How to Have Unity with Your Spouse

How to Have Unity with Your Spouse

A lot of marriages struggle because there is a lack of unity between the spouses. Half of marriages these days end in divorce, even Christian marriages. Here are some tips on how to preserve the unity of your marriage and stay in love with your spouse until "death do you part," not divorce. Amen :)

Steps

1. First of all, Always Remember That Your Enemy is Satan, Not Your Spouse. Know that any fights are generally caused by Satan trying to dis-unify you. Satan knows that if the two of your are united, almost nothing can stop you. There will be almost nothing then that you two can't do for God's kingdom. The Bible says, "If two of you agree on anything it will be done for you." So Satan tries to get spouses to disagree, in order to take our power in Christian unity away. Also always remember the verse, "Our battle is NOT against flesh and blood but against...." Satan. Keep in mind that most of the time, if your spouse hurts your feelings, Satan in a way led them to do that. Get mad at Satan, not your spouse.

2. Resolve Conflicts Peaceably. If you do find yourself getting mad at your spouse and you are in the same room, go to another room until you cool down. If you are in a car, pull over and take a walk etc. Sometimes you need to make yourself take a time out until you can think clearly and rationally. :)

3. Pray Together. Nothing will help your marriage more than praying together. And when you pray for your spouse, don't use it as a time to indirectly tell them things that they need to change. Pray humbly and in a united way. :)

4. Don't Debate Biblical Issues. Here are some common ones: Predestination, Calvinism issues, if certain spiritual gifts are for today, pre or post trib rapture etc. It's better to not talk about debatable Christian topics with your spouse. Leave those debates for your friends. It will only dis-unify you and your spouse and cause issues.

5. Lower Expectations. Often times people go into marriage with way too high of expectations. Women might expect to swept off their feet like in Disney movies and men might expect or hope their wives to look like Barbie all the time. Realize that reality is different than our dreams. Don't put burdens on your spouse to do certain things or look a certain way. Learn to be content with them the way they are and don't try to change them. Besides, ultimatly the only person you can change is yourself. And if you want them to change on something, lead by example and do it yourself, rather than picking on them for not doing a certain thing.

6. Have Date Nights. And ladies, get dressed up for your husband on these nights. Appearance does matter to men, so sometimes it's good for us women to make an effort and try. Do yourself up like you did before you were married to keep the romance alive. smile emoticon Take at least one night a week to go out, just the two of you, no kids, so you can talk and catch up. Talk about your dreams for the future etc. Dream together. :)

7. Take a Vacation Once a Year. If the man is the bread winner, he deserves to have a nice, long break at least once a year. Cruises are a great, cheap way to vacation and travel. Most people don't vacatoin because they think it will be too expensive, but you can find inexpensive cruises easily. And ladies, control your spending and save so that you all can take that vacation. Cut back on buying clothes etc. so that you can have an awesome week as a family once a year. :)

8. Don't Have Close Friends of the Opposite Sex. Keep your closest friendships with people of the same sex. You may have had opposite sex friends before you were married, but you will probably need to cut them out of your life once you are married. It only breeds jealousy and suspicion if you are talking to a man or woman a lot that is not your spouse. Don't do it.

9. Be Nice Regarding Each Other's Parents. Everyone loves their own parents, and no one wants anyone else talking in a derogative way about their parents. If you want to have unity with your spouse, show respect for the people who raised your spouse always. :)

10. Stay in Shape for Each Other. A lot of husbands resent it if their wives put on a lot of weight after marriage. It can be hard to stay in shape after having children, but it is doable. You don't have to look perfect, but try to always look nice for each other.

11. Laugh with Each Other. Keep things light; don't get too serious. The best way to build unity and friendship is to have good times together. Watch funny movies. Laugh together at the silly things your children do. Get a pet that can make you both laugh etc. Always remember to have fun with your spouse. :)

Warnings

⦁ Men, don't look at sexual websites. If your spouse finds out, she might divorce you over it since biblically it counts as being unfaithful. Paul says the only reason for divorce is marital unfaithfulness. Looking at porn online is being unfaithful to your spouse. If you want your marriage to last, don't do it.

⦁ Women, don't over spend with money. Fights over money are the number one reason why couples divorce. Be self-controlled and content. Don't think that buying more things will make you happy. It probably won't. The only way to be happy is to find your contentment and joy in serving Christ. Amen.

May God bless you all!

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