Not all people belong in your heart
Value yourself and you will start
To only let the good people in
Some will just pull you into sin
Be careful of who gets close to you
Be wary of anyone who is new
The more you let bad people in
The more crazy you will begin
To start to feel
Protect the light inside of you
Keep the darkness out and be true
To yourself preservation and peace
Then your good days will never cease
Hugs are instant joy
I love hugging my baby boy
If you need a better day
Ask for what you need and say
It is time to hug a lot
There is nothing you bought
That is as good as a great hug
Why would you want to be sad?
When you can think yourself glad
Turn that frown upside down
Maybe act a bit like a clown
Dance around and be silly
Go outside and pick a lilly
Enjoy the scenery and the sun
Let yourself have a bit of fun
Being serious is not the way
Learn to enjoy each new day
Open your heart and say
How much you love your family
Home is the best place to be
Where you can always be the most happy
The season of love
When beauty falls from above
As if God drops the most lovely things
All over the land
The weather starts to get warm
And we all feel warmer inside
The time for kittens and bunnies
The grass turns neon green
It is fun to look at everything
Flowers come out as if to say
"Isn't our world beautiful"
The season of Easter and church celebrations
The most beautiful season
It has always been my favorite season
Why do homeless people have no home?
On the streets they are doomed to roam
It makes you wonder why
Did they tell good people bye?
No one takes care of those guys
Maybe they told others too many lies
Too many bridges went down
So they wear a constant frown
They could work at Taco Bell
Or make something to sell
But they just want to bask in the sun
They sure love their freedom a ton
Don't give them money
Tell them their laziness isn't funny
And hand them a job application
😁
You evil, enticing mountains of sugar
You kill our teeth
And cause us diseases
Yet we still love you
We are still drawn to you
No matter how much pain you cause us
Like the sirens singing
We run back to you over and over
We cannot resist you
Like you are the greatest thing created
In the end you bite us hard
With diabetes and cancer and tooth pain
But we still see you with rose colored glasses
We love you and cherish you
May we see the light about you, candy
You are not as sweet as you seem
"Do you not know?
Your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit
Honor God with your body."
The more you smoke
The more your teeth get infected
Then your organs might get infected
Then your mental health is affected
And you have non stop fear you might die
Why not give up smoking?
So you won't be afraid someday
You will reap what you sow
It's not worth it
10 seconds of pleasure now
Could mean years of pain later
The more my ex smoked
The more I ordered online things
I would even bring
Boxes in and hide them
Then he smoked even more
Then he almost got cancer like a fool
Should have heard my warnings like a tool
Two negatives don't equal a positive
We should have done counseling
Maybe we were worth saving
Don't do a bad thing to get your mate back
It might be fun to attack
But if you love them, forgive them
Non stop revenge never ends well
In the end you will sell
All that you had together
And start all over with a new person
Why do people get controlling?
"If you lose control
You become controlling"
We all want to be a master
That is why dogs are popular
They are kind of easy to control
But people are not
People usually do what they please
You cannot make anyone do anything
If it does not benefit them
They most likely won't do it
You have to give others freedom
They hopefully will do the best thing
Just trust them
Jesus did what seemed impossible
He healed almost anyone who asked
He said faith was needed for him to heal
Faith in what?
That he could perform miracles
Maybe also that you deserve a miracle
Do you think you deserve blessings?
The more faith you have in yourself
The more likely you will receive miracles
Believe that God will bless you
Then he is more likely to bless you
What you think will happen
Is what almost always happens
You think you want some fun
But your marriage might come undone
You maybe want to unwind
But it will mess with your mind
Why not fantasize about your mate?
That would be super great
Instead you watch some slut
Who probably is a crazy nut
Do you want her more than your lady?
If you do, that is pretty crazy
Stay fixated on the lover you got
Remember why you tied the knot
If you want to be led to an affair
Porn will take you there
Or stay in love with your mate
Stay faithful before it's too late
Here are the best pastors to watch on YouTube:
Steven Furtick
Shawn Johnson
Joyce Meyer
Greg Laurie
Jentezen Franklin
Jay Shetty (he is kind of a pastor)
Maybe someday I'll get to meet one of them. They are the greatest Christian leaders I have heard that are actually Christian. 😁
Go check them out. 😄
What happens when a high energy person meets a low energy person?
They have kids.
Most couples are opposites
The melancholic is drawn to the sanguine
The lazy phlegmatic loves a choleric
What one isn't
The other one is
The A type tries to remember what fun is
The easy going one tries to work harder
The sad one is cheered up by the happy one
The happy one becomes more mature
We all need an opposite
To learn more from
It keeps life interesting
Why do you sleep so much?
There are better things to do
Is your life just all about you?
The more you sleep, the more blue
You may feel
Don't sleep your life away
Embrace each new day
What thoughts do you have to share?
How can you help others today?
Maybe you feel physical pain
Will sleep make you gain
More peace?
Extra rest is good for a season
But then remember there are many reasons
To get up and do things each new day
Why not eat more veggie stew?
And give up that evil strong brew
You don't need a snickers tonight
You need some onions to feel delight
Throw all that ice cream in the trash
You need a carrot and peas stash
Put all those chips away
More salads should be here to stay
Cake will destroy your body
You won't want to see anybody
You know cookies are sinful
But broccoli is delightful
Ok maybe it is not
But if you want your teeth to not rot
Eat more fruit and veggies every day
Then your stomach will always say
Thank you for not trying to poison me
You have things to do
Stop being a zombie that's blue
Stay alert so you can have fun
Are you already done with life?
You just want to forget it all?
Try writing it out, that pain
Instead of hiding it and numbing it
Throw that needle away from you
Put that pill down
Listen to happy music instead ☺
That is a better way to end those thoughts
Stop being selfish
Stay sober for those around you
Why do you want to die?
What will happen to those you leave behind?
Don't end your life
Maybe you keep having strife
But this too shall pass
Hard times never last
Take a nap and eat something
Empty your mind of everything
Things are never as bad as they seem
You have a lot to offer people
It is time to forgive those other people
What if your dream is about to come true?
Now show everyone the real you
Don't be too scared to shine your gift
Hang in there, stay in faith
Everything will be ok soon
Alcohol just makes you feel blue
It does help you speak true
But overall alcohol is destructive
It prevents you from being productive
It causes some to be reproductive
But that is not a good beginning
Babies should not be caused by sinning
It makes you stumble and fall
Is it really worth it all?
They call it spirits for a reason
If you get possessed call a deacon
Don't love alcohol too much
It will mess up your life and such
It is a very evil crutch
For some even just a touch
Can cause a crazy addiction
Do something else with your time
Alcohol isn't worth a dime
Sudden infant death syndrome
Is it from having an unsafe home?
What causes it?
Is it really legit?
Could it be baby shots?
They are required to get lots
Is it caused by tummy sleeping?
Or maybe moms not keeping
A better watch over their baby
It could be extra blankets maybe
Is there poison in the baby food?
Maybe the formula is not good
It could be that some bottles are toxic
May God protect all our babies
😇👶😇
Like zombies many men sit
Staring for hours to feel legit
They need more action in life
But all the game does is cause strife
Why not focus on your family?
Instead of getting lost being free
Why stay in a fantasy world forever
Do you prefer to escape and sever
Every relationship you currently have?
They give up sleep
So maybe they can keep
The record on the screen
Like a siren their game sings
And calls them back to it every day
Maybe it is time to finally say
Goodbye to your stupid video game
Jesus said "You are either for me
Or against me."
Everyone is either Batman or the Joker
We are all either day or night, dark or light
Some try to prevent evil and pain
Others only try to cause evil and pain
What are you?
If you are one of the bad guys
Do you realize that you are?
If humans are not constructive
We will become destructive in some way
Build something so you will stop destroying
Give so you will not take anymore
Be a light so the darkness will flee
Choose to be with God, be Batman
The world does not need more Jokers
If you get cheated on
Realize they were a con
Just think good riddance you dick
Lucky me my skin is too thick
I didn't like you anyway
And you never helped me pay
For things
There is much anger around affairs
It can turn you into an angry bear
You feel anger at yourself for loving the jerk
It really took a lot of work
Anger at them for betraying you
But now you can find someone new
Choose more wisely next time
And I hope they are super fine
Have you cast out a demon?
They aren't easy to expel
With most people you can't tell
Demons hide very well 😣
They aren't easier to expel if you yell
But you do need to speak with authority
If you want a demon to come out of you
You have to be sure you want to be new
Confess your sins and ask for prayer
Then let the wild ride begin 😄
If you are the one casting the demon out
Make sure your life is pure, stay stout
Have faith in yourself and believe
Your friend will then be free and receive
A brand new life, praise God 😁👏
Has Christianity been good or bad?
It seems to make a lot of people sad
There is a comparison thing
That many churches bring about
There is a tendency to just stare
At the pastor and say nothing
But everyone could say something
Why isn't church like it was in Acts?
Less people go to church now, that's a fact
Do we all wish it was more on fire?
It seems often church is filled with liars
People who claim to be saved
But their actions have only paved
Their way to hell
They just want to sell, sell, sell
But doesn't the Bible say
"The love of money is the root of all evil"
Church has turned kind of bad
And that has made many of us sad
The best place for you to rest
You always feel your best
There is no place like home
Why would you go out and roam?
These 4 walls are my best place to be
I love looking out at my tree
Church at home is easy
Especially if you feel queasy
Just relax, unwind and have fun
Those other things will get done
Stay at home and you just might
Realize that is the best night
A place you can just be
And you feel more carefree
😁
"God heals the brokenhearted
And binds up their wounds."
Where should broken hearts go?
Run to your Heavenly Father
He knows how to help you
To restore your peace
To boost your confidence again
Why did that thing not last?
So God could bring someone better
Shake off the self pity
Believe your future can be better
Stay in hope that your pain will end
Keep your head up and smile
God will make it alright again
😁👏☺😀⭐😎😄🐱🐥👶👍👏😁
"They were all together in one place. Suddenly there came from heaven a sound like a mighty rushing wind, and divided tongues as of fire appeared to them and rested on each one of them. They were all filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak in other tongues."
Fire fall on us we pray
Help us to really try to say
All that we can this day
How can we start an awakening?
Maybe if we really try to bring
A full heart of surrender and sing
What would the world become
If we decided to no longer to succumb
To Satan and his evil scheme
If we gave God everything
"Submit to God. Resist the devil
And he will flee from you."
Let the Holy Spirit fire
Fill you and save you from hell fire
When can a revival happen?
When a group forgets everything
And focuses on God as the main thing
It helps remind us all to bring
Our full adoration to The King
Together many people then will sing
Displaying that God is their everything
Sadly it only lasts for a short time
Then all go back to making a dime
Up that corporate ladder they must climb
I wonder if there would be less crime
If we all sat and worshipped God more
Maybe if we learned to pour
Our hearts out to God more
Try it sometime
😁
"If anyone is in Christ
He is a new creation."
Thank you God for my salvation
I pray you will save our great nation
May you help us to see liberation
May our faith not be just obligation
God make pure our education
Bless families with better communication
"If my people who are called by my name
Will humle themselves and seek my face
Then will I heal their land."
God release your blessing hand
May you help us Christians to band
Together and try to save our country
May we always stay hungry
For more of you
He saved the whole earth
Blessed was the night of his birth
He saved us from our sin
So that against Satan we can win
He allowed nails to pierce his hands
To tell us of his loving plan
"There is no other name among men
By which we can be saved."
He understands all our pain
A friend in him we can gain
Don't put off accepting his free gift
So that one day God will lift
You to heaven with all the saved
You created us from the dust
So many though do not trust
That you really care for them
People run around doing their own thing
Not many care to sing
Praises to you, our Father in heaven
How do you deal with the disrespect?
Churches now have so many sects
The world is so far lost
God bring us back to you
Start a revival that is true
May we fall on our knees and worship you
"You will receive power
When the Holy Spirit comes upon you"
Power to do what?
To change the world
To save those who seem unsavable
Power to feel alive, without caffeine
Power to do whatever God calls you to
Don't you want to feel powerful?
Don't go after sorcery
Seek the only real key
To power that never ends
Ask the Father to fill you every day
With more and more of the Holy Spirit
"With God all things are possible"
Free your mind of what is or can be
What does God tell you is possible?
Believe the impossible can be possible
Don't limit the God of the universe
"Whatever you ask for in prayer
Believe you have received it and it is yours"
Does God give us everything we want?
No but some big things you could have
Just believe
"The fear of man lays a snare"
"Perfect love casts out all fear"
If God is with you
There is nothing to fear
"If I were still trying to please man
I would not be a servant of Christ"
Who you fear is who you seek to please
Fear God only
Nothing else matters
"All things are permissible
But I will not be mastered by anything"
What you fear is your master
God is the only being we should fear
God is the only worthy master
What is your mountain?
Keep climbing, keep working hard
One day it will all be worth it
Don't give up, don't stop believing
You will get to where you want to be
If you just keep going
Just keep climbing
Never give up hope
Believe that it is possible and it will be
"According to your faith
It will be done to you."
Your dreams will come true
You just need faith
Believe you can have it
And you will get it
At the beginning there is deep love
Then it feels like you are wearing gloves
You feel less than at first
You used to feel your heart might burst
From how deeply you cared for them
Then you always hear their flem
Things are said or not said
You start to sleep in separate beds
And your heart gets cold
Why not try to be bold?
Chase after them again
And good luck to you
😁
Don't want to feel all alone?
Want to talk to more people on the phone?
Online dating can be tons of fun
You might actually find the one
Don't be scared to meet new faces
You can go to some fun places
Be careful though and talk before you meet
They could be odd and have stinky feet
But give it a chance and you will see
That dating really possibly could be
The most fun thing you have ever done
Now go out and get some
But make sure they are a good person
😀
So many are trying to save themselves
Through trying to save others
Are they even saved themselves?
They talk the talk
But can they walk the walk?
Where is the fruit?
Maybe if they save enough people
Then they will be saved
Or will Jesus say, "I never knew you."
Do they know God?
Or do they just know about God?
"So many people miss God by 12 inches
The distance from their head to their heart."
The ones who say they are saved the most
Maybe are the least saved
May God save all the unsaved saved people
Listen to me when you need help
Let your pride down
Admit you desire my help
You can't live life on your own
I love you more than words could say
I want to save all of you
But only a chosen few will make it
Desire to get in that group
Be someone I would want in heaven
How do you know what that is?
Read the Bible and pray more
How can you become a Christian?
Is it as easy as saying a prayer?
No, it is a lifelong process
James said, "Show me your faith without deeds
I will show you my faith by what I do."
Paul said, "Work out your salvation."
It is a grueling lifelong process
Every minute seek God's desire for your day
What does he want you to do?
Salvation is not just a small prayer
It is minute by minute
Year after year
Clinging to God and living like Jesus
What is a super mom?
A super mom is very strong
She gets up while it is still dark
Never on the couch does she park
She loves to cook
Never needs a cookbook
Even if no one else eats it
She cooks healthy food to beat, cancer
She keeps her house super clean
She tries to never act mean
She speaks well of her man
She always has a great plan
She keeps her children well fed
And mostly gives herself bread
She gives and gives
For as long as she lives
Men, tell your woman thank you today
What is a super dad?
He is almost always glad
He gets food so his woman won't be sad
He is willing to work a lot
To care well for his little tot
He doesn't ask for much
He is loyal, maybe doesn't say much
He gives all that he can give
He sacrifices so others can live
A superdad is always kind and never yells
He is patient and loving, you can tell
He wants to keep his family secure
He works hard, of that we are sure
My man is a superdad
We love him and appreciate him so much!
My man won't listen to me
Maybe some of you will hear my plea
Vaping and smoking will kill you
It might help you feel less blue
But just wait, the cancer will come
Then you will regret that you got some
Smoke inhaled like a poison in your lungs
You want to feel slightly high
But why do you want to die?
Or do you not know it kills you?
Take better care of your lungs
Beware of getting cancer on your tongue
You can protect yourself better
I believe in you
Why do you often hide from God?
Don't you want a nod
Of approval from him every day?
All you have to do is say
The right things and be kind
Then maybe you will find
That your mind isn't in a bind
God can be your friend
On him you can always depend
You don't have to be afraid of him
Just live by his rules and then
You will have less to worry about
God loves you!
Just believe that he does
And you will act like you know he does
What I wish someone told me when I was younger,
Start saving now
Pay off a car and keep it forever
Avoid fanatic church people
Only have one kid
Don't buy a brand new house
Date for a month before you hook up
Don't ever let other people take your kid to their house
Don't go to the Caribbean. It's dirty.
College will not matter all that much.
Be confident. It makes you more attractive.
Oh to see a dragon
How fabulous that would be
Would I try to kill it?
Or hide out and admire it's beauty?
I would love to see it spew fire
And fly high in the sky
Are dragons real?
Yes but most don't believe
What would you do
If you saw a dragon?
I just wrote a poem that everyone should stick with having one kid. I wonder if 2 kids or more is what ruins most marriages. Every kid wonders if a divorce was because of them, and it is a little bit. 🤔😣
But on a positive note I have always loved that I have a older brother. He has always been more like my dad really, since our dad sucks. In a lot of ways I act like his mom, or I feel the need to, since our mom is very quiet.
We have always protected each other, looked out for each other. And when needed, we provide for each other, at least emotional support. Sometimes money.
It is great to have a sibling. Someone who is in your corner. Someone who you know will love you no matter what. A person who will give you the best advice they can think of because they really care.
To anyone who had a sibling die or had no siblings, my heart goes out to you. Hopefully you had other family members who acted like great siblings for you. :)
Here is some happy news, 10.4 thousand views is how many views my poems got on Tik Tok yesterday. 😱😁👏 I am so glad my best buddy Ashley told me to post poems on there. 😀 Look me up on there, Lisa Bedrick.
I feel like I just got a church of 10,000 people for free! 😀
Everything my friend Ashley tells me to do works out great! Starting this blog was her idea. Renting rooms in my previous house was her idea. Writing books again was her idea. And now posting my poems on Tik Tok woot! Maybe I will save the whole world through Tik Tok. 👏
I hope you all have a best friend that gives you great ideas too. 😁 And go post some cool things on Tik Tok. It will be super fun.
Every person who falls in love
Dives into the pool right away
They don't give it much thought
They just jump right in the water
It is nice when you get to swim around
Until you drown slowly in the deep end
But then you come up for air
And get out of the pool
Until you see another pool
And you jump right in again
Hoping this time
You will never drown
This is so shady. So my man has a check card for work. A week ago it had $500 extra on it. Now that amount is zero but he never pulled that out in cash. How strange.
It makes you think why do lots of companies not give a paper check anymore? There are no pay stubs that break down the hours worked and the pay per hour. I wonder if every single company under pays their workers $100 a week. If you never add up the hours, how do you know if you are paid the correct amount?
With the above situation, that means they literally pull back money on the card. How messed up is that? I always wondered if he was getting his full check each week. 😣
Wherever you work, write down your hours and make sure you are getting paid for all your hours. If you work your but off like my man does, you deserve to get paid for all your hours.
If you have a check card for work, I recommend asking for a paper check instead. Or pull all your check out in cash every Friday so they can't pull it back.
I had a co worker who told me her bank was shady. They deleted a paycheck she got. As in the check was there and then it wasn't. 🤔😪
Watch over your money y'all. Mainly just use cash. And go watch the movie Matchstick Men. It will change your life. 😁
Trying to nap
To be happier for my chap
Cats are whining
A dog is barking
Birds are fluttering
No sleep for a tired mother
Maybe I'll call my brother
Thank God for green tea
I wish I lived by the sea
I love my chocolate muffin
It smelled great cooking in the oven
😁
None of us want to get fat
It just happens
We have to eat
To feel better every day
And then the fat comes
And we feel more sad
But who cares?
Let yourself be happy
And eat great food
We are not rockstars after all
We get obsessed with it
Or we think we don't need it
We all need good thoughts
The more sleep we have got
The better we do to keep
Our mind at peace, so sleep
You can do it
Empty your mind
And enjoy some good rest
So that you will act your best
You have divided our great nation
We are no longer the United States
We are states that love pot
And states that hate it
Why can't we all agree
That high is not the way to be?
California, you want to kill your economy?
Why do you allow the lazy outcome of pot?
Soon the golden coast will become a ghost town
No one will want to work
And our whole country could fall
Shortly after that
May God save us all
I love being colorful. I have different colored hearts all over my house now in honor of Valentine's. I didn't put up green or purple hearts though. Why? Because I hate green and purple, because of Barney. He ruined those two colors for me the rest of my life. 😣
Red is my favorite color. It just makes you feel alive and like doing something. That probably is from our instincts. When we saw blood in primal days it was time to cook it and eat it.
Red is also the color of love. Why is that? Maybe because our cheeks and lips naturally turn red when we are in love. That is why make up exists, so you can con others into thinking you are in love. 😁
I used to love blue the most because I love sunny blue skies. I used to sit and tan for hours, until I got worried about skin cancer. Now I realize tanning is like an early death sentence.
I started loving pink after I had daughters. I hated pink as a little girl. I didn't want to be cute. I wanted to be strong. I'm sure because I had an older brother. I would tell people, "Don't call me cute!" I was a feisty little girl.
I now love orange and yellow because I realized they are the most happy colors. I love yellow sunflowers. I have fake ones all over my backyard. Looking at them has always helped me to feel more happy.
Go make your house more colorful. It will make you feel more happy.
Every couple has to learn to fall in love over and over again. We often lose the other person's heart by being mean or moody or critical or selfish. Then we need to try to get them to fall in love with us again by being kind and fun.
No one can be in love with a grumpy person who complains constantly. You have to learn to be a fun person again if you desire that your mate falls in love with you again.
Be fun. Laugh. Sing to them. Give a massage. Buy the food that they like.
Beware of acting cold and being cold. The cold weather and getting sick can make anyone act cold. But let that ice melt away. Try to remember why you picked them. Why did you decide to be with them forever? Something was appealing to you at first. It's still in them probably. You have to look past all the things that piss you off that they do and see their hidden inner beauty. What is wonderful underneath? What is hidden that you can bring back to life?
Couples always laugh and smile at the very beginning, and then things get so serious. You have kids. You buy a house or a car. Then it all feels like weights on your back. You walk around holding that load up, and you forget how to smile and laugh. You forget to hold hands and hug. You forget to dance for them or with them. Life becomes depressing.
Bring that love back. Bring the life back. Open your heart to them again. Don't let Satan win.
I have lived in 42 different homes throughout my life. That makes me sound like a foster kid but no. I just have gone on many adventures.
1. My parents rented a house in Santa Ana, CA from the time I was born till I was 6. We basically had a zoo in that house. We had a dog, bunny, cats, frogs and guinea pigs.
2. Then we lived in a duplex owned by my grandma. I built my own mini golf course in the backyard. I also bred rats. I tried selling them at garage sales we had. When I told people the babies were rats they usually screamed. 😂
3. At age 9 my family moved from CA to Iowa. We lived in a motor home for a summer by my other grandma. I got to explore 10 acres around there like I was Huck Finn. It was a great summer!
4. Then we bought a house by a lake. I made a tree house there. Well it was more like a big square of wood that I called my tree house.
5. At age 11 we went to live in an apartment in town by my school. I started sneaking out at night that age. There was so much to explore. I probably gave my mom a few headaches in that apartment.
6. We moved to a house close to my Junior High. Almost every day after school I walked down "smokers alley" we called it. I was 13 and smoking already just so I could feel grown up.
7. At age 14 my mom and I moved back to CA to live with my grandma. She kept breathing life into me and telling me I was special and God had something for me to do. I mostly believed her. :)
8. Then my mom and I got an apartment in Santa Ana. I played a ton of basketball there. The guys were surprised a girl could play ball. They were "What? Oh she can play!"
9. At age 15 we got a townhome next to my High School and church. It seemed half the church lived in the townhomes around us. It was a for real heaven on earth community.
10. At age 18 I was off to college! I lived in the Sigma dorm first. One night a guy was talking to my neighbor from the parking lot. I kept throwing pennies at him to make him go away. It was really funny.
11. My mom married my step dad so that made our new home in a condo in Huntington Beach. I had good times riding my bike to the beach to watch all the hot surfers. 😁
12. After my freshman year I went to live with my Aunt for a summer in Hawaii what.... I was a nanny for my cousins. I had a heck of time getting them to do what I wanted them to though.
13. My Junior year I lived in the Alpha dorm. I had a random room mate that year. She farted a lot in her sleep. It smelled terrible. I don't know why I didn't open a window more.
14. My Senior year I had an on campus apartment. This was my hardest year. I wasn't eating in the cafeteria anymore, and I missed it. It was isolating to be in the apartments. I had a few dates with a hot guy that were fun though.
15. My mom and step dad decided to upgrade to a bigger house in Irvine. It was awesome! I got my own patio. We had awkward neighbors there though. We knew them from church yet we all barely said hi. 3 years I made it at this house. That was my longest time in a house.
16. Then I went to work on a cruise ship. That was crazy and fun and awkward. Glad I did that overall. The comedian kept hitting on my room mate and I. He was twice our age. 😣
17. Then I went to Nebraska to get an apartment with my brother. His dog slobbered all over which took some adjusting for me. ☺
18. Then I fell in love with a guy named Roger from work. We got a cheap apartment. I worked at the Pizza Hut near there and delivered pizzas in the freezing cold winter out there in Nebraska. It was not easy or fun. One time I slid partly through an intersection. That was crazy. 😱
19. Roger got a job in Lincoln so we got an apartment there. I barely made anything working in a restaurant there. We failed and had to go live with his mom.
20. We were in his mom's basement for a month. It was mostly ok. She was nice but hollered down for Roger at times. I just didn't say anything if I was home. 😂
21. Then we went back to the Lincoln apartment. I got a better job there at Chilis and made more money. He worked in a prison there. I felt it was insane he wanted to work there but oh well.
22. A year later he died from drinking too much. My brother and mom came to get me and help me drive to my mom's in CA. My brother was surprised I wasn't crying more. I said I still couldn't believe it happened. I lived with my mom for 2 months.
23. Then I went to Australia! I stayed with an old lady for a few days.
24. Then I rented a room from an old man for a week but it was very awkward.
25. Then I rented a room from a young guy for a few weeks.
26. Then I came back to the states! I was soooo happy to come back to our God blessed and awesome country. I stayed with my mom for a few days.
27. Then she helped me drive to Kansas City to live with a friend. My car was our home for 5 or 6 days. Jk we stayed in hotels.
28. I helped my friend move to a brand new apartment. We lived there for a few weeks. Woot!
29. I prayed to meet a great guy like Roger again. Then I met my ex husband and moved in with him, overly fast but oh well.
30. Then after I became pregnant we moved to Texas and stayed with his parents while he got his CDL. That was interesting.
31. Then finally we got our own apartment 3 months after coming to Texas. It was kind of old but oh well.
32. That apartment sucked so we got a brand new apartment closer to his parents.
33. That apartment got infested with bugs randomly 😭 so we moved to another brand new apartment.
34. That one still had bugs because we brought them with us somehow. If you ever get a bug infestation, get rid of everything you have. Possibly even your cars. Just burn it all.
35. 6 months after living there me and my girls went to live with my mom. My ex lived with his parents because he was too retarded to move with me and my girls.
36. Finally he came to Austin and found a job. We got a nice apartment. The bug issue was a lot better then.
37. Then we got a duplex closer to my mom. I loved that area we moved to more than any area I have ever lived in. We should have stayed there forever.
38. But we wanted a new house. So we bought a house in Jarrell because it was the cheapest area to buy a house in.
39. There was a reason it was cheap. They built the house in a month it seemed. It had tons of issues. That is the house our divorce happened in. Can I blame our divorce on that house? Sure why not. 😀 My ex left. I stayed in that house till it was foreclosed on 4 years after we initially bought it.
40. Then I road tripped and stayed all over the south. A hotel in Destin, Florida was a perfect home for me for a week. I shall return there someday to visit hopefully.
41. Then a bf I had told me to come here and get an apartment by my daughters so I did.
42. That apartment got bugs too. I think this city has a serious issue with their apartments having bugs. So I moved in with my current man.
And hopefully I will stay here forever. Until I am 80 years old and pass on. Because I am finally tired of hopping all over the place like a bunny rabbit. 😁
When my boy was 2 months old I put up a patriotic cross and glitter stickers on the wall. For whatever reason it made him laugh a lot to look at that. It was so adorable.
I used to pat James' back to help him burp. Now he always pats my back when I hug him. It's so cute!
When I come say hi to James and he is chilling in his stroller, he does the cutest surprise face as if to say, "Oh my goodness it's mommy!"
When he is doing tummy time sometimes he puts a toy on the window trying to get the cats to come play with him. It's so cute!
When he wants baby food he army crawls over to his high chair as if to say, "Ok time to feed me."
I had his diapers by his play mat and he would go mess up my stack of diapers when he knew he needed one.
Here are things that everyone should do:
Clean your steering wheel with wet wipes
Change your socks twice a day
Wash your hands 4 times every day
Take a bath/shower every night
Brush your teeth every morning
Wash your clothes after every single time you wear them
Wash your hair and face every time you take a bath
These are basic things to do to prevent yourself getting sick and those you love.
I went to India when I was 14, which was super fun but also so awkward. The people stared at my team from church like we were green alien people. 😱😁
I went to Taiwan when I was 16. We got flowers for our host homes at the night market. We were running late for something, and I remember us sprinting down the streets. The flowers were still ok.
I went to Mexico with my church when I was 17. We lived in what we called Tent City and couldn't take a shower anywhere. So one day we washed our hair in the sprinklers on a college campus down there. ☺
When I was 18 I did a backpacking trip with friends down to the bottom of the Grand Canyon. We walked from sunrise to sundown that first day. I had never been so exhausted in my life.
When I was 19 my family did a Caribbean cruise. I got to do parasailing in Haiti. I realized parasailing is actually quite boring. Should have done the snorkeling.
I did a road trip to Colorado when I was 19. I drove with a guy friend for 20 hours straight. We got a lot of Starbucks along the way and listened to a Switchfoot CD. That kept us wide awake. 😁
When I was 21 my family did the Alaska cruise. I won the karaoke idol contest. They just gave me a lunchbox. The next day my step brother and I did a long bike ride in the rain. 😟
I drove to Sacramento for a summer class when I was 22. Driving back to Southern CA I got so tired that the lines on the road got blurry. I should have gotten a hotel, but no, we kept on driving. Thank God for double shot espresso drinks.
After college at age 22 I went back to Taiwan to minister with the same church. We helped run an English learning camp. I sang the song Fantasy for some of the kids. I think they thought I was just as cool as Mariah Carey herself. 😂
My mom and brother and I did a road trip through Yellowstone when I was 23. There were bison blocking the streets in lots of places. We had to just wait for them to move. That was pretty funny.
When I was 28 I went to Australia. I got to snorkel the Great Barrier Reef with a friend. That was on my bucket list for a long time. The coral was grey though. 😭 Very sad. And hundreds of tiny jelly fish were all around us. One got in my flipper and stung my toe. Not cool.
When I was 29 I went to the Bahamas. I got to see a shark feeding. It was a thrashing wild and fun and experience.
Around age 34 I went to South Padre Island. Every 8 feet on the shoreline there was a dead man of war jelly fish. I was freaked out to see that, because I had just been in the water the day before. If you touch one it can kill you.
When I was 36 I did a road trip to Las Vegas with a lame guy. He caused us to run out of gas almost in the middle of no where. That was probably the worst day of my life. 😣
At age 37 I did a road trip all over the south. I spent every night in a hotel. I can't believe I spent 3k on hotels. But that was a bucket list trip for me. I felt liberated doing that trip by myself. It made me believe I could do anything! 😁
At age 38 I had a sweet baby boy. I spent 6 nights in the hospital. It was hard being away from home for so long, but I survived. I got my blood drawn every day. Nurses poked my stomach. When I came home it was like coming home after a long road trip. I was thinking, "Ah home sweet home. There's no place like home. I'm never leaving here again."
But someday a trip to Argentina would be super cool. 😎
I didn't even know what a paper chaser was until I heard this term in a sermon recently by Michael Todd. I guess that shows how much my mind isn't on money, but then again it has been. I have done almost everything a person could think of to make money. I went to college and finished. I wrote tons of books. I used to make bracelets. I opened a store for a while to sell them. I designed shirts. I even sewed mother daughter matching dresses for a while. I sold muffins I made. I did pizza delivery. I rented out rooms to lots of different people. I tried being a pizza manager. I wrote poetry. Now I'm working on my joke comedy book. Maybe someday something I do will make it big. Of course what does that mean? It means I could get rich, but why does that matter?
I think God has been keeping me from getting super rich for good reasons. "The love of money is the root of all evil." Can you have lots of money without loving it? I'm sure it's not easy. I think most rich people turn into a Mr. Scrooge and fall in love with their money. Maybe that love of money infects their brain and makes them go crazy.
Life isn't just about money. The best things in life are free right? It's nice to be able to buy things as a reward to yourself, but how much does it really satisfy you? Maybe a close hug can be just as meaningful as buying something new. Paul said, "If we have food and clothing, with these things we should be content."
"Those who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs."
What does "wandered from the faith" mean? It means they lost their salvation. Why did that happen? Because they chose to love money more than God. Don't let that happen to you.
I have been pulled over about 10 times. That is partly because I did pizza delivery for 4 years. You gotta get those pizzas out fast. 1 year I delivered for Pizza Hut and 3 years for Papa John's.
The first time I got pulled it was a woman cop. She was harassing me about me having a duplicate lisence out there. It was crazy.
I got pulled over about 4 times while on pizza deliveries. Each time the cop said, "Well it looks like you have a clean record. We can keep it that way."
One time a state trooper pulled me over in Nebraska for speeding. He had me come sit in his car while he wrote my ticket. I was like "Ah this is so awkward."
2 times I got pulled over near a college for not going 25 in a school zone. 😒 It should be 35 for colleges.
All that to say, not driving now has been nice. I'm a stay at home mom and I love staying home.
Why were couches created? So that moms could rest more.
Why were windows created? So you can get a tan while still inside.
Why were bed frames created? So you aren't on the floor with the bugs. But why are there bugs on your floor anyways?
Why were tables and chairs created? So you aren't on the floor with the bugs.
Why were fans created? So we don't open the windows and let in tons of bugs.
Why was a dryer created? So we don't get bugs on our clothes from hanging them outside.
Why was a washing machine created? So we won't hurt our backs hand washing our clothes.
Why was indoor plumbing created? So you won't have to freeze when you go pee.
Why were yards created? So we aren't too close to our neighbors.
Why were dumpsters created? So we won't burn our trash and burn down the neighborhood.
Why were showers created? So you almost never need to clean your bathtub.
Why were refrigerators created? So you could hide in your house for a week and not go to the store.
Why were microwaves created? To give us all cancer. No because we can't wait 10 minutes for our food to warm up on the stove.
Why was the stove created? So we won't burn our houses down.
Why was the doggy door created? So your dog won't pee all over your house.
😍❤😍❤😍❤😍❤😍
For Zach,
I am so in love with your face and your eyes
You are the kindest man I've ever know
I thank God that he brought you to me
I wish I could have known you all my life
We have had so much fun together so far
Thank you for giving me our cute baby boy
I pray we will have several more years together
Don't go dying on me now 😉
I love you!
😍❤😍❤😍❤😍❤😍
What is the most feared profession? Police Officers. I almost have a heart attack when they drive behind me. 😟
What is the most underpaid job? Teachers. That's why I only did it one year.
What is the hardest job? Pizza delivery. Ok or the guys who build houses.
A job that I could never ever do? Being a nurse. All they do is torture people. 💉😒
What would be the most fun and easy job? Running a book store. Someday I'll do it. 😁
What job seems like fun but totally sucks? Working on a cruise ship. You never get a day off.
What job almost makes you want to cry every day? Working in a pre-school. It is like hell on earth. And you are constantly sick. 😪
What job causes someone to be a professional drug dealer? A psychiatrist. Don't let that degree on the wall fool you. 💊😂
What is the dirtiest job? Mechanic. But thank God for the mechanics.
What is the most tiring job? Being a stay at home mom. 😟
What job probably makes it hard to sleep at night? Defense Lawyer. I could never do that.
What job deserves the most respect? Doctors. They saved my life at least 3 times. 👏
What is the most sedentary job? Engineering. Boring....
What job do I dream of doing the most? Becoming someone really famous like a comedian or a singer. 🎤🎥
Whatever job you do, I hope it's fun for you. May God help you to love what you do and do more of what you love.
We can all know God has a sense of humor because of all the silly looking animals he created. Here are some examples:
Anteater- Such a strange looking animal. The giant long nose. It is cute and strange at the same time.
Bees- Their sting is not funny. That makes us remember to fear the Lord I think. But why are bees fuzzy? It makes them cute, but then you think, no you're not cute, you're mean. I hate you.
Cows- I saw a cow running one time. It was quite funny. Then I realized, I have seen hundreds of cows in my life. That was the first one I saw running. So their laziness is funny.
Duck- The sound ducks make I always found funny. They are so cute. You just want to pick them up, but they never let you. They are like, "No it's a human! Run away quickly!"
Elephant- By far the funniest looking animals. Such enormous ears. And God made his largest land animal look like that as if to say, "Look how creative I can get. What do you guys think?"
Frogs- The neck is funny. This is even more funny, I dated a guy who literally had a neck like a frog. So silly.
Gorillas- They look like humans almost. Except their faces look like super old people. The way they walk is pretty funny. Who wants to see a human walk like a gorilla? That would be hilarious.
Hippos- It is funny how fat they are. It makes you wonder if God thinks fatness can be really cute. Why do we all go on diets? We should just look cute and funny like hippos.
Iguana- The idea for men to have mohawks must have come from the Iguana. Some guys must have been like, "Yeah I wanna look just as cool as an Iguana." They look like overly fat lizards. They walk like they are fat too, because they walk super slow.
Jack rabbit- Have you seen the ears on a jack rabbit? Their ears are almost a foot long.
Kangaroos- Their short little arms are so cute. I saw a kangaroo while hiking in Australia. Thank God it didn't hurt me. I've seen videos of them attacking people for no reason.
Lions- They can mate up to 50 times per day. Talk about having some serious stamina.
Monkeys- Their cute little human like faces make us all say awe....
Narwhal Whale- What do they do with the built in swords they have? Kill their prey, have sword fights, who knows.
Owl- An owl can turn its neck 270 degrees. That's why they seem so creepy. It's like black magic powers. Ah...
Penguin- The penguin waddle is the most funny walk ever. I have always wanted a pet penguin.
Quail- The California Quail looks like it has a fancy hairdo like most Californians have fancy hair. Who imitated who on that one?
Rhino- Why do they have a horn? To fight each other I guess. But why do they feel the need to fight so much?
Stork- Why does it have super long legs and a long bill? God had some fun creating that bird.
Turtle- I love turtles so much. I had pet turtles for awhile. One actually tapped on my back door to tell me he needed more food. They are pretty smart animals.
Unicorns- No unicorns aren't real. But if a horse and a Narwal whale mated, then we could see a real one.
Venus Flytrap- These are funny and creepy at the same time. It's a plant but seems more like an animal because it eats insects. What was God thinking when he made this plant? He wanted to scare us all I think.
Walrus- They are probably the fastest and laziest animals. You just see them laying around like a homeless person when you see them. You almost expect them to have a sign up asking for money.
Yak- Their shaggy fur is pretty funny.
Zebra- They also have a cool looking mohawk. And they sound like dogs barking.
Matthew McConahay says every day break a sweat. Vacuuming is the quickest way to do that.
I should mop my man's bathroom, but he's just gonna pee all over the floor again so what's the point?
The worst thing about vacuuming is when you suck up a phone charger. You're like well there is $10 down the drain. Poor phone charger.
Why do we vacuum? To suck up all the bugs. You know how they say snug as a bug in a rug? Maybe because all rugs get tons of bugs on them. Ewe....
If you wipe down the bathtub every time you use it, you never really have to scrub. For most of my life I scrubbed my bathtub until I pulled a muscle. That sucked.
We dust mop the floors and vacuum. We dust furniture. But what about the walls? I wonder if anyone actually dusts their walls.
When I moved into one of my houses there were thick yellow rings in the toilets. I know wow....I had to scrape with a butter knife to get the pee rings off. I almost threw up.
I don't really like to cook. That is like all of us now isn't it? It might be the dirty dishes that I hate. Aren't those annoying?
The main two things I have cooked for 14 years now are eggs and popcorn. Ok popcorn isn't really cooking. I mainly just saw my mom making eggs and my grandma would always just warm up popcorn for us kids. Nice and easy.
I like baking though. I was obsessed with making muffins for like 5 years. I made every kind of muffin I could think of. I got to sell them at a gas station I worked at for awhile. Score!
If I do cook dinner, I make tacos. Or usually I eat those premade salads. No dishes except my fork. That's the best way to eat. And I'm always proud of myself for eating a salad.
My mom used to make lasagna, spaghetti and pot roast sometimes. I tried making pot roast recently. I could barely even chew it. So that was a fail.
I have made pasta a lot. It's cheap and nice comfort food if it's cold outside. I like to make tons and then eat it all week. If you add peas and chicken it's even better, and Alfredo mixed with pesto sauce. Yes.....
I hope you all like cooking. Or just eat salads like me. No cooking. No dishes. So much better.
I used to watch funny cat videos almost every day, as I bet a lot of you do. Now I watch my cats out my sliding glass doors. I got 5 cats to entertain myself now.
I have other cats invading our backyard though. I don't like them. One raped my favorite girl cat. I could tell she wasn't liking it.
Another one hissed at my other favorite girl cat. Now when I see them I open a door and hiss at them. It even scares my cats though so that's too bad. My baby looked at me after that like, "What is wrong with you?"
With one cat I threw a box of rice at him. It didn't hit the cat, but it did go in my neighbor's backyard. ☺
I already got my 5 cats to feed. I don't need another 5 cats to feed. Nope.
Toward the end of my marriage, my ex-husband went crazy, like full on Schizophrenia. He said that Jesus appeared to him when he was outside smoking. A few people asked me, "Are you sure he was just smoking a cigarette?"
He told me when he had an apartment by himself he saw a ball of light and thought it was an angel. I think he had too much time alone. Solitary confinement can make anyone get crazy.
He said he saw gold dust on his hands one time. I don't know about that. It was an odd phenomenon among some church people for awhile, but I think it was from Satan. At the time he was addicted to Todd Bentley. Todd also saw gold dust. Satan probably gave my ex gold dust to keep him following that total idiot. I think Todd is a false prophet.
And that's all I have to say about him. Don't marry a crazy person. It won't go well for either of you.
I have always suspected that anyone who has a dog really actually wants children. But dogs fill that gap in your life until kids come along, or grandkids.
Dogs and babies are almost the same thing. Both are super excited to see you, if they like you. Both are dependent on you. Both are really adorable. Well small dogs are adorable. I don't know why anyone would have big dogs, unless they want to die if the dog attacks them.
Dogs love to kiss you. We love to kiss our babies.
Both dogs and babies slobber a lot.
I realized, now that my baby boy is crawling, why people like dogs. It is a very happy experience to have a little cute thing crawling towards you.
Some people take their dogs everywhere. Moms of course take their baby anywhere they go. Well not all moms do, but the good ones do.
Both like to play with toys. Both need to have baths often. Some people don't give their dogs baths but that is nasty. Especially if you sleep with your dog. Make sure that dog has lots of baths.
If you have a dog, think about it, do you deep down wish it was a baby crawling around on the floor? I bet you do. Time to adopt. :)
I like to be the big spoon when I cuddle with my man. Some say that is a gay way to cuddle but oh well. After about 5 minutes though my right arm hurts. If I ever lose my right arm in an accident it would be so much easier to cuddle.
Then I try turning over but my back hurts if we are back to back, because the mattress sinks where he is.
I've tried asking him to spoon me, but he isn't a big fan of doing that.
So if you are with someone and y'all never cuddle now you know why. It's just too difficult and painful.
You know that song, "I would do anything for love, but I won't do that?" I think cuddling is what he was talking about.
Another way to cuddle is if you put your right arm up, but then you know it will kill your neck the next day.
This is why cuddling is more just done at the start of a relationship. The more you love each other, the less you feel the need to hurt yourself in order to cuddle with them.
I felt so out of place in college. It felt like I was the only one at my private college that had a single mom. I was very quiet in all my classes. I think I felt like anything I said others would think it was dumb.
The first year I was in love with a basketball player named Caleb. He was my chem lab partner. He was not the greatest partner. I told him the summer after the first year that I liked him. He said he had a girlfriend. Noooo....
My next crush was a guy in my choir. It was probably 3 years I was in love with him. I told him at one point that I liked him. He wanted to meet with me in person and told me he didn't like me. I was so annoyed. He could have told me that via e-mail.
College was a bit of fun mixed in with one awkward and sad experience after another. If I could redo that time in my life, I would have quit college after the first month.
The biggest annoyance was an honors program I was in. We were expected to read 3 books a week. That was too much. And the other kids in the program were annoying and arrogant.
The main thing college taught me was to enjoy writing, and that is why I write as much as I do.
Arby's- Possibly the best fast food ever is the Arby's roast beef sandwich. I never knew food could taste that good until I ate that the first time.
Burger King- They have fed me very well my entire life. Their fries are perfection. Their burgers always seem very high quality. If I could marry Burger King, I would.
Carl's Jr.- These are in the Western states. I fell in love with their bacon Swiss burger and the BBQ burger with the onion rings. I think that is what the food in heaven will taste like.
Chick Fillet- I love that it's a Christian company. And that's about all that I love about it.
Domino's- The only food that has literally made my mouth water when ordering it is Dominos. Every single item they sell looks to die for. The cinnamon twists will take all your sadness away every time you eat them.
Fuddruckers- They need a drive thru window. It's very annoying they don't have one.
Gatti's Pizza- This is a B minus pizza I would say. It sucks compared to other pizza chains.
Golden Chick- Any day I had an extra hard work day their fries with ranch really hit the spot. The whole world seemed happy after eating those. And the chicken salad sandwich is totally amazing.
Jack in the Box- Their tacos saved my life one night. I was starving, and luckily they were open.
Jimmy John's- Superb. Amazing. Work of art sandwiches.
KFC- Their chicken is like heaven on earth. No chicken is better than KFC chicken.
Little Caesar's- One word. Heartburn.
McDonalds- I could say I have spent $7,000 there throughout my life. You may not believe me, but I'm pretty sure that is accurate.
Papa John's- After working there and eating there for 3 years, it has lost its appeal. And their veggies are not fresh anymore. That made it a C pizza after being A plus. 😪
Queen of the Dairy- Their banana splits make my entire month better.
Quizno's- Omg wow. Just a big wow every time.
Schlotzsky's- This is a new favorite. I give a giant round of applause for their recipes on the sandwiches. They are total genius made sandwiches.
Subway- Their sandwiches are just ok. They need a drive thru at every Subway.
Taco Bell- I have been in love with Taco Bell for a very long time. I will probably never stop loving that food, no matter how much it hurts me.
Wendy's- It's just ok.
If Dairy Queen and Burger King had a son he could be called Prince Milkburger. 😁
New Years always makes us feel like we need to climb a mountain. Maybe that is good. If there were no new years maybe none of us would do anything big with our lives.
Valentine's is after Christmas because you need to fall in love with your mate again after the family possibly tried to break you two up.
The only thing everyone knows about Saint Patrick's Day is it's a day for tons of drinking. None of us even know who that guy was.
Easter is known for being about candy. Never mind that Jesus rose from the dead on Easter. But sure we can say the candy is more important.
Mother's Day is a day to make up for all the times you were mean to your mom. Those poor moms.
Father's Day. Eh not many people care about that day.
July 4th is just an excuse to almost set your neighbor's house on fire. It is a day to display your power and your desire to blow what you should have saved on fireworks that last for only 30 minutes.
Halloween- A very evil holiday. It should not be a holiday anymore.
Thanksgiving. No one cares about saying thank you to God or other people. It's just about cramming an impossible amount of food in your stomach.
Christmas. It is supposed to be about the birth of Jesus. For most people it is just about shopping and cookies and singing upbeat songs. Poor baby Jesus. So often left out of his own party.
Stop worrying about boys and what they think of you. You got plenty of time to find "the one."
Start saving money. Don't blow all your extra money at Taco Bell. Just make your own burritos.
You don't have to finish college. Move in with a co-worker if your mom doesn't like you quitting college.
Say anything you think of saying. Stop being so quiet. Life is a lot more fun when you talk more.
Don't marry Ben. Go with your gut feeling about him. He seems crazy, because he is crazy.
Stay in touch with your brother and Ashley more.
Say only nice things to your mom. She did the best she could with you all her life.
Go on more road trips with your mom and brother if you can.
Forget about your dad. Cut him off forever. He will always be an idiot.
Work at a pre-school as long as you can. That is the best job for you.
Don't worry about anything. God will take care of you well always.
Every day you get me a yummy lunch
I should make you a really good punch
You are so handsome and so sweet
I promise to always keep our house neat
Anytime you need fun I will help you
So that you will never feel overly blue
You are the best man I've ever known
Wish I knew you before we we were grown
We both had a hard life in the past
But I'll try to make our future a blast
Sorry I am not always in the best mood
But thank you again for getting me food
Music is the cleanest drug to use
It has so often been my muse
If you can't think of what to write
Bump up that music to get new sight
The world comes alive
And your mind starts to thrive
If you start to become a slug
Music will make you a gangster thug
You will start that project you meant to
And let yourself have the fun you are due
Make every day a party with fun
Dance in your house until the day is done
I told my brother our water smelled like pee. He said, "Do you smell that in the shower? Then someone peed in the shower." That put a fire under me to give that shower a good deep cleaning.
I saw a ton of dust behind a friend's toilet. There could have been a year's worth of dust back there.
When I was a kid I got $10 a week to clean the whole house. For some reason I was ok with that slave wage.
Did you know hotels almost never wash their blankets? That's why I don't care to stay in hotels anymore.
Keep your house clean. Unless you want your house to smell like a homeless person.
Couples often bicker over who does what chores. Whatever you feel inspired to do, just do it. No more picking on your mate for being lazy. Maybe you are being lazy by saying they are lazy, rather then just cleaning it.
If you hate doing dishes, stop cooking. Problem solved.
If you have never thought of using paper plates, try it. It is like heaven on earth.
If you don't want spiders or any bugs in your house, keep all your drains closed or covered. Or just let all the bugs in and have a crazy bug party.
Keep your windows closed. Unless you are dying for fresh air. Those evil pollens and dust should not be allowed to invade your clean air.
If you want to suck up to your boss, buy them some McDonald's every day. They will become your best friend.
If you think your manager will say no about something, just do it without asking them first. Maybe they will like what you did.
Don't let your boss treat you like a slave. You are a human being too. Next time they try to boss you around say, "You are not a slave master ok."
One time I went off on my boss, who was younger than me so I felt ok doing it. I said, "You act like you are the president of the United States. This is just a pizza store." I think I was mostly mad he never helped me clean up the store. He supposedly had to do inventory, but he was just lazy.
One time I saw a girl boss I had flipping out on two guys. I figured some guy had just broken her heart. She was probably taking that anger out on those two poor guys.
I heard one night our main 3 managers were fighting on a Friday night. I was glad I wasn't working that night. Too many chiefs and not enough Indians. That was most likely the problem.
A boss of mine was yelling at his brother. I darted for the back of the store. All the other workers saw me and followed me. The boss came to the back to get a spoon. I said, "You can't yell like that." He just smiled.
Every time I go to the dentist they say, "Why are you here?" I say, "It hurts when I eat chocolate." And I almost want to cry. It's the end of my world when I can't eat chocolate anymore.
I figured out a good way to be the most well liked person at work, bring in candy. After Halloween I brought in our bowl of candy and kept it filled up. It helped make everyone super nice to me.
You know what candy almost makes my mouth water? Cookies and Cream candy bars with the white chocolate. I loooove white chocolate.
When I eat Dove dark chocolate I like to fantasize it's cleaning my teeth. It might have some health benefits for teeth, but of course it doesn't clean them. Maybe I'm just proud of myself for eating that instead of junky milk chocolate.
I used to love getting milk duds at the movie theatre. Maybe that's why I needed 20 fillings at one time.
You ever eat Hot Tamales candy and think, "I don't like this. It's too spicy. Why do I keep eating them?"
Hungry? Why wait? Eat a snickers. Unless you don't want carmel wedged into your teeth to give you a brand new cavity.
A candy I never got into much was Reese's Pieces. It makes me feel nauseous every time. What kind of peanut butter are they using?
I used to make what I called Jesus packets. They had Bible tracts and lots of candy. Just a spoon full of sugar makes the medicine go down right? Turn or burn! But also here's some candy.
This would be a super fun comedy routine. Any word that anyone tells me, I could think of a song with that word in it. I am like a walking jukebox. Here are some examples:
Ants- The ants go walking two by two...
Brave- I wanna see you be brave. Say what you wanna say and let the words fall out....
Cat- Smelly cat, smelly cat, where do you come from?
Everybody everybody wants to be a cat....
Dog- You ain't nothing but a hound dog cryin all the time....
Everyone- Everyone in the room can see it. Everyone else but you. Baby you light up my world like nobody else. The way that you flip you're hair gets me overwhelmed.
Faith- I got faith in you baby. I got faith in you now.
You gotta have faith faith. Oh gotta have faith....
Good- Good, good, Good vibrations....
You are good. You are good. And you're love endures forever....
How- How can I live without you, if you ever go. How can I ever, ever survive...
Ice- Vanilla ice, ice baby....
Joyful- Joyful Joyful we adore thee. God of glory, Lord of light. Hearts unfold like flowers before thee...
Kiss- Kiss me, beneath the milky twilight. Lead me out on the moonlit floor....
This kiss, this kiss. It's the way you love me baby....
Love- I love you. Some people wanna fill the world with silly love songs....
She loves you yeah yeah yeah....
All you need is love....
Monster- Why do all the monsters come out at night? Why do we sleep where we want to hide? Why do I run back to you like I don't mind if you ruin my life....
Night- On a cool night, just let me hold you by the fire light....
Over- Blue.... oh so lonesome for you. Why can't you be blue over me....
Pray- I close my eyes and I can see a better day. I close my eyes and pray....
Question- Ask me no question. I'll let you no lies. How did I get this fire in my life....
Right- She's a little too right. I'm a little too wrong. Now would be a good time to change but it's a little too late....
Shake- Now shake it up baby now. Twist and shout....
Take- So take it. Take another little piece of my heart now baby. Break it. Break another little piece of my heart I know you will.
Umbrella- Under my umbrella eh eh eh. Oh baby it's rainin....
Victory- I got got the victory. I got the sweet sweet victory in Jesus yes I do.....
Way- One way Jesus. You're the only thing that I could live for....
I did it my way....
X- nope
Yes- Yes Lord yes Lord yes yes Lord
Zest- You're not fully clean until you're zestfully clean.
You know what is totally not fair? My brother barely ever brushes his teeth and hasn't had a cavity yet. He is 43 now. It makes you wonder if brushing our teeth actually causes cavities. Wouldn't that be a trip?
Dentists always tell you to floss, but flossing hurts. You know what they say though, everything worth doing is hard.
If you don't shower every day, that is disgusting. Make sure you get clean everyday so you won't smell like a homeless person.
When I was trying to date, lots of guys had breath that made you want to throw up. I'm guessing it was because they were too scared to see a dentist.
Have you been around someone who almost never wears deodorant? It is a horrifying experience.
Ladies, the fastest way to lose your man is to not keep your legs shaved.
I think we all have a love/hate relationship with food. For some it is more love and others it's more hate. I used to say if I could just take a pill and not have to eat all day that would be just awesome.
Why do we all keep eating McDonald's when it hurts our stomach every time? Because we think we don't deserve better food. Be nice to yourself. Eat better.
Asparagus is disgusting, but it's good for you. Ice cream tastes great but gives you illnesses. Wouldn't it be nice if it was reversed? If only the food that tastes good was actually good for you.
Alcohol is completely disgusting. Why does anyone drink it? And it kills your brain. Water is way better. But y'all enjoy your alcohol.
Cheese causes constipation, yet we keep eating it anyway. I bet we all think about quitting cheese sometimes, but we never do it. It has to strong of a hold on us, doesn't it?
Chocolate is everyone's best friend because any time you need more energy, it is there to charge you up.
When I used to deliver pizzas I always wanted to eat part of the pizza. I pictured myself handing the customer $5 and saying like Forest Gump, "Sorry I got hungry and ate some."
Every diet tells you to cut out bread, but what would Jesus do? He mostly ate bread, and sometimes fish.
Did you know humans originally only ate fruits and vegetables? After the flood we ate meat. Maybe that is why it kills our stomachs sometimes. We were not designed to eat it.
I have considered many times being a vegetarian. But then I wondered how I would ever feel full.
If you ever feel fat don't worry about it. Everyone else is too. 😀
Proverbs 17:22
A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.
Job 8:21
God will yet fill your mouth with laughter, and your lips with shouting.
Psalm 126:2
Then our mouth was filled with laughter, and our tongue with shouts of joy; then they said among the nations, “The Lord has done great things for them.”
Ecclesiastes 3:4
There is a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance.
Luke 6:21
Jesus said, "Blessed are you who are hungry now, for you shall be satisfied. Blessed are you who weep now, for you shall laugh."
Genesis 21:6
Sarah said, “God has made laughter for me; everyone who hears will laugh over me.”
Proverbs 15:15
All the days of the afflicted are evil, but the cheerful of heart has a continual feast.
Psalm 37:13
The Lord laughs at the wicked, for he sees that his day is coming.
Matthew 25:21
His master said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master.’
Psalm 16:11
You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.
When I was in college I taught my room mate to talk like Stitch. Then almost every night while falling asleep, we would talk like Stitch to each other.
In Junior High a friend of mine and I had a giant mud fight. It was after a hard rain in Nebraska. We were so covered in mud that we had to hose each other off after. You haven't really had fun until you have had a mud fight.
At another friend's house we would play hide and go seek in her corn fields. The only down side is that corn can cut up your skin real good. But it was still fun. 😁
When I worked on a cruise ship I was worried my girl room mate had a crush on me. She came and hugged me when I was sleeping and asked if I wanted to come to the bar with her. I was just like, "Nope! I'm good."
Another friend at work told me she made out with a girl friend once. I wanted to say, "I don't know if you are fishing, but that will never happen with us. Never ever ever."
I was on an intramural basketball team in college. We lost almost every game we played. But the whole time we were smiling and high fiving each other. We didn't care if we might win. It was still fun.
Before my youth group started one night I wanted to play Amazing Grace on the piano. I started rolling the piano back but it started tipping over. I tried holding it up, but that was a lost cause. The piano smashed on the ground. Some friends started clapping over it. I ran to the bathroom and cried.
Another time I cried in the bathroom was when I lost my voice. I got so sick I couldn't talk, but my job required me to talk over an intercom. My co workers teased me over it. I got so frustrated that I cried half the day in the bathroom. 😣
I used to work at Petco. A co worker would bring his sugar gliders into the store. One liked to sit on my shoulder. I rang people up all day one day with that sugar glider just chilling on my shoulder.
At Papa John's a friend and I would sing a song when we got stressed. I would sing, "Boom boom boom let me hear you say wayo." She would say, "Wayo...." Then we could do our job better once we de-stressed that way. You should try that with your favorite co worker. 😀
I was singing karaoke with a friend at a bar one night. I sang the song Graves into Gardens. She said her baby jumped around inside her while I was singing. Maybe it was getting filled with the Holy Spirit. 😁
Money is something we all need
Giving it to others is a good deed
We have to not obsess over it
Keep yourself humble to stay legit
Loving money will make you go crazy
Your mind just explodes and you get hazy
The more you try to chase that money
The more you get overly odd and funny
Just think little of any money you get
It won't be there long I bet
Money grows wings and flies away
It never seems to want to stay
Before you get arrogant over your money
Remember that it is really just funny
It's a silly game we all entertain ourselves with
Have you noticed that no matter how much money you have, you always want more?
Student loans are the dumbest loans because they have nothing to repossess. What are they going to do, repossess my mind?
The number one reason couples divorce is because of arguments over money. One or both just can't control their greed. But hey if you didn't like the person anyways, the break up is a blessing in disguise. Every cloud has a silver lining.
Money is like a bird. It's here for a little while and then it's gone.
The love of money is the root of all evil. Does that mean the richer you get, the more evil you get?
Why do we even have money? I think the barter system was better. I have always loved to make bracelets. I think I should be able to trade my bracelets for food.
One time I spent $20,000 in 3 months. Those rentals cars aren't cheap. That is why now I prefer to not travel anywhere. Staying home 24/7 saves you a lot of money. I don't even go out to eat anymore.
If you ate at a restaurant as a date night twice a week, that is almost $500 a month. Mac n cheese is a much better meal option. Just light some candles. It will feel enough like a date.
I don't like banks. They take all your cash and never even say thank you.
Why do we buy more clothes when we already have clothes? I usually order clothes online. Half the time they don't even fit right. And yet I keep ordering clothes online.
Giving money to a church never works. I've given money at church. I didn't get any richer.
Car payments are the most frustrating thing ever invented. You know what is more fun? Making new friends when you need help fixing up your piece of crap car. That is a lot more fun.
A mortgage is called a necessary evil. Yes it is evil but is it necessary? Why not camp out until you have enough to buy a house? Or marry someone who already has a house.
Before you buy anything ask yourself, "Do I really need this?" And "Is this more important than eating next week?"
A penny saved is a penny earned. But why just save pennies? Save as much as you can. Your old dying and sick self will be very happy you did.
I never thought I would get old
My back hurts, my leg hurts
My teeth hurt
I don't like getting old
It is only for the bold
Pansies can't get old
They just escape the mold
That this world tries to put us in
An ex of mine had a terrible cat. He threw up all over my house. I stepped in at least one pile of his throw up. Right in my pathway of walking to my closet. I kicked him and his cat out quite a few times.
When I was a kid my cat left a dead mole on our doorstep. I didn't see it and stepped right on it when walking out the door, wearing socks. 😣
When I was around 12 I was mowing the lawn and stepped on a snake. Scared the crap out of me. I saw it slithering away frantically and thought "Omg did I seriously just step on that?"
I had to deal with a scorpion stinging me every night for over a week. I thought it was a spider. Didn't think to change my sheets. I was literally sharing a bed with a scorpion for a week. Then I saw it walking along the baseboard and killed ot with my shoe. That little bastard.
A few months later a spider bit my ear. It swelled up and felt hot. I put icy hot patches over it. But that was insane.
I tried having dogs and kittens at the same time. It didn't work out very well. The dogs kept carrying away the kittens like they were hot dogs they were about to eat. Had to get rid of those dogs.
I had a cat that I would tackle like a football. I would run down the hall when he was on my bed and just tackle him. He was a good cat so he didn't mind. At least I don't think he did.
I had two cats and decided to get a hamster and a clear rolling ball. It was like a live cat toy! Sadly they somehow opened the ball and almost ate the hamster. I was able to save the hamster's life so that was nice.
Here are the kindest things people have ever said to me:
"Your smile looks like Meg Ryan's smile."
"You look gorgeous in your videos."
"You are amazing."
"Oh...she can play ball!"
"This girl has the voice of an angel."
"I know we all appreciate your writing on Facebook so we will give you a baby shower."
"You are so hot."
"Wow you look really good in glasses."
"How did you get such straight teeth?"
Here are the meanest things people have said to me:
You look kind of pugey in your pictures.
I'll put a baby in you when it doesn't look like there is one in you.
Is this a child within you? No? You need to get back that womanly figure.
You're always hungry? That's what fat people say.
Maybe it's the bagels. You should stop eating bagels.
Why would you get that? It has too many calories.
Your hair looked like you just had a baby. Make yourself look nice again.
I'm not gonna read that trash.
I'll drop you off by the side of the road.
You can crash here if you need to for awhile but maybe you can go live with your friend again.
Get off of my bed. That's my bed.
If you want your husband to like you more, you need to wear lots of makeup.
I want you to know I think you're scum.
If you come to grandma's funeral you will be walked out.
You don't need a day off.
Did you know that beer increases a man's estrogen? So it turns men into women. Men need to stop thinking they are a manly man drinking beer. No it makes you a woman. That's why the beer belly happens and man boobs.
Beer makes you do retarded things. The first time I drank lots of beer I got into a pretend kicking fight with my friend. No one was hurt but it was stupid.
The first time I drank tons of beer I also ate lots of food. Can you guess what happened? I went in the restaurant bathroom and threw up all over the toilet. Party foul.
I think no one actually enjoys the taste of beer. It tastes like pee, or what I think pee might taste like. It might even taste worse than pee.
Beer literally makes you more retarded because it kills your brain cells.
The Old Testament starts with a couple who probably had many fights, Adam and Eve. The New Testament also begins with a couple who probably had some fights, Mary and Joseph.
Here is the possible unrecorded conversation between Adam and Eve, "Eve what were you thinking? Why would you talk to a serpent in the first place?" "Well you barely ever talk to me. I needed someone to talk to." "I told you we can't eat from that tree." "I was hungry." "You're always hungry. Now what are we going to do?" "Maybe God will forgive us." "He's not just going to forgive us because you're cute. He has rules. We have to follow them." "Well I'm sorry I ate from the forbidden tree, but you ate it too." "I can't say no to you. You're too beautiful." "Well then you can only be mad at yourself." "I am mad at myself. I don't know what I was thinking. Why did God even let me have you? I was better off by myself." "How rude. I thought you loved me." "I do, sometimes." Then God finally said, "Ok ok break it up. I decided I'm not going to let either of you die. I'm just going to kick you out of the garden. Don't worry, you will be ok. Eventually you will discover steak and that will make everything ok."
Here is the unrecorded conversation between Mary and Joseph. Joseph may have said to Mary, "What do you mean the Holy Spirit got you pregnant? Are you sure it wasn't Josiah?" "I don't even like Josiah?" "Well he told me he likes you." "Well I don't like him. Yes it was the Holy Spirit. I wish God would tell you like he told me." "Well maybe he will. Are you expecting me to father this child?" "I don't care. Do what you want." "I will." "Ok good."
If Zachariah and Elizabeth had a fight it maybe sounded like this, "I can't believe you are pregnant at 70 years old. You might need to do some sit ups so you can get that baby out quick. I don't want to deal with a 30 hour labor." "You really don't have to be there." "Ok fine maybe I won't." "Since God caused you to get me pregnant finally I'm sure he will help me get through my delivery." "Yeah I'm sure he will. Good luck sweetie." "Uh huh."
Abraham and Sarah I bet had some fights too. Abraham told the Pharaoh that Sarah was his sister rather than his wife. God struck Pharaoh with a plague so he would give Sarah back. I bet after that Sarah said, "I can't believe you would just let me go that easily. You almost forced me to commit adultery." "Well I let you do it so maybe it wouldn't have counted as adultery." "What if the Pharaoh was mean to me? You didn't think about that did you?" "No sorry wifey. It won't happen again." "Yeah you better believe it won't happen again. I'm gonna go live with my brother." "No don't do that. I can't liiiiive if livin is without you." "Ok fine I'll stay, but from now on I get to buy whatever I want." "Ok fine. I'll just take a loan out if I have to." "Yeah you take out that loan."
Here is the possible unrecorded fight between David and his other wife that wasn't Bathsheba.
"I can't believe you slept with her. I wasn't enough for you? What is so special about her?" "I'm sorry I just couldn't help myself." "Couldn't help yourself? What? I bet if she gets pregnant God won't let that baby live." "That is a terrible thing to say. How could you put that curse on me?" "Well how could you cheat on me? Maybe I'll never have sex with you again." "It's ok I'll still have Bathsheba." "What?" "Huh I didn't say anything."
Peter and his wife:
"What do you mean you're going to follow someone." "His name is Jesus and he asked me to follow him." "Well do you know anything about him?" "He seems pretty cool." "Well when will you come home?" "I don't know." "Well what will you eat while you are gone?" "I don't know." "Ok I can see you are having like a mid life crisis right now. Just send me letters so I know you are ok." "Ok that works. See ya later!" "Yep see you later crazy person."
Noah and his wife:
"You want me to help you build a boat? Why?" "God said he will destroy the earth with a big flood." "Why on earth would God do that? I'll help you build that boat after God tells me himself." "Fine I'll just have our sons help me." "Yeah sure I hope you all have fun."
Jacob and Rachel:
"Rachel I still love you even if you never have a baby." "No you don't. Ok maybe you do, but I can't believe I can't have a baby? Why won't God let me have a baby?" "Maybe having a baby would take away your beauty." "I don't care about my beauty. I want a baby more than anything" "God will give you one eventually I'm sure. Just be patient." "I have been patient. I'm so mad that my sister just keeps popping out babies and I don't even get one." "You have me." "Yeah and I have to share you with my sister." "I'm sorry." Then Jacob went outside to hang out with his sheep, and he loved it that sheep don't talk.
Ruth and Boaz:
"What are you doing sleeping in my bed? What, you want to be my wife? You could have just asked." "Yes I want you. Let me be your woman." "Alright baby let's get it on."
Samson and Delilah:
"I can't believe you let your people capture me. Didn't you love me?" "It was just about the sex sweetie." "I can't believe I wasted my time on you. How could you be such a traitor? How do you sleep at night?" "Well why did you trust me in the first place? I wasn't from your people. Of course we would want revenge on you." "You know you are only beautiful on the outside. Your heart is evil." "Well you are only handsome on the outside too."
