My Holy Spirit Experiences

I have been unbelievably confused by things that people say are the Holy Spirit since right after I first got saved at 14.  For one I have always wondered why some of the followers look so odd, as far as tattoos and crazy hair etc?  But there is the verse, "God does not look at the outer appearance but at the heart." As was said about David when he was a boy anointed to be king.  And Paul said, "God chose the foolish things of the world to confound the wise."  So those two verses make me think about why I think the way I do and maybe I shouldn't judge too quickly about people in a movement.  I was thinking of those two verses while watching the movie "Lakeland Revival: A Documentary" on YouTube.  It's very good.  You should watch it. ;) It will definitely make you think.  I like how the maker of the movie stays neutral the whole time.  Well he seems a little bit against it but his tone of voice came about after the whole revival ended on a bad note, the divorce of Todd Bentley from his ex-wife.  My thoughts on that were that he got so burned out at the revivals every night healing people that he had no energy left for his family.  So either his wife felt neglected or it's possible she felt jealous of all the people getting healed.  It would be hard to not feel jealous.  It seems in this video that his worship leader and staff got jealous of Todd too towards the end.  Check it out ;)  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UDEsXVUQeLo

 I was first introduced to possible Holy Spirit things when I was about 15.  I went to a church with a guy friend I played basketball with.  He was African American and the church was all African American people.  I was the only white person there.  Needless to say I now have compassion on anyone of another race amidst a group of all white people, because now I know what it feels like to be the only one.  But it was a "spirit filled" church.  The pastor was yelling a lot.  I didn't feel like he talked too much about the Bible though; it was mostly emotion.  I was used to my home church Mariners in Irvine, CA.  They call themselves "spirit filled" but overall it's just non-denominational.  Most of the church members are/were extremely rich people from Newport Beach, CA and the surrounding areas.  It wasn't Baptist though.  It was a very grace filled church and very happy.  It grew extremely fast.  Over the course of the 10 years I went there it went from 2,000 to about 10,000 praise God!  I even got to give my testimony on stage once.  That was pretty awesome. :)  The worship definitely brought you into God's presence, but Pastor Kenton always taught a very logical and great well thought out sermon.  So that's what I was used to.

Then I was in this church that was mostly emotion and yelling.  At the end of the service almost every single person went to the front to get anointed with oil.  As soon as the pastor touched their forehead with oil they fell back and started to have literal seizures, pretty much every single person.  After the service the leaders herded me and another visitor into a back room.  They tried to convince us, I guess, that their way was right.  I kept pointing out the verse "God is a God of order, not disorder."  They pointed to the verse where Paul says, "My spirit prays, but my mind is unfruitful."  I guess that was them justifying that when they did anything their mind could be unfruitful.  I don't know. 

Anyways, it freaked me out a lot.  This friend who invited me to that church gave me a video of a Benny Hinn service.  I watched it and the whole time I was shocked.  I was thinking, "How could any of that be of God?! Why would God do stuff like that? Why would God make people fall back and possibly get injured?"  I had, just before this, seen my best friend have a seizure and that was what I was seeing these people go through.  Benny Hinn was basically inducing seizures for people!  I knew every time my best friend had a seizure it greatly hurt her neck or she might bite her tongue etc.  It was not something she wanted to have happen to her.  I didn't get why God would do something like that to people.  Benny Hinn was saying it was God, but I didn't get it at all.  I suppose anyone who hasn't seen someone have a seizure in real life wouldn't have the perspective that I do though.  Benny Hinn has since then been kicked off of TBN so praise God for that.  At least TBN finally got some discernment about him. 

Then a year later I went on a missions trip to Taiwan.  We went to a Pentecostal church there called Banner Church.  I saw lots of excitement in worship, people jumping up and down.  I didn't see any getting slain in the spirit though, praise God.  There was some tongues praying, which I found odd a bit, but it didn't scare me. 

And since then I hadn't seen too much.  I had a boy friend when I was 23 who tried to convince me I wasn't saved because I didn't pray in tongues.  That was interesting.  Needless to say, that relationship only lasted a few months.

And then now Todd Bentley is holding more ngs in a city 4 hours away from me.  People really are getting healed, and my husband wanted to go see it last week.  I freaked out because of these experiences I wrote about, but it's possible that was just spiritual attack and Satan trying to stop us from going.  But now I'm considering going this Wednesday, if they have some form of child care there. :)  I have no idea if I should or should not go or if God would want me to.  I find his online newsfeed videos compelling for sure.  But the Lakeland Revival video makes me doubt more if all that is from God.  Some things in the video were convincing that it is God and some things seemed odd like the laughing on the floor thing.  I did have a thought last night though about the laughter, that I like tickling my two girls and making them laugh so it's possible that's what God is doing with the "holy laughter" thing.  Laughter can greatly increase health in many ways.  So it could be from God.  There is also the verse "Do not get drunk with wine but instead be filled with the Holy Spirit."  I have always wondered for about 15 years now if that verse means being filled with the Holy Spirit appears like someone is drunk. 

And that is where I will leave off on this.  Feel free to comment any thoughts you have.  If God really is more present at Todd Bentley's revivals then that would be exciting to see in person.  May God bless you all!

(I did not decide to go after reading his book "Journey into the Miraculous" which tells his completely insane life story.)