Insecure?

 "I'm not enough and I shouldn't be here anyways." That is a great quote from a Red Rocks Church sermon about insecurity. This pastor is so great. Check it out. 

Do you ever feel like that? That you are not enough? I always did service jobs so that I would feel totally confident in doing the jobs. My dad always told me, "Be the big fish in the small pond." It's easy to feel like you got it when you are doing something easy. 

For one year though, I tried teaching. I was a Junior High English teacher at a private school. Almost every day I wanted to quit. I didn't want to go back the next day, but I did. It wasn't easy. The kids were disrespectful sometimes. I didn't have a teaching credential yet, just my BA in English. I felt like I shouldn't be there doing that. It wasn't that hard though. 2 days a week it was composition day. I came up with creative topics for them to write about. They were like debate topics, "Write for or against if junk food is good" or "Is TV good?" etc. The other days we read a book aloud together. It was doable. It was really fun, some days. 

It was just weird most of the time, because before that I had run the after school care for those same kids. They were used to seeing me as just a daycare worker, and I moved up to a teacher. I think it was odd for them at first, or maybe the entire time. One girl in particular was difficult. I finally had a system for them talking when they were supposed to be quiet. I would write their name on the board if they were talking. If they talked again, I would circle their name and they had to miss out on 5 minutes of PE while copying words from the dictionary. I'm glad I came up with that, because it worked. I usually had control over those kids then, so that was wonderful. 

Another time I felt insecure was in college. I was in a great books program so supposedly I was in a class with all the smartest kids in the school. The problem was they knew it. It was hard to be around so many prideful students. We were supposed to talk a lot in the class about books we had to read. I almost never talked. I always worried that they would attack anything I had to say. Maybe it happened a few times so I decided to stay quiet. The great books program in general seemed to favor guys more than girls, so that made it hard to feel confident there. 

You might be in a place like I was where you don't know what you are doing, but you will figure it out. Don't quit. Hang in there. You will be an expert at what you are doing eventually. Never give up.