My Town

 I have thought a few times of moving out of my house. It is in foreclosure, so eventually I will have to leave it, which is very sad. But God told me that I could live here until the rapture happens, so that is my plan. It is my sanctuary. It is my space. I have cute flowers all over the place, my music and good friends here. There is no where else I would want to be, except maybe a hotel on a beach in Florida. But I love my house. I love my space. I have been here for 4 years and I love my neighborhood. I love the town. I have never lived in a town filled with so many nice people. I love that there are no stop lights in my town. Crime here is pretty much non-existent. The town of Jarrell, TX really seems to be a perfect utopia. Everyone is happy here. Everyone's house and yard looks really nice. It is safe and quiet 24/7. Everyone respects everyone else. It has always reminded me of the movie Pleasantville because it is so perfect. I wonder if my influence over this town has made it more safe too. I used to have the words "Be Kind" on my car as a good reminder to everyone. I like to think that might be part of the reason why this town feels like a perfectly safe utopia. :) When Covid was starting I saw a giant rainbow over my town one day. I said to a co-worker I felt that meant God would protect us all here from Covid, and I think he has. If you want a perfect place to live, check out Jarrell, TX. You will love it. :) God bless. 

Work

 There always seems to be drama in some area of my life, if not in my love life then at work. I remember my best friend said to me once, "Drama seems to follow you wherever you go." And yes it does. Spiritual attack follows me everywhere. I heard in a sermon once when you become Christian there is now a giant bullseye on your back and Satan tries to shoot at you as much as he can. When you try to help others, Satan will attack you. When you do nothing, then there are no attacks. That is why I have had to take many breaks in my life and just hide in my room for weeks or months. When I get tired from all the attacks, I just hide out for awhile. We are in the last days and the Bible says, "The love of many will grow cold." I haven't been able to work for a couple weeks because I seem to have completely blown the muscle in my right forearm. My job is very physical. When people order 2 liters for delivery, those pizza bags get pretty heavy. And I have been helping with the dough for the past 3 months. I had never had a harder arm work out then trying to stretch out that dough. I did too much and now my body simply says, "I'm done. Sorry." It is time to rest, but my bosses and owners don't understand. I care but also don't care if they don't. People need rest sometimes. I think they are all just mad that now I am not there to do everything. No one I work with likes to work, which is frustrating. May God help me. May God bless you in your job. :)

My Princes

 I used to call my ex husband Prince Ben but it wasn't a compliment. It was because he acted like he was a prince, as if he deserved to be served 24/7, which I always resented. I now call my bf Prince Eric because I actually see him as a prince in a good way. I admire him a lot and I respect him for how smart he is. I love him more then I have ever loved anyone, except my two daughters. I have been with him for almost a year. We have had an off and on relationship, mainly because I was waiting for him to get over his ex, so I kept breaking up with him. I felt like his heart wasn't totally with me, because it was still with her, and that hurt. :( I also still needed to heal from my past guys. He had one girl to heal from. I have had 4 guys to heal from; Roger, Ben, Josh and Bryan. Every guy I was with felt like they were a prince. Roger always bragged that his dad had a far above level IQ. Ben prayed in tongues and that made him feel overly superior for some reason. Josh's dad was a lawyer so he grew up very rich. Bryan served 20 years in the Navy so he had a big ego over that. Eric's parents are millionaires, so that kind of makes him a legit prince. :) Now I am living my perfect Cinderella story. I have my handsome prince, even though I came from sad beginnings. I grew up somewhat poor after my parents divorced. Now I can live my happily ever after. I plan to take care of him forever if he takes care of me. May God bring you all your own prince or princess. :)

Abandoning Children

 I have not seen my 2 daughters in 2 years. The biggest reasons are that they live with my ex, who is 6 hours away from me, and I have been working a lot the past 2 years. It is also that I bounced around from my mom to my dad's house as a kid and I hated it, so I don't want to do that to my girls. It is ironic though, after I got pregnant my ex told me that if we ever didn't work out he wouldn't try to do shared custody. He just wouldn't see the kid anymore. I was thinking "Ok...." but now I am the one doing that. Of course I miss my girls and I'm sure they miss me, but there is not much I can do. If my ex and his parents don't want to share my girls with me, what can I do? This all made me think of how there seems to be this generational curse in my family. I was abandoned by my dad at age 6 when he went to jail. My mom was abandoned by her mom at age 9 because her mom had a mental break down and just checked out for a long time. My grandma was abandoned by her parents at age 2 when they dropped her off at an orphanage. This was all why I never wanted kids until about age 27. I think I was afraid that all this crap would happen to them. And they did have to go through what I went through, but I turned out mostly healthy and a productive member of society so I know they will to. 

Boredom and Stress

 When I was 23 I wanted to go to China to teach English. I remember my boss telling me, "You know, no matter where you go, life will be the same." That made me think a lot. His point was, you can't escape the boredom and the stress of life. No matter where you run to, it will follow you everywhere you go. You can be bored at work and you can be bored at home. You can be stressed out at work, and you can also be stressed out at home. There is no escape from the boredom and the stress of life. You might think moving to a different city will fix it, but it won't. You might think getting a new partner will fix it, but it won't. This is probably why people cheat. They think that with the next person they will never be stressed and they will never be bored, but boredom and stress are just part of life. You can't escape it. I remember I felt plenty of stress raising my two daughters, but there were a lot of boring times too. It was the same with my job at Papa John's, and anytime I have taken time off work. You cannot escape the boredom and the stress of life. No matter where you go, no matter who you are with, it will always be there. The grass is not greener on the other side. The grass is the same everywhere you go. 

The Joy of Being in Love

 When you really love someone, money doesn't matter, food doesn't matter, nothing else matters but them. All you want to do is lay next to them and hug them. There is no place in the world you would rather be then laying next to them. The sky could fall, but as long as they are there, you know you will feel ok. There is no one else you would rather have with you. You are completely content with them. Any way that they hurt you before doesn't matter now. And when they aren't next to you, your heart feels sad, and you long to be by them again. Your favorite thing to do is gaze into their beautiful eyes and chase them around the house to let you hug them. You feel so lucky and so happy that they picked you. That they choose to be with you. You start to like the same kind of movies and the same food. You love to share more about yourself with them, and you treasure it so much how hard they listen to you. No one else's opinion matters about you, only theirs. Your heart and mind are lasered in on this person, your lover, and you see nothing else. You would do anything for them, within reason. :) When they touch you, it feels like heaven. When they hold you, your heart melts like butter. You treasure every inch of their body and love to kiss them all over. They might irritate you a little, but it is impossible to stay mad at them for long, because they are your sweetie. They are your true love. :)

Good and Bad Reasons to Have Kids

 Good reasons to have kids are to have a little person to train to be like you. Someone who can help the world, like you tried to, when you are gone. It can be your biggest contribution to society, to raise a smart and kind little person who can keep carrying the torch of love to the world. You can train them to be a little missionary, to love God as much as you do and to help others. Too many selfish people are having kids now, people who didn't really deserve to have kids, and we wonder why the world has become so selfish. The good people are too much of a prude to have sex and so all the degenerate people are producing kids now. 

Bad reasons to have kids: to not have to work anymore, because raising kids is still work, just to have someone care for you when you are old, because you are bored with life. If you don't want to work, save up so you won't have to for awhile. If you want a caretaker when you are old, forget about that, because the world might end soon. Or be more healthy so no one will need to care for you. If you are bored with life, watch more movies. Children can be entertaining but they also are a lot of work. And don't have kids just because you are tired of your partner. You two will have to be a strong team when caring for your kids. 

It is a journey that requires a lot of consideration. God bless :)