I'm now going to a second marriage class at Hill Country Bible Church by me. The last one was at Calvary by me. It is great! The pastor and his wife are phenomenal speakers and know a lot about marriage. And I can tell they both have an amazing relationship with God. :)
Here are my notes from the class:
This was a very, very great point that I actually had never heard before, in all the thousands of sermons I have probably heard in my life. :) "We see our offenses to God as little but from others as huge." That is funny. I actually don't, or I don't think I do. I know I have been forgiven for a lot and therefore love God very much. I actually am always thinking about all the ways I messed up in the past and all that God has forgiven me for, which I guess is why I am more motivated to make my Jesus packets and purses. He referenced the parable where the king forgives a massive debt for a man and then he goes out and demands a very small debt from a man he knows. The king finds out about it and is appalled that he could not forgive the other debt since he was forgiven for so much. The analogy is that if we don't forgive others, we are doing the same silly things essentially as that man. HOW CAN WE HOLD OTHERS TO PAY FOR THIER SINS when we could NEVER pay for ours? Yep. :)
So whoever you have a hard time forgiving, forgive them. LET IT GO. Because you have been forgiven for SO much. Take the log out of your own eye before trying to take a speck out of theirs. Forget about the bad things that other people do. Focus rather on yourself and how you can NOT do bad things. You can't control anything others do, only what you can do. Amen. And if you do good, then others around will most likely follow and do likewise. We have to lead by example rather than controlling others. No one responds to others controlling them well. But most people do respond when you inspire them to be better by your possible upstanding moral behavior and your devotion to Christ. As Paul said, "Follow me as I follow Christ." He did do some correcting of others, but he also led a great example for others to follow.
I wonder if our anger at others for their sin is actually our anger at ourselves for not being a better example for them. So when a kid messes up, the parent's anger at the kid could actually be anger at themselves for not being a better example of good behavior for the kid. hm....Something to think about. :)
I like that the pastor said our natural bent in life and marriage is toward selfishness which can then make marriage all about manipulation rather than being a ministry.
That is also key I think, to see marriage as a ministry. We can do any ministry we want for God, but our MOST important one is to our spouse and our kids. Make sure they never go hungry. Get clothes for them that they like etc. Show them the love of Christ before we do to anyone else. Before we give to others and serve others, serve your family first. They should ALWAYS be your primary and most important ministry. Amen. :) The main people that God calls us to love the most are those in our own household. :)
Here were some good points about communication. Make sure that you are tactful and respectful in communicating. Also, make sure it's at a good time, like when neither of you are hungry or tired. Make sure you speak truth. Don't make up stuff about your spouse and don't say "never" or "always" when expressing complaints, because that probably isn't the truth. Like you might say, "You never clean up." But maybe they do sometimes, so that wouldn't be true. And lastly make sure that your tone of voice is good and nice. The pastor's wife said, "You can say anything if you have the right tone of voice." She talked about not being sarcastic in our tone. The pastor said, "I like the word witty or whimsical" and yes I can relate to that. I tend to say insults kind of in a joking manner which really is sarcasm and they probably can be quite hurtful. I think if I say it in a joking way it's fine, but maybe it's not. Like Thumper said in Bambi, "If you can't say anything good, don't say anything at all." Even if you think you are just joking. :)
Another key point, which I hear from Joyce Meyer a lot, is the importance of controlling our thoughts. Whenever we think something we should ask ourselves, "Is this thought honoring to God?" If not, and if you know God would not approve of it, stop thinking about it. Because our thoughts dictate what we say and our feelings, so they dictate our whole lives. If we can learn to purify our thoughts and "renew our mind" as Paul says, we will then have a pure life. Amen. Also, "Set your mind on the things of Christ." And "the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace" in Romans 8. Amen. Let God control your mind rather than yourself. Constantly pray that God would direct your thoughts, as well as your steps. :) Pray for power over your flesh and Satan so that you can have a pure mind.
The pastor and his wife also referenced a lot of great verses through their talk too which was great!
They noted that when we want to express a possibly hot topic to our spouse it helps to write it out, because when speaking you only get one shot. In writing you can re-write it until it sounds the best and most respectful. Then the person can also take time to respond to it and think about it, which is great. And also now with texting that makes writing it out easier. It's good to practice reading your texts back to yourself before you send it and think about it a bit first. How would you feel if you got that text yourself? The great thing about texts is you can rewrite them before you send them. :)
Lastly, remember to always stay grateful for all that God has given you, including your spouse. I love how Joyce Meyer says, "If you don't want your husband there are plenty of single women here who would love to have him." And that really is a good thing to remember. Our spouse is a gift from God and we should treasure having him/her always. :)
On thankfulness, we can't be bitter and resentful and thankful at the same time. Paul said that we are to "pray without ceasing WITH THANKSGIVING and the peace that passes all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." That word for guard, the pastor's wife noted, means like an army of angels surrounding you. So the key to having a guard up for protection from Satan is constant communication with God and thankfulness. This is why complaining in general is so dangerous. Don't let yourself get in a bad or bitter mood. Always stay thankful. You can control your own mood, whether you think you can or not. Just like we can go exercise if we really want to, we can decide to be more thankful and happy if we want to.
And in conclusion, we should give our spouse the same love that we receive from God. "We love because God first loved us." And we know how to love unconditionally because the Bible tells us how God unconditionally loves us. So whether your spouse deserve your love at any given time or not, give them love and respect always. Give them the same love and respect that you would give to Jesus himself if he were there. Amen. :)
May God bless you all! :)
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