A Star is Born

This is a great movie. I was just thinking I have seen Meg Ryan and Sandra Bullock play alcoholics in movies. I've seen Julia Roberts drunk in a few movies. I had never seen a guy play an alcoholic before. Maybe because it can be a hard role to play. Two thumbs up to Bradley Cooper for playing a guy alcoholic in this movie! It got real in that and we all saw how ugly it can get when men love alcohol too much. 😳

 For 5 years I have wondered if this movie would be good. I try to see every movie Bradley Cooper makes. 😁 It was a lot more complex than I expected. Bradley struggled in real life with alcoholism. That is probably why he acted the part very well. I wonder if Lady Gaga had family or mates who drank a lot. She played the part of the co-dependant very well. She had so much love and patience for him. It was adorable but also sad. Cooper's dad in the movie was an alcoholic. That is where he learned the behavior. 

The apple never falls far from the tree. What our parents did to handle life is what we often will do. My mom slept a lot so I always have. My sleeping messed up as many relationships for me as drinking would for someone else. Every guy I was with got mad at me for my love of napping. Luckily now I found a fellow sleep addict. 😁😂

I don't understand why some people love excessive alcohol. But others may not understand things I do. Monkey see, monkey do. We inevitably follow in our parents' footsteps. Alcoholism is not in our genes. It is a learned behavior from how we grow up. Sometimes we blaze a new trail. But so often we walk the same trail that our parents walked. 

May God help all us who are addicted to sleep or drinking or pills etc. to have better self-control. In Jesus' name, Amen. 

The Lost City

 It is a movie not so much about a lost city but a lost love. Sandra's character's husband died 5 years prior. What do you do after the death of a love? As Cher wrote, "Do you believe in love after love?"

You have to let love in again at some point, as the Goo Goo Dolls wrote. 😁

Time heals all wounds. Time helps you forget and move on. Time gives you permission to let go and love again. 

If you are still living in the past, hit the reboot button and let your life update run its course. Get the upgrade that you deserve. Let go and let God. Give it up so you can live it up. 😂

Change is good. All things come to an end eventually.  Embrace the new beginning that you have and choose to be in it. It is different than the past, but maybe it is better. Live in the now, not then. Live in these moments, forget the past moments. Or if you want to remember them, try to only remember the good things. Learn from those mistakes you made, and do a much better job with your second chance. 

May God bless you all. 😁

Not Working

 I decided to not work. It seemed overall that my man didn't want me to, which is nice that he prefers that I relax at home. He also wants me to watch our baby as much as I can. Maybe he worried I would just forget about him and our baby and work all the time. I think a lot of women do that. I am glad I won't be doing that. :)

I woke up this morning super tired. It's hard when my baby wants to stay up late and then wake up early. He was up till 9pm and woke up at 7am. I guess that doesn't seem too crazy, but it's hard when he wakes up a lot in the middle of the night for a bottle. Then my stomach was hurting. I told Zach maybe that was a sign I'm not supposed to work for now. He said, "Yes it's a sign." So cute. :)

Anyways, I am glad overall I will not be working. I am glad I am doing what my man wants. I felt God tell me today, "If you care about submitting to your man, you won't even go to the interview." So I didn't. 

We are doing ok on money. I wouldn't have had to work. I just wanted us to thrive instead of survive, but oh well. As long as we have what we need, that should be all that matters. 

"Take the world, take it all but give me Jesus." -Red Rocks Worship

We are Magic

 After we first met, my heart grew bigger whenever I looked at you

I would gaze upon your perfect face while you slept 

And I felt all warm inside 

I would eagerly wait for you to come home every night so we could talk 

We would smile at each other and drink and laugh 

We would sip coffee every morning together 

I loved watching sermons with you 

I still do, my lover

I still think your eyes are the coolest I've ever seen 

Your face is the most handsome face I have ever seen 

Your muscles make me happy

Cuddling with you is like heaven on earth 

I hope you will be mine until the day I die 

I love you so much my super hot prince! 

Skinny or Sick?

 "Scarlett Johansson has criticized the media for promoting an image that causes unhealthy diets and eating disorders among women." Good job to her. 😁👏

3 people who got strangely skinny to the point of looking super sick were Justin Bieber, Michael Jackson and Celine Dion. Also Sandra Bullock looked overly thin in her last movie. I was somewhat proud of her for getting that thin but also it can be sad. Why does our culture think women have to be a size 2 to look cool or sexy? Why is it sexy to look like you hate food? 😂

I suppose it looks sexy because the thought is you burn all the calories you eat by getting it on or cleaning your home. Men love a woman who likes sex and a clean home. That is why skinny bodies are appealing. 

But then so many of us women feel like we can't eat so we can look hot like Hollywood actresses. 

I wonder if I work again if I will gain or lose weight. I would hope to lose weight, but if I get free food I'll probably gain weight. 😂😁 

Ladies don't worry if you aren't a size 2. The good men don't care. At least they shouldn't care. It can be a spirit of death that leads women to starve themselves. Don't do that. Stay alive and healthy and looking well. Don't try to lose tons of weight too fast. It will only hurt you in the long run. 

My Horrible Bosses

 I might go back to work soon. I am quite sure my body is finally all better after my C Section. I was just thinking, if I have a white boss it will be the first time in 8 years that I've had a white boss. The last time was at an Asian restaurant, ironically. She let me down a lot though in how I saw her. She was sleeping with a married guy that worked there. When I heard about that I quit. I couldn't be her friend anymore after knowing that. He even had kids with his wife. What a terrible woman that boss was. 

Then I worked in a Mexican restaurant and had a Mexican boss, obviously. She was very nice. I liked her a lot. She was a very hard worker. 

Then I worked at Papa John's and had a Mexican boss again. She was a bit crazy. She ran the place like it was the army, always yelling at people and correcting every tiny mistake. It wasn't that fun of a job because of her. Eventually I helped her calm down by buying her smoothies every day. :) We were kind of good friends at the end of my time working there. 

Ok then I had a white boss for a while. He was very challenging to work with. He had lots of temper tantrums about the smallest things. I didn't get why he was so irritable. I think he needed to eat more. His teeth were terrible so I'm sure they hurt. Hence why he didn't eat very much. 

I hope my next manager will be fun. I pray that she eats enough so she stays happy. Thank you God for giving me an awesome next boss. :)

My Primi Baby

 All my life I was worried I would have a primi baby someday. And it happened. My most recent baby was a pimi baby. He was born about a month early. 

A couple family members came over when I was pregnant. They took my blood pressure and saw it was high. They rushed me to the hospital. As soon as I got in my room, I told the nurses what I wanted. I was ready for an epidural and Pictocin to have my labor induced. I had been feeling I needed to get the baby out of me. I had terrible heartburn and arm pain. Both did get totally better after he came out. 

I don't recommend every mom who has a painful pregnancy do that, but it was good overall for me. I have some regrets now. I think nursing would have worked out better if he was born at the proper timing. 

The Pictocin didn't work so they did a C Section. He was skinny when he came out, but I got his weight up quickly. 

If you ever have a baby, hopefully you can wait the full 9 months before having he or she come out. It isn't easy to be pregnant but at least you know it will be over at some point. It doesn't last forever. :)

Work

 I was thinking of going back to work, just part time. My baby is 5 months old now. He is teething so I would not mind a slight break from him. I remember one restaurant job I had, I was in training. I told my trainer guy I had two kids, and he was like, "Oh so this is a vacation for you." :) Indeed. 

I have a dream of buying a new car. I could make that happen if I start working again. I also have a dream of visiting the Grand Cayman Islands again. I could do that if I work again too. 

I might do waitressing again. I have had so many dreams over the years that I was working in a restaurant again. I think it's because I miss it, but also it was pretty stressful at times. If I had large parties, that was hard. If I had too many tables at once, it was stressful but also fun. The worst is when you only have one table and you check on them too much. They give you that look that says, "Please leave me/us alone," and you're like awe man....that was awkward. 

So who knows if I will try doing that again or not. It could be fun. :)

Rejection

 "I'm all out of love. I'm so lost without you." "You've lost that loving feeling oh...." "Do you really want to hurt me? Do you really want to make me cry?" 

My mom rejected my crazy Sagittarius dad. I rejected my crazy Sagittarius ex-husband. I am a Sagittarius too, 😢 the less crazy kind. I worry sometimes that my bf will reject me too. 

He works in a restaurant so I'm sure there are a lot of pretty women that he works with. I asked him about them a few times. He said they all have boyfriends, so that is great. 😁 That helps me sleep better at night. 

But then I think back and wonder why he says no for intimacy half the time. Why didn't he spoon me when I asked? Is there a side woman? There doesn't have to be a side woman. He could just be very non-romantic. 

I wonder, why doesn't he show me that he loves me more? 

He gets me lunch every day though.  Every day when he wakes up, he asks me where I want lunch from. That is very sweet of him. He gives me cash each week to buy almost anything I want. Yet I still feel like he doesn't love me very much. 😣

Sometimes I feel he does when he hugs me closer and squeezes me. I feel it when he wants to kiss me more than one time. I feel it when he looks at me with those loving eyes. 

Most of the time though, I feel very little love coming from him. But maybe he feels very little love coming from me. Love is a reflection, it would seem. My attention is always on our baby now. I pour out on my love on our child. Maybe then I have less love left for my mate. 

I suppose no one can express love in everything they do. Well I try to. Every time I clean our house I am telling him I love you. Every day I change his pillow case to say I love you. Every time I water our front yard I am telling him I love you. Sometimes I wash his truck. 

It is important to show your lover how much you love them. If you don't often express it, that will make them very sad and lonely. Say I love you aloud and by doing things for them. That is how couples have always kept that spark going. 😃

And don't ever make your mate feel rejected. Eventually they will stop desiring you as much if you constantly reject them. 😢

Desire Less

 The message often in movies is what you have isn't good enough. Go try to find a better mate. In the movie The Stepford Wives there is a TV show titled "I Can Do Better." 

Or maybe what you have is as good as it gets. Maybe you already have all that you need and want. Just learn to be happy where you are. It might seem like the grass could be greener on the other side, but what if it's not. 

Learn to love what you already have. You loved it once. You can still love it now, if you desire to. 

People do not fall out of love. They fall out of forgiveness. Understanding. Loving the other person despite the things you don't like about them. Loving without harsh criticism. You may have to come to realize they aren't perfect, but neither are you. Maybe things they do bother you. You most likely bother them too, in many ways. They overlook those things in you. Why can't you overlook those things in them? That is what they deserve. 

Learn to love judgement free again. Let go of the bitterness and skepticism and jaded mentality. Things can always be great if you decide to keep them great. 

Meg Ryan

 Someone once told me I have a smile like Meg Ryan. I liked that compliment a lot. 😊

I think the sweetest American actress has always been Meg Ryan. I think all us women wish we were more like her. There is a good interview of her with Oprah on YouTube. She divorced Dennis Quaid and was with Russel Crowe for a while. She said she didn't leave Dennis for Russel. She just wanted to leave her marriage. She said it wasn't a good marriage. They had a son together. I can only imagine what Dennis was like as a dad. If you have seen the movie "Yours, Mine and Ours" it makes you wonder if he was like that. A general commanding his family around. Oh dear....

I was just thinking how she was in 3 movies with Tom Hanks. I think both of them are Christian. You can see it in their eyes. 😁 It is really too bad they didn't ever get married. They were in Sleepless in Seattle first, which I am going to watch again today. I loved them so much in You've Got Mail. I have seen that movie many times. I love that it's about bookstores since I was an English major. They are the cutest couple in any movie in that one. 😍 And they were in Joe Vs. The Volcano together. Most people don't know about that movie. It is a bit odd. Joe hates his job and quits. A rich guy gives him money to go to an island. He is almost a sacrifice for the natives there to their god but he makes it out alive. It is about living a life you love and not just doing the same old routine that you hate every day. It was a great movie. 

I read Meg Ryan's wikipedia the other day and I found it interesting that after her divorce, all of her movies didn't do very well in the box office. Why was that? Either the movie scripts she picked were not that good, or the public was mad at her for divorcing Dennis and boycotted her movies. How sad. One movie only made 150K. That is almost nothing for a movie. It was called Serious Moonlight. I saw that and I liked it. I think it's worth watching. It is free on YouTube. It's about a woman who discovers her man is going to leave her for a younger woman. She refuses to let him go and tapes him to a chair until he changes his mind. He agrees to give her a baby. A year later he realizes the whole thing was a set up to make him fall in love with her again. He felt dooped. He probably wished he had run off with the younger woman. 

Everyone wants a younger person. I suppose because it makes you feel younger to be with someone younger. My current man is younger than me. I am happy I finally got a young guy. :) My ex was 4 years older but when we separated, he looked about 20 years older than me. 👴 His hair was all grey and he had a lot of wrinkles already. I suppose that was from smoking for 25 years. It definitely ages someone a lot faster. Also he stressed out over everything. That also aged him a ton faster. 

Meg Ryan it seems did the same thing. She was married to Dennis who was 8 years older than her. I can imagine he was bossy with her. The older person is almost always bossy with the younger person. I try to not be bossy with my man, but I'm sure I come off as bossy very often. 😣

When she left Dennis, she went for Russel Crowe who was 2 years younger than her. I bet he was a lot more fun than her old, mean, grumpy husband. I used to call my ex grumpy bear often, because he was usually very grumpy. Now I am the grumpy older person, sometimes. I suppose it is just how things go. The older you get, the more grumpy you become. Oh well. 😒

I have a few Meg Ryan movies I haven't seen yet. I hope they are worth seeing. And I hope she gets to do a few more really great movies before her career is officially over. Go Meg Ryan! You are great!

PMS

 I have really bad PMS. I think what happens is I get a surge of testosterone. I feel on my PMS days how men feel every day, it would seem. I understand why they drink. They need that to stay calm. 

For me it helps to get more exercise to get all that energy out. I used to play basketball a lot. Now I go for walks. 

If you know women who get bad PMS, suggest that they take a walk when they feel irritable. And limit caffeine intake on those days. That will help. 🤔

Us women tend to act in a rash way when PMS'ing. I yelled at my ex about going to the ER 5 years ago. He had pain that he imagined was cancer. I felt he was just being paranoid. That day of me flipping out over that ended our marriage. It was falling apart already, because he kept thinking I was cheating even though I never did, but that really killed any love that was left. It was this testosterone overdose from PMS that caused that. 

This is most likely why tons of divorces happen. The woman might act possessed due to PMS. But it's not demons, it's hormones. 

Maybe someday soon I'll get a hysterectomy so I won't have hormone fluctuations anymore. 😁

Young Love

 The first two things that taught me about love were the movie The Little Mermaid and the song The Power of Love. 😁

I wanted to find a guy to love like Ariel loved Prince Eric. I wanted to cuddle someone like Celine Dion sang about.

 Then I grew up and realized most adult love is a bit different than those two images in my head. Most adult couples are more like friends who sometimes are attracted to each other. The spark doesn't stay alive for very long. 

You have to be a responsible adult. That means you realize you can't get whatever you want. Cuddling rarely works due to snoring. Your prince does not stay totally perfect forever. 

What did you anticipate love would be like as a child? How different is love for you now? 

I hope you figure out ways to keep that flame burning. Don't let the fire go out, because it is sad when it does. 

Alcoholism

 I just watched one of the best movies ever made again. It is titled When a Man Loves a Woman. In the movie the wife and mom drinks all day, every day. Her dad, it seemed did the same thing. 

I think alcoholism is not as much genetic as it is seeing bad behaviors and doing them yourself. Every man will end up like his father, no matter how hard he tries not to be. Every woman will end up like her mom. You can't really end up being too much different from those who raised you. 

But we can possibly start a new path for our new family if we try really hard. We can be better than our parents. We can be more healthy. Jay Shetty is helping lots of people get healthy in every aspect of their health.

My mom had a horrible temper. She learned that from her dad. I have tried to learn as many coping skills as I can so I will stay happy and not be overly angry like her. Music helps. Eating healthy is beneficial to avoid blood sugar crashes. Watching good movies keeps us all happy. Writing. Getting fresh air. Having cute pets. If you have any kind of addiction, try those things. 

You are not destined to live a certain way. Try to be like the good aspects of your parents and forget the bad things. The trick is sorting out what was good and what was bad that they did. Good luck figuring that out. 😊

It is the End

 I feel God is telling me he might blow up the whole world in a year. But that is top secret info, so don't tell anyone. :)

I used to feel God was telling me I could live in my previous house until the rapture, but he keeps changing the date. 

I have been talking to God about how to go about it. He says he really doesn't want to follow Revelation in how the world ends. That is a relief to me because I didn't want to get beheaded. In Revelation it says basically that all Christians will be beheaded. 

I told God how I think it should go is he just explodes the world in one day with a meteor perhaps. Maybe the rapture could happen a day before that. 

There are some crazy videos coming up on my YouTube shorts. Either someone edited and photoshopped them or they are real. One was a flying dragon ghost about to eat the moon. A few others were a star exploding in the sky. That was the craziest one. 

What did Jesus say though? 

Luke 21:25-28“There will be signs in the sun, moon and stars. On the earth, nations will be in anguish and perplexity at the roaring and tossing of the sea. People will faint from terror, apprehensive of what is coming on the world, for the heavenly bodies will be shaken. At that time they will see the Son of Man coming in a cloud with power and great glory. When these things begin to take place, stand up and lift up your heads, because your redemption is drawing near.”

Justin Bieber

 I hope Bieber gets to just relax for the rest of his life. I can imagine he is thinking he has made enough money by now. I am sure that he has. Why do more shows? Why not just keep producing music but not do concerts anymore? He is 28. By that age we all start feeling old. 

I say take a long break, Bieber. Just write music and make it, but take a rest from performing. What is the point? People will for sure still listen to your music on YouTube. Traveling gets annoying. It is great to just rest at home. 

I love in Psalm 23 when it says "He makes me lie down in green pastures." God likes to make us lie down. We often are always busy, busy running all over the place. God says to us, "Remember my yoke is easy and my burden is light. If you aren't having fun doing what you did, stop doing it. Just take it easy. Enjoy your life. You can't enjoy it as much when you never take a break." 

I bet you need a break too. Learn to just unwind, watch some movies, play with your pets. Maybe buy less things so you have less to manage. Try fasting so you aren't always planning your next meal. Let people save themselves and give up trying to save the whole world for a season. Just kick back and let it be. 

Growing Up

 Almost every Disney movie is about a girl coming of age, leaving home, setting out on her own. I suppose they were giving us young girls a warning. "Someday you will have to leave the comfort of your home and start your own home. This is just a fact of life." There are girls and women who stay at home forever, but if we all did that, the human species would cease to exist. In order for humans to keep breeding, Disney wanted to help get girls ready for growing up. The message to us girls was basically, "Go find your man and fall in love. Keep the economy going." :)

In the Little Mermaid she couldn't wait to be part of his world. In Tangled she couldn't wait to get out of that tower. In Moana she couldn't wait to get out on the main ocean. In Anastasia she couldn't wait to get to Paris. In Aladdin she couldn't wait to escape the palace. In Beauty and the Beast she wanted more than her provincial life, whatever that meant. 

Most girls grow up comfortable and protected. Then one day we venture out on our own and see the world! 

When I was in my teens, I couldn't wait to leave home and go to college. Disney prepared me very well for that. I couldn't wait to meet my prince charming. I had a few princes. I don't know if I would say any of them were charming. I suppose they tried. My current man is the most charming guy so far. Good job to him. :)

When I was young, I couldn't wait to see the world, and I did. The parts I really wanted to see. I got to live in Hawaii and Australia and visit Alaska and the Bahamas and Taiwan and India. I almost went to England. I had my share of adventures for sure. I still hope to have some. Part of me just wants to stay in my house forever and never do anything adventurous ever again. My mom just got Covid on her Hawaii cruise so that might be why. It is better to stay in one place perhaps. Just be safe. 

What adventures have you always wanted to go on? Maybe you should. And I hope you don't ever get Covid. 

Amber Alerts

 These are so annoying. Why does the entire county or state have to be rudely woken up over a kid? Usually it is just that the dad stole the kids from the mom. So what? Let him. He probably will realize in a few days that he can't handle them and bring them back.

 The alerts make it sound like the kid got kidnapped by a sex trafficker. But how would they know the car description if that happened? The only reason they know that is if it's a family member. Just let the dad or aunt or grandma take the kids. Maybe they know something about their living situation and the kids will be better off with them. 

Governors, please end the Amber alerts. Let the rest of us sleep and stay in peace. 

Hailey and Justin

 No couple has been watched as much as these two. My entire life I didn't care about celebrity gossip until this couple. It is most likely because me and Hailey are both the Sagittarius sign.

 My advice to them is stop going out as much. Then the crazy amount of videos and pics will stop. Just hang out in your pool all day and BBQ. 😊 That is what I would do if I had your life. 

Hailey recently cheated on Justin with one of his security guards. 😢 In her defense, I would just say I'm sure it's difficult for her to be around tons of guys all the time. I'm sure they all hit on her a lot. Maybe she really wants a baby and Justin keeps preventing that from happening. That would explain why she cheated. 

But how mean of her is that, after he wrote like 30 love songs about how much he loves her? Common Hailey. You're making us females look bad. 😣 But Justin you need to give her a baby. That might be the issue. If you aren't willing to, then let her go make children with another guy. 

They might divorce soon. I think he needs to forgive her and they should live more privately. They should ditch their entourage and go away somewhere and just be the two of them. 

Hopefully they can work things out. The world needs to see true love, and those two seem to have it. They are so cute. 😊

Look up the song Hailey. It is great! Good job Justin on that song. 

Mission

 "God made you special and he has something for you to do that no one else can do." 

My grandma said that to me often. She was told that a lot as a kid. 

What does God have for you to do? That no one else can do? 

House Updates

 I love all the ways I have updated our house. Every week one room changes to look a lot better. I got a white tiger bathroom set for one bathroom. Then I got red curtains for the nursery. Next was a fluffy hot pink blanket for my room. It gets really cold when the AC is on. Then green curtains and a green table cloth for the dining room. I got blue led lights for the living room. The last room to update was my man's room. I got him a beach design warm comforter for the winter. It looks great! I'm super excited to put it on his bed. 

You all should buy some fun house things too. 😁 Go have some fun! 

Satan Will Destroy You

  "Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour."

Most people totally ignore Satan, which is naive. When their life falls apart, they have no idea why. They let Satan take control of their mind in some way. They gave him a foothold. They talked with demons without realizing that was what they were doing. 

If any thought feels like a mean or discouraging thought, that is Satan. Tell him to stop talking to you.

 Maybe you like having an entity to talk to. Talk to the Holy Spirit instead. How do you know the difference? If you love others and you constantly want to listen to sermons or worship music, you are most likely talking with the Holy Spirit. If you hate yourself and others, you are probably talking with demons. 

Keep your mind clean of Satan and demons. You will greatly regret it later if you don't. 

Beginnings

 The sentences that started each of my relationships....

Roger- "I want to wake up every morning next to you." 

Ben- "God gives us the desires of our heart and my desire is to be with you." 

Bryan- "I always wanted a relationship that lasts 50 years like my grandparents had." 

Josh- "If I was your boyfriend I would always be nice to you." 

Eric- "I am listening. I could repeat every word you just said to me." 😂

Zach- "I have a house over by where you live." 

Most Views

 The Youtube video with the most views has 5.9 Billion views. Wow! What video is it? "See You Again." 

Why that song? I think it's because we are all missing someone. We all have had someone die or leave our life, and it was super sad. We all need to process them being gone. I think that song has helped us all remember that we will see them again, at least in heaven. It is not goodbye forever. We will have a glorious reunion in the skies someday. We can all have that hope. 

Katy Perry shared in an interview that the one that got away was Josh Groban. Awe....I always felt the strong emotion in that song. We all have multiple people that got away. And we just have to deal with it. 

Say a prayer for them when you think of them. That is the best thing to do. They made your past more happy, so they deserve your prayers. 

Someday you will see them again, at least in heaven. Well, narrow is the road, so pray that they will make it to heaven. 😊

Drag Queens

😈👸💏👭💃💑👪👬👠👗🤷🤦👺

 "Do you want me to dress in drag and do the hula?" What adorable Disney character said that? Timon. Why? Subliminal messaging. I love Disney, but they are messed up in many ways. 

Remember Mrs. Doubtfire? Yeah sure, why not dress as an old woman to see your kids more? It was a seemingly innocent story. No, subliminal messaging. 

What is the subliminal message Hollywood kept trying to give us in the 90's? It's ok to cross dress. It's ok to be gay. 

Is it ok? If you don't care what God thinks, then sure, it's ok. I guess most of America doesn't care what God thinks now. 😢 And that makes me sad. 

Now we have cross dressing in every state. Pretty soon it might be all over the world. 😒They call it woke. I call it crazy. 

Woke. What is that? Like if you are woke, you are cool. As if you woke up to what is modern and hip.  Like hey welcome to the 2020's man....No, let's keep our nation normal and pure and sane ok?  How about we do that instead? 

Don't get woke. Stay good. Care what God thinks.

Lastly, go look up "Calm Down" by Taylor Swift. When it came out, I literally was thinking she was talking to me. Of course it was just to all us "religions nuts." 😠 But I think in reality she sees gay people as insane. That is why they all look insane in the music video. See what you think. 

Taylor you know you believe gay people are nuts too. As you should. 

M Names

 I have never known so many people with M names until now. I suppose M is a soothing sound, so that is why so many moms choose an M name for their kids. 

Currently I know of 6 Michaels, 2 Marys, a Melanie, Margie, Mason, 2 Madisons, and my brother's gf's name is Meka. 

Other multiple names I've been around...Growing up I had 3 different friends named Ashley and 3 friends named Laura. Together those names spell L.A. 😃

I also have know 2 other Lisa's and 3 Liz's. 

Lately the M names keep recurring. When two people in a couple have M names, it is like M and M, like the candy and the rapper. So cool. 😃

My only matching letter mate was my ex, Eric. My birth name is Elizabeth. His ex was Emily. I always saw that as interesting. And he wanted his next gf to be our room-mate Elaine. Little bastard. 😂

The 6 Michaels that I know of....one is my bf's dad, one is my step-brother, another was a girl room-mate I had in college, one is an ex, another is an uncle and one was a former co-worker. 

My favorite guy singer has always been Michael Buble. 

If I ever have another son, I will probably name him Michael. 😁

Turning Red

🐼 😠😤👘🕍🎊👻😱🎥🐍🐉👺👹

The title of the movie made me know it was about anger. I worked in a group home for a season. One of the teen girls beat up her mom. I didn't believe she did it, because she seemed so nice. She told me when it happened she could just see red. I suppose that was due to a spirit of wrath. Thank God that has never happened to me. 

 Turning Red was the most intense cartoon movie I have ever seen. The mom turning into a gigantic pissed off panda, wow. I suppose all moms seem a bit crazy at times. That was a good enactment of how it feels when your own mama bear gets angry. 😟 I was very scared of my mom sometimes in my youth. I always wondered if she got possessed at times. 

I found it ironic that it was supposed to be about Toronto. There was a demonic revival about 15 years ago called "The Toronto Blessing." People who were involved in it literally got possessed and wanted to say it was via the Holy Spirit. No, it was definitely demonic. Todd Bentley came from that "revival." In his book about that "movement" he wrote about a person slithering across the ground like a snake. Then in the movie there was a major theme of demons and witchcraft. There must be a lot of witchcraft happening in Canada. 😣😢

The movie also reminded me of my junior high days. I was raised in church, so I wanted to be the perfect daughter, just like the girl in the movie. But I had a wild side that also came out for the first time in junior high. 

My parents divorced when I was 10, so I have always figured that was the cause of my wild behavior. I started smoking at age 12. I drank and got drunk a bit. My friends were mostly high school guys so that was why. I snuck out at night a few times and had tons of fun. 😊

Then my mom and I moved and the party was over. That was most likely good though, because if I stayed on that path I might be in prison now. 😲😣 Thank God for my grandma. She helped me become a model citizen. 👼 She made me believe I could change the entire world! 

I keep trying to. Maybe someday my efforts will cause a ripple effect that will cause a world wide God fearing revival! ⛪ May God bless my efforts. 

You should try changing the world too. What do you wish the world looked like? 🤔

Don't Pray to Die

 So 5 months ago I prayed to die. I was pregnant and hated being pregnant. My heartburn was terrible. My arms felt like they were on fire due to tendonitis. 

I was trying to get rich, or save the world, writing a new book every week. Mainly I just wanted to help people get better. 

So eventually I got worn out. And I wanted God to kill me. 😢 So he gave me pre-clampsia. That was him basically slowly killing me while hoping I would change my mind. My vision got really bad. I thought I was going blind. My blood pressure got crazy high. 

Blindness actually is a biblical punishment. Saul went blind before he got saved. 😣 Then he was healed. God was essentially punishing me for praying to die. Well also he took my prayer seriously. 

I would think that is a common occurrence. How many people actually want to stay alive for 50 more years? And if you do, why? For any of us who believe in heaven, why would we want to stay here any longer? 

Because God prefers that we do. That is why we have to. I don't know why he makes us all stay alive. Well I do know why, so we can save the lost. It seems like an impossible task at times. That is why most don't even bother to save or help anyone. We don't have many warriors left in the world. 😟 Most people are lazy and scared all the time. So they never try to save the world. 

Go save the world! You can do it. 😁

But try to not get overwhelmed with your effort. You can help a few people. Maybe not everyone will get helped, but a special few can be saved. So try, please. I don't want to be the only one trying to save the world. 😀

Hey go buy one of the books I wrote. Search Lisa Bedrick books on Amazon. 

Littering

 There is a funny scene in Finding Nemo where the little lobster is told to not clean for a day. He says, "I shall resist!" That is like me going on a walk and not picking up trash. I don't know how anyone can see trash and not pick it up. How can people be that lazy? They probably wrongly think the trash in carrying diseases. It's not a dead rat. 😒 It's just trash. 

To be fair, my back is quite sore because I picked up trash all over my neighborhood this morning. But someone needed to. Why let your streets look ghetto when they don't need to? 

Do I live in the ghetto? It's slightly ghetto. Clearly the people here don't care about letting trash be all over. But the heat makes people just stay inside 24/7. Lazy people. 😣 So then they don't go pick up trash in their yards. It has been 108 every day for 2 months. 😭

But how did the trash get there? Do some people literally throw trash in their own yard from their car? Or people throw it out while driving down that street but why? Trash your car people, not the streets. 😠

Ah... maybe someday the trash issue will be solved. We could put these signs in yards all over. Maybe then other people would go pick up trash and the issue would get better. 😁

Be Happy

 "Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart."

What do I desire? To be happy and to keep those around me happy. I desire to save others if I can, when I can. Meaning I hope to help others get to heaven. I desire to help people think more and live better. I desire to be healthy, so I won't need a doctor the rest of my life. I desire to get good sleep so I can be in a good mood all day. I desire to keep my house looking nice, so we are all happy to live here. I desire that 200 people will read my blog every day. :)

Delight yourself in God. Do I delight myself in God? Yes I would say I do. I delight to do whatever he wants me to do. I am delighted to talk to him all day. I talk in my head with God all day. My ex didn't believe I was talking to God. He said I needed help. :) I suppose most people may not believe that because they don't do it. They can talk to God all day too. They just choose not to. 

Every time I ask God what he wants me to do with my life he tells me to take care of my bf and my baby. That is the main thing I want to do anyways, so that is nice. :)

I used to desire a new car. I don't care much about that anymore. I am more happy to not drive anywhere if I can. I drove all the time doing pizza delivery for 3 years. It's nice to rest now and not go out very much at all. 

I desire to stay healthy. I am trying to go on walks every day again. I hope to do a walk in the morning and evening. The double blessing in that is it helps my baby go to sleep. It can be hard to get a baby to sleep. Also, I hope to lose weight. God willing, it will help me lose weight. 

I have most of the desires of my heart now, and I'm sure that is because I delight myself in God. 

My Dream

 Ever since I read the Wiki bio of Steven King, I have wanted to do what he did. He has a house in Florida and one in Pennsylvania. I would guess he spends the winters in Florida and the summers up north. That is genius! I would want to do that with Hawaii and Alaska. It would be ideal to spend the summers in Alaska and the winters in Hawaii. I like Texas too. Maybe the fall in Texas would be nice. That is the only season where the weather is really good here. 

I lived on a cruise ship in Alaska one summer. I was working with the kids on board. It was beautiful up there then. All the snow melts and it turns into a tropical rainforest in the summer, but a cool rainforest. It is always around 70 or 60 in the summer there, but it looks totally tropical. 

I lived in Hawaii during the summer when I was 19. It was pretty cool. I liked snorkeling there a lot. It is probably the most beautiful place to snorkel.  I think the winter there would be nicer. The humidity can be a bit much. 

Maybe someday I'll get really creative and have a house in New Zealand to live in during the spring season. Or somewhere in Italy. 

God willing, I will get to travel more in the future. That would be nice. It is nice to put down roots, but it's more fun to explore many places. :)

My Baby Boy

 I love gazing into my baby boy's eyes. I had never seen such lovely eyes in my life. They look like marbles or the sky or something captivating. 

He tries talking a lot now. Sometimes he tries singing. It is so funny. Only 4 months old and I think he might already want to be a singer, like his mommy. 😁 

We watch Disney movies a lot. That keeps us both happy. 

He loves watching me make my breakfast. That is his happiest time of the day. I'm sure the smell of the bagel and coffee thrills him. 

He usually goes to bed around 5 and sleeps till 6am. He cries for a bottle about 7 times every night. Some nights it is harder than others to wake up. 

I need to work harder on taking naps when he does throughout the day. Then I will be less tired all the time. 

He is the cutest baby ever! I love my little squishy man so much! 😀

My Adorable Cats

 The kittens I have now are like my great great furry grandchildren. Over a year ago I got Snowflake and her babies via Craigslist. There were 3 Himalayan looking kittens, a white one and 2 black ones. Princess, the cat mom now, was one of the Himalayan ones. 

She was the cutest one so I kept her out of the 6. I meant to keep her fluffy Himalayan brother but she hissed at him after her first babies. That scared him away I suppose. 

 She has now had two litters. This litter she had with her son from her last litter. Interesting.  Well he was one of the dad's. I think a stripped cat and a black cat are the other dads. Cats can have kittens from more than one father. 

Now he and his mom are raising her current litter. It is funny he is like a dad cat now when he is only 5 months old. 

One of the current kittens looks exactly like a kitten I had when I was 23. So that is fun. She is a grey stripped design. God did a great job designing her! Another is brown stripped. Another is all black and fluffy. And two are tuxedo kittens, so black and white. 

I have a tricky time knowing where to put their food. My ongoing battle with the fire ants is still in process. Someday I will make them all go away. 😒

I created a little cat pond for them which helps them deal with the heat. They like to wade in the cat pond. It's so cute. 

Sometimes I let them be inside. Yesterday though they all went under the couch. 😲 Ah kittens...Then I put them in the garage with a toddler mattress in front of it, but they started climbing up the mattress. 😕

They keep me busy though so that is fun. I love my furr babies! 

Peace

 "As far as it depends on you, live at peace with all people."

There is no need to start drama. Just be silent if you are upset. Take a nap. Eat a good meal. Think for awhile before you say anything. Take a walk. Watch a good movie. Not every thought you have needs to be said. God reveals things to us at times to show us what to pray for, but we do not have to discuss every little thing we are upset about. 

It is better to stay at peace with others than to start drama. 

A good book about this is Speaking the Truth in Love. It says how we need to be assertive, but not passive or aggressive. If you clearly state how you feel or what you want, that can save you from a lot of fighting. If you never express what you want, you are being passive. Eventually the resentment will build up and you will just leave the relationship. If you lash out every time you are upset, that is being aggressive. You will probably scare the other person away eventually. You have to find the middle ground and keep the peace. Say how you feel but in a calm way. 

Say what you need to say but don't be a maneater, or a woman eater. That is in reference to the 80's song that you all should listen to. :)

Save More, Spend Less

 If you are always stressed about money, find ways to be more conservative. Make lunch at home instead of eating fast food a lot. It is better for your health too. Make your own salads as much as you buy packaged salads. 

You can save money more if you want to. You never know when a rainy day might hit. It helps to be prepared. 

Be a Giver

"Whatever you do to the least of these, you have done to me," Jesus said.

What do you do for those that no one else seems to care about? Did you know any way you serve them is like serving Jesus? 

If you are kind to your animals or homeless animals, it is like you are serving Jesus himself. 

Whoever the least of these is to you, serve them. Be kind to them. Be patient with them. 

"Those who deserve love the least need it the most." Who do you know who probably doesn't deserve love at all? Give them the most love of anyone, because who knows what mark you will make on the world if you do that. 

Jesus said don't only love those who love you. Love those who can't or will not love you back. Then great will be your reward in heaven. 

Joy is Coming

 "Sorrow may last for the night but joy comes in the morning." 

Your life may be hard now. You may be suffering. My back has been hurting lately a bit. But joy is coming. This too shall pass. You will not stay in pain forever. Weeping may endure for a night, but joy is coming. Look up the new Tauren Wells song Joy in the Morning. It will inspire you! 

We have all been through a lot this past few years. It was a very unstable world for a long time. We all thought the world might end soon, but we are all still here. Make the most out of the time you have left. You are still alive for a reason. Covid didn't kill you for a reason. Why are you still alive? Why did God preserve you?

I felt God told me that Covid was meant to be a cleansing of the entire world. He was trying to alleviate the world of all the bad people by killing them. Sorry if you knew someone who died from Covid. Hopefully there was some good things about them, and they are in heaven, but only God knows. 

All that to say, that must mean us who are left are the best people. God really loves you! God kept you here on earth for a reason. Find out what that reason is. Go help someone today in some way. 

I have had a thought for a while of making PB and J sandwiches for homeless people in my city. In my last Walmart grocery delivery, I got 3 extra loaves of bread. I took that as a sign that I am supposed to start doing that, making sandwiches for the homeless. My bf and I both seem to have a heart for the homeless people of this city, so that is good. He gives them $5 at times. That is a good amount.

If you pass by a homeless person, give them $5 or a snack you have on you. And tell them God loves them. They deserve love too. Maybe they don't look all that great, but God loves them too, or else they wouldn't still be alive. And remember the verse, "If you close your ears to the poor, you will cry out someday and God will close his ears to you." Go feed the homeless in your area. :)

Sagittarius

 My sign is the Sagittarius. Other people who are my sign tend to be a bit crazy. This has always made me a bit sad to be the sign that I am. On the upside though, Brad Pitt is a Sagittarius. 😁

Crazy Sagittarius people....

My ex was one and he went insane. 

My dad was one and he was a repeat sex predator. 

My step brother was one and he had a strange desire to nail virgins. Very mean. 

My grandpa was one and he physically abused my uncle and insulted me about my weight a few times. 

My co-worker had an ex who was one. She told him she was praying to die and that some other woman might help him take care of their kids. 

I know a lady who is one who is in a psychosis state and is on way too many medications. 

I have heard of another Sagittarius who had very erratic crazy behavior. 

And then here I am. I try to be normal. I guess the crazy thing I did was travel a lot. 

I think for us Sagittarius people, if we don't get to travel a lot, we go crazy. Cabin fever perhaps? We love to explore new places. 

It is the strongest sign in many ways. It is referred to as the warrior sign. I have always felt like a warrior, but I try to be compliant when I can and subdued. 😊

If you know a Sagittarius, be patient with us. We can't help being a little wild. We were born to be wild. 😂

Over Eating

 My uncle told me a while ago, people eat in place of love or in defense of love. His wife was always over weight, but he stayed with her anyways and still loved her. I always loved that about him. 

To eat in place of love is to eat your feelings. You are stressed out so you use food like a drug to feel better. You need a hug, but you eat a cookie instead. 

To eat in defense of love is to get fat to ensure no one will love you. Maybe you feel uncomfortable being loved. Maybe you hate the opposite sex staring at you. You want your mate to reject you, so you get fat to ensure they will. Maybe physical contact is awkward for you. Maybe your mate pursues you too much. You want them to want you less, so you get fat. 

A friend in college said she always wondered why the fall of man happened via eating. What did that show? Eating can lead us into great sin perhaps? 

I always have had a hard time respecting pastors who are very large. My thinking has been, if they have no self control with food, then do they have any self control? If they have no self control, how can anyone say they are actually Christian? 😲

A basic sign a person is a Christian is their ability to have self control. You can say no to sin. It is possible. The Holy Spirit gives any believer the ability to have self control and to sin less. If you cannot say no to sin, even the sin of over eating, you can't say you have the Holy Spirit in you. 

"Test yourself to see if you are in the faith," Paul said. 

I hope you all will try to have more self control in all areas of your life. You can do it. Just believe you can and then you can. 😀

Be Free

 "He who the son sets free is free indeed."

If you want to get free of something, you have to first believe it is possible. I recently quit smoking, again. Maybe this time it will be forever. I had to first have the desire to, and then see it as possible. You can do anything you set your mind to. If you are determined to do something, you will. 

If you want to quit anything, just do it, as Nike said. It is possible. 

Look up the song Freedom by Kim Walker. 

Beware of Child Molesters

 So many people put up with a lot in the name of love. One person thinks the other will never ever run away, and so they do anything they want to do. 

One such person was my step-dad. He, I am very sure, molested my oldest daughter. He is currently going on a Hawaii cruise with my mom. Is that fair? No not at all. He should not get to have such a great life still considering what he did. He ruined my entire family. He ruined my life. But he still gets to cruise to Hawaii. God tells us to forgive though right? Yes, he does. So I will try. 😣

I realized just now he is probably trying to get the love back with my mom. Their honeymoon was in Hawaii 20 years ago. I am sure their love died, at least somewhat after he decided to molest my daughter. My mom attempted suicide a few times after that. I remember thinking how bad that must have made my step-dad feel. But of course she would want to do that. He caused her to lose everything, her entire family. But hey maybe a Hawaii cruise will take all that pain away right? Who knows. 

No matter how hard we all try, we cannot let some things go. Here I am 4 years later still writing about what he did, and still feeling bitter about it. I lost a lot thanks to him. My ex went crazy. I lost my daughters. I lost my new house. It wasn't just his fault, but it was mostly his fault. My perfect world ended thanks to him.

Don't ever trust men around your children, unless it is their dad, and even then be careful. My dad told my mom he shouldn't give me baths anymore. She chose to ignore that. I don't know why he, as the dad, was giving me baths in the first place. That is the mom's job. But that is how childhood abuse of any kind happens. The mom neglects the kid, and the child is left out in the open. Then they are abused in every way possible.

Moms, keep your kids close to you. Don't let just anyone take care of them. "Be as wise as serpents but as innocent as doves," Jesus said. We can get so naive because we would never do the things child predators would do, so we don't see it coming. We think they are good because we are good, but not everyone is as good as you. There is so much evil is this world, it is crazy. You might think, "God would never allow that to happen to my child." Sadly, God lets a lot of things happen. 

In conclusion, I can only hope I will get to go on a fun Hawaii cruise someday. If my child molesting step-dad gets to do that, I sure better get to. For now I am happy to enjoy my nice, happy home with my nice bf and my cute baby and sweet kittens. I have all I want for now and that is great. God has given me back what I lost. Maybe this next situation will turn out to be even better than what I had before. I shall see. 

May God bless you all. 

Serving God

 Almost everything I do is to serve God in some way. Being nice to my man and loving him well is serving God. Taking good care of my baby boy is serving God. Feeding my pets when they need it is serving God. Writing this blog is. Keeping my house clean is. Eating healthy so I can have a better mindset is serving God. 

You don't have to only serve in a church service to be serving God. You can serve God in lots of ways. 

Covering my car again with contact paper and making it look nice was serving God, because I use my car as a Christian billboard essentially. I might start putting Bible verses all over my car. That should be fun. :)

I hope to serve God in everything I do, and you should too. Remember that being nice to others is honoring God. Jesus said, "Whatever you do to the least of these you have done to me." That could be anyone. Treat people well. Treat your pets well. God is watching always. He wants us to use our talents and time to love others the best we can. 

Be Made New

 "If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation." 

I very much enjoy putting verses on my car with letter stickers. It is like a dare to myself every so often. I recommend you all do it too. It is a lot of fun. The verse above was the first verse I put on my car. 

Just like God made our beautiful world out of darkness, he can make our souls beautiful. He can shine his light on any darkness we have inside and create a beautiful new human being. 

Many people say, "How do you know there is a God?" We can see it through people who are made new with his Holy Spirit. 

My pastor used to say often, "God loves you just the way you are, but he loves you too much to keep you that way." Let God transform your mind, heart, body, and soul. Let him turn your mind from darkness to light. Let him give you courage in place of fear. Let go of your past habits and be made whole. 

Submit to One Another

 Before Paul said wives are meant to submit to their husbands, he said "submit to one another." Men were also told to submit to their woman. Most men have a hard time doing this. :) 

Paul also said, "Those who marry will face many troubles in this life." The trouble comes when there is no submission on both sides. Either the wife or the husband remains stubborn. They refuse to do what their mate wants them to do. Then a power struggle might start. People often react in anger or isolation when they don't get their way. They either use anger to control the other person, or they pout and withhold love when they don't get what they want. 

The solution is to do almost everything your mate wants you to do. If you don't, your relationship, and your life, will be more stressful. 

As kids, many of us rebelled against our parents. As adults, a lot of us rebel against our mate. Don't do that. It can be fun, in a way, but also it is stressful. The forbidden fruit seems sweeter until you make your mate mad. 

Learn to fall in line. Do what your mate wants you to do, within reason, and your life will go a lot better. 

Being Together

 I miss when we all lived together. When it was my kids and my mom all in the same general area. When she could come over any time and hang out with me and my kids. I wish I could live by my mom again. 

I miss Austin and the nature there. I miss the lakes and rivers. I miss seeing all the beautiful things there. There is not much beauty where I am now, except my man. He is beautiful. Our back yard is nice, but the 
Austin nature trails are so awesome. Maybe someday I will live there again. God willing. 

Moving Home

 Yesterday the two grandmas met. I didn't even realize they may want to live in the same city. That could be nice to go back to my hometown. Well I wasn't raised there, but it felt like home. My mom's city is the most beautiful city I had ever seen in my life. There is a super cool lake, a gorgeous river with a walking trail and lots of cool stores and restaurants. There is a bar there that I used to go to a ton that had open mic night and karaoke. I had lots of fun doing that. 

 I knew for a while that was a big thing that caused my last family to break up. The two sets of grand parents should have been living in the same city as us. That would have been ideal. But no, we were all spread out and it was always frustrating. I don't like to drive far with kids in the car, so we almost never went to either of their houses. 

What if we all could live in the same city this time? That would be so cool. 😎😊