On Death

When someone close to you dies, the worst thing you can do is try to sweep in under a rug.  Anytime someone does this in regards to any trauma in their lives, they run the risk of having a mental breakdown at some point in the future. 

The biggest advice I can give in regards to grieving someone else's death is, LET YOURSELF CRY,  as much as you need to.  :)

Crying actually releases toxic chemicals from your body.  To not let yourself cry is to hold toxic chemicals inside, which may be why grief can affect someone's body and health after awhile if they do not let themselves grieve by crying.  Grief will come out in some way and will affect you somehow.  It is inevitable.

I went to a class at church recently on grief and here is what they talked about:

Don't try to tell yourself "Don't feel bad" when you're grieving.  The fact is you do feel bad and you WILL feel bad.  There is nothing you can do about that except let yourself feel bad and give yourself time to heal.

Don't try to grieve alone.  You need to grieve with the support of others.  The temptation is to dig a hole and burry yourself in it somewhere, but that is the worst thing you can do.  You need to still get out and do things.  This is a time more than any other when you need community and to be around good friends.

Don't try and tell yourself to "just be strong."  There is nothing strong about grief.  Allow yourself to feel weak for a time.  Have grace with yourself in this time.  You won't be able to do as much as you used to and that is ok.

Don't just try and keep busy and ignore the fact that someone died.  You need to think about it without wallowing in it.  There is a balance.  You need time alone in silence to reflect on the loss, but you also need to stay in community with others. 

Remember that this too shall pass.  With time it will get easier.  Just hang in there, and lean on God. :)

Grief can cause a kind of numbness for a time.  This is the depression stage of grief. 

I read once that grief is almost like having a full time job.  This is why working at the same time that you are grieving may seem almost impossible. 

Grief leaves you feeling incredibly worn out, like you have no strength to do anything.  The extreme is feeling like you can't go on living.  Every day just becomes harder.  Everything becomes harder. 

It may take you on an emotional roller coaster.  You may feel bipolar for a time.  There are times of higher energy when the anger of grief comes in.  Then there are times of depression when your anger just wipes you out and you feel you have no energy for anything. 

Grief will most likely affect any other relationship you have for a time.  It will probably make you a more difficult person to be around. 

When there is a death your world is jolted, completely thrown off its axis, it seems, especially when the death is sudden and completely unexpected.  It does a lot of damage to your psyche and mental health for a time.  Perhaps this is because death just does not feel natural.  And it is not.  We were meant to live forever.  But because of sin, there is death.  So it's like part of us knows that isn't supposed to happen, people aren't supposed to die.  We were created to live forever.  But the fact is, we live in a fallen world and people do die, sadly. :(

A great song regarding this, "Turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in his wonderful face, and the things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of his glory and grace." 

I read in a book once that when we cry at a funeral, or after someone dies, we are actually crying for ourselves, if they are in heaven.  We have nothing to grieve for them about if they are in God's presence and in eternal bliss.  But we cry because we miss them and their death leaves a big whole in our lives. 

In grief, if we can focus more on how happy they are, that helps to make the pain less.  Think about how much better off they are now.  They are in heaven and Scripture says that God "will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away."  Amen! :)  Praise God. :)