The only useful things my dad taught me were "righty tighty and lefty loosy" for tightening a bolt, and that Kiss stands for keep it simple stupid. And he always told me to be the big fish in the small pond, meaning be the smartest person wherever you are. He told me A's in school were like golden nuggets and to gather as many of them as I could. That analogy must have worked well for me because I got all A's my entire time in school. Well, I got some C's in college but oh well. :)
I honestly can't remember a single thing my mom taught me, other then if you can learn to cook well, others will probably like you more. She could make some really amazing lasagna and chili. :) She taught me, without words, that being a single mom is an absolutely miserable life, so I swore to myself that I would never be a single mom. She was a single mom for 8 years. :(
And now my first marriage has fallen apart, and that's why I let my ex husband have my two daughters for now. I did not want the burden of being a single mom. I don't know how single moms do it, but I always knew I wouldn't do that. I hope to see them again someday though. Please pray for wisdom for all of us on when that would be best. I loved those girls more then my own life, but every mom needs a break sometimes, because motherhood is, for sure, the hardest job anyone will ever do.
I was just thinking about how odd it all is. On the outside we looked like the perfect family, and we truly actually were the perfect family for 6 years. What went wrong mainly was that I let my girls drink from a bottle for too long. That caused a lot of tension between me and my ex mother in law. I'm pretty sure my ex mother in law absolutely hated me just for that one reason and thought I was a bad mom. There really was no other reason for her to think I was a bad mom. I let my 4 year old still drink from a bottle. I know, it's insane. I just couldn't get her to like any sippy cups. And I have always had a fear of spilling milk all over and having a horrible smell in the house from spilled milk. But I firmly believed the girls needed lots of milk to keep their weight up. And they did.
Now my girls are living with my ex and his parents and my oldest girl is looking freakishly skinny, which worries me and makes me very sad. I know my ex mother in law was always very anti milk, which I never understood, but please pray that Serenity is still getting plenty of calories. I always worried about her weight, like that she would get too skinny.
My youngest daughter always ate great. Anything I made for her, she would eat. I suppose that's why she was my favorite. I know moms aren't supposed to have a favorite, but when your kid eats your food, it helps you to like them more. :) I had a hard time getting my oldest girl to eat much, except grapes and popcorn. I think she struggles with constipation so that might be why.
It's possible I didn't hug my oldest daughter enough and that's why she struggled with constipation. I'm sure the amount of hugs and attention you get can affect your health. She was always very indepedent though and didn't seem to need me much. So then my focus was often on my youngest daughter, because she seemed to have less energy then my older daughter. My oldest one Seemed fine. She was always super hyper and happy, but maybe she wasn't really fine. Maybe she was just good at putting on a show but she really needed more from me. That is very possible. I do think I didn't give Serenity, my oldest, as much love as I gave to Joy, the youngest, and I do regret that a lot. Maybe I'll get another chance to have more kids and I'll be a better mom next time. :)
I have always thought the oldest kid has the worst luck because the parent is basically practicing parenting on them. :( For real. Parents learn by trial and error with their first kid on a lot of things. Then by the second kid they are a master. :)
But God please help my oldest daughter. I pray that she will eat well always. I pray her constipation won't hurt her anymore. I pray those in charge of her will only give her good, healthy food for her body and that she will always, always be fed and cared for well. Thank you God for protecting both my girls. Thank you that they will always be happy. And I pray they don't miss me too much. Thank you they at least get to be with their dad.
And if you all pray for them too, thank you!
May God bless you all. :)
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