Death and grief are extremely hard things to go through. When someone very close to you dies, you almost feel like you too might die, or you might want to die. Especially when someone you know dies young, or if they die suddenly, it can be very hard to cope with it. But here are some tips on how to recover when someone close to you dies.
Steps
1. Keep yourself busy but don't do too much either. Don't sink into the pit of depression and despair that you are tempted to. The more you want to be anti-social and just stay in your house, the more you need to get out. Be around other people, or the depression from grieving a death might overwhelm you. On the other hand though, don't try to do more than you can handle. Try to take more time off work etc. so that you don't feel overwhelmed by life as much.
2. Take walks every day. One of the best cures for depression is to walk a little every day. Some say that a bit of exercise every day has the exact same effect on your body as taking an anti-depressant medication, so try it.
3. Let yourself cry. Forget about appearing macho or trying to act like you have it all together. Some people stay constipated emotionally, so to speak, if they don't let themselves cry. For some, a person may have died years ago, but they are still stuggling with the loss because they never really let themselves grieve and cry. Know that it's ok to cry. You might want to just cry in private, but let yourself cry as much as possible. Crying is actually very good for your health. Did you know that many toxins are actually released from your body when you cry? So have a good cry and you will probably feel at least a little better afterwards.
4. If you are religious, go to as many weekly Bible studies as you can. It is very tempting to be mad at God after someone close to you dies. It's very easy to ask the why questions over and over. But the fact is, no one really knows why God allows life to be so difficult sometimes. The Bible says that "all things work together for the good of those that love God" so trust that in some way God will work this out for your good.
5. Also if you are religious, don't let anyone tell you that pain and hardship comes due to sin in your life. This happened in the case of Job in the Bible. His friends told him over and over that he lost everything he had because of sin in his life. But at the end of the book of Job, God does not tell Job why He let him go through so much. God simply says to Job that He is God and Job is not, essentially. Therefore we can know that there might not be always be a clear cut reason for why God allows those close to us to die, or for why we go through any hardship in life. We only need to know that God has us in the palm of his hand, and he will work all things for good somehow. Trust God, even when it's really hard to. Trust that he always loves you and that he always has your best interest at heart.
6. Have hope for the future. The best way to overcome grief is to think about what future you might still have in front of you, instead of dwelling on the past. Death has a way of making us realize how finite and fragile our lives really are. It makes you realize that there might still be a lot more you want to do before you die. So go do those things. Take hold of the time you do still have in life and make the most of it!
7. Ask friends for support. No one can go through grief very well alone. Make sure you are still calling your friends and hanging out with friends. Don't try to go it alone. The Bible says that we should "carry each other burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ." We are called to help one another. Ask others for help.
8. Try buying a book about grief or a book of poems about grief. Sometimes it can really help to hear other people's stories of their grief and how they got through it. Also it helps to understand the stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Know that over the months or years that you will grieve, you will jump around through all 5 of these stages in random ways. Some say it takes at least a year to fully grieve a death. Give yourself time and be patient with yourself.
Tips
⦁ Know that this too shall pass. You won't hurt this bad forever. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel. The Bible says, "Though sorrow may last for the night, joy comes in the morning."
Warnings
⦁ This may sound odd, but don't go to the funeral, unless people would be overly mad if you didn't. Funerals can cause you more pain and trauma regarding the death, especially if it is an open casket funeral. It is very hard to see everyone that loved them crying and mourning etc. Try to avoid it if you can.
⦁ Try to avoid taking medication when grieving a loss. It might make you feel better at first, but it can mess up your brain chemistry so that you become dependent on the medication for the rest of your life. Just be cautious about doing this and try to find more natural ways to help your sadness.
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