My Goals for Motherhood

I'm only two weeks away from my due date for Serenity, time sure does fly, and I'm thinking about what kind of mother I hope to be. 
 
I'm thinking about how to not make the mistakes that my mom made and mistakes I have seen other mothers make.
 
My brother always said my dad gave him the perfect example of what not to be as a dad; all the things of what not to do.  But ironically he is and has repeated a lot of the same mistakes my dad did with him; in being overly critical and condemning of his son etc.  His son will most likely turn out just as he did; scared, overly sensitive and cautious of what everyone thinks, insecure, feeling like he can't do anything great etc. 

My dad really was a horrible dad overall and incredibly discouraging of my brother so that he never felt he would amount to anything.  I have seen the same attitude in how my brother interacts with his son sadly. :(

History will always repeat itself unless we can honestly look at our past and decided we will be different.  That we will be different than our parents.  We have to look at the sins of our father, and mothers, and promise to not do that.  But until we see things for what they were we will not be able to be different and make a change. 
 
Parents have a HUGE effect on their kids, huge.  I realize I am about to take on a very big role and responsibility as Serenity's mom and I take it very seriously. 
 
I was realizing that most of my life I felt controlled and dominated by my own mom, something I hope to not repeat with Serenity obviously.
 
I was raised in the church, which was good, but overall I felt like my mom pushed religion on me. 

There is a difference.  Parents can raise kids in church and show a model that they are in love with Jesus and that he is number one priority in their lives, that is good. 

But for my mom I think it was more religion that was number one priority.  We HAD to go to church every Sunday or else, God might strike us with lightning, I don't know.  I'm sure she got that mentality about God from her strict southern Baptist upbringing herself. 
 
I suppose that was why being raised in the church seemed to do nothing for my brother, and for my step-brother.  It's all in how the parent goes about it.  Don't force religion on your kids like the Pharisees forced religion on the people.  Instead, show them by your own example that following Jesus leads to the best and happy life, because it does.   
 
I also felt that my mom controlled my school work too much, the grades I got, I had to get straight A's, and I absolutely had to go to college.  That wasn't really an option.  So now I regretfully have a lot of student loans as a result.  I remember my freshman year I wanted to drop out and just work in retail and customer service the rest of my life, which I ended up doing still even with a college degree.  I probably would have been better off if I had done that.  But my mom would not allow it. Most of my college years I hated it and didn't really want to be there.  It was a very expensive mistake overall that has not paid off in any way for the most part.   
 
So here is what I wish my mom would have done and what I hope to do with my daughter:
 
I won't force her go to college if she doesn't want to.  If she wants to just work in retail or do whatever makes her happy within reason I will let her. 
 
I will model what Christianity is all about differently, not a set of rules but something we get to do and believe in and it really is the best life we could choose.
 
I will not control as much what she eats, within reason. 
 
I will allow her to pick clothes that she thinks are cool and not regulate what she wears as much. 
 
Things I will however be more strict and controlling on:
 
For the most part, she won't be able to go to any friend's house unless I know the parents well and they go to a good church.  I got into a lot of trouble and did a lot of stupid things at non-Christian friend's houses.  A LOT. 

I will be very careful of the music she listens to.  It will mostly be Christian, like Hillsong etc.  Even Mariah Carey was dangerous for me to listen to as a young girl I think.

I will encourage her more to do what makes her happy and fulfilled, not what I think she SHOULD do. 

What my mom did well and things I do hope to repeat with my daughter:

I appreciate that she tried to keep me healthy in what I ate.  I think things like pudding should have not been completely forbidden though.  It's ok to have a little bit of enjoyment in what you eat. :)  But I greatly appreciate that she modeled small meals and just eating until content and not full, which was good.  She modeled eating fruits and veggies and having a balanced diet, which I very much appreciate.  An apple a day really has kept the doctor away for me.  Praise God! lol :)

Her model of self control in food is why I have never had an issue in this area.  Praise God for my mom's model in eating!

I appreciate that she never smoked a cigarette in her life and never drank alcohol at all, not until I was much older and then just one drink if we went out.

She was a great model of chastity and purity and modesty.  The way she dressed was never, ever revealing or seductive in any way. 

 She was modest in her friendships with guys.  I never, ever saw my mom flirt with a guy, even when she was a single mom.  She expected to win a guy with her good heart, which she did, not by how she dressed or charmed him.  She was a great example to me in the right way of how to catch a guy's eye.

She took her walk with God very seriously and has always known the Bible like the back of her hand.  She invested lots of time in Bible studies and good Christian women friendships.  I always admired that more than anything about her.   

My mom was intelligent but not prideful about her intelligence.  She never flaunted how smart she was.  She always stayed humble about it. 

She tried to exercise, even with her scoliosis, which made everything harder. :(  She used to teach a Christian dance aerobics class. :) 

She let me have a lot of pets growing up, which meant a lot to me as a kid.  There really is no better therapy than having and caring for pets. :) 

My mom encouraged the arts for us like music.  She instilled my love of music into me from a young age and my love for worship music specifically.