The Tough Girl

 I read a great book years ago called "The Wounded Heart" by Dan Allendar. It talked about the different personas that sexually abused women take on. One was the tough girl. That resonated with me a lot. Any time I listen to Joyce Meyer I see she became that too. An ex of mine said, "Why don't you listen to Joyce Meyer more? Her story is just like yours." 

The tough girl acts like she doesn't need anyone. "I can do it myself!" I said that a lot as kid. It is hard to let the walls down. We soldier on and pretend like everything is totally fine. My older brother said once, "I think one day you are just going to snap." I suppose that is what happened after I found out my daughter may have been getting sexually abused. Ironically she was exactly the same age as I was when my dad attempted to rape me. Generational curses are strong. My grandma was raped by her dad at age 18. My mom was raped by a cousin at age 8. 

One church I went to had a Bible study on evil spirits. At the deliverance meeting they said, "I feel like someone here has a spirit of fear because you were sexually abused and you fear that happening to your kids." I stood up sobbing. A lady came to pray with me. She actually was kind of stern and literally was questioning if I was saved. That was odd. Anyways it is quite crazy that 4 years after that, it happened. I should have seen it coming. But I was blind. I was naive. 

To bring that back on topic, that is why I have always been the tough girl, because when you trust someone, you get screwed. Most of my life I have not trusted a single person, except my best friend Ashley. Literally every other person I have known, I have not trusted. She is the Only person who has stayed loyal to me and has never broken my trust. She was raised in private school so she is a very Christian person. Over the years we have talked on the phone a lot. I would not have my stuff together as much as I do if it weren't for her.

If you have lost touch with a fabulous friend like her, call them. That one friend can get you through all the hard times. If you don't have at least one great person in your corner, life is so much harder. Go call your old best friend up. God bless. 🙂