When dating, everyone has this decision to make; do they want beauty or brains? The danger of picking someone who has beauty is then you are always worried that they might cheat on you, because everyone else wants them too. I think this is why some women make their husbands fat on purpose, because they think then no one else will want them. Some men do this to their wives as well. They are like, "Here honey, have some more donuts."
For me, it was the opposite. Every guy I've been with has commented on my weight, like they wanted me to be more skinny. If someone is in perfect shape, they want their mate to be in perfect shape too. Of course that is of the world. Our culture has conditioned us all to want someone who has a perfect body. "Man looks at the outward appearance but God looks at the heart." The more that we become like Jesus, the more we care about a person's heart over their physical appearance. "Do not love the world or anything in the world." Wanting someone to look a certain way is of the world. It is fixating on lust rather then love. But if you truly love someone, you don't care as much what they look like. You only care that they have a good heart.
There can be a danger of picking someone for their brains too. When you pick a person that is smarter then you, then they can outsmart you. They will always be one step ahead of you and they can easily pull the wool over your eyes. You might think you know what they are doing, but you might not. The smarter someone is, unfortunately, the better they are at lying. There is also a superiority complex that smart people have. Smart people think they don't have to abide by rules or submit to anyone, because they are smart. They usually do get away with anything, because everyone knows they can always find another mate or another job etc. So they don't submit well because they think of themselves as superior to others and untouchable. They don't care about anyone but themselves. This is the criminal mindset. They think they are so smart and will never get caught and that is why they commit crimes. They do that in life and they can do it in relationships. If you don't respect the law, you won't respect anyone. Smart people think they can outsmart the law, and they think they can outsmart their mate. Unfortunately, they often do, and this does not help them in their perception of what they can get away with.
So in some sense, it is ideal to pick someone who isn't incredibly attractive and who isn't all that smart. The more beautiful they are or the smarter they are, the greater chance that they will hurt you or leave you. They might have the attitude that you are lucky to have them, and it is then more likely that they will abuse you. When women are with abusive men, it generally happens because either the man is smarter or more attractive then her, so he feels superior.
I told an ex of mine that I have always gone for average guys. He said I did that so that I wouldn't have to worry about them cheating on me. And yes that is probably true. It wasn't a concious decision, but it did work out well for me.
Perhaps I also did that so that I would be worshipped. Everyone wants to be worshipped by someone, that is actually part of love. It is the darker side of love. If we were all honest with ourselves, we would admit that we want to be worshipped by someone. If you are one up on the person you are with in some way, they will probably worship you. But is it good to be worshipped? Then you have to deal with obsession, which can be annoying. I think most men Think they want to be worshipped by their woman so they purposely pick someone who isn't very smart so that they will be worshipped, but then they are annoyed by how much their woman worships them. We all know we are not God, so to be worshipped by anyone feels a bit awkward and odd.
Women often pick a man who is not as attractive as them so that they will be worshipped. The entire reason why women buy fancy clothes, wear high heels, and wear tons of make up is because they want to be worshipped by a man. They want their beauty to cause men to fall head over heels for them, which is a kind of worship. They want men to be wrapped around their little finger so that they can control them and get whatever they want out of them. It is all a game, and most men are too stupid to realize the game that beautiful women play on them, sadly. But then at some point, these women get tired of being worshipped. Then all you can say to them is, isn't that what you wanted? Isn't that why you wore all that make up and dressed the way you did? You wanted a guy to be obsessed with you right? And now he is and you are annoyed? So why do any of that in the first place?
This is also why men, or women, like to save lots of money, they either want to worship themselves, or they want their future mate to worship them because they have money. This is why people work out and try to get the perfect muscles and body, they Want someone to worship them as much as they have come to worship themselves. It is all vanity, a chasing after the wind.
I knew one guy who I could tell was very egotistical. He was attractive and very smart but he knew it, and that was the problem. I told him once, "You could never love anyone because you are too in love with yourself." And that is generally the case with very smart or very beautiful people. They think they are better then everyone else, and you can't fall in love with anyone if you think you are better then everyone else. You are too in love with yourself. In order to fall in love, you have to admire something about someone else. But if you think no one is better then you in any way, how can you admire anyone else? You can't. When you fall in love, you come to realize that someone else has something that they can teach you by being in a relationship with them. That is part of love, wanting to learn something from another. Opposites attract because we admire something about the other person. We want to be around them more so that we can become more like them. That is what makes people fall in love.
This is why it really is an ego boost when someone falls in love with you because you know that means they admire something about you. And when you fall in love with someone else, you give them an ego boost because you are saying that you admire them.
It is not very often that someone catches our eye in a big way. You may think you have fallen in love many times, but most likely you just felt lust many times. Falling in love is entirely different then just feeling lust and a sexual attraction for someone. Generally love has to grow slowly over time. We grow to admire someone more and more, and that is what falling in love is. We see them overcome and get stronger and that is what we admire. If a person never does anything, there is not much to admire. But when you see someone do a lot, your admiration for them grows. This is why we often fall in love with people we work with, because we get to see them in action. We get to see them work hard. This is probably why so many affairs happen where partners cheat on their spouse with someone at work, because you come to admire your co-worker because of what they can do at work. It is unfortunate that most spouses don't get to watch their mate work. It is also because you spend more time with those you work with then your mate, generally, and so you fall in love with them. It has always been my dream to work with or run a business with the person I am with. Maybe someday I will. :)
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