The Place Beyond the Pines

"The "sins of your father" theme is a popular one for shows, movies and novels, yet I always feel like it never really resonates with me and always falls flat. "The Place Beyond the Pines" might have the best showcasing of this theme I have ever witnessed, making me truly understand the full extent of what it means, and how it can be conveyed."
http://www.iowastatedaily.com/ames247/article_a9ac04c2-ab58-11e2-ac28-001a4bcf887a.html

My husband and I had been meaning to watch this movie for awhile now.  Warning, there is quite a bit of cussing, but they had to do that to make it seem more believable I suppose.

But yes, the theme of the movie is certainly the sins of the father or generational curses. 

Do things our parents do come back to haunt us?  Perhaps.  Do things we ourselves do come back to haunt us?  Without a doubt, yes. 

In this movie a cop kills a guy who robbed a bank.  The catch is the guy who robbed the bank wasn't actually pointing the gun at the cop.  He had a gun in his hand but it was not drawn per se.  Anyways, the cop, Bradley Cooper, shoots him anyways; out of fear most likely.  But this one split second of his life plagues him with guilt the rest of his life.  He finds out that the bank robber he shot has a son so he feels even more guilty.  Then ironically the cop and the bank robber's son meet at school when they are 17.  The cop's son turns out to be more evil than the bank robber's son. 

The whole movie made you really evaluate who really is good and who is bad.  The bank robber was robbing banks to support his son that he just found out he had.  So does that make his acts good?  He didn't actually kill anyone.  So how would God judge him?  "If anyone does not provide for his own household he is worse than an unbeliever."  But "thou shalt not steal." 

Anyways, when the cop's and bank robber's son meet the cop's son corrupts the bank robber's son and gets him into serious trouble relating to drugs.  The bank robber's son then realizes that this kid is the cop's son and that the cop killed his father.  He then shoots the cop's son but doesn't kill him and almost kills the cop for killing his dad. 

But in that final moment the cop cries and repents and says he's sorry to the son.  So the son doesn't kill the cop. 

What this movie really made me think of was the life of King David.  King David murdered Bathsheba's husband, indirectly.  The baby produced out of his adultery with Bathsheba dies, and then their other son, Absalom, dies tragically.   David is mortified over both children dying.  But was it God's justice?  God punishes those He loves yes?  Or is it just a matter of sowing and reaping.  We will reap what we sow.  Sins cannot be swept under the run, as this movie also so well portrays.  It's like Luke 8:17, "For nothing is secret that will not be revealed, nor anything hidden that will not be known and come to light."  Secrets can only be kept for so long.  Sins can only go unpunished for so long.

The movie also made me think of a book we read in high school, Crime and Punishment.  In the book a guy murders an old woman and the rest of the book is him struggling with his guilt over the act.  It eats him up inside and he is driven crazy by the immense guilt he has.  Finally at the end of the book he turns himself in.  He literally walks himself right to the police station and tells them everything.  Guilt is a powerful force. 
And where does this guilt come from?  Romans says the law is written on men's hearts.  "When Gentiles, who do not have the law, by nature do the things in the law, these, although not having the law, are a law to themselves, ¹⁵ who show the work of the law written in their hearts, their conscience also bearing witness, and between themselves their thoughts accusing or else excusing them."  We are created in God's image.  Therefore, every single person alive is born with an innate sense of what is absolutely right and what is absolutely wrong.  Criminals may try to justify their actions.  They may seem to be living the life.  But in their hearts, their conscience is eating them up inside.  Hence the saying, "Crime doesn't pay."  It not only doesn't pay, it will kill you with guilt.  We cannot commit crime or sin and be completely untouched mentally by it.  There are those who murder children etc and commit horrible acts.  These people I believe are possessed by demons.  I do not think a human being, in his own power, can continuously do evil and feel nothing about it.  The guilt alone will destroy them.  Justice always prevails, whether it's in court or in their own minds.  Crime/sin is a poison and it will destroy those who give in to it. 

And I will say this movie made me think of my own father, the horrible acts he committed with me and thought of committing with me.  He was/is a very, very sick man.  I never yelled at my dad for what he did though; I never cussed him out etc.  I never tried to take revenge in any way.  "Honor your mother and father."  But I knew that the guilt of what he did was punishment enough for him, and I saw it slowly eat him up inside.  I saw him deteriorate from a happy, fun loving so called "Christian" man to a deranged psychopath really.  I visited my dad when I was 18, 12 years after his attempted rape on me, and was quite appalled at the man he had become.  He had become quite crazy.  My dad had morphed, and it was kind of like Gollum from Lord of the Rings.  Gollum once was a normal dwarf, but then sin got ahold of him and he rotted away.  He turned into a monster physically but that reflects quite well what immense sin does to us on the inside.  It rots us and eats away at our heart.  I saw it eat my dad away.  I saw it completely destroy his mind and heart. 

My brother has the ability to see auras around people.  I do not know how but he does.  He said my dad's aura is barely there.  It is like a thin blue light around him and it seems to be constantly falling off of him like frost falling out of a freezer, like he is quickly loosing any light, or life, he has left. 

I have known evil form a very early age.  I have seen the guilt of a criminal play out.  I have seen the way sin destroys a person in my dad.  When people commit sin they think they are just having fun, but in reality they are playing with fire.  In reality they are putting massive chains around their legs and whole body.  They are sentencing themselves to death.  Sin is serious.  Sin is deadly.  Don't play with fire and expect to not get burned.  It will destroy you, in one way or another. 

I know this blog seems a bit like Jonathan Edwards' "Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God," but maybe we need to hear more sermons like that. I have never heard a sermon that really peered into evil and how it can destroy a person. They always just want to talk about the good stuff, the good life we can have in Christ. But that doesn't mean as much unless you contrast it with how much your life... can suck without Christ, I mean royally suck. If you are in Satan's camp you are already in the lake of fire without even realizing it. You are already burning.

Jesus said, "You are either for me or against me." I think that was the verse I said to a friend to convince her to get saved. But may God increase my gift of evangelism to say this in such a way that will reach anyone not saved reading this. Sin is NOT your friend. Satan is NOT your friend. Trust me, you don't want to go to hell because all your friends will be there. Little do you know you are already on Satan's torture table. He is using sin to slowly kill you. He is dissecting your soul and he is laughing about it. Satan hates you. He is NOT for you. He is not on your side. He is out to destroy you. Sin is not fun. That is a lie from Satan. It is death. It will kill you. It is Satan's game to pull you into his web and wrap you up like a spider wraps up a fly, so that you can't move, so that he can do with you what he wants. He is completely and utterly evil. Get out from his rule while you still can. Turn to God, repent and ask for God's help, because God WILL help you. That pain in your life that you are mad at God about; you are mad at the WRONG person. Get pissed at Satan. He is the one who has been screwing you over since you were born. He is the one who is bent on your destruction, NOT GOD. Don't blame God for what Satan has done to you. Run to God, and run the hell away from Satan and never look back. 

 

In conclusion, praise God that though my life began crazy, God has blessed me with a wonderful and trust-worthy Christian man. And praise God that the curse is broken in me and what my family will be because I declare that it will be in Jesus' name. Satan can have no power over me or my family because we belong to the Lord and love him with all our hearts. God will redeem what Satan tried to destroy. In Jesus' name Amen.

to Satan http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s8YO5icNGn0

That is the final clip from the Matrix:

"I know you're out there. I can feel you now. I know that you're afraid... you're afraid of us. You're afraid of change. I don't know the future. I didn't come here to tell you how this is going to end. I came here to tell you how it's going to begin. I'm going to hang up this phone, and then I'm going to show these people what you don't want them to see. I'm going to show them a world without you. A world without rules and controls, without borders or boundaries. A world where anything is possible. Where we go from there is a choice I leave to you."

 

Or what I would say, "Satan, I know you and your demons are all around us even though we can't see you.  I can sense you and I can see through your games.  I know that you're afraid.  You've been afraid since the day you fell from heaven.  You're afraid of God's son, Jesus.  And you're afraid of us, the church.  You're afraid of Christ's power in us to defeat you and reveal you for who you are.  You're afraid that you won't get to be in total control of this world anymore.  I know the future.  You will be tormented and tortured in the end by the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords.  He WILL defeat you in the last days.  You will live in complete pain and darkness for eternity.  That is how it is going to end. 

 

The war against you began when Jesus died on the cross, and we, Christ's followers, are continuing to wage war against you.  We will show the rest of the world what you don't want them to see.  We will show them the truth, that you are not their friend and that you hate them even though you act like you love them and are for them.  We will show them the truth about sin and what it does to them.  We will show them how to defeat you in their own lives; how you can no longer have power over them.  We will show them a world where everyone can be set free and be filled with joy and peace as we were meant to be before you stole that from us.  A world where anything is possible through Jesus.  You are going down Satan, and we as the church are going to help bring that about."  Amen?  Say this aloud to Satan if you would like :)  Make him scared lol :)  and always remember, "Resist the devil and he will flee from you."  That is a promise. :)

 

 

 

the Holy Spirit

By my husband:

I want to thank the Lord for blessing me with his incredible presence today at work!

I think the presence of His Holy Spirit is the most incredible experience available to anyone in this life.  It's like a paradise in your heart; feeling God's love and resting in God's peace.  

It makes you love God more and see how good he is! 

Some might wonder how to feel the presence of the Holy Spirit.

I think personally all you have to do is welcome the Holy Spirit into your life. 

The more you make the Holy Spirit feel welcome in your life, the more you can feel him.

You can then love God more, with everything you have and love your neighbor as yourself.

The more you welcome Him, the more of Gods presence you can feel. 

Just thank God that you're alive, and that He loves you.

It says in the book of James, "Draw near to god and he will draw near to you!!"  :)

Keep your heart thankful for all the good things you have and remember things could be worse.

If it seems like you can't feel the presence of the Holy Spirit, don't worry about it, just keep having faith that God will bless you and make Himself known to you if you seek Him.

Working with Kids

I AM SO EXCITED! lol :)

I'm about to have the coolest job I probably will have ever had.  This nice, newish church by me is hiring part time child care workers and I'm pretty sure I will be hired.  I can pick up up to 30 hours a week and work with ages anywhere from infants through 5th graders.  I am so excited. :)

I think this job will work out even after I have the baby cause I can just opt to work with the infants and have my kid there too.  That will solve the problem of being a lonely and bored stay and home mom lol.  I have never thought just staying at home with my kids would be all that fun.  I knew I would need some adult time and time to get out and socialize.  This is the perfect way to do that. :)  I think being a stay at home would feel like being on house arrest. lol  So I'm glad I found a job I can still do even after I have kids. :)

And how cool that I found a job to do what I already want to do.  I would almost do this job for free just to have something to do while my husband is working.  I've had nothing to do for long enough now.  But the fact that it pays too is so cool! 

I like the idea of switching around in age groups too.  That was the issue in pre-schools that I've worked in was that it is just too much time with the same people.  I love meeting new people and doing different things all the time.  I like change, so this really is the perfect job for me. 

Hopefully I will start next week! 

"Seek ye first the kingdom of God and all these things shall be added unto you."  The things being a pay check again woohoo :), fun at work, fellowship and having more purpose and meaning to my life in general.  Which nothing provides more meaning I think than working with kids and helping them grow up the right way, helping steer them on the straight and narrow path. :)

I can't wait to start helping get all these kids saved! lol  I hope to work with the 4th and 5th graders a lot because that I think is when kids can finally really get it.  I think the age of accountability is probably about 9.  Meaning if a kid dies before 9 or so I think they automatically go to heaven but after that if they have not made the choice on their own to make Jesus Lord of their life there is no guarantee where they will go.  So therefore that's the perfect age to work with.  Get them right when they need to make the decision.  Also, they are more likely to make Jesus the Lord of their life at that age because they are more open to it. :)

When I was working at a Salvation Army camp one summer a leader told of how William Booth's goal was to pull people out of the water that had jumped off a cliff metaphorically and were drowning.  He said, "Wouldn't it be cool if we could build a fence for these kids so they never jump off the cliff?"  I was like amen!  That has always been my goal in working with kids, to help prevent them from making some of the dumb choices I made as a pre-teen etc. 

I also benefitted a lot from growing up in the church and going to Awanas etc.  I think most of the verses I have memorized are thanks to Awanas making me memorize them.  But they made it fun.  I loved going to Awanas and getting more jewels on my little pin thing.  I loved doing the game sports and singing the songs. 

So I want to help give kids the same great experience in church.  And I think I will. :)  I can help make it fun for them. :)

The lady I interviewed with today, the head of the kids program, told me she said to her co-worker, "You will not believe this girl and all she has done with kids."  haha

I suppose it is pretty crazy all that I've done.  Since I was 14 I've been working with kids, so 14 years.  My very first job when I was 14 was as a summer camp counselor.  I had a lot of fun going to the pool with the kids and letting them climb all over me lol.  I remember playing a lot of sports with them and watching movies. 

Then when I was in college I did a lot of tutoring with kids.  After college I worked at an after school program helping kids with homework.  There were three kids I picked up from school every day in 2nd and 3rd grade.  They were so cute. :) 

Then my next job was at another summer camp.  I worked at a Salvation Army right by my house with their Junior High camp.  That was tons of fun, getting paid to go to Disneyland with them and the aquarium.  I was always like, "How is it that I'm getting paid to do this job?" lol  But God provides. 

Then I worked in a private school, Carden Heights.  I was first just an after school daycare person from 2-6 pm.  Then when a teacher quit I took over the Junior High English class as well and "taught" composition and literature.  I didn't really teach, I facilitated lol.  I've never been big on lecturing, getting lectured at or lecturing others.  But man was I excited when the principle asked me if I wanted to do that.  I was jumping out of my skin I was so excited! lol :)  It had it's ups and downs though.  It was definitely a challenge that's for sure. 

Then the next summer I worked with the Salvation Army kids camp again and this time with the younger kids 1st-6th grade.  I had a lot more fun with that one.  I was in charge of the 4th grade group and they were all just so wonderful.  I had so much fun hanging out with them all the time. :)  We got to do really cool stuff again like go to Knotts and kayak in a bay and water parks.  It was the best job ever!  Again I was always like, "I get paid to do the best job ever wow!" lol

The next job I had was in a pre-school.  I loved that job a lot more than I thought I would.  At first I was like, "Why would I want to change diapers all day?  Ewe."  lol but then I got really attached to the kids and found that I absolutely loved working with toddlers.  Then I worked in the two year old room and then floated around to all the rooms.  That was also one of my best jobs ever. :)

Then I worked on the cruise ship with kids.  I either worked with 3-7 year olds, ages 8-12, or ages 13-18.  It changed each week what I was assigned to.  My favorite was the 8-12 year olds and doing games like Charades and Pictionary with them.  I had tons of fun with that age group.  The younger kids were a bit harder and the teens were really challenging. 

Then I worked in a few more pre-schools but thought I would try out being a waitress.  I had fun doing that too.  I loved working at Chilies but it's just as tiring and stressful as it looks lol. :)  Then I worked in a student loan call center.  That was fun getting paid to just talk to people all day and help them. :)  And then my last job was in another pre-school.  Two's have become my favorite age.  They are by far the cutest and it's exciting to help them learn how to talk. 

I think God would most be able to use me with the 4th and 5th graders though.  I think all that I know about the Bible would benefit them and I know a lot of games for that age group.  When I worked at the Junior High camp I was in charge of coming up with the games the whole summer.  The most fun one we did was probably Spoons with cards.  Dodge ball was a lot of fun.  And we played a lot of Frisbee. :) 

I also really like leading worship for this age group.  I like coming up with motions to worship songs and leading all the kids in worship that way.  Kinesthetic worship lol.  I don't know why adults don't do this too.  I guess because we generally are more self-conscious and don't want to look like an idiot.  But kids don't care about that so you can have a lot more fun with them and do more in worship. :)  I think worship is meant to be a full body experience but for some reason it has become very rigid.  That is why Jesus says we are to come to him like a child, because kids are uninhibited.  They don't care what people think.  They can be freeeeee.  So nice. :)  And so nice to watch and be a part of this freedom that they have.  Kids are great. :)

Focus Your Eyes on Jesus

Notes from my class last night:

The power of the mind; "As a man thinks so is he."  It is important that we memorize Scripture to retrain our minds. 

"Life and death are in the power of the tongue."  The power of the tongue that frames your world is in your hands.

When we feel alone and like we have no one, that is Satan talking to us.  God is always there. 

Keep your focus off of yourself and on God. 

We will never become free if we focus on our chains, on our failures etc.  We take on the mind of a prisoner.

We need to focus on who we are in Christ.  What is already true of us.  That we are set free.  That we are children of the most High God.  That God loves us....

The more we focus on our weaknesses the more weak we become. 

The key to our transformation is that we keep our eyes fixed on Jesus and not on other things.

We need to behold the glory of the Lord.  That will empower us; remind us whose we are and the power that is then available to us. 

When we focus on the radiance of his holiness he saturates us with himself.

We will always have chains to something.  We will always serve someone.  The question is only, who will you let your master be?  We were created to worship something.

Take your eyes off of what is temporary and focus on what is eternal instead.

There is complete freedom in Christ.  Think on only good things.  Fix your thoughts and your eyes on Jesus and you will not grow weary and loose heart.  You will go from glory to glory. 

Sanctification is a process.  We grow more and more with time. 

When we read books about God it helps us to focus our mind on God.

When we focus on the issues it just gives them more power over our minds.

Our identity is not in our past abuse or trauma, but in Jesus; that we are God's children. 

If you were to believe that you are a citizen of heaven now and that all the resources of heaven are available to you now, how would that change your ways of approaching needs and challenges in your life?

"Our citizenship is in heaven."  Phil. 3:20

What we behold, we become. 

The more we listen to a type of music or watch certain media, the more we will become like that, like the world. 

We know we have a renewed mind when we love first but we hate what is evil.  That is when we have the mind of Christ.

It doesn't matter how many times you mess up.  How many times you run back to Jesus is what matters. 

We stay in our chains because we don't know who we are and whose we are.

We are more than conquerors and Jesus is our ruler, not Satan. 

Jesus received 39 lashes.  There are 39 root causes of diseases known in the world.  Jesus was paying the price through the lashes for our complete healing. 

Our citizenship is in heaven, but we can still cross over to the other country, the domain of Satan.  When we do, we fall under his authority.  But don't cross that border.  Don't give Satan a foothold.  Choose life, not death. 

To God

Father I surrender to your will.  I submit to all that you want me to do. 

Have your way in my life.  I am yours forever. 

Help me to be a good mom.  Keep my baby safe. 

"You are God in heaven and here am I on earth, so I'll let my words be few. :)

Jesus I am so in love with you."  :)

God Speaks

I love you.

Don't be afraid.  I am always with you. 

Be at peace.  Let me wrap my arms around you and love you. 

I am sorry you have had things so hard.  I have not forgotten about you.

Tell these people how much I love them.  Tell them that they are not alone.

Tell them that I am coming back soon so don't be afraid.

I am their shepherd.  I will guide them. 

Listen to my voice.  When you seek me you will find me.

Follow me along the quiet waters.  Rest.

I will bring about new things.  Wait for me.  I am coming. 

A Mystery

“For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” ³² This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church." Eph. 5:31-32

I always wondered why Paul threw in the "I speak concerning Christ and the church" relating to this verse about a man leaving his father and mother.  But think about it, Jesus Christ left his father in heaven, God the Father, to come be with his church, us, to pursue his church.  The mother part is interesting but it could be seen that the Holy Spirit is/was Jesus' mother.  The Spirit is usually thought of as feminine.  So in a sense they are like a nuclear family.  God the Father is not a single dad, but he has the Holy Spirit.  Perhaps that is the great mystery that Paul was talking about.  He doesn't explicitly say this but it is inferred. 

Secondly the two shall become one flesh.  How did Jesus become one flesh with the church after he came down to earth?  Well he became fully man.  He fully identified with us.  Jesus' death broke down the wall between us and God of sin.  After Jesus left the Holy Spirit was sent to enter and empower believers.  This is the most powerful way that God and the church became one flesh.  God now dwells inside of us.  He is a part of us.  Paul says, "I no longer live, but Christ lives in me" and  "Your lives are now hiding with Christ in God."  We have become one.  The church and God have become one flesh.  Just as God is three but one, we as the church are many but one together with God.