papa John's they wanted me to become a manager. I was on my way to the drug test for the job and God told me to go see my girls instead. I said no. He said, "Ok then you have forfeited your right to be their mom." Why? Because I wanted money more then I wanted them back in my life. So I went down the career path instead of the family path. Was I happy? Sometimes. But now I could regret that day forever. They moved away and I might never see them again. Now I have to start over and make a new family. 

But maybe this will be better. No past baggage or drama or hurt feelings to bother with. I have never gotten how divorced parents can handle shared custody. It is extremely awkward for everyone doing it. My family growing up did that for 4 years. It was hard. I did not like it at all. 

I hope my girls are happy and safe wherever they are. I hope they know I love them. 

Prayer for UN Meeting

 May God be in the midst of the UN meetings happening now. May the New World Order plans be stopped. I pray the good people who want to protect our freedom will speak up and be bold. May their voices be heard more then the evil tyrants who want to squash the common man. Thank you God that some may even become saved through the meetings. I pray all the good people will lay hands on and pray for those filled with Satan. May you give them a boldness they never had before. May the evil dictators who want to subdue the people in fear step down from any power or rule that they have. May you win more souls through this conference. May your light shine brightly through your people in this time and may the darkness loose big time. Thank you God for the victory. Amen. 

Pastor Rick Warren

 My email to my favorite pastor. :) 

"Good job Pastor Rick Warren for your 42 years of pastoring! May you write more super great books now that you have ample time to write. I have a book suggestion: The Covid Epidemic and the Vaccine Dictatorship. You like? :) May God continue to bless you and your awesome ministry. And thank you for coming up with Celebrate Recovery. It is a wonderful program and it helped me grow a lot!" 

Pray for him to not be mad at God over his son commiting suicide 8 years ago. That must have been so hard. I feel God said Satan messed with his son's emotional health in order to trip up Pastor Rick. He is still going strong though praise God! He retired as head pastor recently, but may God inspire him to write many more awesome and life changing books. 

You can do it Pastor Rick! Keep shinning brightly for God! We love you and appreciate all you have done for The Church. :) May God bless you! 

Vax Trouble Makers

 Are we on the brink of the 3rd world war? If we are, this time the enemy won't be the Russians or Hitler. It would be those of us who don't "fall in line." The smart people with a mind of our own. In school we were trained to think wisely and to think for ourselves. At least the good schools and teachers taught that. But the higher ups just want us to be lemmings. They want yes men who do their every bidding and never ask questions. 

I have always said I could never be in the military because I would ask too many questions. Very few people were questioning the mask mandate and the hard push to get the shot. The virus was invented simply to turn us all into robots. They tried to illicit extreme paranoia from all of us in order to make us cower in fear to their dictatorship. Are you going to let just anyone control you? Or do you prefer to be in control of your own life? 

Don't be a lemming. Be a lion. 😁 Stay strong. 

Mental Illness

 My mom has struggled with clinical depression almost my entire life. I always did not believe that it was out of her control. Doctors told her the chemicals in her brain were malfunctioning and she needed medication for that. I always felt that was a bunch of lies just to sell her some legal drugs. I mostly feel the same way now about mental health. 

We all medicate ourselves a little. Most of us wake up and have coffee to feel more happy. At the end of the day you might have wine or some kind of alcohol to take the edge off and sleep better. There are legal and easy "drugs" to take. I love drinking sweet tea to make me feel more upbeat. Is medication really needed? That is between you and God. I don't think it is necessary at all. 

Make yourself happy in other ways. Change jobs if you can. Your boss is probably a major cause of your anxiety or depression. There are lots of other bosses you can have if you try to change. Maybe you would benefit from taking a long or short walk every day. Maybe cooking more and eating less fast food would help. 

In the book of Daniel it says how some godly men only ate vegetables and drank water. They became healthier and wiser then all the other men. Why not try that before trying medication? 

Getting 10 minutes of direct sun every day can greatly improve your mental health as well. Most of us are moles that hide in a hole. Get out in the sun. You will feel better. :) 

Most people who think it is just a mental health issue are actually spiritually lost. God gives you those mental issues to alert you that you need to seek him. Seek God rather then a pill. Maybe your pills help you some, but God can and will help you a ton. Seek after God. Desire to know him. Then you will have peace and fullness of life. 

May God bless you!

The Age of Maturity

 When I was 25 I was with a guy 7 years older then me. Now I am 37 and I am with a guy 7 years younger then me. Maybe it is because I have felt 30 years old for a long time now. 30 is the age of perfect maturity. Jesus actually began his ministry at 32. At that age you are finally complete. Your mind has blossomed into a full fledged adult. Your body feels mature and somewhat tired, but you still have a lot of life left in you. You feel the wisest at that age. You hopefully have not started to loose your mind yet. You feel ready to take on the world. The life experience you have made you smarter. You are hopeful that your future will end up better then your past. 

It is the best age in a person's lifetime. I hope I will feel around age 30 for the rest of my life. 😀

High School

 I just watched the movie The Breakfast Club. No movie has boggled my brain as much as that one. In high school I was all of those things. I was popular and in ASB so I was partly the Princess. I played basketball 3 years so I was also the Jock. I was in choir and AP classes so I was also the nerd. I had a crazy childhood so in some ways I was the Basket Case. And I had been arrested for shoplifting when I was 13 so I was also the Criminal. 

I suppose I was mostly the nerd because I was insecure, and I usually felt less then others. That is usually how nerds feel. Maybe that is how we all feel but some fake confidence better then others. I have heard the more macho a man acts the more insecure he actually is. 

High School was a scary time. I remember you feel very exposed in high school. You always have to get up and present something. Teachers would call on me a lot, because they knew I had the right answer. I was usually embarrassed of being smart. I got put on Varsity as a sophomore for basketball. I felt embarrassed about that too. 

I have noticed we are afraid of our own greatness, so we hide. We try to deflect any praise. It feels more comfortable to be invisible then to be great. We crave the attention but at the same time despise it. We never know what we want, if we want to be admired or ignored. I had a guy I liked who also played basketball, but once he started liking me I no longer liked him. Of course what romance can 2 high school kids have anyways? Neither of you has a house so it seems pointless. 

High School is simply a time to figure out who you are, what direction you want your life to go. I remember I was a little missionary in High School and now I try to be a big missionary. :) I have always wanted the whole world to get closer to God. Nothing else matters in the end: not the grades, the sports points, the popularity. The only thing that really matters is how many people can I help get to heaven. The rest is just fluff, random entertainment. Nothing else matters in life. Nothing but leading people to my savior Jesus. 😀

Do you know Jesus? 

Work

 Everything is work. Whether you have a corporate job or not, you are probably still working. You work on your marriage, hopefully. 😀 You "work out your salvation with fear and trembling." You work on taking good care of your pets, or actual kids. You work on watering your yard so it keeps looking pretty. 

We enjoy doing all these things though because it feels most natural to work. The more work you do, the better you feel about yourself. Depressed people are depressed because they have not found enough work to do. Maybe they feel useless and that makes people feel insecure and sad. 

Make yourself useful to society in some way. I have been making what I call encouragement bracelets for 8 years now. Now I am making encouragement cards with glitter stickers. That is tons of fun. Just something for people to hang on their fridge to remind them God loves them. 

What work do you enjoy doing? What makes you come alive? John Eldridge said in a book of his, "Don't ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive. Because what the world needs is men and women who are truly alive." 😀 What makes you feel the most alive? Do that. And enjoy your life, while you work well for God and others. God bless! 

Close the Door

 You might have doors that are wide open to Satan and not even realize it. What do you watch on TV? What do you think about? Who do you talk to a lot? 

"Walk with the wise to become wise." If you only talk to wise people, you will have better defenses against Satan. 

"Submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you." If you do a good job submitting to God, then you are on his good side. He will make sure you are blessed. Then all you have to do with Satan is resist him. 

Many people don't even try to resist Satan a little. They think he will overpower them easily. But if you are in sync with God, you have all the power you need to make Satan run in fear of You and your God given power. 

Don't be afraid of Satan. Respect his power, but trust that God will protect you and that you will always be safe. 

Wanting to Die

 It might surprise you who read this that I have asked God to kill me about 30 times. But he refuses to do it. 😢 He says he still needs me to do his work. Every day I try to figure out creative ways to save the lost. If my life wasn't so hard I probably would not care about saving the lost so much. I want to bring light to others any way I can, because my life was so often pitch black darkness. 

It feels like there is a cloud around me 24/7. It might be a spirit of heaviness. It feels sad and heavy. I feel better when listening to music or watching a movie. But it has been there my whole life it seems. Maybe that cloud is the depression of just living and everyone feels it. 

If we all are honest, we probably want to die about once a week. Something bad happens and we don't want to keep going. The main song that always helps me when I feel like that is "Hold On" by Justin Bieber. 

 I have told God that he is not nice to keep us all alive. My life now is pretty comfortable but still, I complain and often want life to be over. I feel I have done enough. I have suffered enough. But what I have gone through is still nothing compared to the lives of people in 3rd world countries. 

I should be grateful, but I always wish there was more. I don't know what it is that I want. It just feels like big pieces are missing. I am a puzzle that is half finished. It feels incomplete. I wanted to have more and be more by now. 

This is just the sadness of life I think. We were made for the Garden of Eden. But it feels like we wake up in a dumpster every day. Real life is ugly and lonely and it smells bad. 

But we just have to deal with it. We have to find the silver lining in the clouds. We have to keep running, even though we are tired and want to just sit. 

This too shall pass. All things will work for your good eventually. Try to stay happy. I know it is not easy, but the joy of the Lord is your strength. 

Raising a Boy

  I have always had a fear of raising a boy. I worked with kids from age 14 to 28. In every job I had, the boys were totally crazy. They got in trouble in every way they could. They threw mud balls at the side of the school that I had to hose off. They would climb a bookshelf in two preschools, not realizing they could fall and break their neck. One teen guy tore the basketball hoop down on a cruise ship. He also made way too many moves on me and it was quite awkward. 😞 I had an autistic boy in a class who had a scary rage problem. One boy at my church was maybe possessed and stripped all his clothes off and tried getting into the attic. That was the most insane experience of my life.

All that to say I hope all my future kids will only be girls. Boys are scary little monsters. Little girls are angels. In Jesus' name, may I only have girls. 

Covid

 I got Covid 2 times. The first time was January 2020. It felt like a severe strep throat and I threw up green puss. Ewe.... The second sickness was January 2022. Watch out for the month of January. 😭 I felt extremely weak for 10 days. I couldn't stand up for very long. I slept all day and all night for 10 days in a row. If I ever wanted to sleep more, I took Benadryl. I went back to work before I felt totally better. I felt bad for being gone so long. 

If you get Covid, you will survive. Just sleep a lot. Eat only crackers and drink water. Milk helps sooth your throat if you are coughing a lot. 

God allows us to suffer to turn us into warriors. I am a warrior now because I had it twice. 😁

I never got the vaccine. Ever since I think my Heb B vaccine made my appendix explode at age eleven, I am leery of vaccines. If you got one, or three, don't worry. You most likely won't turn into a zombie. 😲😜

Does the 3 year outbreak of Covid mean we are in the Last Days? I think mainly God wanted to give us a wake up call. "Purify your hearts, you sinners." It was brought on by Satan and his human workers, but God used it to bring many of us back to him. "Bend the knee or have it broken." God broke us all in order to humble us. "The Lord disciplines the child he loves." Pain is terrible but God uses it to craft us into more gentle, humble and loving people. 

Stay humble so God won't feel the need to break you. If you know someone with Covid, drive over some apple juice and crackers to them. 😀 Leave it on their doorstep, so you won't become sick too. 

God loves you! Even if it doesn't feel like he does, He does. 😁

Fruit

 2 houses down from mine there is a huge fruit tree. It looks like a skyscraper. The branches reach super high into the sky. It appears to have oranges on it. I took it as a message from God that I need to eat more oranges. I feel bad if I don't eat a salad and at least one fruit every day. Fruit snacks don't count. 😄

I wonder if our fruit can be seen? Do we try to hide it? Or do we let it extend high into the sky so the whole world can see it? 

"Let your light shine before men that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven." 

Saint?

 How does a person become a saint? 

Mother Theresa is the only saint known by most people. Why was she a saint? The number one reason was because she did not love money. She was completely ok with living around the poor and becoming poor by her own choice. She was humble enough to become like the people she was trying to help. She did not love things of the world. She always thought about saving people by loving them. She was kind to everyone. 

What else makes someone a saint? Forgiving others. Turning the other cheek instead of getting revenge. Letting others take advantage of you and staying at peace. Hating what is evil but not attacking it all the time. Knowing when to remain silent. Being generous in any way you can think of. Giving away all your extra money and time and energy. Showing love to those closest to you. If you have the money to buy someone else groceries, do it. If you have clothes you never wear, give them to a homeless person. And then give them a ride to a bus stop and pay for them to get home. 😀

Letting someone in need live in your house for free. Always acting out of love and care for others. Finding joy in the simplest things. Staying at peace no matter what happens. Having patience for all kinds of people. Doing things in kindness. Living with everyone in gentleness. Having self control in everything you do. Not eating or sleeping too much. Living a respectable and non-selfish life. 

Never looking down on others but always wanting to pull others out of their sin. Realizing that you used to be there and staying humble. 

Now go be a saint. Or at least try to become a saint. 😀

Addicts

 If you know someone who is addicted to something, you have to believe they can overcome their addiction. They will not get better unless you truly believe they can. It takes your faith to heal them.  Believe the best rather then assume the worst. 

Have faith that the best case scenarios can and WILL happen. Don't give in to discouragement and think it has to always be that way. 

You can go see a counselor with the addict. Go visit with a pastor. Give them books to read about overcoming addictions. Pray for them. Read the Bible with them. Play worship music for them to beat those demons of addiction off. 😀

Help them realize they don't have to always stay addicted. They can get free if they want to. And then firmly tell them why they want to. Do they really want to die? Do they want to get cancer? Make them think. 

The main reason people continue bad addictions is because they aren't thinking about the cause and effect. All they think is what they want now. That it makes them feel good. But help them to look down the road. Gum cancer is mostly inevitable for smokers. Liver cancer for drinkers. Diabetes for gluttons. High blood pressure for the slothful. What level of health do they want in their future? Help them to realize all drugs have a bad effect on the body, no matter how much we hope they won't. 

We all know what we should do. We just need to do it. Like Nike says, "Just do it." 😀

And if you are trying to assist an addict in quitting, try to have no addictions yourself. Are you self controlled? They need a model to look at to know it can be possible. Lead by your own example. Be healthy. 

Child Abuse

 God I pray for all the children who are being abused physically or sexually or mentally. I pray they will be wise enough to know they can leave. May you open a door for them to go live with a relative. May they know there is hope and they don't have to endure that. May you protect them and give them perfect escape strategies. 

And I pray for all the jerk parents out there. May their kids escape or be taken from them or may they actually learn how to be kind to their kids. May they realize that the feelings of the kid matters. May they learn to be extra gentle when interacting with their child. And if they cannot, may they become very ill and learn a lesson about what it is to be weak like a child. 

Time or Money

 I think most people feel about their mate that they should either get to enjoy their time or their money. If you want to work a ton, sure why not? But then you should give some of what you make to your lover. Why? Because you are leaving them alone for long periods of time. If they have money to go buy happy things, then it's not as annoying if you seem to be at work too much. 

I would recommend that this applies to both the man and woman. If the woman is working a lot and neglecting her household chores or her husband, then he should enjoy some fun money from what she makes. Especially if he has to keep the house clean instead of her doing that. 

I had a set up with one of my exes where I would cover our groceries. I had plenty of extra money to do that from working a ton. Toward the end of our relationship he started getting groceries. Rather then asking me to pay him back, he had a temper tantrum one day and told me to move out. So I did. It was for the best. He was a horrible dad, and I hated seeing that. 

Money and time. If you love someone, you will give them both if you can. If you don't want to share much with them, then why are you with them? 

War, huh, What is it Good For?

 Absolutely nothing. 

That is the song from Rush Hour. Best movie ever! 

I have never written about war but here are my thoughts. The atomic bombs dropped on Japan made sense. They invaded our land and bombed us in Hawaii at Pearl Harbor. That was the only time the US has been attacked. It made sense for us to make a strong statement with the atomic bombs. That was us saying, "That was not ok at all. Don't ever do that again." That was a good statement to make. 

But any other involvement in war, whyyy..... We need to mind our own business. Who cares how other countries are ran and function. Pray for them, of course, but we don't need to get all up in their business. We need to just take care of our own country. We have plenty of our own problems to worry about. 

I advocate a hands off foreign policy. No more meddling and being annoying to other countries. Let's just keep to ourselves and keep our own people safe. No more shipping our people over to crazy places. Those tax dollars being used for the military should be used for road repairs instead. 😊 That is much more useful to the rest of us. 

Once the atomic bomb was invented, and drones, we no longer need a military. It is a huge waste of time and money. I think all the men, and women, in the military should instead build and run homeless shelters. We need to care for our own people better. Why try to fix other countries when we have lots of things to fix here? 

In conclusion, I think all war is bad. No more military funding. Build homeless shelters instead. 

Jesus loves you! 

Let it Go

 Praise report! My hubby gave up drinking for me woot! It took 4 months but praise God it has finally happened. It really stressed me out when he drank. 😔 

When I was with Roger he drank a lot on his days off the first year we were together. Then I threatened to leave him. He quit and didn't drink for a whole year. He also gave up soda and Facebook, at my suggestion. That was nice. 

My step dad was addicted to playing the game World of Warcraft. He still played a lot about 5 years into his marriage to my mom. Then he gave it up for her. That was a fabulous miracle! 

My ex husband never did quit smoking even though I very much wanted him to many, many times. He blamed his smoking on me not going to the gym with him. That was silly though. He could have gone to the gym by himself. I wanted him to give up Charismania but he refused. That is the biggest reason why we got divorced. What is Charismania? It is disrupting church, getting slain in the spirit, worshipping people over God, getting into witchcraft and thinking it is Christian but it's not. It was a huge frustration for me all 7 years of our marriage. 

My ex Bryan gave up being gay for me. He was gay before he was with me. He talked about wanting to go back to that kind of lifestyle, but I got him back in church and being able to love women again. Thank you Jesus. :)

My ex Eric kept smoking a lot and drinking 4 Monster drinks a day. All he stubbornly ate was pizza and fries. I could not encourage him effectively to give up anything. 😞 That is mainly why we didn't work out. 

Another ex Josh gave up wrath and drinking for me. He had an addiction to anger that was hidden for the 3 months I was with him. It came out the night he shot up a building and got taken to jail. I figured the hidden anger was because his parents sent him to military school when he was younger. I'm sure that was not a fun place. 

What have I given up for my boys? I gave up smoking for Zach, my current hubby. That was kind of hard to give up. With the others there was nothing that they asked me to give up. So that was nice. :) 

The other big desires of mine are that my hubby will quit smoking too and stop taking his medication. He is on an anti-depressant but I believe it is killing him. Pray he will have the strength to let that go. Thanks all. 

Alone

 I just realized most of my life it felt like I lived alone. Growing up my family had dinner together but we never did fun things together. Then it was just my mom and I for a long time. She was always at work or laying down in her room. She had scoliosis so she needed to lay down often. Of course she was depressed too over loosing my dad, but he was a bad pick so it was for the best. 

Then we moved in with my step dad. We had game nights at times and those were fun. The 3 of us went out to dinner sometimes. I enjoyed that. Then my step dad told my mom it was awkward living with a beautiful lady in the house. That was me. 😣 So I got an apartment with my big brother. We made meals together and watched movies. It was super great living with him. Then I met my first serious bf and lived with him. He went to visit his kids often so I didn't see him a lot. Then he died so I lived with my mom again. It was quite awkward. I started this blog then for solace from the death and needing to live with them again. 

8 months later I met a nice guy and got married. He worked a ton so I was mostly home alone. I was raising my kids so at least I had them there. He eventually left to live with his parents. He always cared for them more then me so I totally saw that coming. I suppose I should have tried harder to win over his heart, but I expected that I had it to begin with. 

Then I met a new bf, Bryan. We worked opposite shifts so I was still alone a lot. Then I was with Eric. He was a scoundrel jerk face. We mostly kept to ourselves and did our own thing. We never should have been together, but I wanted to help him. That was why I chose to be with him. He talked about his retarded ex all the time. Eventually his anger issues became too much for me to handle so I told him to go live with family. 

Then I had an apartment by myself, which was a great adventure and very peaceful. Now I have my sweetie who I love very much. Finally I don't feel so alone. :) Hopefully things will always go well between us. Hopefully we will actually last forever. 

Toilet Overflowing

  We had a huge disaster today. I almost felt like the flood victims in Houston. Our drains overflowed so 2 bathrooms and part of a room flooded. I have never worked so hard soaking up the water with towels. Thank God a plumber was able to come within an hour and unclog the drains. I was praying for a miracle the entire time they were working.

 Watch out for putting too much toilet paper down the toilet. From now on, all our toilet paper is going in the trash. 

If you have the same crisis, turn the water off under the toilet. Turn the silver knob to the right so all the flooding will stop. And keep your mind at peace so you can think clearly. It felt like a scene out of a horror film but we survived. :)

Runaway Bride

 What was Maggie running away from? Was she scared to get her heart broken? Since the men she intended to marry didn't know the real her, she probably thought once the mask came off they would break up with her. So she left them before they might leave her. 

Love is so tricky. So elusive. You think someone loves you until you realize it was all a lie. You think you love someone and later realize you never did. 

What is love? What is true love? It is really wanting to know each other. It is wanting to make the other person happy. It is putting their needs before your own. So many think they love someone but it is only lust that they feel. Or they don't want to be lonely anymore. They want a mate. Anyone would work for them. 

Are you really in love with your lover or is it just an act? Be truly in love. Otherwise you are wasting their time. 

Serve them well. Love them better then anyone else could. When that is what you want most, you can know you are in love. 

Get Your Talk On

 Half of marriage is great sex. At least hopefully it is great for you, if you have a mate. :) The other half should be great times of talking. 

I remember my ex husband used to say often that he was jealous of my bf before him because we had talked so much. I was like, "Well you are the one who doesn't seem to like talking much." He followed his dad's model. His dad almost never said a word, and Ben became almost 100% like his dad. 

The most I talked with a guy was Roger, the guy that Ben was always jealous of. I was in love with him from age 25 to 27 until he died. 😞 Don't drink. Stay away from alcohol.

 He worked in a mental health hospital for a few years. That gave him tons of stories to share, and I loved hearing them. He also told me stories about how crazy his ex wife was. Before knowing his life story, I had never even known about an evil woman. All the ladies in my family are ladies. Honest and kind church going ladies who genuinely care for others. Then I met my ex husband's family and I saw even more evil women. 😳 May God help them. 

I talked with my 3rd ex Bryan a lot. We felt like best friends from the beginning. We both were raised Baptist Christian. His life story was, quite ironically, the same as mine. He had an ex who went crazy. They had 2 daughters together also, and they were married 7 years too. Her family blamed him for her madness. I'm sure he had a hand in it, but I would say they raised her, so it was mainly their fault that she went insane. 

Now I am in love with my current hubby and he had some crazy exes too. 😣 One woman used to physically abuse him. I am so lucky that never happened to me. But I am extremely good at running away before things get super crazy. I know how to survive well. I asked why he stayed with her even though she abused him. He said he loved her. I said, "That is not love. That is stupidity." I had also said that to a co worker who was in an abusive relationship. 

If you are being abused by Anyone, don't put up with it. You are not stuck. Pray for God to open up a new job or a new living situation for you and he will. He wants to help you. All you need to do is ask for his help. Don't try to go it alone. Ask God and other people for help if you need it. 

And watch out for all the crazy people. Be wise and avoid them if you can. 

Satan is Small

 Those of you who are more loyal to Satan then God, why? Satan is just a created entity. He is not God. He is not the supreme being that created all that we see and feel and know. He cannot and will not bless you as much as God can and might. Stop being loyal to Satan. You will loose in the end. Follow God and no one else. 

Satan only pretends to love you. The truth is, he hates you. Never trust Satan. Ever. 

May God be with you all and make you wiser.  :) 

Time to Get Saved

 If you don't believe in God, it is time that you do. 

I have always felt there are no true atheists. There are only people who are really mad at God. I get it. I understand. I just had a fight with God in my head about why he hasn't killed Satan yet. It makes no sense, if he is loving, why he allows Satan and evil and death to exist. I cannot explain why pain happens in life. Only that God says it is entertaining to see us go through hard situations. It would be great if he could be more sympathetic to our pain and prevent it, but like a wise parent, he wants to toughen us up. He wants us to get more strong. We can't become strong if life is super easy. So he allows pain and bad days and evil people to increase our stamina. To increase our faith. We realize then that if God got me through that, he can and will get me through this. 

Take heart. God has not forgotten you. He loves you. No matter what you have done, he still loves you. 

The only verse that has gotten me through my crazy last 5 years is, "God works all things for the good for those who love Him." If my ex had not gone crazy and left, I would not have met my current lover. He is way better, and at some point we will inherit half a million dollars. So I could say now, thank you God for enabling Ben to go crazy, so that I could be better provided for in the future. 

Your life might seem horrible now, but one day the rain will stop, and the sun will shine again. Then you will see why that painful thing had to happen. God always will work your life for the good in order to bless you, If you serve him. So give your life to serve him, and you too will get blessed a lot. 

And believe in Jesus, because that is important. 😉

Leave in Order to Cleave

 "A man shall Leave his father and mother and be united to his wife." Most men have a very hard time with this. I think I finally figured out why. The wife has to love her man just as well as his mom did in order for this to become easy for him. If she cooked a lot, the wife should try cooking a lot. If she made him coffee every morning, then you new wife, should make him coffee. 

Of course some moms or grandmas refuse to be replaced. They feel in constant competition with the new wife and try to one up her any way she can. Beauty before age or age before beauty? The man is constantly confused as to where his loyalty should be. Does he cling to the past? Or can he trust his new wife enough to let the people in the past go? Is he mentally ready to leave his family of birth and lead a new family? 

The reason this verse is even in the Bible is because women can be extremely competitive. A man can lessen the competition by deciding to be loyal to his new wife, as God meant for him to be. He might fear that she will leave him, so then he never leaves to cleave. But then he actually Causes her to leave by not shifting his loyalty. 

Unfortunately two women cannot lead or influence a man at the same time. He will go crazy if he tries to let both lead him. Of course a real man should not have to be led by a woman at all. He should be in charge of his own life and his own money. He should be a responsible adult, able to decide for himself what he wants. There are not many real men like this left in the world. 

I challenge you to grow up men. Stop letting any woman dictate your life.  And women let him be a man. Stop trying to regulate his every move. Let him be free enough to take the lead. 

Men are meant to be in the driver's seat, not in the back of the car. 

Take the wheel, men. 

Be Content

Joel Osteen used to say a lot, "If you needed it you would have it." 

You may not have everything you want, but you most likely have all that you need. The more you give to others, the more God will give to you. "Look out not just for your own interests but also the interests of others." It's not all about you. What you want matters some, but consider what others want too. 

The most depressed people are depressed because they are the most selfish people. All they think about is what they want 24/7. This is why having pets can be very therapeutic. You finally think of something besides yourself. 

So many people could not care less what other people want. Those people will never be happy because they are the most selfish people on the planet. They get what they want all the time. They think that will make them happy, but they feel guilty all the time. They know that is not how God intended the world to be. They know they are supposed to share with others but they don't care. 

Don't be selfish like that. If you want to actually be happy, be content with less and share with other people. Decide to care about what others want. 

Be content so you will love others better. God bless. 

J.R.R. Tolkien

 Reading Tolkien's bio was very interesting. His father sadly died when he was 3 of Typhoid Fever. He contracted it while in South Africa for work. Tolkien's mother died when he was 12 from Diabetes. She had grown up an orphan so she probably did not get very much good food. 

His mother made a Catholic priest the godfather. The character Gandalf was likely modeled after this priest. I'm sure Tolkien was saved many times by that priest. He married a woman that was Protestant. Father Francis did not approve but he married her anyways. He had no job when they got married. 

Eventually he went off to fight in WWI. They made him a lieutenant. He did not like leading others. But he did it anyways. He got Trench Fever so he was sent home before the war was over. Did you know 20 million people died in WWI? What a waste. And all for what? It was a pointless and worthless war. I wonder if the death and evil surrounding that war is what made Hitler go mad. There was a devaluing of human life after that first war. 

After the war Tolkien got to be an English professor the rest of his life. His books helped him become a millionaire and he retired in a lovely beach town in England. 

What a great life he lived. I wonder about the dark magic elements in his writing. He may have experimented with black magic a bit. Thank God he stayed on God's team though. Good job Tolkien. 

If you ever think of getting into witchcraft, don't. Stay in God's Holy light. Don't go into the darkness. Trust me, you don't want to be there. Always do good and be good. Forget about power and magic and dark ways. Be patient and wait for good things to happen to you. Wait on God. Don't use black magic to get you what you want. It will only lead you down an evil and sad path. 

Possession

 I am watching the Lord of the Rings movies and it reminds me of possessed people I have seen in my life. The Bible says, "In your anger do not sin and do not give Satan a foothold." Anger is the main avenue through which a person can be possessed. Think about anyone you have seen that was extremely angry. They seemed possessed, didn't they? 

I know there have been times when I felt out of control and not myself. Usually it was when I was PMS'ing. I suppose a woman's hormones easily open doors to Satan to take over our minds. That is probably why the Bible says the man needs to be the head of the family. 

Usually when men feel that way, they drink or smoke in order to have a sedative. Women might take a bath or take a nap. Some women go shopping to get out the energy from their anger. Having sex more often helps both men and women to feel less angry. It is mainly the physical exercise of sex that helps, but also the close feeling that helps calm your spirit. 

It is crucial to develop coping skills early on in life to process your anger. Since I was 10 my preferred coping skills have always been writing and music. The only reason I never completely lost my mind was due to being able to write and my love for music. 

If you need a coping skill to calm you down, try music or writing. They will make you feel 100 times better. And may God help you all to not become possessed when you are angry. 😀

Older Mom 😣😂

 My grandma had two kids around age 24. Then she had 2 more around 35. She was a bit overwhelmed by having kids at an older age, but later I know she was happy she had more. They had a very full life and a happy family. 

 My Aunt Selinda had one son around age 20. Then she had two more around age 35. She did a way better job with her second set of kids. 😳😊

 I had two girls at age 28. Now I might have two more at age 38. 😳 I thought I was an old mom the first time. 😂 But I still got it yo. 😁

When I first met my sweetie I was so smitten by him that I was dreaming we could have 10 kids. 😲 Like just keep going till I hit menopause. But I had forgotten how annoying pregnancy is. Maybe a vasectomy would be ideal after 1 or 2 babies. 😁 I haven't thrown up yet this time, but I get nauseous a lot. Both when hungry and after I've eaten. It is so irritating. 😣

 Go praise your mom for having you, because it is not an easy thing to do at all. 

 This time to fix the nausea I use a heating pad on my stomach. Please all pray that I'm not frying my baby. 😞 But generally what's good for the mom is good for the baby. If I feel happy, the baby will too. 

I hope I will put more effort into training my next children well. My dream is to potty train them at 1 and read them books from the time they are born. It will be nice to have a do over. I did a mostly good job the first time, but this time I plan to do even better.

I have always wondered if the oldest got all the inheritance in the Bible as a way to make up for how much the parents sucked in raising him or her. 😁 The first baby is a huge learning experience. There are many things I regret with my oldest daughter. I should have held her more and sang to her and read to her more. I should have spanked her less and hugged her more. I should have tried harder to find common interests. My younger daughter and I loved coloring. I should have gotten a scooter and rode around with my oldest. She hated to color but she loved active things. 

If you never saw eye to eye with one of your kids try now, if you are able to. What can you guys have in common? Try to build a friendship more. If you never do, you will always regret it. 

Bad Signs

 You have a feeling about someone right from the beginning, if it seems meant to be or not. I never should have moved forward with the father of my kids. All the signs were wrong. He was silly. I was very serious. He was Pentecostal. I always had a very strong prejudice against Pentecostals. He hated intelligent people. I was the smartest kid in my class my whole life. He hated rich people. I grew up in CA and my family was very well off.  His Bible looked mostly unread. I have memorized about one fourth of the Bible. His dating profile said, "If you don't like the gym, don't message me. I probably won't be interested in you." I did not like the gym, at least not at much as him. His parents were extremely overweight. I always had a strong prejudice against overweight people. He had a horribly ugly car. I only liked guys with nice cars. He loved being slain in the spirit. I always did, and still do, see it as demonic. 

The only thing we had in common was that we both liked basketball. That one thing made us last 7 years. But that was it. You can't last forever with only one thing in common. 

If you are looking for a partner, look for lots of signs. Don't just fall for anyone. Be wiser then I was. 

Serendipity

I just watched the movie Serendipity again. It is one of the cutest chick flicks ever made. It is partly why I named my oldest daughter Serenity. 

That movie made me think of all the signs that made me know my hubby was the elusive one. His birthday is the exact same date as my oldest daughter. The house number for his house has 22 in it. Every address my grandma had had 22 in it. He has green eyes. After my co worker died I had wanted to ask my boss to hire another guy with green eyes. His dad's name was Michael. The guy at work who died was Michael. His dad died the same year that my ex Roger died. We both have had several dreams about them. All 4 of his grandparents were teachers. All 4 of mine were too. His family has a vacation house in the Davis Mountains. My last name is Davis. A guy at work that I had a huge crush on was 30 years old. My hubby is also 30. He wanted a back yard cat. I have always wanted a guy that liked cats more then dogs. We both have a grandma with sky blue eyes. He looks like a football player. His body type is my type. We both love pizza and burgers and sushi and coffee. We both have older cars that we are totally content with. He grew up in private Christian school. I always wished I had. But I went to a Christian college. His grandma and my grandma both went to the same college, Hardin Simmons, a private Christian college in Texas. We both like Justin Bieber's music. We both love basketball. He is a skater. I have always loved to roller blade. 

And in about 7 months we will have our first child. I plan on naming her Angel or Hope, if it's a girl, because he is my angel and I Hope to stay with him forever. 😁

Adventures

 I have been watching the 3 Hobbit movies and it makes me think of all the grand adventures I have had in the past 3 years. My life actually got a ton happier after loosing my ex husband. For any who are considering divorce, I recommend it, depending on your level of frustration. It is so freeing to venture out on your own.

 First I rented out rooms, since I was living in my house alone. I rented to 21 different people over 2 years. Most only stayed for a month or two. A lot of them felt like my imitation kids or siblings or uncles. I got to know a ton of interesting and kind people that really felt like family. We had a lot of fun cooking and going on walks together. 

I got to have a son for awhile. My first renter became my bf and he had the most adorable son ever. I worked a few different job. Finally got to work at Quiznos. I always loved their food the most out of any food. I made lots of great friends at work. I went out for karaoke a ton and that was so much fun. I spent a lot of money at a super fun bar. I almost never missed my ex or my kids, until recently. I was too busy just enjoying life and going out. The more we were told to stay home, the more I went out. 😂 

But now I enjoy staying home a lot. I am finally willing to settle down again and have a good family again. I have a perfect home finally, all to myself and my sweetie. My life is so great. 

Don't worry about your future. If you stay with your "other half" or not, you will still be happy. There are plenty of fish in the sea. You might be way better off without them, and God will always take care of you. 

May God bless you. 😊

Sexual Problems

Billions of people watch porn and I have figured out a big reason why, sexual problems. Maybe there was sexual abuse in their past that they may not even realize happened, so sex is awkward for them. It is easier to watch porn to get off then ask for sex from their mate. 

When I lost my virginity at age 22 I was literally scared of the male penis. To me it was like a scary one eyed snake. My dad abused me sexually. As an adult I didn't want anything to do with the penis. I wasn't gay. I still liked to make out with hot guys. But that extreme fear kept me from having sex. My bf had to be a bit pushy to get me to have sex with him. It was not rape, but I was pressured a lot into going further. 

I have been with many guys who had sexual issues. It might be easy to think they were gay, but in actuality they were prudes because of sexual insecurity. When you are violated as a child, that makes it a ton harder to really enjoy sex as an adult. You feel awkward, uncomfortable. You think pleasure is a sin. You don't know what to do or what you need sexually. 

One reason is because our psyche can get frozen at the time of the sexual abuse. My dad almost rapped me when I was 6, so a big part of me is still 6 years old. That is why I probably seemed very immature to some of my exes, and my family. 😣😪 This is maybe also why so many men never seem to grow up. Part of them might be frozen at an age when a dramatic thing happened to them. 

How do you grow up? Pray about it. Ask God for wisdom and peace about that situation in your past. Get around more mature people that can help you to mature. I have met many people younger then me who seemed older and helped me to become more mature. 

Don't run away from the little you. You need to become friends with the little you again. Stop being mad at her, or him. Forgive the little you. It was not your fault. Once you can make peace with the younger you, you can have a relatively normal and joy filled life. 

May God help you to mature and grow and to forgive yourself. 

Fighting

 I have only fought with 3 people in my life, my first bf Roger, my ex husband Ben and a former co worker Thomas. In all 3 instances I was only fighting with them because I was terribly disappointed in them. Roger was flirting with other women. Ben was loosing his sanity and I was trying to alert him to how detrimental that would be for our relationship. And Thomas was a little punk who seemed to not care for anyone but himself. 

I have never fought with a woman. All women already know what they have done wrong. You don't have to tell us. We are humble enough to know. But men are so arrogant, so incapable of seeing the error of their ways. They are so stubborn and mean and selfish. At times they seem to only listen to forceful words. Reason does not work. 

Of course "the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God." Things ended badly with all 3 of those men. I wish I would have been more gentle and kind with them, but sometimes a fight seems unavoidable. 

"Do not make friends with a wrathful man or you will learn his ways and become ensnared yourself." Those 3 men had way too much unprocessed anger, so that verse became true for us. 

"Walk with the wise to become wise." Be at peace. Stay wise. I became a fool because I linked up with fools. Be careful who you yoke together with. Make sure that it is a peaceful person. 

Love Lost and Won

 When you begin a new family you think about the old one and what went wrong. Obviously we are meant to learn from the past so we don't repeat it. Toward the end of my first marriage both of my daughters got hurt. It all became too much for me. One fell off a bike and one fell off a scooter. I am having nothing with wheels for my next children. It was my breaking point I think. I don't know why God allowed those events to happen except just to show me it was time to be done. It was all just too much. My ex husband kept accusing me of cheating. My ex sister in law kept attacking me. My ex mother in law was turning Ben against me. My mom was suspecting my daughter of being mentally challenged. She was a little slow but not terribly slow. 

It isn't easy to raise a family. Love is only for the strong. And parenting is only for the incredibly strong. Hopefully this time around things will go better and everyone will stay happy and positive. I would love to see a successful family finally. May God help me and Zach to stay strong and healthy and happy forever.