For any that need a muse when writing, as in some inspiration, try turning on some Hillsong worship music and write with that. Ever since I started my blog about 4 years ago I almost always write with Hillsong worship music playing in the background. I think there really is something to worship bringing in the presence of God, making demons of doubt or writers block flee, and the Holy Spirit giving you words to say. It really is beautiful and so much fun. If you have never tried writing with worship music playing, try it, and just see what God might lead you to say. :) You can write it in a private journal or start a blog. :) For 13 years of my life I just wrote in a private journal, but I'm glad I started writing in a blog, because maybe what I write can help others. God willing.
I was just watching a Francis Chan sermon and man he is so much like me. I think he is a sanguine personality and that's mostly what I am. He was talking about how criticism from others kept him from saying everything he knew God wanted him to say, because he cares to much what people think of him. And how he started to doubt himself. And yes when I get criticism about my writing I tend to just stop for awhile. But I wish what others say didn't put out my fire, but it tends to. :(
He also was talking about how he used to be so much more in love with Jesus than he is now, and I can relate. I remember when I was in college, going off somewhere by myself, sitting down in the grass, and just singing worship songs to God, whatever songs came to my mind. And I just had such a wonderful feeling that I was so in love with God then and that there was nothing else I would have rather done than that.
But then life happened. More sins on my part happened, with relationships. I had some hard jobs. Moving a lot. A death of a loved one. And I kind of lost that flame and love for God, little by little. I suppose the hard things made me get angry at God. It's easy to feel in love with God when life is going good, but when hard times hit it's hard to not get confused about things. It's hard to not wonder about the nature of God, and what he is really like. Why would he let certain things happen? Is he a good God? Does he really care about me?
And then for whatever reason over the last year I keep having these odd thoughts like what if it all isn't even true. Just kind of in the back of my head. Life, what if someone just wrote the Bible for fun but it wasn't inspired by God. Someone was just writing a book like any other book. So pray for me in that if you can. I don't know what it is really. Charismatics would say it's a spirit of doubt or something. Could be spiritual attack and Satan getting me to stop making my Jesus packets and stop writing so much. It's also most likely just because I'm not in church much and my focus is more on my kids now than on God. I rarely go to church because it's hard with kids, and they seem to have a panic attack if I leave them in child care. I watch sermons online some but sometimes my 2 year old won't let me in a sense because she wants to watch her shows. So life with God definitely changes after having kids. I love my kids, but I miss how things used to be with me and God too. Paul does say that a married woman is concerned about the affairs of her family and not just God. And yes, that happens.
Francis Chan said "When is the last time that you went up the mountain just to be with God? To be in his presence?" And I was thinking, a long time. I suppose when I listen to Hillsong worship music it kind of takes me up the mountain to where God is in a sense. But when you have kids it's hard to get alone with God and be able to sing like I used to.
He talked about how fruit just naturally comes when we remain in the vine. There have been times in my life when I listened to sermons almost all day, and then other times where I've gone a month without listening to one, which are the hardest times.
And to wrap this up, the lesson in all this is always listen to sermons. Always stay in a Bible study if you can. And small groups are so much more meaningful then just church. It helps to actually talk to other believers. In church there is no talking so it's not the same really. I really think church should just be all worship and small groups and everyone can get a DVD to watch at home of a sermon, because whatever is seen in a sermon could be seen at home.
Anyways, stay connected to the vine, Jesus and the church. And try to not loose faith when hard times happen. Make sure you know at least one person who's faith is stronger than yours and who can pull you up and back into faith when you slip.
God bless! :)
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