How to Deal with Anger as a Christian

Often times, when people are abused in any way, shape or form, they will have a lot of general anger that results from that. I will discuss how to handle this anger in a biblical way.



Steps


It sounds cliché, but take a deep breath when you are angry. You can literally take a deep breath, which will help to calm you down, and also take a step back from the situation. If you are angry at a person it generally helps to leave the room until you have calmed down. Don’t say something you will regret later. I love the quote, "I never regretted anything that I didn’t say."

Think about why you are angry. Are you misinterpreting the situation or what someone said? When you have calmed down, ask for clarification to see if you misunderstood something.

Pray about it. Ask God to help you with your anger. I have taken a class called "Free Indeed" at my church where they talk about evil spirits. I do believe there is a spirit of anger that can get a hold of us. It doesn’t possess us but it can oppress us and kind of control us at different times. You can say boldly, "In the name of Jesus, spirit of anger I command you to leave. You are not welcome here." Or another good phrase to say aloud is, "By the power and blood of Jesus Satan be gone!" I have done that myself and have been surprised that I instantly calmed down. It really did feel like something that was controlling my mind and emotions left. Pretty creepy I know. But there are demons that can control us in certain ways if we let them. The Bible says, "Don’t let the sun go down on your anger and don’t give the devil a foothold." Our anger can give Satan a foothold, or an advantage over us. So we need to be very careful when we are angry. Anger can open a window to Satan in our minds and hearts.

Resolve the situation calmly. Don’t just stuff your anger. Paul said "Don’t let the sun go down on your anger." As in, you need to address what you are angry about. Speak the truth in love. Don’t just not speak the truth. Tell the person who made you angry how you are feeling, but do it gently. Then, even if the person doesn’t say they are sorry, forgive them. Why? Because God commands us to and also because holding onto bitterness won’t help you one bit. They say several physical illnesses are caused simply from our own anger or bitterness. Headaches are a well known physical result of anger. Our emotions do affect our physical bodies, so if only for the sake of your own health, let go of your anger. Forgive whatever happened and move on. Amen.

Try to not get angry about the little things in life, like someone cutting you off on the road or mistakes you might make, like loosing your phone etc. That will only raise your blood pressure, raise your stress levels and cause you to not live as long. Always have grace with others and with yourself. Most people don’t realize how much stress can negatively affect them. A lot of stress we bring on ourselves. We cause our own stress. Like the saying goes, "It’s not about what happens to you that matters, but how you respond to it." We can control our own responses to things. If we determine in our minds that we will stay calm no matter what, then we can. Ask God for help to stay at peace and He will help you. Amen :)

Have boundaries. There is a book by Cloud and Townsend titled Boundaries that helped me a lot. Often times people get angry when they feel like a line has been crossed in some way. But if other people never know what those lines are, how can you really get angry about it right? So you need to express to people what your lines or boundaries are. If someone really pushes your buttons, or easily gets you angry, express that to those you know. Maybe you get really mad if someone is late or if things are messy. Present your desires to people. Let them know what areas you are more sensitive in or have more needs in. They may or may not comply with what you want. If they don’t, then accept it and move on. But at least you will know that you tried to express yourself and what you wanted. Often times anger comes when we don’t express ourselves. We may feel stuck or trapped for some reason. Communicating about things will help bring freedom in any area. Anger comes when we feel ignored or disrespected. So try to build more of a relationship through talking so you won’t feel ignored. Don’t expect people to read your mind or intuitively know what you need at all times; you have to tell them. Communication is always very key.

Stay Humble. Often anger comes from our own ego and pride. We don’t get our own way and so we get angry. But remember, it’s not all about you. :) There are other people on the planet that have wants and needs to. :) If what you want conflicts with what others want, sometime you will have to let them have what they want. Everyone is not here to meet your needs alone. They need to take care of themselves sometimes too. Sometimes anger is an ego trip. It’s when we think everyone should cater to our needs and do things our own way. Our pride makes us start to think that it’s our way or the highway. But you are not God. No one but God is God. :) You cannot run the universe and you are not perfect. These are all good things to remind ourselves of all the time. Paul says in Romans 12, "Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment." Often times anger comes when we have a high opinion of ourselves and the way we think things SHOULD be done. But no one of is perfect. None of us has a perfect way of doing things. We need to allow for differences in other people and different opinions on things. It is never we are right and everyone else is wrong. We need to admit that sometimes we might be wrong too. Amen. So always remember to stay humble and not think of yourself as being perfect or better than you are. If you are able to see that you too make mistakes all the time, then you will have more grace for other people, and you will then become angry less. Amen.

Remember that Jesus got angry, so anger in itself is not a sin. Jesus was angry many times and yet he was without sin. Getting angry is not the sin; how you handle your anger is what can become a sin. Gossiping about people is a passive aggressive way to act our your anger. It’s better to confront the person directly. When Jesus was angry at the Pharisees, he didn’t gossip about them with his disciples, he confronted them directly. Express your anger. Don’t explode, but don’t implode either. Don’t stuff it and hold it in, because that does just as much damage to a relationship as exploding on someone. Both limit the freedom in a relationship. If someone shuts down or gets overly angry with you, you won’t feel as free to talk with them and be with them. Be open about your anger, but always "speak the truth in love."

Try to keep the peace at all times. Jesus said, "Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God." Likewise the apostle Paul said, "As far as it depends on you, live at peace with all men." Paul also said, "Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life." Those are some of my favorite verses. And another great verse is, "Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace." Amen :)


Tips


Choose your friends wisely. Some people will aggravate you more than others. If someone is overly hostile towards you, let the relationship go. Don’t stay friends with someone who is verbally abusive in any way. A normal reaction to any kind of abuse is anger. Sometimes the only way to keep peace is to cut off a relationship.

Listen to Joel Osteen on YouTube. He has got to be the most peaceful person alive. If anyone can teach you about how to keep peace with all people, Joel Osteen would be the person. He has a lot of great wisdom to share on how to get along with other people. His sermons are great! :)
Listen to worship music as much as possible. Hillsong is a great worship band from Australia. It is very true that worship music makes demons flee. They are drawn to evil things and are repelled by holy things, like praising God. So keep some good Christian music on in your home or car as much as is possible to literally ward off evil spirits. Amen.

Try to listen to as little angry music as possible. Certain kinds of music can stir up negative emotions more than others. Try to watch as little violence on TV or in movies that you can. The Bible says, "Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things." Amen.

Remember to laugh at yourself. Laugh at things in life, like your pets or funny things your children do etc. Laughter is very good for your health.


Warnings


Avoid needless debates with people. When it comes to witnessing, some people just want to argue. Avoid arguments over religions that will lead to nowhere. When it comes to other Christians, some like to debate issues about the Bible that no one can know for sure what the answer is. Gods ways are higher than our ways. We cannot fully understand God. Don’t argue with your fellow Christians about things that only God can fully understand. Some things we are simply not meant to fully understand.

Avoid drinking too much caffeine or eating too much sugar. A sugar high or too much coffee etc. can make you become more angry or agitated than you normally would be. Always eat a lot of protein. Low blood sugar, caused by eating to many simple carbs, can make you more irritable as well.