For my Son

 You are the image of perfection

Your eyes are like gorgeous pools of water

Your tiny body is so adorable 

Your noises are so cute and funny

You are already my best friend

I hope you are always happy with how I take care of you 

I know you will grow up strong and smart 

We had a rough beginning 

Sorry you had to leave my body prematurely

But it will be clear skies from here on out my little friend

I promise to cherish you forever 

And give you everything you need

I am happy to be your servant now and always 

My handsome little sidekick

To My Lover on Our Anniversary

 One year ago today I met you 

My young strong stallion 

Your eyes looked so beautiful to me 

Your strong muscles impressed me 

Your kind nature made me feel comfortable with you right away 

You seemed like a guy I would want to spend time with forever 

I know we will last a long time

Thank you for all you have helped me with 

I owe you so much 

I gave you a son 

But someday I hope to pay you back for all you have given to me

Thank you for being such a diligent worker 

Thank you for helping me raise our son 

Thank you for being so kind to me 

Thank you for caring about worshipping God as much as I do

I love you! 

My Strange Life

 I have had the oddest life. Not many people have a child molester for a dad. Not many women deal with their husband going crazy. Not many women lose their kids for 4 years. 

My life has been so heart breaking, so insane. Now I have a chance to numb the pain with blood pressure meds. How nice. It is no wonder I have high blood pressure. Who else goes through all that? Yes cry me a river. But why did my life need to be that hard? God says, "Because you are a warrior and I knew you could handle it." Nope. I don't want to be a warrior anymore. 😪 I hope God will handle me like glass in the future. 🙂

Now I might have to get a baby tooth pulled and get an implant. I don't like the idea of that. I want to save my baby tooth. Either I have to say goodbye to sugar or goodbye to my baby tooth. 😭 Pray for me to effectively give up all sugar and all junk food. I can do this! Long live my baby tooth! 

Someday the storms will be over and I can finally rest. Hopefully soon. 

Repeat

 History repeats itself because we want it to repeat. 10 years ago I had my first baby, Serenity. She was the image of perfection. Her face was like a doll's face. She was the most beautiful baby I had ever seen. 

I was a bit scared of her honestly. She screamed like no baby I had heard before. She was a very strong willed child. Now 10 years later I have another perfect baby. He is also strong willed. I can tell. But the older me is not scared of him. :)

 He will be a little warrior child. Any Aries sign is always a warrior. My grandma was an Aries. He might be a future president. I would be happy with him being a worship leader too though. He is so much like my first perfect baby, so strong.

This is all like a take 2, a do over. I know I'll do a better job this time. I'll read to this baby more and he will be potty trained sooner. This child will grow up happy and strong forever. Go baby James! 

Preclampsia

 I have decided I never want to be pregnant again. I am too worried about getting preeclampsia again. 

Tell everyone you know to sleep on their left side while pregnant to prevent preeclampsia. I read that while pregnant, but didn't fully believe the side you lay on was that important. I had a cavity in a tooth on my left side so that made me not want to sleep on my left side. 

Also to not get preeclampsia, Never drink soda, even sprite. I was drinking sprite at the end of my pregnancy and wondered if that set off the preeclampsia. Sugar is evil....

My pregnancy was going totally fine till the last few weeks. I got serious arm pain from picking up some cat litter. They make those bags way too heavy. I think it set off my arthritis. I seemed to have gotten that from doing pizza delivery. Some of those orders are heavy. And I would put the truck order away once or twice a week. 

I had bad heartburn for the second half of my pregnancy. I fixed that with putting a heat pack on my chest or chewing gum. 

I tried to eat healthy, but no one is perfect. I was sleeping plenty but getting up to pee a lot. That made it poor quality sleep. That probably raised my blood pressure. Also the arm pain did I'm sure. 

Now I feel my blood pressure is back to normal. My arm pain went away right after my delivery. So did the heartburn. Being pregnant isn't easy for anyone. I am glad I survived and I'm glad it's over. 

I am Thankful

 I am thankful that soon we will have a full lawn out front. I put out grass seed, and I am hopeful that it will turn out gorgeous. I am thankful for my sweet husband and my cute little baby. I am thankful for all the baby things we have. We are so blessed. I am thankful for my times of rocking my little baby and talking to him. Sometimes he seems to be listening to me very intently. I can tell he is super smart already. I am thankful that someday we will get to live in Northern CA. That is a dream I have always had. I am thankful for my car even though it's old. I still love it very much. :) I am thankful for our food and that I am trying to eat more healthy. I am super thankful for all the times my lover gets me take out. I am thankful for good AC and my very clean house and my in laws who help us when we need it. I am thankful someday my baby boy will get to attend private Christian school. I am thankful to still be alive so that I can bless this world in some way. I can only hope my life will benefit others in great ways. I am thankful that I met my man and for how happy he has made me. I love you Zach! I am thankful Jesus died for me and that I will go to heaven when I die. Thank you Jesus. 😁

Vaccine Debate

 Are child vaccines good or bad? Do they work? One thing to note is that tons of people who got the Covid vaccine still got Covid. People might say, but child vaccines are made better. How do you know? They are made by the same company. 

I have heard there are aborted baby cells in vaccines. If that is true, why? What is the point of putting that in them? I have heard there is aluminum and other toxic chemicals in vaccines. Why? 

The most logical reason I have thought against vaccines is if "they" want to abort almost every baby before it is born, what makes you think they want to keep your baby alive after it is born?  Can you trust doctors? It is hard to say. Yes they can save lives, but they can and also have done serious harm to millions of people. 

My suggestion is don't ever take a vaccine or give your child one. You never know what could be put in them. 

Mom Time

 My vision is mostly better now so I can finally write again. I had pre-clampsia. Praise God I am getting better though. God keeps telling me to drink tons of orange juice. That is the main healing cure for my condition. My C section scar seems to be totally healed, praise God. 

I love being a mommy again. I had missed it very much. I had to give my daughters up 4 years ago. My ex wasn't able to work anymore due to going crazy. Most women in that situation would have moved in with their mom. I didn't have that option for many reasons. So I gave my girls up to my ex in laws. I trust they are being well cared for. They were well off so I knew they could provide for them better then I could. 

Did I cause my ex to go crazy? I have no idea. I seem to be good at making guys go crazy. :(

But now I have a second chance to get this family thing right. I believe it will all be successful this time. Why? Because I am more mature now. I had some crazy fights with my ex at the beginning and at the end. They were all around him talking to other women or porn. My current man and I have never had a big fight. It is partly because he is younger than me. He is so sweet. I think all women should find a man who is younger than them. It seems to work out better. Then the man won't lord it over the woman and say dumb things like "I'm the man of the house." :) There is more chance that the man will actually respect his woman. So many men have so little respect for women these days. It is very sad. My man respects me and I respect him and that is all that is needed for a long and awesome relationship. 

Make sure you respect your mate. You won't last long together if you don't truly respect each other. 

I respect my man because he can handle working 12 hour shifts in a restaurant. That is the hardest job anyone could do. I respect him because he is the most honest and good person I have ever known. He is so kind. He has never been mean to me. He is willing to listen to sermons anytime I want to. He respects God's authority over him and that makes me respect him. He respects his mom and grandma. That is also why I respect him. He is so great! I love my Zachy poo. 

 

Baby James

 I just spent $50 on pictures. I almost spent $100 to get poster sized pictures but decided on the smaller ones. 

I am happy to announce I have a son now. I think I am still in shock. My big brother has had a son for the last 22 years. I never thought I would have a son. It is great. He is so sweet! He has thrown up on me and peed on me a number of times, but I still love him very much. 

I had a C Section. I probably will write a short book soon on the horrors of that. It probably will be a page turner. ☺

Please pray baby James will have perfect health always. I hope to have a full and happy life with him and his daddy here in our house for a very long time. May God bless you all. 😁