So many of us are looking for that perfect person who we hope will meet all our needs. Often times, because we want love so much, we are willing to settle. We know we deserve a good person, but we settle for a bad person just so we can get that love that we crave. We lower our standards, and then we regret it.
When I was young I had 5 things that I always looked for in a guy. I wanted a guy that was Christian, cute, smart, athletic and a good singer. In my 23 years of dating, I still have not ever found that. My ex husband was at least Christian, cute, mostly smart, athletic, and a good writer. That is what drew me to him. Other boyfriends I have had were Christian, cute, smart and athletic. It is hard to find guys who can sing, not that that matters that much. Finding a guy who can write well is also really great.
But when you love someone, you decide that an imperfect person is perfect to you. "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder." Meaning you can see a beauty in them that maybe others do not see, because you choose to see it. Love is choosing to see someone as perfect, even though they may fall short of what you ideally wanted. But maturity comes when you realize, No One will be everything you want. We all have flaws. We all have things that others might not like about us. We can all find things in others that we might not like about them. But you will not find love until you are willing to overlook the things you don't like in the one you love. No one can be perfect, but someone out there is perfect for you.
I used to be so concerned about signs, like if my sign the Sagitarrius was compatible with someone else's sign. But God can make you compatible with anyone. Don't get hung up on what your sign is or what the other person's sign is. God can make any match work. If God brought you together, it does not matter what some article says about how incompatible you two are. Trust God more then some random article online.
How do you know if God brought someone to you? Pray about it. If you have shared interests and your paths cross a lot then God might have meant for them to be with you. But give it time. Love does not grow over night. True love takes time to grow. As they say, easy in, easy out. If it is easy to get someone, then it will also be easy to loose them, and very sad. The more you give a love time to blossom, the longer it will last. The more patient you are, the more you can be sure something will last for a lifetime. So many people rush into love, but then it falls apart and they wonder why. Take it slow. Don't be greedy. You don't have to have it all right now. Patience is a virtue.
It helps to see someone in several different situations before deciding to marry them or have kids with them. See them stressed out and see how they handle it. See how they talk about money. See if they are kind to others or not. And even if they fall short in some way of what you would want them to be, give them time to improve. Pray for them. God can and will change the person you want into who you would want to be with. Just give it time. Prayer and time.
If you are trying to grow a plant, it has to have water and sunlight and time to grow. Love is like a plant. You can't force it to grow faster then it wants to grow.
One of my exes said to me once, "Lisa if we don't work out, please Promise me that you will take things slower with the next guy." I have never known how to take relationships slow. My ex husband and I were married after two weeks. My ex and I got physical on the first night. Every guy I have been with, we got physical within the first 3 dates. But when you get physical too fast, it clouds your judgement. You think that the person is better then they are, because the sex causes you to see them with rose colored glasses. People want to rush into sex, I think, because they are just happy to have someone. They are trying to create a bond through sex because that is easier. But then you might end up with a relationship just based on sex, because you don't really know each other. Also the other person could think you only want sex from them and so then they never talk to you much.
In every relationship you have to decide if you want sex or love. People try to make sex cause love, but it is better if love causes sex. An ex of mine said sex was like the paycheck he got from being a good mate. If the person doesn't deserve sex, then why give them sex? Value yourself more. They should have to earn sex from you. I know Steve Harvey wrote a book "Act Like a Lady, Think like a Man" where he encouraged women to not have sex with a man until dating him for 90 days. That seems a bit extreme to me, but the point is that the longer you wait, the better the sex will be. If you rush into it, the man will loose respect for you. Wait and see if you guys have enough similarities to spend the rest of your lives together. I remember I regretted having sex with my ex husband so quickly. I realized two weeks after we were together that our faiths were not all that compatible. He was Charismatic and I was Baptist, which are polar opposites in Christianity. But I could not break up with him then because we had already had sex and I let him cum inside me, but I wished I would not have. So then I felt stuck with him, because he could have already gotten pregnant. We did have a mostly good marriage for 7 years, but then it fell apart and we did not work out.
Don't rush into sex. Take your time to really know if you like the person first. Don't just have sex just to have sex. Learn to wait on God. "Those who wait on the Lord will run and not grow weary....they will soar on wings like eagles." If you conclude that you don't really like them or they might not really like you, then let them go. That is a lot easier to do if you have not had sex yet. That is why it is ideal to wait on sex until you know for sure you are meant for each other. May God give you wisdom on that. God bless!
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