Life Sadness

 My predominant feeling 24/7 is of sadness over life.  My life, the lives of others, people who probably won't go to heaven.... I feel sad almost constantly over these things.  I suppose God puts this feeling in me so I will remember to pray for everyone I feel sad over.  It is overwhelming sometimes how sad life can be. 

So many people are so often lonely.  And then when we aren't lonely we don't entirely know what to say to the people in our lives.  When we are alone we want people to be around, but then sometimes when  people are around we want to just be alone. 

We get tired of how much others hurt us.  And we feel sad a lot over how much and how easily we hurt others.  Then we think, we probably should just be alone most of the time, because the more we are alone, the less we can hurt anyone.

I remember toward the end of my time with my ex husband and two daughters I said to Ben one day, "I just feel like you all would be better off without me."  Those words seemed to echo into reality a month after that.  

I said that because I was tired of me and Ben fighting.  He kept accusing me of cheating on him, which I wasn't, and I would get mad when he wouldn't believe me that I wasn't. 

We all crave more human interaction, but we are afraid of it at the same time.  You never know what someone else will say or what you will say.  We don't trust the demons in others, and we don't trust the demons in ourselves.  So we hide in our houses.  We hide behind our TV's or video games or our phones.  We keep people at a distance in order to stay safe.  We hold people at arm's length so we won't get hurt as much.  

But then you feel lonely all the time, and you don't know what the solution is.  

The solution is to stop being afraid all the time. 

Get out. Reach out. And go live life.  

God bless!