My Mom's Testimony

I experienced a major life crisis back in 1991 which shook my faith so severely I almost gave up on God entirely.  My son was 10 and my daughter (that was me :) was 6. I was going about my usualy routine getting ready to take the kids to daycare and go to work when little Elisabeth (Lisa) whispered to me, "Mommy I have to tell you about something yucky, but Daddy told me not to tell you."  My heart started racing.  I knew I needed to stop everything and give her my full attention.  She then, in her 6 year old language, told me that her father had done something inappropriate with her while they were taking a nap together the day before.  My first thought was "He wouldn't go that far, would he?"
My first husband and I had been married 11 years. He had confessed to me an incident of infidelity several years earlier and begged for forgiveness, making promises that it would never happen again.  He also asked me to keep it a secrety.  I had granted the forgiveness and kept his secret, and I was not aware of any further problems.  But it had begun to erode my respect for him and trust in him.  So although this was a shock, it was not completely unexpected. 

I reassured my daughter that everything would be okay and thanked her for sharing with me.  Then I went about my daily routine as usual.  But my mind was racing, trying to make sense of what she had told me.  What would you do?  Can you imagine having to choose between your husband and your children?  I knew I had to take it seriously, but I wanted to minimize it and explain it away.  I also was thinking I didn't want to damage his reputation.  I couldn't talk to anyone at church; after all, he was a respected founding member of our small congregation who had been leading the Children's Ministry for many years. (Wow right?)  I didn't want to talk to my parents either.  I didn't know where to turn....so during my break at work I went to a phone booth adn called Focus on the Family counseling hotline.  The counselor kept repeating the same things, "6 year olds don't make up things like this.  You have to file a restraining order against your husband."  But I kept protesting; it was just more then I could handle. 

That's when God stepped in.  (Praise God)  I heard myself giving the hotline counselor my contact information, knowing that he was a mandated reporter and that Child Protective Services would be notified.  I know it wasn't me, because I was resisting all the way.  It was a miracle!  Although being involved with CPS for several years was a nightmare, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone, God used them to protect my daughter when I was not strong enough to protect her. :(  Over the next 5 years there was a trial reuniting of the family at the request of the children and the approval of the counselors and social workers.  It was a time of darkness and confusion for me.  Would having this father around be better than no father?  How could I ever trust him again?  We reunited for a time but then divorced 2 years later, due to me not being able to trust him anymore.   

I am just so thankful that little Lisa was able to confide in me, but it is shameful and frightening to think of how close I came to keeping the incident a secret.  Who knows what kind of emotional and physical harm my daughter could have endured without that intervention. If God can use my experience to protect just one child, to make it all "work out for good" then I will give Him all the glory.  And that is why I wanted to share this story with you all. 

The message I want to emphasize is: Please don't keep dark secrets.  Don't let evil remain hidden.  Our precious children need our protection.  (Amen!)

During and after this ordeal I became hardened and bitter.  I didn't want to read the Bible or pray.  I felt betrayed by God.  How could He have allowed such a terrible to happen?  But I still listened to Christian music, and through the messages of hope and God's kindness and love, my heart slowly softened.  (Praise God!)  I also received a lot of help from the book by James Dobson "When God Doesn't Make Sense."  I came to understand that God must allow us to choose Him.  Love and trust in Him must be voluntary, not compulsory.  My first husband chose to surrendur to sin (and Satan) rather than surrendur to God. :(  Although God could have prevented the abuse, He allowed it to occur.  And only he in his infinte wisdom knows why.  I understand that His ways and His thoughts are so much higher than mine and I believe that He has my best interests at heart.  God already knows my heart, so I don't have to prove my love for Him, but when I choose to praise Him anyways, in spite of the unanswered questions and the leftover scars, it proves to myself that I still love Him and trust Him. 

God healed my heart over the 11 years after the divorce until I was able to trust someone again, and he brought my now husband into my life.  He represents Christ to me in so many ways (awe....) and I'm just so grateful to God for his miracles. (amen :)  And provision) Only God can bring beauty out of the darkest evil and fill a broken heart with songs of praise again. 
Amen and Praise God :)

May God bless you all!  Thank you for reading. :)