Monday, January 8, 2024

Nature Jokes

 One time I was running through a whole field of stinging needle plants in Nebraska. I had no idea that even existed. My family had just moved there from California.  The entire surface of my arms and legs was covered in red itchy sores. My grandma put Calamine lotion all over my skin to fix it. 

When I was younger my big brother pushed me on a cactus. My mom had to pick the needles out of my leg with tweezers. I will never forget that. It's hard being the younger sibling. :(

I got a sting on my lip one time from a bee. I thought it was a junebug that latched onto my lower lip and bit me. A nurse told me to put meat tenderizer on the sting. If I hadn't done that my lip would have probably swelled up to twice the size. 

Another time a bee stung me between my toes. There is no pain like a bee stinging you between your toes. Child labor isn't even as painful. I was crying with my foot in throbbing pain for almost a half hour. My friend was told I needed to put mud on it to draw out the poison. It worked. Amazing. 

When I was a kid I felt a knot in my hair. I pulled it out and it was a tick tangled in my hair. Nothing has scared me more. What if that thing had burrowed in my head? 

Last summer a fire ant bit me on my leg. I didn't know something could hurt that much. It was probably an ant trying to get back at me for destroying all their homes. Every day I would pour a new chemical over the 3 ant mounds in our backyard. Maybe he was thinking, "This is for my cousin, you evil human."

And those are all reasons why I prefer to mostly stay inside now. I have had about all I can take out in nature. 





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