Anger

It's funny, I always thought I had a problem with anger, but maybe not.

I've never started a fight with any friend I've ever had. 

I never started a fight in a relationship, until my previous one and my current one, but those were for legitimate reasons I feel because I was worried about other women. 

I can only remember one fight with my brother when I was younger.  I think we were practicing our karate from our class.  I was punching him in the arm or something and he was like "ha that tickles," implying that I was weak so that made me want to punch him harder. :)

I never started a fight with my mom, at least not that I can remember, or my dad, or any other family member.  I have never yelled at my mom or brother or a friend.  I have never cursed at my mom, brother or a friend, or even in front of them really out of anger. 

If my mom got mad at me about something I was just quiet until she calmed down.  Sometimes my quietness though made her even more mad.  But I have always felt, "The best answer to anger is silence."

There was a fight I somewhat started with my step-mom, but it was more of a just an e-mail to vent my frustrations about how she was over the years.  I never felt like she loved me or even liked me really, and she was very critical of me. 

So I suppose overall I am a peacemaker and a drama free person.  That is good :)

I don't really get angry easily.  I don't react when someone else is angry at me but just stay calm until they calm down, or I leave until they are calm. 

And I have never damaged property when I was angry.  That's a big plus. lol :) 

But everyone gets angry sometimes.  We get angry when someone is not respecting us like they should, which is a good thing.  We need to stand up for ourselves sometimes. 

I suppose working with the babies at church last night made me think of anger. 

We had an infant in our room that would not stop crying.  He seemed quite angry that his mom was not there to feed him.  He was fed naturally and the mom did not leave a bottle, as far I knew, so we could do nothing for him really.  But my goodness was he mad.  His face was red and he seemed quite irate, at us or his mom or both. lol

I was telling my husband, "You haven't seen angry until you've seen a baby angry."  Babies get really, really angry.  That is what their crying is really.  It's basically them saying, "I'm pissed at you because you won't give me what I want!" 

It's quite true we are born with a fallen nature and come out completely selfish. 

Anger can be a selfish reaction, depending on what one is angry about. 

Another thing I thought of in working with the babies last night was, "My goodness, taking care of my own baby will be a bit hard.  This is only 2 hours but that will be 24/7.  God help me." lol

But hopefully I will know what to do to help my baby in all situations.  Usually it's either a new diaper that they need, or they are hungry, or they just want to be held. 

Sometimes though babies just cry because they are tired and there's nothing you can do for them.  They just need to fall asleep.  May God give me wisdom.  4 months to go! :)  woot!

My Grandma's Life Story

Here's the video of my grandma telling her life story. :) 

She starts speaking about 10 mins into the video. 

She's such a great speaker!  I'm so proud of all she says in this talk she did.  And as far as I know this was her only time speaking in public besides when she was a teacher. 

And she speaks on the topic of love and what love is.

So glad I got this video uploaded to youtube too!  woohoo! :) 

  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8bIpvnifgQ4&feature=youtu.be

I could say all the same things about my grandma that she says in this video about what Mom Dire did for her.  How Mom Dire in the home would always tell her "I love you and God loves you.  You're special and God has something for you to do that no one else can do."  Very inspiring! :)  She was/is an amazing woman of God!

How funny that Mom Dire came into her life the same time my grandma came back into mine, at 14 for both of us.  That is the most crucial age really, when kids can have a turning point in their lives. 

my Grandparents on Bride and Groom show

Check it out! 

I was able to get the video of my grandma and grandpa getting married on the Bride and Groom show uploaded to youtube. woohoo! :)

  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M29EDCG9rzQ&feature=youtu.be

The New Person

I was thinking how funny it is that I have been the new person in a new city 9 times before.  A woman I met at church said she would never do something like that, move to a town where she didn't know anyone.  It has been interesting to adjust each time for sure. :)

I grew up in Santa Ana, CA till I was 6. 

Then after the thing with my dad we moved to Upland, CA and I was there till I was 9.  So I was the new kid in that school. 

Then at 9 we moved to Blair, NE so I was very much the new kid there for a long time and felt new. :)  It took me a long time to adjust to the difference between CA and NE.

Then at 14 my mom and I moved back to CA to Tustin, CA.  So I was the new kid again.  Lots of learning to meet new people for sure over my lifetime.

Then college; I knew my room mate but that was about it.  Later I was thinking why didn't I go to OCC or Cal State Fullerton where half my graduating class went but I wanted to go to a Christian college.  That took a lot of adjusting being in a private school after doing just public schools my whole life. 

Then at 25 I moved to Omaha, NE with my brother and knew no one but him.  That was kind of hard at first. 

Then at 27 I moved to Lincoln, NE and again knew very few people, but I made friends quickly. 

Then at 28 I moved back to CA and met lots of new people at my mom's Bible studies at church. 

Then I went to Sydney, Australia for a couple months and knew only one person going there.  That was an adventure for sure. 

Then Kansas City where I just knew my friend Gabby at first.  But we were went to a Bible study pretty much every night so I got to meet a lot of cool people. :)

And now I'm here in Odessa, TX, where I just knew my husband at first and now have gotten to know lots of people.  I seem to be putting down roots here more quickly then any of the other times I was a new person, so that is great!  God is good. :) 

And may He bring more and more people into my life that I can minister to and that can support me in my adventure of having my first child.  yay.....

Moving so much has been hard, but God has always provided new friends.  Praise God. :)

Great People

I met two amazing people tonight at Mid-Cities church. I'm gonna start helping with the kids, prob the infants and 4th and 5th graders. 

 

I met a girl in 5th grade tonight named Arriana.   I asked her what she wants to be when she grows up. She said a missionary. But get this, she said God audibly spoke to her and told her she was going to be a missionary. 

 

She is literally only the third person I have known to directly hear God's voice. Such a cool kid! 

 

And she's planning to go to Africa. So glad I got to meet her and hopefully I get to work with her! 

 

And a girl my age was very inspiring. She used to be the missions pastor at the church. So cool. :)   Great people at Mid-Cities for sure.

 

I have been meeting tons of great people and it's so fun doing all these activities at churches near me.

 

There are a few I'm getting involved in.  I love Crossroads church but I also go to Mid-Cities. :)

 

I'm doing the Free Indeed class at Mid-Cities.  The last weekend is supposed to be miraculous when things are prayed out of us.  Like Christians can't be possessed but I guess we can have different spirits that oppress us etc.  I know I have a spirit of fear in some situations and various other spirits that the book Born to be Free talks about. 

 

I'm also doing the Celebrate Recovery class at Crossroads, which has been great! :)

 

I will start doing a women's bible study on Tuesdays at Mid-Cities studying "The Purple Book."  I'm really getting a lot out of that book so far.  It's great the way it's set up and all the verses it has you look up.  I'm learning new things, isn't that amazing lol.  I tend to think since I've been going to church for 28 years I know everything and I have the whole Bible memorized but no I don't. :) 

 

And there might be a study Fridays I could do but I'm not sure yet.  Maybe three classes is good enough for now.  But may God lead me in everything.

 

If you're not in groups at your church jump in and get involved.  It's awkward at first for sure but so worth it getting the fellowship and edification from being with other Christians etc. 

 

May God bless you!  Grace and peace to you. :)

Freedom

"Satan's only power over us is the power we grant him." Amen.

Examples of how Satan tempts us to doubt and disobey God.

To Eve: "Did God really say you must not eat from any tree in the garden?" aka. Does God want you to starve?  How mean of Him.  Eve: "No we just must not eat from the tree in the middle of the garden."

"Did God really say you can't buy anything fun?" "No he just said I am to spend my money wisely and be a good steward of what he gives me."

To the single people, "Did God really say you can never get married." "No He just said I need to wait until I meet the right man/woman for me who I'd be equally yoked with."

"Did God really say you can't have any fun?" "No I can have fun but within the limits he has set for me because I know He knows what is best for me."

.....You can think of your own things that Satan tries to attack you on and combat it with the truth that will set you free!  Amen :)

Free Indeed quotes

 "Satan does not own us anymore." woot!

"Christ paid the ransom through the cross and set us free from our bondage to Satan." Yes!

"Sin produces bondage."  Poop :(

"The more of God's word that we have in our hearts, the more effective we are in standing against the enemy."  Amen!

"The truth shall set you free."  woohoo!
   God's word sets us free from Satan's lies about who we are and who God is and what brings fulfillment in our lives.

David said, "I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you." :)

"Our refusal to be open and honest about our struggles limit God's healing and gives Satan free access to our lives." oh dear

"Confessing sin brings it into the light and weakens its hold on us."  yes!

"Through our transparency and the blood of Christ those things will eventually have no hold on us at all."  yeah!

Do you believe it? Believe it. You can be freeeee......lol

 

"If you confess with your mouth Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved."

"There is a connection between confessing with our mouths and believing in our hearts."

Whatever we confess or declare "will deepen our own faith."

"Staying connected to other believers is a powerful weapon against the efforts of the enemy to draw us away from the faith."... amen!

"Prayer is perhaps the most powerful weapon in the believer's arsenal as prayer nurtures our relationship with the Father and moves God to act on our behalf."

God really does answer prayers. "You have not because you ask not."

"Pray without ceasing." God is always there to talk to.

"Take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ." that is, to His word, the Scripture.

Amen!

 

Bring it on Satan.  I got Jesus!  "Resist the devil and he WILL flee from you." 

 

May God bless you and protect you from the evil one. :)  Amen :)

Our Fall

I just read the story of the fall of man again and for the first time it made me want to cry. :(  "Poor God!" is what I was thinking.

I remember when we were reading a poem in college called the Sacrifice and it made the whole story of Jesus' death on the cross fresh for me and I was totally balling about it.  The professor said that's the response we should have or need to have about Jesus' death, like if we really love Him.

Well this time reading about God and Adam and Eve it hit me how much Adam and Eve let God down. 

For the first time I saw God as a caring father who just wanted to hang out with Adam and Eve but they hid from him.

It made me think of some case on the playground where the cool kids hide from the nerd because they don't want to hang out with him.

How humiliating for God!  Why would he put himself through that and make us, my goodness! 

But for the first time I really saw his love for us, for them.

I'm going through a devotional called "The Purple Book" and it asked the question, "How did God respond to Adam and Eve's sin?" 

Gen. 3 "When the woman saw that the tree was good for food, that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree desirable to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate. She also gave to her husband with her, and he ate. ⁷ Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves coverings.
⁸ And they heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and Adam and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden.
⁹ Then the Lord God called to Adam and said to him, “Where are you?”

God came down to walk with them and talk with them and they were HIDING from him.  He just wanted to be friends with them and hang out, but they ditched him.  How sad!  And to think they were trying to hide from HIM, the God of the universe! 

But even though he knew they sinned, because he knows all things, he still came down to pursue them.  He wanted to know where they were.  Of course he knew where they were physically, but he wanted to know spiritually where they were.  He was concerned about them.  He cared.  A lot.

One would think he would come down with lightning bolts and dash them to pieces for disobeying him.  But no, he comes down to their level, to where they are, and asks, "Where are you?"

Like, "Hey I wanted to hang out with you guys, where did you go?  You seem really far off. :( Did you disobey me?  Why would you do that after all I gave you?  Don't you want to hang out with me?  I love you!  I would give you the world, I did give you the world, and you turned your backs on me?!"

But instead of confessing that they did wrong what does Adam do?  He doesn't take responsibility, he blames Eve for making him eat the fruit.  But he was standing right there when she ate it herself.  And he made his own choice.  She did not force him to eat it. 

And what does Eve say?  Rather than saying, "I'm terribly sorry, please forgive me" as she should have ,she blames the serpent.

Something also stood out to me.  Why did Eve eat the fruit?  It says, she saw that it was "desirable for gaining wisdom."  And the serpent told her that she would "be like God, knowing good and evil."

How many of us women still aren't curious about things and our curiosity only hurts us and sometimes leads to death.  We aren't content, and we think we need more.  We want to become more wise etc.  I realized something about wisdom.  Solomon asked for wisdom and God granted it to him so that he was the wisest man who ever lived, but how did being wise affect him?  He was severely depressed!  Have you read Ecclesiastes?  My goodness!  That poor guy was tortured by all that he knew.  So wisdom is not a good thing necessarily.  He says, "With much knowledge comes much grief."  Amen that is very true. :(

I was also thinking about why the tree was called "The knowledge of good and evil" and why did God not want Adam and Eve to eat of it.  The reason is because, just as parents wouldn't want their kid exposed to evil, so God wanted to shield his children, us, from evil.  Parents wouldn't their kids to see it or to know it.  They don't want their kids to see someone get raped or murdered.  It was the same with God. 

He was simply protecting those he loved the most in the best way he knew how.  But, he didn't want to be an overprotective parent, :) so he still gave them the choice.  "Live with me and stay innocent or choose to learn about evil and die eventually as a result."  And the same happens with teens all over the world now.  Parents say to their teens, "You can live under my roof as long as you....But if you choose to get yourself into serious trouble you can't live here anymore."  But we can't make our kids not choose evil.  They have a choice, just like Adam and Eve did and just like we do all the time with God. 

Oh that we would choose life and not death and friendship with God rather than hiding from him and disobeying him!  His heart hurts for us and longs for us more than we realize.  He is like a lover or a best friend who just wants to hang out with us but we keep pushing him away. 

Stop doing that.  Stop pushing God away.  HE LOVES YOU and wants more than anything to be with you and to just walk with you.  Let him be with you. :)  Don't run away from Him.  Don't get lost in the world and busyness and forget about him.  Don't let your sin keep you from him because he loves you no matter what.  Sit as his feet like Mary did and learn from him.  Draw near to him and he will draw near to you. 

God help us.  Help us not to run away from you.  Help us to come to you as you come to us.  Help us to see how much you love us and long for us to be with you.  Help us to not disobey you because you only want what is for our good. 

I'm so glad I read that story again with new eyes.  I finally realized everything.  Why God created us and why he put the tree there and why he gave us the choice.  He created us because he wanted to hang out with us.  He wanted the community.  But he didn't want to control us because control is not love.  Oh God you are so good.  Thank you for showing me what I did not see before.  Help me to realize more and more how MUCH you love me and all of us.  Amen :)

Grace and peace be with you all! :)