Dreams

 I had a dream I got a beautiful car but kept having accidents. It was like a video game driving it. You never know when you go in a car what could happen. 

So much of life is scary. You change things and have to adjust. People can let you down and shock you. The whole world is so mean at times. It's every man for himself. I hope Jesus will come back soon. So much stress. So much loss. So many hard things about life. Why can't love be easy? Why can't lovers stick together? Why can't lovers be nice to each other? Why do we all get so hungry all the time? Why do we get weak and sick easily? 

We try to stay strong but we aren't and then we feel angry all the time that we are so weak. The weather affects us. So we hide inside but then feel depressed.  If we have too much ease we get depressed.  But if we are too stressed we wish we could die, which is severe depression. Then we need deep rest. Do you ever wish to die? Every day of my life almost I have wished I could die painlessly and quickly. I was never happy, not for very long. Ok maybe that started after I had kids. It was at times joyful but it is a very hard road to be a mom. No one helps you it feels like. No one says good job or thank you. You are always criticizing yourself and others critique you. You feel like you failed every day. 

I suppose in any relationship it is like that. We feel we never do enough. They always want more. But why do more for them if it's never enough? They are insatiable. Only happy very rarely. What really makes any of us happy? Good food and good sleep. Maybe good sex. 

Do what makes you happy today, whatever it is, because the people around you just want to see you be happy.