I was thinking about Sunday's sermon, about the various way people act in a toxic manner at times. Each tendency has a root cause. This is like seeing what is under the water on an ice berg. Don't just look at the surface. Look at what is underneath.
The top is what we see. What is under the water is where what we see comes from.
The Critic is the critic because they themselves were criticized. I know my mom was criticized by her mom and felt like she was conditionally loved based on what she did.
My grandma was big on performances and acting, literally. She was a drama teacher for a couple years and throughout my mom's whole child hood my grandma was trying to get her on stage and in plays, the very thing she really did not want to do sadly. :(
My grandma has always been big on appearances. When she was younger she wanted to become a movie star. She was quite beautiful. But beautiful people sometimes can be the most critical.
Also, since she was a teacher I'm sure she was very critical with her children when it came to school work. I'm sure they had to excel in everything they did.
On top of that she was into sports and was very talented in tumbling, dancing and gymnastics. So perhaps she pushed her kids to be athletic as well even if they weren't particularly athletic.
As if that isn't enough my grandpa was a Southern Baptist Choir director for 30 years or so, so they were heavily involved in Baptist churches. So then there is the pressure of being a good Christian on top of all that.
Talk about high demands from a mom and from parents.
I felt some of that pressure being her grandchild. That she wanted me to be pretty, smart, athletic, performing in choir and have a good spiritual relationship with God. She wanted me to be social and happy and outgoing even if I didn't always feel like it.
My grandma did help me become all that I could become, but I think I learned a little of what my mom had to go through, that I was loved based on what I did. I passed this on to how I viewed God for the longest time too.
Until about 5 years ago it hit me when I was reading a book in my room that God loves me for me, not based on anything I do. That was very comforting. :) Finally, I got it! :) I hope you have gotten it too. :)
Secondly, the Downer is the downer because usually they have had to take on too much responsibility at a young age. They did not get to be a child and had to grow up too quickly. They are usually very mature and smart adults, because it's like they have been adults since forever.
My mom has traits of this as well which was also caused by my grandma. My grandma had a mental breakdown when my was 12 leaving her to care for her two younger siblings. My mom essentially became a mom way too early.
So The Downer's outlook on life is somewhat gloomy because things have generally not been good for them. You can't really blame their pessimistic attitude when you understand where it came from.
My brother is also a bit of a downer but he has had life really hard as well. My dad picked on him his whole life; told him things like he would never amount to anything or go anywhere, very negative stuff. My brother struggled in school since he had ADD. He always had a hard time with sports. He just didn't seem to fit anywhere. So that caused him to have some Downer tendencies, but one can see why.
Thirdly there is the Bully. The biggest Bully I have ever known was my dad. I know why he was that way though; it was because his whole life he was picked on by his four older brothers. He was the youngest of five boys and they were quite mean to him. I think they always called him a mommas boy. It was kind of like the story of Joseph how he was the youngest and his brothers were all jealous of him. My dad was a pretty cute kid so I could totally see my grandma paying more attention to him than the others.
So he was picked on and that in turn resulted in him picking on his own son all the time, my brother. Hurt people hurt people. I have always known a bully becomes a bully because they themselves were bullied. They felt powerless and weak before so they then want to feel powerful and strong at the expense of another person.
I can see the cycle repeating somewhat in how my brother interacts with his son. Very sad. :( I pointed that out to him; how he hated it when our dad did the same things to him. Like he bugs his son about eating to slowly or just about everything he does he gets on his case. History really does repeat itself. No matter how much he may say he wants to be nothing like his father, our father, he is just like him in so many ways. So ironic. Generational curses, or generational tendencies, are real. We live out whatever is modeled for us. What we learn as children is branded into our subconscious and we end up living out old family patterns without realizing it.
Lastly there is the Sponge. Why does the Sponge become a sponge?
It is simple. They were neglected by someone at some time. They did not get the love they needed and so their water well is empty basically. They are looking for anyone else to fill up their well that should have been filled up when they were a kid or by someone who loved them.
These people come off as the most annoying and needy. The people that just won't go away. The people that always want to talk or want something from you.
They are this way as a result of neglect. Perhaps a parents or someone in their family neglected them. Think of how you feel when you are incredibly thirsty and you have not drank water for quite awhile. That is how these people feel emotionally.
The answer for this sponginess is of course Jesus because he is the Living Water. He can help us to never thirst again. He can fill up our well and fill in the hole inside of us. He can make the sponge so sopping with water that they cannot take on anymore. :)
But most sponges do not realize this and that is why they are sponges. So be patient with them and pray for them. :) Jesus would have compassion on them and so should we. :)
And have compassion on all the negative defaults of people. Once you understand where they are coming from, that will be easier. :)
Peace to you. :)
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