Keep Dreaming

 It is good to learn from the past, but it is never good to stay stuck there. That is the main cause of depression. Don't think about your past life too much. Dream about your future instead. 

This is why dreaming is so wonderful. God said in the Bible, "Write out your vision." What vision do you have for your future? What else do you wish you could accomplish? 

I have always wanted to own a franchise. Either a Taco Bell or Subway or Papa John's. Opening a restaurant would be fun too, maybe stressful but fun. I also want to run a bed a breakfast like my grandma did. I want to be a sub teacher like my other grandma. For now I am in the planning phase. What exciting thing can I accomplish next? I could make a giant family, or just have one kid and start some great businesses. 

There are always so many paths a person can take. I hope whatever path you chose is fun for you. 🤗

Mental Illness or a Demon

 In the Bible there is something called "a spirit of heaviness." I am sure a lot of us feel that more now with the holidays. Also the cold keeps us from getting outside and tanning in the sun. 😢 That is the best cure for depression. 

How do you know if your sadness is clinical depression or an evil spirit? 

I do not, and never have, believed in clinical depression. I do believe in evil spirits though. What does the Bible say to do to protect yourself from evil spirits? Ephesians 6:13-17 says, "Put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God."

Maybe you don't have an evil spirit. Maybe you are depressed from eating tons of junk food, and you feel guilty about it. Or maybe you have no social life. Everyone needs people. If you aren't working, go find a job. If you are single and hate it, get into online dating. You can cure your own sadness if you really want to. You just need to stay productive and keep good friends. 

Or maybe you enjoy being depressed so you don't change the things that you can. Maybe you like the sympathy. Maybe you have no idea how to take care of yourself well. Maybe no one taught you how to. But you can learn. You can figure out how to eat healthy and get your emotional needs met. Or you can simply decide to stop having so many needs. Just because you had tons of friends when you were young, doesn't mean you always have to have that. Lower your expectations for life. There are many different seasons to life. Maybe before you had tons of friends and now you have a family. It feels different but accept it. Not every season of your life will be the same. 

If you are depressed, I get it. We all feel down sometimes. Just believe tomorrow will be a better day. Try to have hope that your future will be great. Change the things you can and Never stop dreaming. If you can learn to never give up dreaming, you may never feel depressed. 

And get outside and sit in the sun. You will feel much better. 😁

The Duplex

 The best time in my life was when I lived with my former family in our duplex. We had a giant back yard to play frisbee in. My mom would come over and play badminton with me. I can't believe we gave up that duplex. We never should have bought the expensive new house. Ants kept invading there. It was not built very well. The backyard was totally retarded. It was not a very happy place. 

If we would have never bought that house, we probably would still be a family. 

If you ever think of buying an expensive house, don't do it. It will only stress you out. Just stick with what you have now. Change can easily mess everything up. 

Hard to Trust

 I have always had a hard time trusting people. In college I was in classes with great young people, but I didn't trust any of them. I thought they all would hurt me, so I never let them in. 

The first person I fully let in was my step brother but that relationship ended badly. Then my first serious bf I let in but he died. 

I remember I used to always think I couldn't be married because my dad sexually abused me. I didn't know how I could ever trust a man. He was not who he appeared to be. So many people have surprised me that way. They were not who they appeared to be. 

That is why maybe I can make the world and the people in it better by having 10 kids who actually are good people. Hopefully my kids will be trust worthy and treat others well. Maybe they could be the next Billy Grahams and Joyce Meyers. 

Christmas

 The most nostalgic day of the year. It is like your entire life flashes before your eyes. You think of all the people you used to be around at Christmas, and you miss them. 

No one likes to say goodbye. But very few things last forever. Family members move away. Kids leave home. Siblings decide to stop being kind. Friends leave your life. 

The only thing that is always there is, not alcohol or pills, God. 😀 "God is near to the broken hearted and binds up their wounds." 

If you feel sad this Christmas, cuddle with your pet, watch a happy movie, cook something, write a letter to your crush or mate, or spend time praying for all those that you miss. Maybe you are thinking about them because God wants you to pray for them. 

God I pray for my daughters. May they stay happy and safe. May they remember the Christian foundation I tried to teach them. May my years with them not have been in vain. I pray someday I'll see them again and that it will be a happy reunion. May they always succeed in school and have tons of great friends. May they be careful what boys they like, and God lead them to the perfect guy to marry someday. May they always be thankful for what they have and grow up strong and healthy. 

May all your Christmas dreams come true. God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus. 😃

My Idols

 I wish I could make awesome Christian songs like Zauntee. 

I wish I could write a number 1 best selling Christian book like Rick Warren. 

I wish I could speak in front of giant crowds like Joyce Meyer. 

I wish I could have the biggest church in America like Joel Osteen. 

I wish I could preach with fire like John Ramirez. 

I wish I had a heart like Jentezen Franklin. 

I wish I could be incredibly popular like Justin Bieber. 

All I can do is silly artistic things.

But maybe that will be enough to save a few. 

That could be good enough for me. 

Share Now

 Most parents expect their kids to fend for themselves. It's every man for himself right? But God gave us all parents for a reason. To help us. 

I was just thinking how back when my former family was together, my in laws didn't want to share anything with us. They could have loaned us their extra car to keep us from the burden of car payments. They could have loaned us their extra house when their son became too insane to keep a job. But they didn't think we needed help. Now the burden is totally on them to care for the kids. 

If you have kids and grandkids, help them. That is your assignment from God. Help them before it all goes up in smoke for them. 

Justin Bieber

 I just want to state my opinion on Bieber's crazy life. I have been following him for 15 years now and I have found him to be very interesting. I have been captivated that he is basically the only outspoken Christian in the music industry. I think he should get back with Selena. God told me Hailey isn't actually religious at all. She was just acting Christian to get to Justin, and it worked. That little snake. 😒 Selena is a God fearing accomplished woman. He should have stayed with her. I think the problem was that Selena was never willing to get pregnant. Her career was more important to her. But then she lost Justin. Come on Selena! You should have just let him have kids with you. 😣

Now Justin is with Hailey who also isn't having kids with him. Why? I feel very sad for him. I hope he gets to be a dad someday. When I was single, I totally would have helped him get to be a dad. 😀

 Maybe Hailey is too egotistical. You have to forget about yourself in order to want kids. Maybe she doesn't know if she can do that. Or maybe she wants Justin to go back to Selena. That would be funny. 

Ah exes....but it seems apparent from videos of Justin and Hailey that they hate each other. 😢 Pray for them. Mainly pray for Justin, that he will not forget his faith due to being with Hailey. 

Justin, just get back with Selena and have kids. You seemed a lot happier with her. That is my suggestion. 

Or maybe your marriage to Hailey can be a good one. I recommend you guys start an online Bible study together. You could have so much influence over our world to start a revival. That would be awesome! 

My Brother

 My big brother made me cry yesterday. I feel like crying a lot anyways since I'm pregnant. Maybe the baby kicking me a lot causes that. 😂😃 I have been texting him sermons and poems I write and blogs for awhile. He sounded annoyed with me. 😣 But of course, what can light have in common with darkness? Or he is jealous of how awesome my poems are. 😁 I suppose he has always been jealous over me. That has caused division for us for the past 38 years! My goodness. 😣 He said one time he felt like I got all the good genes and he got all the bad genes like in the movie Twins. But now I did very little with my degree in English and he is getting to be an electrician. I am so proud of him. 😀 I have yet to find a real long lasting career. But maybe it isn't important, because I always mainly wanted to be a mother. Some moms have a carer too, but it is ideal to not do both, if you can. 😊 If you are a mom, try to remain at home with your kids as much as possible. Spend less on shopping so you can focus on them more. So many moms loose their kids due to a love of money, in many ways. 

I wish my brother was nicer but he is trying to get his life back in order. He threw out his back 8 months ago and has been staying home to recover. I think he got used to getting lazy. 😢Please pray he will have the courage to get back out there. It took me 3 years to have the courage to start a family again after loosing my last one. Actually I lost many fake families over the past 3 years. Groups of people that felt like family. 

If you want a family that will for sure last forever, listen to sermons every day with them and try to serve one another always. Hopefully my attempt this time will be long lasting. 

If you have siblings, be nice to them. That is important. 

Get an Upgrade

 You may be in a life style now that you don't like and you wish things were easier. Just have faith that things will get better. God may have an upgrade out there waiting for you.

With my ex, he was not even Christian. Every time I brought up Jesus he would say that Jesus is stupid. 😢 It's amazing I stayed loyal to him for a whole year. His cat was just average. It wasn't very friendly, and it was just a little bit cute. 

Now I have an on fire Christian man and the most beautiful cats in the world! But I had to be willing to let go of that to get this. There were 7 months of being lonely and missing him, but God sent me great work friends in that time. 

I am so glad I moved on from him because he was very verbally abusive. My man now is the most gentle and kindest person who has ever lived. I praise God I found him! We listen to sermons together and he actually enjoys going to church with me. He helps me in any way I need help, and he is so great! 

 If you are in an abusive relationship may God give you the courage to know something better is out there. Just keep believing that a better life is possible and you will find it. 😀

Dogs are Like Satan

 Our neighbor's dogs broke into our fence today and were running all over our backyard. The big dog barked at me a lot when I went outside and I was like, "Oh uh uh you're in my backyard." 😒 I opened the back gate to let them be free. 

It made me wonder if that was a distraction from Satan. I had intended for my bf and I to listen to a deliverance sermon by Derek Prince today. We still got to listen to it. 😁 If you want to hear it look up "Demonized Christians? Is it possible?" Best sermon ever! 

That crazy event also made me think how Satan is just like a dog. He barks and runs around but he can't really do much. Maybe he can hurt you and bite you slightly, but you are stronger then him. "Greater is he who is in you then he who is in the world." Just tell him to get out of your yard and he will run right out.

 You have to be authoritative and commanding with Satan and demons. You can't be shy or thinking you are inferior. You can only have power over them if you believe you can. You have to stay confident. You are a child of God. You were bought at a high price with the painful sacrifice of Jesus. Who does Satan think he is to try harming you? He won't get away with it. 

If God is for you, no one can be against you. You are more then a conqueror. Now act like it. 

May God bless you! 😀

Casting Out Demons

A big part of Jesus' ministry was casting out demons. However Paul is only recorded as casting a demon out once. Maybe he was so focused on writing and teaching that he was less inclined to expel demons as much as Jesus did. Here is the one time we know he cast a demon out.

Acts 16:16-18

"As we were going to the place of prayer, we were met by a slave girl who had a spirit of divination and brought her owners much gain by fortune-telling. She followed Paul and us, crying out, 'These men are servants of the Most High God, who proclaim to you the way of salvation.' And this she kept doing for many days. Paul, having become greatly annoyed, turned and said to the spirit, 'I command you in the name of Jesus Christ to come out of her.' And it came out that very hour."

The evil spirit in the girl was trying to annoy Paul until he left the city. What she said was good, but her objective was to drive them away or drive them crazy. 

I experienced this recently with my ex husband. I think he was mostly just done being married to me so he allowed the demons that were inside him to scare me away. He always had those demons, since he got involved in Charismania I call it, but only toward the end of our relationship did he allow them to affect me. Or maybe God wanted me to finally realize they were there. 

Anyone who has demons wants their demons, either to gain power over other people or because they are lonely. Now I keep asking myself why I did not know how to deliver him since I am an on fire Christian. The reason is because he loved his demons. He wanted them. You cannot deliver someone unless they hate their demons. 

I felt betrayed by him a lot. I would say to him, "The problem is you are gossiping to the demons about me more then you talk to me." When communication dies in a marriage that will become an issue. You can know they are talking to someone, either to other people or to demons. They very well might be gossiping about you. 

Demons cause division. They cause you to hate others. If you are totally ok with hating others, you will love your demons. You will hang on to their every word. You will listen to everything they say and do anything they tell you to do. They have become your god and you don't realize it. 

As long as God the Father is your God, nothing else will be. "Submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you." You have to decide. Do you wish to submit to the demons or to God? Hopefully you will always only submit to God the Father. 

Evil Spirits

 Here is a list of evil spirits. You can set yourself free, but first it can be good to know what you need to deliver yourself from. For each spirit that you may have, all you have to say is, "Spirit of.....come out of me now. You cannot stay in my mind or body any longer. By the power and blood of Jesus, spirit of......be gone."

Death- You have this Spirit if you very often want to die. 

Suicide- If you have ever made a plan to kill yourself. 

Depression- When you feel dull most of your time. Nothing excites you anymore. The zest of life is all gone. 

Loneliness- When you feel painfully alone when you are alone. 

Epilepsy- If you have seizures.

Rejection- If you think everyone is against you. 

Heaviness- You just want to sleep all day and all night. 😣 I have felt this one sometimes. 

Fear- You have an excessive amount of anxiety about your future. It is very difficult to trust God. 

Anger- You have outbursts of rage and it feels uncontrollable. 

Lust- You cannot stop thinking about sex. It is hard to lead a normal life due to thinking about sex way too much. 

Murder- You cannot forgive whoever has hurt you the most. You wish they were dead. 

Crippling- You find it hard to walk. Your back is stiff or hurts really badly. 

Infirmity- You are sick very often. You don't get why you seem to be sick all the time. 

Headaches- You have seriously painful headaches. They keep you from sleeping at night. 

Allergies- You cannot eat certain foods. You have severe congestion. 

Insomnia- You have racing thoughts at night. Your mind will never shut down. 

Sleep Addiction- All you want to do is sleep. 

Adultery- You have a lust for others who you should not lust after. 

Sexual Immorality- You sleep around non stop. It seems out of your control and you can't stop doing it. 

Homosexuality- You have a desire for same sex people. Maybe you were rapped so you hate the opposite sex who God created you to love. 

Gluttony- You are obsessed with food. The best time of your day is when you are eating. 

Alcoholism- You cannot stop after one drink. Your body and mind demand more and more until you pass out. 

Drugs- You crave drugs. Some drugs are not enough. You always want to add on to what you already do. No high is enough of a high. 

Gossip- You hate others deep down and you try to make others hate who you hate. 

Lying- You hate being honest. You gain a supposed power from lying. You feel indestructible and like you will never get caught. 

Porn- You think of porn all day. You have a hard time thinking of anything besides porn. 

Masturbation- You excessively masturbate. Either it lasts longer then a few minutes or you do it too many times each day. 

Slander- You want to divide your friends so you tell others things to tarnish their character. 

You can be free of any or all of these evil spirits. "According to your faith it will be done to you." 

Satan

 In many ways Satan is like a spoiled child. God does not very often restrain him or correct him. He is able to do almost anything he wants to do. Why does God allow all that he does? I have no idea. His explanation for painful things to me is that it is interesting. 

Satan is called the god of this world in Corinthians. When Adam sinned it is as if he passed the keys to the power over the earth to Satan. First Adam ruled the world. After Satan won in making him sin, now Satan rules the world. It is interesting he did it via the woman. That is why the earth is so sad and painful now. Ultimately God controls Satan, but he doesn't keep a tight reign on him, it would seem. 

Satan used Eve to get Adam to fall. That still happens now. If women become sinful, men easily fall into sin. Think of porn. Almost every man is influenced by evil women in porn. The more depraved the woman is in her videos, the more messed up the guy watching it will become. Porn can and will make you go insane. And it can lead you quickly to hell. Be careful guys. 

Women are meant to be the guardians of sanity and purity for the world. We are supposed to make the world a better place for our children. Women in porn usually don't have children. That is why they don't care about the depravity of this world. 😣

 Satan knows if he can get a woman to be a leader into sin, he can influence almost the whole world. It all started with Madonna and  Mariah Carey. They made the whole world worship sex. MTV had a show called "Good Girls Gone Bad." That was also the tagline on a Rihanna CD. It was subliminal influencing. The idea was that good girls would then go bad and Satan would win, at least for a season. And he did. 😢

Satan is mainly after us women. If he can make us turn to sin and evil, he can dictate how the entire world will go. That might be why Hilary Clinton was set up by evil forces to lead America. Just imagine how crazy the whole world might have become. 

Ironically my dad used to always say I would be the first female president. Now that would be amazing. I bet I could start a life changing world wide revival that way. But the Elite would never let me step up, for fear of that. Or maybe they would. God can change the Elite and change the world if he wants to. For now he seems to enjoy watching it stay evil. I don't get why, but oh well. 

You probably didn't realize it, but most presidents have been into witchcraft and on the evil side. The Elite, the richest men in the world, keep it that way. We deceive ourselves in thinking we are a Christian nation. We are actually very evil at our core. 😣😢

May God bless America. And may God raise up godly women to lead our nation and our world into holiness instead of evil. Step it up ladies. Be the godly women God created you to be. Then maybe, just maybe, we can make this world a better place in the future. 

Witchcraft

 600,000 people go missing in the US every year. We all get the abduction notices, Amber alerts, on our phones. Why are those people being taken? Ritual sacrifices. 

A great movie on this subject is The Devil's Knot. It is based on true events. A few boys in a town go missing. At the end it turns out that one of the boy's father literally sacrificed them in a satanic ritual. Every month on the satanic calendar they have human sacrifices. Usually it is a young girl or a young woman. This actually happens. Us Christians prefer to not look at this because we don't get why God allows that. I do not have an answer for why he does. 

3 years ago my ex husband was being plagued by demons. The demons were telling him to "go to the mountains." I knew exactly what that was for. They were summoning him to a nearby mountain range so he could either participate in satanic rituals or be the sacrifice. I was very worried. Most satanic ceremonies occur in the mountains or in a heavily wooded area. This is why hikers often end up missing. If you go hiking, don't go by yourself and pray first. 

When I was a kid I did Bloody Mary with my friends and minor silly games. I didn't realize then how detrimental witchcraft can get. It will make you go crazy. Be very careful of anything remotely demonic. It is playing with fire. 

May God watch over you all and protect you from witchcraft. God bless. :) 

Knowing

 People who think they are saved are almost impossible to save because they think they are already saved. And that is most of America. 😣

How can you know for sure you are saved? Here is an easy test, would other people say you are saved? You might think, "Um people's opinions don't matter." But Jesus said, "You will know them by their fruit." Do other people see genuine fruit in your life? 

What is genuine fruit? You probably already know what it is and you just don't do it. 

Loving others, having joy, staying at peace, having patience....generosity. Forgiving those who hurt you. Not gossiping or slandering against other people. Not lying. Loving your parents. Desiring church or listening to sermons. Prayer every day. Praying for others. These are the signs that follow those who believe. 

It is not just supernatural things. It is your fruit. It is the holiness of your life. It all depends on how good you are. "Show me your faith without deeds and I will show you my faith by what I do." 

If you believe in Jesus and you are good, genuinely good, and others would say you are too, then you can always know you are saved. 

Deliverance

 If you want to be delivered first off, make sure you are saved. Tell Jesus that he can be the Lord of your life. My belief has always been that salvation automatically cleanses you of your demons. You might be hesitant to let them go. You have to realize demons and witchcraft are evil and you should be scared of all that. You can't let demons inside you and keep the Holy Spirit. God cannot dwell where evil is. You have to decide if you want God to be in you or demons. You can't have both.

You also need to believe it is possible for you to be free. You Deserve to be free. You might think you deserve to stay in bondage but no, God wants to set you free. Only believe you can be and you will be. You can have the life and the peace that you greatly desire. Just have faith. 

"He who the son sets free is free indeed." Once you get free, stay free. Know that freedom is better then any addiction you had. It is better then any party, any drama, any sin you used to act out. "Live by the spirit and you will not gratify the lusts of the flesh." Walk every day in God's Holy Spirit and the world will loose its appeal. Demons will no longer be able to enter you because you are filled with God. :)

My 2 Daughters

 Melanie, if you are reading this, please give each of my girls a cell phone for Christmas and give them my phone number. They should be allowed to talk to their mother if they want to. 

I miss my daughters every day. I keep wishing they were still in my life. I hope they are doing well. I pray for them almost constantly. I wish I was there to help them through life. I used to always pray that they wouldn't miss me too much. Hopefully someday I'll be able to live with them again. 

Please pray for Joy and Serenity. Thank you all. 😁

The Past

 It seems I may have a never ending issue of trying to figure out my past. Why did my ex husband go crazy? It is like a jigsaw puzzle I will always be trying to figure out. I was just thinking he was like a firework. He made a lot of money for 7 years but then he died out. You can't be a firework forever. It is too exhausting. Maybe that was why all we had worked hard to build went up in flames. 

"The love of money is the root of all evil." We both loved money too much for the 7 years we were married. That leads to evil and evil leads to death. 😣

God also shared with me my spending on Amazon was the number 2 reason why Ben went insane. I was consumed with a lust for more stupid stuff. 

Number 1. He had to work so hard. 

2. Amazon. 

3. The Charismatics. It seemed they all wanted our marriage to fail. Maybe out of jealousy. Maybe because they are spiteful and mean people who only think they are Christian. I don't know what is wrong with those people, but something is seriously wrong with them. 

So we went up in flames. I suppose I could add Ben's wanting to be insane. I don't get why but I think he literally wanted to be crazy. That probably is why he was drawn to the Charismatics. He found normal people and normal life to be too boring. He could not mentally handle the boredom. So he decided to go insane. It is more entertaining to be crazy I would assume. 

I prefer to be entertained by movies. But a lot of people like to turn their life into a movie. That is always a recipe for disaster. Learn from the movies that you should not want all that drama and heartache. Don't create it in your own life. Watch out for trying to make your life as crazy as the movies. 

Bitter or Better

 I have seen a few very bitter people in my life. I hope I never let myself get bitter. If you focus on what you lost, you will stay bitter. Focus on your future and you will be happy. Keep your hope high. 

God says, "I know the plans I have for you. Plans to prosper you, not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future." 

What will you do next? You cannot change the past. You cannot get back what you lost. What can you gain in the future? You can make new children, have foster kids, raise kittens. You can get a good job and make back all the money you lost. You can forget about all those retarded exes who didn't seem to want you. Forget about them. What new life can you create for yourself? Your life is not over yet. Greater things are still to come. God can make even greater things happen for you then what happened in the past. 

Yes your past may have been great, but what even better things might lay ahead for you? Picture it. What do you want the most? What have you always wanted the most? You can make it happen. Only believe. 

90 Minutes in Heaven

 The saddest movie you will ever see is 90 Minutes in Heaven. After seeing it I am thinking my pregnancy is nothing to complain about. Sure I had annoying diarrhea and now super annoying heartburn, but at least I don't have metal poking into my arm and leg to try to fix them. Don was in a horrid car accident and lost bone in his arm and leg. They used what looks like a torture device from a horror movie to fix the bones. 

If you listen to Don Piper talk today, he seems like the most humble and down to earth guy. I think that's why God allows us to endure extreme pain, it makes us more humble. Pain will either make you better or bitter. You can decide what effect it will have. Let the sad things of life make you a better person. 

The kindest people I have ever known went through extremely painful things. I think it made them more kind because they would never want others to feel the pain they felt. They try to ease the pain of others rather then inflict more pain.

The movie is not really about 90 minutes in heaven but 90 minutes in hospital hell. It probably hit me harder because I have felt extreme physical pain many times.  At age 10 my appendix was infected and ruptured. I got it surgically removed and spent 2 weeks in a hospital recuperating. I threw up a lot. I could barely walk. Then recently I had my gall bladder out and felt pneumonia trying to kill me after the surgery. Again I found it very hard to walk for a few weeks. 

But I overcame. I let those 2 times of pain make me a kinder person. I now feel more empathy for anyone going through any pain. I think I feel pain too much now, but it's good that I care more. 

What pain have you felt? Did it make you bitter or better? Don't stay bitter. Let it help you be a better person.

God bless 😊

My Twin Bf

 I feel like my bf and I have lived almost the same life. He had an ex who miscarried. I lost my 2 daughters in the great madness. His dad died when he was 19. It seemed like my dad died when I was 14 when my mom and I moved away from him. 

His mom had a bf who was evil and beat her a lot. My mom hooked up with my step dad and I always wondered if he was evil. 

He was an only child. I was kind of an only child from 13 onward. He was always close with his grandma. I was incredibly close with both my grandmas. 

He has worked in customer service most of his life. Almost all my jobs were in customer service. 

We both went to private school. That helped us both turn out to be sweeter and more dutiful people. 

Sadly, we both used to like smoking and drinking. I quit both and he is a work in progress. Pray he will quit smoking. :)

We both never cuss, which is very nice. 

We both have always wanted to have lots of kids. Maybe someday we will. 

Daily Schedule

 I am not working, other then growing a baby, but I still follow a daily schedule.

 Every day I wake up around 9am. I have a bagel and coffee. Then I go outside and water the plants, hug my cats and sit in the sun for awhile. Then it is bath time. After I get clean and smelling awesome I cuddle with my lover until he wakes up around noon. I make coffee for him and sometimes eggs. Then we listen to a sermon or watch a movie. He goes off to work around 3 and I take a nap. I usually wake up very hungry and warm up my rice casserole dinner. Then I make bracelets or watch a movie. Sometimes I call friends or family. I go to bed around 8 or 9. If I stay up too late I feel nauseous, so an early bed time is good. I have been doing that every day for 7 months now. I am sure when the baby comes out my schedule will be much different. For now I am happy with it. 

I hope you all enjoy your daily schedule. May God bless you. 😁

Why God?

 Why does God let us suffer? Why can't we have a pain free life? God says to me often, because it's interesting. It keeps our life interesting to ourselves and to God. That is the best way to make sense of it all. Maybe it was not evil per se. It was just interesting. 

If you never had bad days, you wouldn't appreciate the good days as much. It is the struggle that makes us more proud of ourselves. It helps us relate to each other better. When others experience extreme pain, we understand because we have been there. 

"God comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God."

Your life was meant to be lived for others, in relation to others. God lets you suffer because he lets everyone suffer. It bonds us all together. It humbles us. It lifts us up when we found we could overcome the extreme pain. We pat ourselves on the back when we conquer the difficulty, and we soldier on and get stronger, just like everyone around us. 

Stay strong. You can handle it. :)

The Shack

 It is a very haunting and eerie story. I read it in 2008 and now watched the movie. God always calls us back to our place of greatest pain to help us grow up stronger. 

I am now living in West Texas again. I raised my two daughters here. They are now gone from my life. I gave them up so my ex could be happy. I did that because I genuinely loved him. Perhaps I felt I needed to make up for being a not totally perfect wife. At least I gave him the parting gift of two super sweet girls. 

Now in repeat I will raise kids here again. How ironic. But God can and will always replace what you lost. No situation or loss is without hope. In the story of Job, he lost his kids, finances and house. God gave it all back to him ten times the worth. May God do the same for me. Maybe my 2 kids can be replaced with 7 kids. My house has been replaced. I have a much more fun backyard now. My husband was replaced with the most wonderful and kindest guy I've ever met. I know God will replace the money since he replaced everything else. All things work for the good for those who love God. 

You never know what might be just around the corner. You can have all that you used to have before your great loss. Just believe. 

"A dream is a wish your heart makes when you're fast asleep. In dreams you will loose your heart ache. Whatever you wish for you keep. Have faith in your dreams and someday your rainbow will come smiling through. No matter how your heart is grieving, if you keep on believing, the dream that you wish will come true." 

😁😊👏😊

Hope

 "If at first you don't succeed, dust yourself off and try again." 

We watched the movie The Shack today. I read the book literally 20 years ago. I feel so old. 😂 I remember it was probably the most creative book I had ever read.  The movie is free on YouTube if you want to see it. 

It made me think of hope. You may have had a terrible childhood, or a catastrophic first marriage and divorce, but God can bring beauty out of the ashes. Keep your hope alive that your path will get better. But you have to make it better. Learn from your horrid past. What can you do differently next time? 

In my case I need to not trust people who are not trustworthy. I need to protect myself and those I love more, even if that means I get less help. Better to do things alone then to let evil in. I need to forget about a love of stuff. My greed and pride destroyed my first marriage. That was a major factor. But I saw my mom and mother in law being greedy. Their greed didn't destroy their marriages. I thought I could be greedy and all would be forgiven.

 You have to decide if you want to love people or things? If you love things too much, God can and will take the people away. Then you are left being Mr. Scrooge, alone with your money endlessly counting it because that is all you have left to care about. Love people and the money will come. In the end, people should matter 20 times more then any amount of money. 

Watch out for greed. Be cautious of evil people. Protect what you have. You never know how easy it can be to loose it.