Often times an addict and a co-dependent get together. The addict is addicted to some drug and the co-dependent is addicted to the addict. The co-dependent is addicted to love. They need more love, because maybe they were not given enough love as a child. They are addicted to helping others. They can also be addicted to control. They get an ego boost when someone else Needs their help and they can help them. They like to be the one who has their life more together. The co-dependent needs to be needed.
Us women especially do this. We love to have a project to work on; our house, our crafts and hobbies, our cooking and our men. We love to take something broken and make it beautiful. This can be good, but it is harder to do this with people then with things, especially if the person doesn't want to cooperate. That is when us women become controlling and impatient. If your man isn't changing as quickly as you would like him to, you become frustrated and angry with him don't you? You want what you want and you want it now. But what if he doesn't want help? What if God can help him better then you can? But we want to take the wheel and drive. We want to be in control.
The curse for the woman at the fall was, "Your desire shall be for your husband, yet he shall rule over you." This desire could be just the desire to have a man, but it is also the desire to control him. Eve took control when she listened to Satan instead of God and caused Adam to fall with her. So the curse was that the man shall rule over the woman, to keep her in check. And now women in relationships are somewhat cursed with having to listen to their man, with having to submit and say "yes dear" etc. The man is now the head of his woman, because of the fall. Before the fall, men and women were meant to have equal partnership, but Eve fell because she wanted more. And all us women want more don't we? We are never satisfied with what we already have. We have such a hard time just being content. The grass is always greener on the other side, and we need our man to keep us grounded and remind us that, "No, it is not, you have enough, please be happy with what you already have." But so many of us women don't listen. We think, "I'll be happy with just a little bit more." So we buy more things or we eat more food or we try to get more attention from more people, but we never feel full. We are always hungry, always searching for love, always needing to be filled up. We think we will find what we want in posessions, but that proves to be empty. We think having more friends or more fame will satisfy us, and it does a little, but the high only lasts for a short time. We think money and sucess will make us happy, but it only makes us tired. We run and run, searching, chasing, never filled, always hungry. Then tired from running, we finally sit at God's feet and say, "Ok God. What do you want me to do?" And he says, "Just rest. Let me love you and meet your needs. Be content. Be satisfied with what you already have. Stop chasing. There is nothing out there for you. You don't need anything else. I got you. I want to take care of you. Do you trust me? Lean on me. I am all you need." And we have these beautiful times with God but then we forget them and we keep running. The flesh wins over the spirit and we get back up and keep running, searching, wanting, needing, but nothing fills us. Then we fall back down at the feet of Jesus weeping because nothing worked, nothing made us happy, nothing satisfied us. And we're crying, sobbing and he holds us. He tells us again, "I am all you need." And we say, "But I don't Believe you! I think I need this, this and that too." And he says, "Listen to me, my child. I am all you need. Stop striving. Rest in me for awhile. I will take care of you." And we say, "Ok I'm sorry. Help me to rest in you forever. Thank you for taking care of me." And that is the end of the story and we finally learn how to relax and let God love us the way he does, because he knows best.
We finally stop chasing, we learn to stop needing as much. We learn to just relax and be content. We learn to make ourselves happy, instead of needing someone else to make us happy. We learn to take care of ourselves, instead of wanting someone else to take care of us. We learn to love ourselves and be proud of ourselves. It seems selfish at first, because we are used to always taking care of someone else. But we learn to enjoy our own company and our own mind. And we learn to enjoy the peace and solitude and the freedom to do whatever we want whenever we want. And we enjoy the constant communion with God without distractions. It is finally just me and him, the sweetest place to be in. We fall back on the pillow of God and enjoy the peace after the storm. The wind has finally died down and we can sleep and be at ease.
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