Rest easy in God's arms
Know that he will provide for you always
He will always keep you safe
God is always with you watching all you do
He can clean your life up
And make it perfect
Just follow his voice
Take his advice and do whatever he says
And rest easy knowing
He's got this
He has your whole life carried in his hands of love
His ways are tender and sweet
He will never do you wrong
If you listen to his leading
I love cuddling with you
I feel so blissful laying in your arms
I will always cherish your comforting presence
You have the sweetest and kindest heart
Thank you for being with me
I promise to always love you and appreciate you
You are so awesome!
Your eyes are spell bounding
Your smile captures my heart
All I want is to make you the happiest man alive on this planet
Be my man forever
I am all yours my dear
Open your heart up again
Take a risk
Fall in love
Even if you had your heart broken before 100 times
Maybe this time it will go differently
You never know what might happen until you try it out
Fear can make us want to run and hide
But it is around others who love us when we heal the most
Step out and conquer loving and harmonious relationships
You will never regret bonding with someone
Even if you never see them again
The giving and receiving of amore is beautiful
Jump on the love boat and take a fun ride
You will feel empowered, one of a kind
Confident, like you can do anything
And be anything
Take the risk, fall in love
Give your heart what it is wanting the most
You would be happier if you did
😉
Things I have lost
I miss so much
But in order to gain anything
You have to loose something
You have to make room for the new thing
In order to have a rebirth
There must be a death
A finality to what was
The closing of the door
To say goodbye
So that a new door can fly open
And you will finally praise God
And be happy :)
Just went on a fun walk. I made a kangaroo pouch in my shirt for my iPod. Who else still has an iPod? 😧 It is annoying to walk in pants or shorts. I like wearing dresses. But I needed a pocket for my iPod so I cut my shirt and made one. Genius! 😃
I had a good friend die 6 weeks ago partly due to working too much. I knew a great friend a year ago who had a stroke after work on a Friday. Fridays are the most stressful work days at Papa John's. I cried about the death and that stroke so many times. I was scared that might happen to me too. My friend who had the stroke smoked cigarettes and pot a lot, so that was a major factor too. Watch out for smoking anything too much. Take it easy so you won't need to deal with your stress by smoking. Take a load off.
God keeps telling me to just rest since I am trying to quit smoking. I can do it! Today is day 5 without a cigarette. God is helping me. :) If you feel there is no one to live for or help of course you will smoke your whole life away. Find a great person that makes life exciting. 😉 Then you will want to live more healthy and stay strong.
May God bless you!
"Your body is not your own. You were bought at a price."
Keep yourself healthy. Go for a walk outside every day. Get some sun on your skin. Drink literally a gallon of water every day. Eat only salad and chicken. This isn't too hard to do if that is the only food you buy. Go to HEB and get their shredded chicken by the salads and like 8 pre made salads. Ranch is ok but put small amounts of Ranch on your salads. If you do buy any form of bread, get lots of grapes and apples to counteract the detrimental effect of modern bread on your body. All white bread products now are the equivalent of poison inside your body.
My grandma was big on nutrition. She read lots of books on that topic. My dad was too. Take good care of your body. You deserve to be healthy and to feel good. 😉
Best song ever by Phil Wickham. House of the Lord. "There's joy in the house of the Lord today! And we Won't be quiet. We shout out your praise." Take that mask off and go praise God in a church by you today woot!
God you open prison doors. You set the captives free. Sorrow may last for the night but JOY comes in the morning.
Fear will block your destiny. Choose faith over fear. Figure out what you want and go after it. Or take time to think about it. But don't think your life away. Rash people never think. Cowards think too much. Find the middle ground.
What do you want? Having too many options can be difficult to deal with because you can't decide what road to take. You could just take no road and park for awhile. But where is the joy in that? Go live life! Go out for a fun drive! Life is meant to be lived. People are meant to be enjoyed. Get out there and go anywhere God leads you. Or relax and let God bring your destiny to you. 😊
What is meant to be will be. But if you want something bad you got to work it. 😂😃 Yes that is a sexual innuendo. 😊
Satan tries to take away the joy from our dreams when he instills fear in us. It paralyzes you. Overcome that fear of what if with the positive of what could be.
You only get blessed if you want to get blessed.
If you think you don't deserve it, you will never get it. Think yourself into great things. Do you believe you deserve a lot? Then make it happen. Your life will only be as awesome as you permit it to be. Some people can't handle an awesome life so they prevent it with their fear and insecurity. They thwart their own success by cutting off their own legs. They are used to misery and it is like their feet are stuck in the mud of misery. That is what is comfortable. They are used to that. So they stay where it is predictable and calm.
Why don't you actually enjoy life for a change?
What success are you wanting? What is stopping you from doing it?
Make it happen. Just do it. 😉
In the beginning when God created the world it was formless and void. Before we get the Holy Spirit we are formless and void. There is no life. We are filled with hatred and selfishness rather then love and altruism. There is no water within us because only the Holy Spirit can fill us with water to overflowing. When you become saved "You are a new creation. The old is gone. Behold all things have become new." And "He who began a good work in you will carry it on till the day of completion."
There is no light within you before you receive the Holy Spirit. You are totally lost in darkness. Your mind is fixated on some form of sin 24/7. "The carnal mind is hostile toward God. It cannot please God or submit to his will." Then God shines his light into your soul and it comes to life. Suddenly there are trees and birds and fish. You are finally living. He breaths air into your nostrils, and you can finally Breathe. You thought you could breath before, but you realize you were merely gasping for air. You didn't know how to breath. You didn't comprehend at all how to love. Your heart was void and empty and callous like a rock. "We love because he first loved us." Apart from God bringing you to life you cannot truly love. All you care about is yourself.
But then you bask in the glow of God's love for the first time. You feel the warmth of his Son. Your heart melts and you finally begin to Know how to love.
I hope you can learn to love others like God loves you.
Narcissism is being in love with only yourself and no one else. The term came from a man in Greek mythology. Narcissus was a man who saw himself in a lake reflection one day and then just sat and stared at himself for hours. 😂 He literally fell in love with himself.
Most gay people are narcissists because they want someone who is just like them. Pride is the root of all gayness. To love someone who is completely different from you is real love. Opposites attract right? At least they are supposed to. How much are you in love with yourself? Why are you? Granted the opposite sex can be frustrating but are you really so much better? Do you think you are perfect? No one is perfect. Not one single person.
Get over yourself. The world does not revolve around you. My ex husband was a narcissist. He thought other people were Always thinking about him. The truth is that most people are too busy thinking about themselves to think about you. Or they have like 20 other people they think about, not just you. Life is not all about you. There are billions of people on the planet who are important. You are not the only important person. That might be a hard truth to fully take in, but that is a fact.
Who made you a king of anything? Do you see yourself as a king? Well you are NOT.
If everyone saw themselves more like a humble janitor, the whole world would be a better place. :) So stay humble. The more humble you become, the better your life will be.
My ex mother in law offered 3 years ago to care for my girls so that I would have time to become a teacher. Instead I decided to do pizza delivery and write 2 books and a bunch of blogs. Thank you to you Nanna for giving me time to write. Thank you for helping Ben raise the girls. I'm sure it hasn't always been easy. If you ever want me to take over part time I would love to help out. As much as I love writing, I love my girls more. And I no longer care about pizza work. At least I think I don't. 😳 I'm still thinking about all that.
Do you love a dog or a cat more then people? Why? I had a 2 year phase where my 2 cats were my whole world. I had that crazy pet obsession for awhile. I got my cats as kittens and they were magazine level adorable. I loved them so, so much! But then they grew up and were very independent. So I moved on and had my own life but I still kept them. You can have pets without making them your whole world. A lot of people have sadly not figured this out. So they allow their dog or cat to keep them from finding love. Their pet is like a shield. They are like, "Nah don't get too close to me, because I only really can love my dog or cat." But why? Are you really that incapable of loving a person just as much as you love your pet? Who hurt you so much that you now hate all humans? Just want to remind you that you are a human. 😉 You are not a cat, although that would be fun. You are not a dog. You are a human and you are meant to be around other humans. Sorry if that is too much to take in but y'all know pet obsession can be a bit much. Go be in love with a PERSON and forget about your pets for awhile. It will be worth it. Hopefully. 😊
If you put a lot of energy and effort into helping someone to be happy or to get saved, but all the effort you put in seems to have no effect, then why should you put more effort into them? Does that mean it is time to give up on the work in progress that you were trying to mold and create?
Is there a point at which you throw up your hands and say, "Enough. I can't help you. I don't know how to help you. You refuse to let me help you." And is it then time to move on to more pliable projects? More responsive projects. People who actually want your help and are humble enough to let you change them for the good.
"God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble."
Don't be too proud. Remain humble enough so that people who really, really want to help you will still try. Don't cause other people to try to give up on you. We all need help. Don't ever assume you are so astounding that you don't require any help from anyone. Stay pliable. Stay moldable. Stay contrite.
Life and people can help you grow but you have to let them. Lay your ego and pride to the side and say, "Ok where do I need to grow? God help me. I need your help." As long as you won't accept help, you stay stuck in your ugliness. Let the light shine into your dark places. Let go of the drama and the hatred and your stubborn nature. Let your thick walls come crashing down. Your hatred got you this far. But it is time to let it go now. Let God empower you rather then your anger. Feel him melt the bitterness away like butter. Let his presence wrap around you and melt the ice away from your spirit. Let it all go. Drop it at the feet of Jesus. Say to God, "Take it. Take my anger. Take my pride. I give it all away for you. Lead me now. I am humble enough to follow you finally. I will go anywhere you want me to go." And lay down to rest. And let God minister to your soul.
😊
When was the last time you went on a long walk? It probably had been 6 months for me. The past 5 months my pizza making job has been plenty of exercise. Now that I am taking a nice work break, I knew it was time to get some exercise. I just walked up and down my street for awhile. I got one honk. 😂 I feel so flattered.
If you take anti depressants did you know a 20 minute walk every day can have the same happy effect on your body? So go for a walk. You will be very happy if you do. God bless!
At age 14 I went to India with my church. I was in Model United Nations in school, a debate team. My country was India to represent in a mock conference. The topic was religious intolerance. I told my youth pastor, "Most Christians probably won't have the guts to go to India because they burn Christians. We should go there!" And we did. We visited churches there and put on a service for them, simply to encourage them. It was the coolest week of my entire life! And so began my next 23 years as a missionary. Most of my missions work has been here in the US in California, Nebraska, and Texas.
Then when I was 16 I went to Taiwan on a missions trip to teach English. I had such an awesome time! Ok maybe that was the most fun and happiest week of my life. ☺ I had the time of my life there! We had great worship times in the church there, which was very anointed. I was a high school kid Teaching high school kids. That was a big thrill. We ate rice for breakfast, lunch and dinner. 😂 I loved my time there so much!
When I was 22 I went back to that same church in Taiwan with my church. We ran a summer camp. It was super great! There was some conflict on our team but overall it was fun. Me and fat women really don't mesh well. 😣
I went on a few trips to Mexico from age 16 through 25. They were great! One week we all only got to shower once all week. We washed our hair in some sprinklers at a college there. 😧 In the evening I would fall in love with my youth leader as he played us songs on his guitar all night. 😍☺
At age 27 I went to Australia. I had a lot of extra money at that time. I decided to finally live out my dream of snorkeling the Great Barrier Reef. I had met a great guy through online dating, so we hung out for a few months there and did lots of fun stuff. The beaches there were pretty tight. I was sad to leave, but I was seriously missing the states. There is no place like home. ☺
After that I got married and had kids. It was a very sheltered but peaceful time of my life. Then he went crazy so I was free again, which was bitter sweet.
A year ago I went on a 2 month long road trip by myself. It was amazing! I didn't think I had enough courage to travel alone for that long. Every day was a total rush and a thrill. I never knew what city I might drive to next. The goal was to get to Miami, but really the entire trip was completely spontaneous. It was great! I had the time of my life. Someday I hope to do that again, but with a special person. Only God knows who that special person will be. 😁 My goal next time is to make it up to New York.
Other fun traveling adventures...I lived in Alaska for a summer working on a cruise ship. I worked on the cruise ship going out of San Diego down to Mexico.
I did a great road trip with my mom and older brother from Nebraska to CA. We went up through Yellowstone. That was a heavenly experience. ☺
I lived in Hawaii for a summer as a nanny for my Uncle Gary. I had a lot of fun living there.
My goal now is to save up for my next grand adventure. I have no idea when I will go or where I will go, but going somewhere would be great!
God created love to drive us crazy. 😂 Jk God created love to help us think outside of ourselves, to cure our innate selfishness. To think of others more then we think of ourselves. "Love your neighbor as you love yourself." But don't forget to take care of yourself too. It seems half the world only thinks about themselves. Those are the narcissists of the world. And the other half forgets about themselves possibly too much and always wants to take care of others. We are the angels of the world. Ok I'm not always an angel. 😉 But I try very hard to be one. I think we all jump back and forth between those two extremes. We get tired from helping others so much and so we need to lick our wounds for awhile. But at some point we get back out there and try to serve and love others the best we know how, and God helps us.
"Each of you should look out not only for his own interests but also the interests of others."
"Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, love never fails."
I read a great book years ago called "The Wounded Heart" by Dan Allendar. It talked about the different personas that sexually abused women take on. One was the tough girl. That resonated with me a lot. Any time I listen to Joyce Meyer I see she became that too. An ex of mine said, "Why don't you listen to Joyce Meyer more? Her story is just like yours."
The tough girl acts like she doesn't need anyone. "I can do it myself!" I said that a lot as kid. It is hard to let the walls down. We soldier on and pretend like everything is totally fine. My older brother said once, "I think one day you are just going to snap." I suppose that is what happened after I found out my daughter may have been getting sexually abused. Ironically she was exactly the same age as I was when my dad attempted to rape me. Generational curses are strong. My grandma was raped by her dad at age 18. My mom was raped by a cousin at age 8.
One church I went to had a Bible study on evil spirits. At the deliverance meeting they said, "I feel like someone here has a spirit of fear because you were sexually abused and you fear that happening to your kids." I stood up sobbing. A lady came to pray with me. She actually was kind of stern and literally was questioning if I was saved. That was odd. Anyways it is quite crazy that 4 years after that, it happened. I should have seen it coming. But I was blind. I was naive.
To bring that back on topic, that is why I have always been the tough girl, because when you trust someone, you get screwed. Most of my life I have not trusted a single person, except my best friend Ashley. Literally every other person I have known, I have not trusted. She is the Only person who has stayed loyal to me and has never broken my trust. She was raised in private school so she is a very Christian person. Over the years we have talked on the phone a lot. I would not have my stuff together as much as I do if it weren't for her.
If you have lost touch with a fabulous friend like her, call them. That one friend can get you through all the hard times. If you don't have at least one great person in your corner, life is so much harder. Go call your old best friend up. God bless. 🙂
I have had lots of baggage throughout my life from being sexually abused. For years I didn't even like walking around Wal-Mart, because I thought all the guys were lusting after me. Maybe they were. 😂 But it probably also was paranoia. I have always had a hard time just staying friends with guys. It is like everything has to become sexual at some point. Like I think men only want sex from me and nothing else.
There is a great church program I used to go to. Maybe I should check it out again. It was called Celebrate Recovery. I used to say I was there to deal with my anger. Any time sexual abuse happens you have a ton of pent up anger. Some of that anger probably is at God, but mostly at yourself and your abuser and people in your family who you felt should have known. I have had a ton of anger at my mom for most of my adult life for marrying my dad. I have never understood how she just couldn't see how insane he was. When I looked back at old pictures I can see it in his eyes in every picture. The insanity. How could she have been so naive?
I see that all the time now with women. They are stuck with idiot guys and they just don't see how much of an idiot he is. And that is called love. 😲
Anyways an epiphany I just had is that you can have love without sex. I think that kind of love can be more beautiful because you both expect nothing from each other. You just love them just to love them. You get no benefit other then the joy of caring about someone. It can be called unrequited love. But if they care about you and you care about them it is beautiful. You don't have to do something with the person you love. You can just love them at a distance.
To some of you this will make perfect sense. ☺ Go find a person to love and help and expect nothing in return. 😀
I actually had a hard time seeing God as my Father, or wanting to. My dad actually sexually molested me from an early age. When I was 6 he attempted to rape me. This is why I have so much of a heart to save the lost. If my dad could have read a blog like mine 38 years ago maybe he would have changed. Maybe he would not have molested me. I Know my whole life could have been so much better.
God is a good father. He is the Best father you could ever want or ask for. He will never hurt you, like maybe your dad did. He wants to protect you and be gentle to you. You might ask, as I often have, "Then WHY did he let my life get so hard? Why couldn't he have made my life easier?" To make you a better person. You might not want to hear that. But he let you go through hard times to give you strength for the after life. To teach you how to be an overcomer. To show you that you are strong enough to handle Anything that comes your way.
God says sorry for all the pain you have had to go through. He really did not want you to hurt SO much. He did it to teach you lessons. Sometimes we only learn the hard way. Stay humble, submit to God, resist the devil and he WILL flee. Most of the hard times in your life were caused by Satan. You need to have a healthy fear of Satan and evil things to keep yourself safe.
Granted God allows Satan to hurt us and we don't get why, but Satan is the evil one, not God. Then why does God give Satan so much power? I don't get that either. He said it keeps life exciting. Ok God. 😉
Overall just know that God cares. He wants to protect you and take good care of you. That is why it is important that you follow his commandments and his laws. Cling close to God, forsake the things of this world, and he will keep you safe.
Are you wanting to be filled with the Holy Spirit? You might think, "Um maybe but what is the point?" The point is to have Joy! Aren't you tired of being stressed out and depressed and overwhelmed with life? Then ask the Holy Spirit to fill you up till you are overflowing. Till you have so much of God inside you that you are more God then human. 😳
We all have an emptiness inside. You might use alcohol or coffee or some substance to fill you, but be FILLED with God instead. Do you crave God? Of course you do. You just don't realize you do. You Think you crave sex or money or love or a cigarette or a brownie. 😛 What you really crave is God. Only God can satisfy you unlike Anything else forever 24/7, until you feel content and fully satisfied. Be Filled with God's Holy Spirit. Not another spirit. 😂 Only God's Spirit. Only God's Spirit.
"You are now a new creation. The old has gone, the new has come." Go live a victorious life in Christ Jesus forever and ever amen.
I now declare that you are all saved and you can all get into heaven now. 😁 Your sins are forgiven. You are now one of God's children. God cares about you very, very much!
If only it were that easy. 😉 But hey, maybe it could be. If you have faith as small as a mustard seed mountains can easily be moved.
Here is how to be saved. "If you declare with your mouth 'Jesus is Lord' and you believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead you Will be saved." To say Jesus is Lord is not just a random statement, it is all about how you live your life. Is Jesus your Lord? Or is money your Lord? Is another person your Lord? Is your job your Lord? If Jesus is your one and only main Lord, you are saved. If he is your head master, your top dog, the only one who calls the shots for you, you are saved.
"You shall have no other gods before me." God is a jealous God. He wants to be the ONLY leader of your life. Who is leading you? What is leading you? "Delight yourself in the Lord and he shall give you the desires of your heart." God wants you to have the things you desire, but he wants to be your one and only main love. He wants you to love him with All your heart, mind, body and soul. He wants to be your main obsession.
Secondly, do you believe God raised Jesus from the dead? It has been easy for me to always believe that because from the time I learned to talk, I believed that. My mom and dad saturated me with worship songs and God's word from the time I was born. Maybe it doesn't come as easy for you. But you must believe that in order to be saved. If it is hard for you to believe that Jesus is God, which he is, pray about it. God is three in one. The Father, Jesus the Son and the Holy Spirit are all God, which can get confusing, but it is what it is. Ask God to give you spiritual eyes to see. Ask for your eyes to be opened so you will truly, finally see.
God when do you want me to go back to Papa Johns? In a week or so.
Will Tyler always be a great friend for me? If he can get his act together.
How long do you want me to stay in Odessa? Forever but only if everyone is nice to you and you can keep your good friends.
God when should I buy a new car? Never, your car is super cute. :)
Do you ever want me to move to Tennessee? Your heart is stuck here. Just stay here. You love everyone here too much to leave.
What job would be the most fun for me? Any job that you can enjoy.
Will I ever get to see my daughters again? Just let them go forever. That whole family is too toxic and evil. I need to protect you, my dear. Some people it is actually Impossible for me to change. They have solid steel walls up that even I can't get through. Just keep praying for the Bedricks. Maybe someday they will be nice and holy finally. Your girls are like little missionaries for them. Good job giving them a couple of my best soldiers.
If you see yourself as an angel, then you will act like an angel. If you see yourself as a monster, then you will act like one.
Whatever perception you have of yourself, you will project that onto others. You might assume everyone else hates you, but the truth is you hate yourself. If you love yourself, others will easily love you. If you look down on yourself, others will too.
If you respect and love yourself, others will respect and love you too.
Value yourself. See yourself as an angel so you will ACT like an angel.
"And I'd do anything for love but I won't do that..."
I always wondered what Meatloaf was referring to as "that." There are many things one should not tolerate for love. Being physically or verbally abused. Being accused of cheating 24/7. Being gossiped about to everyone you know non-stop. Being hated and yelled at. Fighting excessively. Being limited in how much you are allowed to eat. Being limited in the money that you are permitted to spend. Being berated for everything you do and constantly criticized. All of those things have occurred in my relationships.
And that is all why anyone who chooses to remain single, does. Who wants to be abused and controlled and dominated? Who wants the fear of a man, or a woman, physically abusing you? Stay safe. Stay sane. Stay in one piece. Respect your body. 😀
I have seen countless people sacrifice their peace and prosperity for love. But is it worth it? In my opinion, you need to be with someone extremely worthy to give up your freedom for. My brother asked me once, "How are you going to find a leader when you are a leader?" He probably always could tell it would be hard for me to let any man truly lead me. I had a funny epiphany once, "When a king and a queen are together, who gets to sit on the throne?" Both try to but then neither can. Only God should, but most men don't understand that. 😪😫😧
Empower yourself ladies. Be your own hero. Don't you want to rule your own life? But you say, "Oh but I love him." Why? What are the legit reasons for why you desire to love him? Does he deserve for you to love him THAT much?
God can and will be your lover. Not physically obviously but mentally, which is the main aspect women want in a relationship anyways. Guys love the high of sex, so they tend to get into drugs. Or they could get high in the Holy Spirit, which is God's method of meeting their physical needs. Women mainly need conversation, so God talks with women probably more then with men. Sorry guys. But most of you aren't really big talkers. 😉
No matter who you are, God can meet your needs in some way. You don't have to find a mate or a lover. You don't Need one but maybe you want one. And that is where I am now. I feel I deserve a husband, but I have constant internal conflict of if I want to put up with all the things in paragraph 1 again. Is love worth all that? Is it worth the risk? And the pain....
And the thoughts will go on. And my mind may never be made up. Independent women can I get a woot woot...😂
I hope you all are more decisive then me. Good luck in your own decisions that you try to make. May God bless you!!! 😁
If you are insecure, I sympathize with your pain. No one thinks of themselves as highly attractive. Ok when I was like 20 I saw myself as hot, but most of my life I have perceived myself as an average looking person. I would say I'm like a 7 out of 10. God says I'm a 9.5. 😀 Thank you God. 😂 If you don't think you are hot stuff don't worry, no one does. And if they do, they are a stuck up, arrogant piece of crap. So it is best if you don't think of yourself as extremely attractive. People who think or "know" they are hot are the MOST annoying people to be around. I have always found them highly annoying. The studs of the world actually are the most insecure, because they are terrified of the day when they won't look like a stud anymore. For example, my biggest fear used to be gaining weight. Now I really don't care. I am mostly in good shape. I could loose 15 pounds if I want a hotter body, but why does it matter? Vanity is retarded. Looks are not beneficial unless you want to be an actress etc. If anyone doesn't like me how I am naturally they can go climb a tree naked. ☺ That is my general attitude about other people's view of me. I never have cared much if people like me or not. If they don't, they are probably too high maintenance, and I wouldn't like them anyways. So their opinion does not matter. "Those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter." Remember that. 😉 Now go dance around your house you sexy person you. 😀
The Daniel diet consists of only drinking water and only eating salads and vegetables. I mostly stick to that diet, except I gotta have my 2 cups of coffee and dark chocolate. And sometimes Oreos. 🙂 If you eat only veggies and drink mostly water you will feel 10 times happier then if you don't. I also put chicken on my salads. Chicken is really the only meat that feels ok with my stomach. I had my gall bladder taken out 6 years ago after my second pregnancy. 😪 As a result I now have to eat more healthy, but I want to anyways. Now go eat more healthy! So you will be a lot more happy and have tons of energy like me. 😊
God told me a few months ago that whatever path I take I will be happy. Here are possible paths I could choose.
1. Live happily ever after being married to a kind and good man 😃
2. Become a basketball coach till I die. 😀 🏀🏈🏉🎾⚾⚽🏊🏄
3. Go work at a store I love very much forever and make lots of mula. 💰💵💳
4. Be a bartender at Cheddars and have fun throwing a party every day. 🍷 🍺 🍸 🎉
5. Be a waitress in a restaurant and have mucho amigos 😊
6. Move to Florida and buy a house on a beach 😃
7. Move to Tennessee and live with my best friend Ashley ☺
Have you been filled with the Holy Spirit yet? It is an exhilarating experience. It usually IS paired with a tongue prayer, which is basically you speaking to God like a 2 year old. When I first did it, I called it a clown tongue because it made me and my ex and our girls laugh so much. 😂 I practiced it more and eventually it sounded like a real language. That happened to me 4 years ago. I remember I had asked my grandma if she ever prayed in tongues. She said, "Well God understands English right? So I see nothing wrong with just praying in English." She was so funny. 😀 That is true. You can just pray normally, but in order to go deeper with God you have to be filled with the Holy Spirit and pray in a tongue. You can be saved without being Filled with the Holy Spirit, but there is almost no point. That is like being married and never having sex. 😂 If you want a full life with God, don't be too scared to go into the deeper waters with Him. Dig deep and fill your inner soul with God's beautiful presence. Ever since I was baptized or filled with God's Spirit, I have had an ongoing dialogue with God in my head. I used to pray a little, but very rarely did I hear God speak back to me. 😣 Now me and God literally converse 24/7. Any time I'm not sleeping or watching a movie I am talking to God about anything and everything. As soon as I wake up, God tells me like 3 words of wisdom that it seems he was wanting to tell me while I was sleeping. It is beautiful. 😍 It feels like talking on the phone with a best friend non stop. God's voice sounds like a parent half the time, but that makes sense since he is our father. Sometimes I'll say to him, "God I don't want to work today." And he will respond, "You are Going!" 😂 Any topic I want to ask God for advice about, he always has advice for me. The current thing God is telling me is that my huge crush Tyler will marry me soon. That would be wonderful. 😀😊
Ask God what is next for you. He would love to talk to you. Just listen. 😀
I feel that exciting feeling when you start something new. It feels like the first day of college. I will most likely start working at Hobby Lobby this week. I'm so excited! Pray they will for sure hire me. :) I have literally wanted to work there for like 10 years now because I love artistic things more then Anything! I can't wait to socialize with the customers about all the fun stuff they are about to create. I'll feel like a kid in a candy store there. :) Yay for making fun things!
The worst thing about Christians is the hatred that Christians feel ok with feeling toward other people. The one up mentality. The "I am better then you because I pray..." mentality. Don't kick them while they are down. Feel compassion for others who don't have that close bond with God. Your connection with God doesn't make you better then them at all. It might make you more bold and courageous. But no one is better or worse then anyone else. We all suck for our own reasons. 😂 We all have messed up things about us. I have not been a perfect Christian at all, but I really do not care. God never expects us to be perfect. He just wants us to Try to do good things. Mainly he wants us to just love him. If we do most of the things he asks us to do, he still loves us and we still get to make it to heaven. Don't worry if you are not perfect. God never said you have to be perfect for him to love you and accept you. He loves you anyway. Just try not to do anything extremely stupid, and you will stay on God's good side. 😉
Thank you God for protecting me. Guide me. Help me find your way. I feel lost but you know where I need to go. This life is so insane. It is like one hurricaine after another. I just want peace and sanity and a normal life. I am so tired of drama. What do you have for me next God? I hope it will not be crazy. I don't want anymore of the madness of life.
Easter is meant to be a celebration of new life. Of overcoming death and beginning fresh. What fresh beginning do you need? What death do you need God to resurrect you from? We all die in little ways every day. Satan attacks us and tries to put us in our own grave. He laughs when he thinks we are staying in there. But then alas! Our stone rolls away and we come out into the glorious sunshine. We tear off our grave clothes and we come back to life! 😀 Satan thought he could keep us buried and we say, "No! In your face Satan!" Do you need God to bring your soul back to life today? Has Satan been trying to kill you? Has he killed you already and you seem alive but are dead inside? Let your dead soul come to life today! Be free! Sing for joy! Run around and praise God! For you were lost but are now found. You were dead but he has given you fullness of life! Life up your hands and shout for joy!
There is only one time in the Bible where insanity is documented. King Saul went crazy due to his jealousy of David. He kept throwing spears at him trying to kill him. Jealousy can be extremely powerful. Cain killed his brother Abel due to hatred and jealousy. Anger is one letter away from danger. The best thing to do if you can't have something is to decide you DON'T want it. That will keep you from jealousy. Be careful of wanting anything too much. That spirit of greed will overtake you. Hold all things up to God with an open hand. Say "God if it is your will for me to have this, I would appreciate it. If not, your will be done. I know I deserve little. Thank you for anything you do bless me with. I will try to not want more. Help me to stay content with the handful that I have. I submit to your will. Anything you want me to have, I receive. Anything that is not good for me, I do not want it." And rest easy knowing that God will meet all your needs. Maybe not all your wants, but he will meet all your needs.
How many times have you not done something and regretted it? But we do that because how many times have you Done something and regretted it? I have experienced both of those this past 6 months. I have not had the courage to try to go see my daughters and regretted it a lot. Yesterday I finally had the courage to go ring their door bell and the door was not opened to me. So I regretted going over there. Life is just so frustrating most of the time, have you noticed? You are constantly damned if you do and damned if you don't. So we get lost in busyness to escape the pain of one disappointment after another. Maybe I'll find 3 jobs now and just get lost in work and stay busy. Life is just about money right? At least money comes easy for me.
"You can't handle the truth."
Can you handle the truth? The truth is scary. We like to hide in the shadow of lies and dishonesty and beating around the bush. Why can't you just be honest? Say what you feel. Let it all out. Don't hold back anymore. Bear your soul.
What is church? It is meant to be a place where people really get to know each other. A place to find shelter from the outside psychotic world. But then you find that church people can be stuck up and hateful and full of indignation. People are people. They are not angels. Except for me. I am an angel in disguise. 😊 Church can be a place to get inspired, to fill your cup up to overflowing so you can drench others around you all week with the Holy Spirit. It can be a place to find supernatural healing and deliverance from your bad moods. If I had gone to church last week I might still have my job right now. God was telling me last week to go but I didn't. 😣 My whole week could have gone better. But all things work together for the good. If you are not happy in your work place, it is probably time to go find a new fake family to love. And go to church. That will help you tremendously in being a better man or woman to work around. May God bless you! But only if you go to church. 😂😉
"Religion that God our Father accepts is to care for orphans and widows in their distress and to keep yourself unpolluted by the world." We are in the world, but not of it. We are meant to help the world without becoming polluted. How do you do that? Fix your gaze on Jesus and his goodness non-stop. The world will try to pull you into its deep, depressive and destructive caverns. Stay above ground. Keep your wits intact. "Fight the good fight of the faith." Stand firm in the word of God. Keep your shield of faith up. Every day there is a battle of good verses evil. Every great movie portrays this battle. We know it is going on all around us, in the air, in the minds of people around us. Stay strong. You can be a great soldier in the army of God. Cling close to Him in the hardest times and you will be ok. 😀
Keep going y'all. There is a light at the end of this for us all. Heaven is waiting. We can't go there yet though. 😉 We are all assigned a person or people to help, and that is why we are still alive. Who is your assignment? Ask God. Keep living well for them. To save them. To help them love their life more. To be a light that shines bright in this dark world for them. Don't live only for yourself. Ask God today who needs your help. And don't ignore God's voice when he tells you to help specific people, like I tend to do sometimes. 😂 Be obedient to his call. Let your heart be soft toward those God wants you to love. You never know how much time they have left. Make their life worth living. Go be a huge blessing to someone today. 😀
You can invest in a 401K or a nice car or a fancy house, but what does God call you to do? To invest in people. "Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart." What is it to delight in God? To want to fulfill his purpose for your life, to go into all the world and make disciples of all nations. With the internet now that is a lot easier. God is calling you out of your comfort zone. Where does he want you to be? What is your mission field? My mission field is Texas and it has been for a long time now. God blessed Texas by sending Prophet Lisa here. 😂 I have sensed for a long time that God is here in Texas more then anywhere else. I have always felt that. Wherever you are, let God use you. May God give you boldness with your faith. Don't be afraid to tell people what you believe. If you truly believe the gospel, try to save people. You can do all things if you believe.
Jesus died on Good Friday 2,022 years ago. Our entire calendar revolves around this day and his death. So why is it good? Because that day showed how GOOD God is. He didn't have to let his only son die on a cross for us. He didn't have to care that most of us were bound for hell. But he did. Jesus had the courage that night to suffer and die and bear our sins on that cross. He didn't have to do it, but he did. And why did he? To shower his immense love on us. To make the strongest statement that anyone has ever made about how much he Loves you. Forget about greeting cards and flowers, what other person besides Jesus has actually died for you? No one. But Jesus did. "Even while we were still sinners Christ died for us." The Bible says, "For the joy set before him Jesus endured the cross." What joy? Having us in heaven with him. He knew the Only way to get me or you into heaven was to die for our sins. We couldn't pay God back for all the evil we did. So Jesus paid it all and all to him we owe. Don't ever underestimate how Much Jesus did for you and how Much he loves you. He would do Anything for you. How many people can you say that about? Only Jesus.
It is very hard to pray when you want about 7 different things and you know you can't have all of them at the same time. It's not like with Christmas wish lists. It is possible to have everything on your list then. But with things I am praying for, I can't have them all at once. My brain feels overwhelmed trying to figure out what would be at the top of my list. I love so many things. I want to help everyone, but I can't.
I met my ex husband through online dating. It was around Valentine's Day 10 years ago. I was missing my ex who had died 7 months before then. Roger had been married and divorced so I chose to search on plentyoffish.com for guys who were divorced. I figured they would appreciate a new lover just as much as my ex had appreciated me. That is how I found Ben. I emailed him and said, "How are you?" He asked for my number. We talked on the phone, and I knew right away that he was the one. He read to me some poems he had written. I loved his poems a lot. 2 weeks later we got married. We had a wonderful marriage for 7 years and raised two super adorable girls together.
Why did it end then when it began so beautifully? The main reason was that I got greedy and kept wanting to buy too much stupid stuff online. Also my step dad was being inappropriate with our little girl. After we realized that, it drove us both crazy for about a year. So we parted ways. But I never stopped caring about him. We stayed in touch and we have remained good friends ever since.
I will always remember the happy memories of us as a family. It was the happiest 7 years of my life.
What's your dream? The movie Pretty Woman begins and ends with a guy asking everyone that. Do you dream to fall deeply in love? To be swept off your feet by someone? I'm pretty sure we all have that dream thanks to Disney movies. 😀 Do you dream to have the perfect family and the perfect house? That always was my main dream. I had all that once upon a time, and I believe I can have that again. Everyone deserves a second chance. I have wanted very badly to have a second chance at being a terrific mom for 3 years now. Either I would love to have my daughters back in my life, or make new children with a new love of my life. Either option would make me supremely happy. That is my current dream. To get to be a super great mom again. That is all. May God help me to achieve my dreams well.
"If it's meant to be it will be. Baby just let it be."
Love cannot be forced. It can only expand in freedom. It grows most in darkness and silence. You have to think about it, about them. Contemplate their goodness. Kindness is the water of love. Patience is vital. You cannot rush it. Let it blossom slowly like a flower. Wait for the sun to come out and see it's beauty when it opens up. Keep your hope planted. Never stop believing and dreaming. Love can make your heart soar through the air like a bird and sing. It makes you want to paint rainbows and live life in full color. You thought you were alive before but now you begin to thrive. The whole world seems to open up in front of your eyes. You dream of possibilities. Things you never thought imaginable before. It is like you finally found the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. The clouds part and the sun finally shines down on you and warms your skin. Your heart jumps like frogs jumping in a pond. Your mind whizzes like a bee hoping, dreaming, and wishing. You cannot think of anything else other then the one you love. You always wonder how they are and if they are happy. There is no place you would rather be then by their side. No one you would rather talk to. Their heart and mind captivate you. Every word they say makes you want to dance. Nothing in the whole world is cuter to you then them. Isn't love beautiful?
Everyone thinks Californians are so soft, but once you get thrashed around in the ocean a few times you turn into a freaking warrior. 😀
When I was 14 I almost drowned in the ocean. I literally had a moment where I said, "Ok God I guess this is it." But then my youth pastor came out and saved me from drowning. Praise God for him! He was pretty cute too. :)
Years later I often would ride my bike to the beach and just stare out at the waves. I would watch the surfers and admire their courage to be out there, braving the strong waves. I didn't get close to the waves in the ocean for years after that. The next time I did, it took a ton of courage.
What are you most afraid of? Maybe you have reasons to fear it, but learn to face your fears. Life is a ton more fun when you are finally afraid of nothing. 😀
I read a book with that title that my mom gave me 10 years ago. I always thought that was a very interesting book title. Do you hide from love? We all do in our own ways. That is why couples now play on their phones around each other almost non stop, because they fear that interpersonal connection. That is why TV watching is prevalent in homes all over the world now. Because all of us prefer to hide from love. We don't want to go deeper with others. We love to keep things shallow and casual. We are afraid to bare our soul to anyone, because it feels so vulnerable, so naked. We are too scared for others to really See us so we hide behind our ego or our mask or our fear or our anger. We keep walls up all around ourselves to stay safe. But then you are lonely because you never let love IN. We pretend everything is ok when it's not. How often are you completely honest with other people? When you love someone, do you tell them? Life has trained us to keep our mouths shut. We think others don't care. We want others to care, but we deeply fear that they don't. But what if they do? What if people want you to open up? Why do you let fear stop you from bearing your soul? "Say what you need to say," as John Meyer says. "What would happen if you say what you wanna say? I wanna see you be brave." "You have not because you ask not." What do you want? Get it all out in the open and see what happens. It is freeing to get it all out there. To say all the things you could possibly want or need. Why are you hiding? What are you so afraid of? Rejection of course. But maybe you could handle it. Stop thinking you are made of glass and you can't handle whatever response you could get. What is the worst that could happen? Why not rather wonder, what is the best that could happen? Take the courage to express yourself this week to those who matter most to you. "If my silence made you leave then that would be my worst mistake." Break the silence and express whatever it is that you want. You will be happy that you did.
Thank you God for wonderful pillows and comfy beds. Thank you for nature and how lovely it is. Thank you for your word and how encouraging it is. Thank you for naps and kittens and coffee and good friends. Thank you for salads with Ranch dressing and fun music and hot guys. Thank you for ducks and how freaking cute they are. Thank you for bike rides and sunshine and pools. Thank you for all the beautiful rivers and lakes and trees. Thank you for children and how they help us to grow up. Thank you for Wal-Mart. I love you Walmart! Thank you for sobriety and peace and unity. Thank you for blowing up this crazy world soon. I know you are coming back sooner then we expect. I can't wait to be with you. 😀
Whatever consumes your thoughts the most is your idol. What do you think about a lot? Who do you always think about? God probably brings those people to mind so you can pray about them and their life, but don't let those you are hoping to save become your idols. God wants us to love and serve others without idolizing them. Love God by loving people, but don't fall in love with people to the extent that you forget God. He is meant to be your all in all. He wants to be the apple of your eye. Focus on God. Fix your gaze on the beauty of his majesty. "Forget not all his benefits. How he saved you and rescued you out of your pits of despair." Thank God for all your blessings. He was the main avenue through which they came. He is your provider. He loves you more than anyone else can or ever will. Always remember that. 😉
"Everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or fields for my sake will receive a hundred times as much and will inherit eternal life."
My daughters were an idol for me. They were my whole world. My previous house was a big idol. My mom was. Papa John's has been. Now I have had all my idols taken away and all I have is Jesus, but I am still happy. I still feel at peace with God. I know I will be ok. If God takes away all your idols you will be ok too. 😉
I have my ex husband to thank for taking me deeper into my relationship with God. I was just in the shallow waters with God so much of my life, but he challenged me to go deeper with God. But then I didn't know how to do that and keep being a mom and living a normal life. Which is what I was always afraid of regarding the Pentecostal spirit filled lifestyle.
I think as I got closer to God the more Satan attacked me. He wanted to steal the seeds that were trying to flourish inside of me. Like Job was tested and had it all taken away, God has tested and tried my faith many, many times. He has essentially said to me, "If I take away all of that will you still follow me?" Yes God. No matter what trial you put me through I will still love you and serve you.
"Now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed." 😀 Amen!
I had this phrase spray painted in giant letters on my back patio at my former house. It was a good reminder. No one likes a prideful, arrogant, conceited person. Don't be that person. Beautiful people who think they are beautiful are NOT beautiful. Their arrogance makes them incredibly ugly. One of my favorite songs is "She Don't Know She's Beautiful." The most attractive people are those who have no idea that they are attractive.
Pride will get you no where. It will get you in jail but that is it. Pride is the root of all sin. If you struggle with any sin, check your pride. Do you fall into sin because you think "I deserve...." Do you really deserve that? You better check yourself before you wreck yourself. Pride comes before many, many falls. We trip over our egos and fall into giant holes in the ground all the time.
You might think, "Nothing bad could ever happen to me." So you live carelessly. You drink too much. You get angry too much. You think you deserve a million chances with other people or with God. You spoil yourself with an entitled mindset. No one gets a million chances. The fact that God forgives us as much as he does is a freaking miracle. Any good thing you have is due to God's grace, not because you "deserve" it. We all deserve nothing. Any good thing we have is due to God's blessings that he generously gives us. But he doesn't have to. He doesn't Have to bless us with anything. So get over yourself. Forget about your so called goodness. You are lucky that you are as blessed as you are. And always remember to stay humble. You are not as amazing as you think you are. Only God is amazing. And you are not God.
"The love of money is the root of all evil. You can't love both God and money. He who gives to the poor gives to the Lord."
Don't become entangled in the endless race for money. It will grow wings and fly off faster then you could fathom. Chase friendships more then money. Chase adoration. Chase respect. Chase charity and generosity. Chase love.
My whole life I have seen people who love money way too much and are addicted to getting more and more and more. Nothing is ever good enough. No amount of savings is enough. They never stop. They never rest. They tirelessly stay busy making it or spending it. It seems impossible for them to be content. Say you have enough at some point and relax. Take a rest. Take a vacation. And not a vacation where you blow all the dough you just killed yourself to make. Enjoy a mental peace retreat in your own place. A time to unwind and regroup and contemplate. We provide ourselves these great places to live and leave them for a vacation. Why? Enjoy what you already have. Live more simple.
Life is about way more then money. Take a load off. Focus on the fun things of life for awhile like love and joy and good times. Stop chasing money or it will start chasing you. It will rule you. You might obsess over it until it becomes your idol, your one true love. Do you want to love people or money? It is very hard to love both. Very hard. People deserve your attention way more then money.
"As for the rich in this present age, charge them not to be haughty, nor to set their hopes on the uncertainty of riches, but on God, who richly provides us with everything to enjoy. They are to do good, to be rich in good works, to be generous and ready to share, thus storing up treasure for themselves as a good foundation for the future, so that they may take hold of that which is truly life."
Hey y'all go buy ALL my books on Amazon. They are listed under Lisa Bedrick books. I could use the extra money now in case my boss fired me. 😭 He has not officially fired me yet. He just took me off the schedule this week. There has been lots of stress and tension in our store lately since our strongest worker recently died. I worked a lot of overtime. We have all been working more and getting extra stressed out as a result. I am hoping to be allowed to stay because I love Papa Johns more than any business ever! Go Papa John's! You know you wanna order some Papa John's pizza now. Lol. God will bless you more if you do. 😂😁
Have you ever wondered if you can talk to someone without using words? Like with just your mind? I'll just say it's possible. I have little interesting conversations in my head all the time with a version of friends that I have. God told me sometimes that it is real. I think of all the things I would like to say to them and God gives me what would be their responses. I remember I saw the movie Phenomenon as a kid and I always wondered about telepathy after that. I wished that it was something real that people could learn to do. I heard in a video once that angels communicate telepathically. That makes sense. It is a much faster way to communicate. Telepathy is a very interesting gift. You don't have to be in the same room to communicate this way with someone. They could be hundreds of miles away. The Bible does not mention it as a gift of the Holy Spirit, but I think it can be. All things are possible to those who believe. May God bless you all!
I just watched A League of Their Own again. That was one of the first movies I ever saw actually. It made me want to go find a city softball team to join. 😁 I played softball for one summer. That was the happiest summer of my life. 😀 All my best friends were on that team and we played great! I was the short stop. One time I caught a line drive headed right at me. I remember I got hit by the ball up at bat once. That hurt. 😣
My very first sport was swimming. At age 7 my grandma encouraged my mom to get me on a swim team. From age 9 to 13 I played volleyball, basketball and soccer. I ran cross country one year at age 14. One time I ran so hard in a race that I tasted blood in my throat. 😂 So I decided to stick with just basketball from age 14 to 22. In college I played intramurals. I always wanted to try out for our college team but I chickened out. 😪 I was pretty good though.
I grew up playing at parks all the time with tons of guys. They would always be like, "Oh she can play!" And if I made a basket a guy would say to his friend, "Oh you got schooled by a girl!" That was always funny. 😁 I had a best guy friend in high school. We would ride our bikes to a park and play. I miss those days.
I remember freshman year in college one professor had us all say one thing we were passionate about. I said basketball. After class a girl came up to me and asked, "Were you the one who said basketball?" And we were best friends for the next 4 years.
Oh how I miss being young. Why do we all have to get old? I wonder if I tried to play some ball at the YMCA here if the men would let me play. 😁 I should totally try. 😂
There are talents that you have that it is wise to make time for. Don't spend your life watching TV. What talents has God blessed you with? What extra skills have you acquired? As they say, use it or loose it. I don't make any money from writing this blog, but it is a ton of fun for me. Talents are things you do well, and they are fun. Not all your talents will make you money. But they will all bring you satisfaction and fulfilment in life. I also love to make bracelets. I can sit, listen to music and make bracelets for 3 or 4 hours. It is a fun way to pass the time because I know they make others happy, and that makes me happy. I hope my writing makes y'all happy. 😁 The best way to not be depressed is to try to help others be happy. Look outside of yourself and ask God, "What skill do I have that might not make me money but will make others happy?" And do that. A great quote, "Don't ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive. Because what the world needs is men and women who are truly alive." What makes you feel the most alive?
One of my favorite songs is, " That don't impress me much." It is such a funny song. I feel like I could have written it myself. Who am I trying to impress? At work it has always been whatever boss I have. At home it is always God. For some odd reason I never cared about impressing any of my exes. I suppose I assumed they should love me no matter what, so I should not need to impress them. In general I try to impress myself and do something every day that will make me more proud of myself, like writing in this blog. :) I used to always strive hard to impress my mom but I have finally matured enough to realize that is impossible. Nothing ever impressed her. Nothing. 😪 I have never once cared about impressing my dad because he is the biggest idiot alive. If he is still alive. I actually have no idea. I always wanted to impress my big brother a lot. I have always been impressed by him. He is actually the only person that I have always been impressed by, because he had an extremely hard life but he overcame and kept going. Good job Nate! I love you so much! He used to be a manager of a pizza place which made me want to do that too. That is probably the most impressive job anyone can do, because it is way harder then most people realize. Dealing with customer complaints can give you a few headaches and ulcers. 😂 The things that impress me the most about others are generosity, honesty and working hard. I really don't care about anything else. Go work hard, honestly, so you can be generous to others. :) God bless!
You can be smart. But there are many different kinds of intelligence. There are book smarts and street smarts, or social intelligence. It doesn't matter how smart you are on tests, if you don't know how to navigate the tricky nature of social interaction. You have learn to play the game right, the politics. Who can be the most popular? Who will win over the masses? But eventually you get tired of trying to one up other people and win, so you take a break. That is my current state of mind. If nothing you do ever seems good enough it is time for a half time break. Bench yourself. Forget about strategies for awhile and just Be. Get lost in the world of funny movies and happy foods and just learn to enjoy life again. What is it really to be smart? To be smart is to be kind. The kindest people are the smartest people. Some think kindness is dumb. That humility and serving others is dumb. But it is not dumb if it causes God to shine down on you and bless your socks off. The most unassuming and humble people are often the most blessed. The ones that no one notices, God notices. Life is not only about being smart. It is first and foremost about pleasing and honoring God and doing what he wants you to do. When you do that, then you truly are smart.
Maybe it is time for another 2 month long road trip. The flowers are out. It is finally beautiful again. I could visit my best friend in Tennessee and my big brother in Nebraska. And why would I ever come back to Odessa? 😀
Life is either fun or safe. It is nice to be safe but that can get boring. If you want to have fun there is always some risk involved. Driving is fun because it is risky. Falling in love is fun because it is also risky. Think of any job you have done. The most fun jobs involve some form of risk. Any physical job is risky because you could always injure yourself. Any job where you interact with other people a lot can be risky because people can and will hurt your feelings a lot. There is no way to have fun without some kind of risk.
When you get rejected by one group, it is very hard to believe you will blend in well with the next group. I had a heck of a time getting my ex in laws to like me. So then I assumed that every other mother in law type person I had in my life would also reject me. Now I feel rejected by my boss and co workers. I kind of want to apply at other jobs, but I fear the next group will reject me too. I want to just hide in a turtle shell for a week or so and protect my heart for awhile. I need to lick my wounds.
I heard on the radio like 12 years ago that the happiest people are those who only work 20 hours a week. Why? Because then you can let yourself relax for the majority of your week. You can take time to sit out in the sun, read good books and watch happy movies. You can just do your own thing and have more control over your own life and your own time. You can pray more, write more, and be more at peace. You don't feel like you have sold your soul to your job. You are less likely to get entangled in work drama. You become your own best friend and genuinely enjoy your alone time. Chasing the mighty dollar 24/7 will make you feel mighty tired. Take time to just breath. Sleep in. Take a hot bath. Go buy some kittens. :) Enjoy life. Listen to sermons by Joyce Meyer and Steven Furtick on YouTube. Cut loose and enjoy your time off. Don't work too hard. What is the point of working a lot? What do you need extra money for anyways? Learn to enjoy the simple life. Be happy with less. "God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus." Amen? Amen. Now go have some fun. 😊
The main quote that helped me when I was a teacher was, "When you loose control, you become controlling." One of my favorite verses is "Where the spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom." You can give people freedom and still maintain control. The trick is to be nice. Then people will Want to follow you out of love rather then feeling forced to out of fear. Communism is all about control. Dictators instill fear into their people to force them to be subservient. But how do those countries look? There is poverty and misery all over. Why is America so great? Because we give our people freedom. You can live anywhere you want, do any job you want and become whatever you want to become. Our people are empowered and feel stronger and happier due to freedom. Freedom says, "I trust you. I believe in you." The more someone tries to control you or treat you like a kid, the more they are saying you don't have what it takes. I don't believe you can do it on your own. Let other people go. Don't try to dominate and control and micromanage them. Let them fly on their own and watch then soar. :) Take the training wheels off and let them be the adults that they are. Freedom is beautiful. Let others be free.
May God bless you all!
"Silence is golden. The best answer to anger is silence. Don't use two words when one will do. If a man can control his tongue he can control his whole body. Life and death are in the power of your tongue." You can speak blessings or curses over your life with your words. What you say is a lot more powerful then you realize. "It is better to live on the corner of a rooftop then with a quarrelsome friend." If you want your life to always be happy, speak words that bring life. If you want a friendship to die then by all means, let it all go with hateful and destructive gossip and lashing out at your friends. If you want God to bless you, use your words carefully. "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble." Be wise in what you say. Think before you speak. Be a lover, not a fighter. God only cares that we love him and love other people. We can't love others and speak hatefully to them or behind their back. Mind your own business. Don't worry about what others are doing. Live your own life. A big cause of gossip is obsession and idolatry. When we talk about others a lot, we are idolizing them. We give them way more attention then what they deserve. God should be your God, not people. "Fix your eyes on things above, not on earthly things." "Turn your eyes upon Jesus. Look full in his wonderful face. And the things of earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of his glory and grace." 😊
When you are grieving the death of a loved one you will feel 5 stages of grief. You might jump around randomly through all of these for a long time. There is denial, anger, depression, bargaining and acceptance. The main stages that I have felt this past 3 weeks are depression and anger. I am mad at myself mainly. I feel like I could have prevented Michael's death. But then I think of the verse, "It is appointed unto man one time to die." The date of our death is destiny. It can't be changed or prevented by anyone. It will be when it will be. No one can prevent a person from dying if it is their time to die. I have also been feeling a lot of depression. I have turned into a slug, or I feel like a slug at times. His death really took the wind out of my sails. But it is good to slow down sometimes. We need to take a deep breath. Enjoy what you can enjoy in life. Take better care of yourself. Sleep a lot. Eat good food. If God still has you alive he wants you to enjoy your life. So try to enjoy it as much as you can. Just because someone else died doesn't mean you can want to die too. Keep going. Keep breathing. Keep living. God is keeping you alive for a reason. Figure out what your purpose in life is and fulfill it. And learn to anesthetize your pain by trying to make the world a better place. May God bless you all. 😁
Do most people deserve your love? Nope. Not one bit. There is probably not one person alive who deserves for you to love them the way God wants you to. It seems at times that God cursed every single person alive with a very difficult personality. I have worked in customer service for 20 years. I know that is a hard truth. Everyone you know has probably hurt you or offended you in some way. It is ok to be angry for awhile, but eventually you have to get over it and move on. To give yourself peace. Let your mind have peace. It takes a lot of energy to stay mad at someone. They aren't worth giving all your energy away to by staying angry at them. Let it go and move on. Forgive them. You might not forget about their offense. But at least you can let it go at some point, for the sake of your own mental sanity. Forgiveness is more a gift for yourself then for them. They would Love for you to stay angry at them, because then you give them the attention that they are wanting. When you forget about it and move on, that actually irritates them more because you are forgetting about them. They want to be in the center of your thoughts, but that is not what they deserve. That is why they tried to make you mad. Let it go and move on. Be the bigger person. Be mature.
"Love your enemies. Bless those who persecute you." Love those who are overly critical of you. This is NEVER easy. My biggest annoyance in life is when people want to tell you that you are not doing a good job but they don't want to do your job. That is when I tend to throw in the towel and say, "Ok it is now your turn. If you say I'm not doing it right, then it is your turn to do it. Let's all see if you do a better job." And maybe they will do a better job. Then you will be humbled. Or maybe they will flounder and then they get the punishment that they greatly deserve. You can only hope it will teach them to stop being so critical. People are critical because they are jealous or they have an evil spirit, or many evil spirits. That is why Jesus said to pray for your enemies. Do you know how many evil spirits they probably have lurking inside their mind? And they might not even realize it. Crazy people don't know they are crazy. That is why they stay crazy. Hand them over to God for a season. Let God take care of their demons. Shake the dust off your feet if anyone refuses to respect you. If they constantly come against you, pray for them, but also, let them go for a season. Let God deal with them. Let go and let God.
Be careful who you choose to be in your inner circle. Jesus had an inner circle. It was Peter, James and John. My inner circle used to be my mom, my ex husband and my ex mother in law. Then I lost my kids and them due to my step dad's stupidity. Now my inner circle is my big brother, my best friend from high school, Ashley and my best friend from college, Laura. Their support is why I can mostly be ok with being single the rest of my life, because I have the 3 of them. I love you guys! Thank you for your friendship! There is a guy at work that I think I want in my inner friend circle too named Vincent. He is one of the most resilient and respectable young guys I've known. I only have people that I respect in my inner circle, and people that can respect me. I love the quote, "Those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter." If some people always seem angry at you, they do not by any means deserve to be in your inner circle. Maybe you can help them, but don't trust them to be one of your best friends. What can light have in common with darkness? Follow the light. Only let nice people remain in your inner circle.
Pls all pray for my allergy spring migraines. I had a 3 day headache this week and felt feverish. Maybe I was just actually sick. But I get allergy headaches a lot ever since my two pregnancies and they are torture. Just complete misery. I got Allegra allergy pills and Excedrin. If I take both that usually solves the pain. May God help me to stay well and get no more headaches. I believe! All things are possible to those who believe. :)
I'm so tired of Satan trying to pit those closest to me against me. It has happened many times in my relationships and friends at work and I always run away and hide. I keep being tempted to do that lately but I think this time I'll stand my ground and remain strong. I'm tired of letting Satan scare me away from good friends. I want to stick with the empire I have built at my Papa John's. :) Satan is called the accuser of the brethren. He is always trying to make others attack you and think less of you. Are you gonna be a coward and run away or are you going to stand your ground? Stand firm. Don't let Satan or others push you down. I'm still standing.... :)
Just watched the movie 50 First Dates again. It made me miss my ex Eric. He was a really sweet guy who always tried to make me happy and brought me great food. I wish I would have held onto him forever. But he is a big pet person and I no longer am, for some reason. So we ended things because of his extreme love for his cat. It is sad though because I probably loved him more then any guy I've known. We had lots of fun times together at 6 Flags and going swimming at pools. He felt like my twin the whole time I knew him, like me and him were almost the same person. We met a week after I broke up with my ex Bryan. He had just broken up with his gf too. A big issue was that he never got over her. I suppose he kept wishing that I was her. At times I wished that he was more like my ex before him. I wished he enjoyed going to karaoke like me and Bryan did. This is the problem with having one relationship after another. It causes you to get all messed up in the head. That is why God said, "I hate divorce." If you are with a great person, stay with them till you die. No one is perfect. But hopefully whoever you have feels perfect enough for you. May God bless your relationships. 😁
I can be so selfish sometimes. It's like things are never good enough for me. That is how most people are though I guess, what they have is never enough. If you are not happy now, why do you think you would be happy if....
"Godliness with contentment is great gain." I need to learn to be more content and thankful. God help me to be more thankful for things I already have. :)
Today I test drove 6 bikes at Walmart and 3 bikes at Target. None of them were perfect enough for me. Oh well so sad....So I spent what I would have spent on a bike on a radiator flush for my car. That probably was more necessary. Now I can have fun getting back into delivery driving and my car will last longer. My little Pugsley feels like it has a lot more power now and the AC blows a ton stronger now. Woot! Yay for getting a radiator flush done. I'm excited to start cruising around again and have a little rock concert in my car again. 😊
I got the most amazing pineapple and salads at HEB. I had been meaning to get some of their salads for months now and I finally did. :) It's crazy how we rarely take good care of ourselves and how it's hard for us to do that. It doesn't come natural to take good care of yourself. Also we all think the world will end in a few years so what's the point? The point is so you will feel better until God decides to blow up the world. Which will be nice when he does. I don't know why God has let the world keep running as long as he has. He says it is entertaining. Well that is good, at least we do a good job keeping God entertained. 😊 On that note, it is time to watch an entertaining movie. Go buy some tasty salads and eat more healthy! ;)
Your life is not as bad as it may seem. Remember to be grateful. Every cloud has a silver lining. Keep being the best you that you can be. Keep shinning. Keep hoping. Only the strong survive. But don't just survive, thrive. Whatever you are wanting, keep believing it can happen and it will. Make your dreams a reality. Don't be scared of great things. A great future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams. Never stop dreaming.
I had so much hope and expectation when I first rolled into this city 6 months ago. I thought surely my long lost family could be a family again. I am still somewhat clinging to that hope. I am just a sitting duck waiting for my ex to say he would like my help with our daughters again. I don't know why I lost it all. I can't believe I did loose it all. Mostly I try to not think about it. But God keeps telling me to stay away. I don't know what God has for me next, but I hope it will be fun. :)
From age 8 to 14 I used to write almost non stop in my journals. My brother was 4 years older so it mostly felt like I was an only child. We rode bikes together but mostly we just lived separate lives in the same house. So I wrote a lot. From age 14 to 20 I chatted all the time with lots of friends from school and work on AIM. That was always fun. From age 20 to 25 I read a ton. I probably read 400 books in those 5 years. Then I met my first true love, Roger, and we lived in happy marital bliss for 2 years. He died when I was 27 from drinking when on too many medications. That caused me to start this blog and I was writing almost non stop the whole year after he died. I met my ex husband at age 28. We had 2 girls together so I was just a stay at home mom for 7 years. I felt like I needed something extra to do so I started making lots of YouTube videos. They were like mini sermons. Now I am back to writing in this blog, and I am reading a great book called Crazy Faith. It is probably the most inspiring book I have ever read. If you are bored, go buy the book Crazy Faith by Michael Todd at Wal-Mart, or try writing in a blog or a journal. It is fun and very therapeutic. 😀 May God bless u all!
Every guy I have ever been with was emotionally abusive. I have never been physically abused, but there has been a lot of emotional abuse directed at me. I don't get why men feel compelled to emotionally abuse women. I suppose it could be since us women are weaker and so our men think, "What? What are you gonna do about it?" Or it is that men innately look down on women. Maybe men feel threatened by women because our brains are superior, which is a sexist thing to say but I think that is a fact. Men can have more physical strength and most women have a much higher mental capacity then men. Of course there still are less female doctors and lawyers, but that is because us women get distracted easily by men. :) If you are a woman, believe in yourself. Don't let your man push you around. You are better then that. You deserve better treatment then that. No one deserves to be abused in any way. Keep yourself safe and happy. And always remember, God loves you very much!
"Give and it will be given to you, pressed down and running over."
Most of the world is only out for themselves. We naturally don't know how to give. But the more we give, the more happy we are. Give of yourself or your possessions in some way. You won't regret it. Anything I have given away has made me more happy.
God does allow many hard things to happen to us. He does not cause it. Satan comes to steal, kill and destroy, not God. But why does God allow Satan to hurt us so much? May the best man win. He does it to encourage us so we realize we are stronger then we realized we were. He gives us challenges to overcome which keeps life from being boring. Our lives are like a movie that God is constantly watching. He loves to see if we will overcome the obstacles. There will be challenges in the next life too. This life prepares our will to be stronger for the after life. We won't just sit on a cloud and sing songs all day.
Unfortunately, God loves drama. He doesn't just want us to be "nice." He wants us to be strong. If you have read any chapter of the Bible all the way through, you will see that God loves challenges and debates and conflict. God is more proud of us when we learn how to fight well. When we show him that we can be strong. He does not want us to be weak or cowards. He wants to see us overcome so he can say to us, "Well done my good and faithful servant."
"Do one thing every day that scares you," I heard in a song. The more personal dares you give yourself, the more of a warrior you will become and God loves warriors the most. Go be a warrior for Jesus! Don't be too scared to do whatever he asks you to do. Overcome. Be strong. Be a soldier in the army of God. It is not easy. But it is fun. :)
God told me I will reign victoriously at my job for the next year and then I will marry my secret crush. Who is my secret crush? Shh.... It's a secret. 😂 And he told me I will become a millionaire, or at least I will feel like I'm a millionaire in a year.
What does reign victoriously mean? I have never had God tell me that about anything. It was encouraging to hear that. I think he said that so I will keep going no matter what happens. No matter what crazy storm or argument comes up. No matter how much I might want to give up and throw in my hand towel. I will cling to that promise from God. I shall reign victoriously there for a year or longer. Maybe marriage is something I should never attempt again. But only God knows what is best for me. :)
I had always wanted to be a manager but I never thought I would become one. I am having tons of fun being the boss. 😀 It feels very similar to all my jobs watching over children, so that makes it more comfortable. Most of our workers seem quite child like at times so my 14 years of working with kids was the perfect training for my current job. I had to put kids on time out a lot. Now I give people the silent treatment as punishment for stupid things they do, like throwing my beautiful calendar pictures away. Ah kids....Pray for all the silly but mostly cute kids that I get to work with every day. Someday they will all finally grow up, and then they won't need my help anymore. Until then may God give me patience and love and understanding for them. There are always quarrels there over silly things. I try to mediate and calm people down. I have noticed if I stay calm and confident, everyone else will too. I have noticed you can't get too hungry at work. You have to keep yourself fed so you can be nicer to everyone. Also coffee is a strong necessity for full time work. Coffee makes my job 20 times easier and more fun.
May God bless me and guide my fake family and may we all get along forever very well. May I help them all get into heaven and may we have tons of fun working together and playing with making pizzas together all day, every day. :) I hope you all enjoy your job as much as I do mine. May God bless you!
People on my prayer list....
Flamingo Fabiolas
Yellowjacket Yolanda 🐝
Velociraptor Vincent 🐊
Tiger Tyler 🐯
Bear Ben 🐻
Squirrel Sheryl 🐿
Newt Nate 🦎
Hawk Heavenly 🦅
Koala Kerrie 🐨
Cat Cliff 🐈
Eagle Ellie 🦅
Alligator Albert 🐊
Rabbit Ralph 🐇
Robbin Robert 🐦
Moose Manny 🦌
Turtle Thurman 🐢
Lion Lisa 🦁
Jackrabbit Joy 🐇
Seal Serenity 🐬
Albatross Ashley 🐧
Dolphin Derek 🐬
Cougar Clark 🐅
Eel Emilio 🐍
Lamb Laura 🐑
😀
All good things come to an end. People never part on good terms for if they were on good terms they would never part. Once upon a time in a faraway fairy land I had a beautiful family that Satan destroyed. I said too many destructive things. I tried to be a light on social media. But I was talking too much about my personal life and my whole life fell down in shambles. I didn't keep my shield of faith up and so Satan's destructive fiery arrows hit me and broke up my family. I stopped believing that my ex husband could be a good provider. I stopped believing that we would always be a good team. I told him one day, "I give up." Life and death are in your words. That one phrase killed my marriage and my family. I lost my kids, my gorgeous house, my easy and comfortable life. I let myself out into the cold world all on my own. It has been a grand and crazy adventure ever since then. I have had tons of fun. I have learned a lot, but my how I miss that easy, sheltered and safe life that I had. I think I just got too comfortable, too complacent, too ungrateful. I assumed that I would have all that forever. I took my life for granted. I took my husband and kids for granted. I had no idea how good I had it. I didn't truly appreciate what I had. You don't know what you have until it's gone. If I could go back in time to 3 years ago I would in a heartbeat. If I could get a do over I would love that. If you have a beautiful family, appreciate it. No family is perfect. You can search the whole world to replace what you had but some things can never be replaced. Hang on to what you have. You might think life could be happier if you change it but it might not be. Never give up on those you love. Ever. They deserve for you to serve them forever no matter what.
When I was little I literally wanted to grow up and become a nun, which is basically what I am now. I wanted to serve God 24/7 and never worry about marriage and family. I think it was because I loved the movie The Sound of Music. I was always thinking she should have stayed a nun rather then fall in love with the guy in the movie. Love makes things so messy and complicating and heartbreaking. I feel like a nun because I don't have a man and I mostly don't want a man. I think God keeps sending me female friends with stories of their horrible love lives so I won't miss that life one bit. Looking back, I was never truly happy with any guy I have been with. With one guy I literally would sit in my car for an hour after work most days because I didn't want to go home and be around him. I was deeply in love with my last bf but it was chaotic and crazy half the time. He always thought he was better then me because he was Jewish so he was "the chosen race." I was always just like whatever get over yourself. :) There is a man that I admire now, but I know he needs to grow up before I could ever consider being with him. I feel mostly happy and content with my life as it is now. I am free and it is nice to be free. I can sleep any time I want, and eat whatever I want. So many guys try to regulate what their woman eats and it is so annoying. I don't have to worry about anyone but myself. When I got my own apartment God kept telling me, "No one can take better care of you then you yourself can." No one can or will care about you as much as you can. They might try and fail. Ultimately in life it is every man or woman for themselves. You have to be strong and take care of yourself first and foremost. The ugly truth is that other people will generally only use you and abuse you. They don't know any better. "Father forgive them for they know not what they do." Forget about everyone else. Be kind to yourself. Keep yourself safe. Take good care of yourself. And all the rest of your life will fall into place.
