On Feeling Different

For some reason most of my life I have felt different and even inferior to others. 

Most women are always comparing our looks to other women.  I always felt inferior to the girls in school who had the stylish clothes and the perfect hair and the perfect make up.  I always felt inferior to the rich kids since my family was never that rich.  I felt inferior to my fellow basketball players who got more time playing and performed better in games. 

I'm not entirely sure where this inferiority complex came from.  I suppose all people struggle with this at times.  Rick Warren's advice is that to have happiness we need to just stop comparing ourselves to others completely.  That is a very good tip for sure. 

But by nature we always want to see how we measure up to those around us.  School mainly raises us and programs us to do this, thanks to the grading system.  You always know where you stand compared to others based on your grades on tests, homework and in the class.  Teachers generally have favorites so you know how you rank in their eyes. 

My mom and dad struggled with this feeling of inferiority to others so maybe I just picked it up from them and mirrored their insecurities.  Who knows. 

I had a few things going for me though.  I was always coordinated in sports, so P.E. and recess felt like my time to shine somewhat.  That was the time when I always felt better about myself.  I also generally was successful on tests etc. so that helped to boost my confidence as well. 

I always had friends, at least a couple.  I can't remember a time when I didn't have any friends.  I was very lucky to always have a big brother to hang out with. 

But something about me just felt different.  For the most part I felt that I didn't fit in. 

I was talking to my mom earlier and analyzing the fact that I have never wanted to let myself succeed too much in anything.  I think partly I always had a fear of success because I had a fear of becoming prideful.  I saw that the people who were at the top in any area of life, grades, looks, friends, sports, and that they were stuffed with pride.  I didn't want to be like that and I didn't want to be the jerks that they appeared to be.  So I preferred to not shine too much and to not perform overly well. 

In a book I read by John Eldridge he was saying that we don't fear our failure as much as we fear our own success.  We fear shinning too brightly.  For one because that can evoke jealousy in others and create enemies for ourselves, so that makes sense.  It's much easier to just be average and mediocre, then you don't attract any attention.  Granted some attention will be good but some will be bad. 

So most of us prefer to just coast through life and take the easy road.  We prefer to blend in and be just like everyone else, because it feels more safe. 

In the movie the Dead Poet's Society, Robin Williams illustrates this to his class by having them do a walking exercise.  He notes that after awhile they all start to walk in sync.  This is what we do in life, because our desire to conform and blend in is so great. 

We don't like to feel different from others.  But the fact is, we are all different.  God made each of us unique.  So I suppose the ideal thing to do is to focus on what unique things about us are good, rather than focus on the unique things about us that we don't like.  If we were like everyone else where would the fun in that be?  We wouldn't have anything special to contribute to society.  But it is because we are different from others that we have something to contribute.  Amen. 

My grandma always used to tell me, "You are special and God made something for you to do that nobody else can do."  So what is your special thing that God made for you to do?  I hope you find out soon. :)  God made you special too, for a purpose.  May God give you wisdom on how you can contribute to the world and the confidence to do so. God bless!