Parenting

 It is hard to raise intelligent human beings. It's hard enough to cover the basics of keeping your kids warm enough and fed and clean. Then you add in training them for school. I had no idea anyone would care about the intelligence of a 2 year old, but my mom did. This is one of the hardest events of my past family. My mom started saying when my daughter was 2 that she needed to go to speech therapy to learn to talk better. What I am thinking now is, why couldn't she learn how to do speech therapy with her? It's like my entire life my mom would say I needed to go to counseling. Why couldn't she counsel me? That is usually what families do. They counsel each other instead of saying, "Go see a professional." The reason she said that a lot was because my dad molested me, and she didn't know how to handle me after that. 😪

So my ex and his mom got concerned about my oldest daughter. My mom made them worry that my oldest girl was behind. She was only 2. My goodness. The world these days is harder I would say. Why can't we just let kids be kids? Let them just have fun until school starts. 

I will say I already knew she might end up a little slow. My ex, her dad, was very much like Forest Gump. 😣 I think that is a common thing in our modern world. Not everyone is a genius. Oh well. I don't know what the reason for that is. Vaccines maybe? Vaccines are evil. 😟

So when my daughter was around 3, I finally took her to a speech therapist. The lady made me feel like I was not a good mom, so that was a sad experience. She said my daughter should be putting her own clothes on. I was still doing that for her. I didn't see that as a big deal, but these days everything is a big deal with kids. Serenity's comprehension was spot on. She just didn't try talking a whole lot. It might be because my mom tried to correct her any time she said anything. Very sad. I have heard that Serenity has struggled in school. I hope she will do better in the future. But why is school considered so incredibly important for girls? They probably will just have kids someday. 😌

In the hospital 6 months ago, CPS got involved with us and our new baby. God keeps telling me it was mainly a racist issue. Our city is mostly Mexican. We were the only white family in the hospital at that time. I think they just wanted to pick on the white people. I turned to my current man and his mom and said, "Are you still glad you had a kid?" 😁 It seems like everyone feels a right to attack you when you have kids. It's not easy. It can feel like a battle. You always get advice on what you need to be doing, and it can be very discouraging. Maybe some moms don't care, but I was a straight A student. I aim to please. I want to be on top of everything that I can be. To think I wasn't doing a perfect job with my two daughters, that was too much for me. 

So all that was pretty much why I gave them up to my former mother in law. I guess I was like, "Ok here maybe you can do a better job. Everyone seems to think I am not doing it perfectly, so maybe you can." But no mom is perfect. No person is perfect. 

To all the fellow moms out there, take a break and remember to enjoy life. Go watch the movie The Hustle. That will make you happier and remind you to have some fun. And then go to a good Bible teaching church. 😇