Insecurity Leads to Abuse

 I think abuse in relationships happens more with us older women, or us somewhat older women.  As Joel Osteen says, "You might feel all washed up."  Meaning, you might not feel beautiful anymore.  Let's just be honest, you probably aren't as beautiful as you used to be when you were younger.  So you start to get insecure.  You feel less then other women who are more beautiful then you are or skinnier or who don't have glasses or who take time to put on more make up etc.  You think you don't deserve a great guy, because you don't look like Sandra Bullock etc.  So you put up with abuse in your relationship.  You think "Well a mean guy is better then no guy."  So you grin and bear it, but you know you hate the things he says.  But you don't stand up for yourself. Or maybe you do in little ways, but you don't leave and you don't ask him to leave.  You love him Too much.  (There is a book titled Women Who Love Too Much.) You sacrifice more then you should.  You do more then you should. You forgive more then you should. You forget that you deserve to be treated better. 

So you take it. You endure the verbal abuse.  Being with him, being insulted by him, you feel, is better then sitting in another room alone or living alone.  You don't like being alone, do you?  Because you are not comfortable with just yourself.  Or so you think that you are not.  So you put up with the abuse.  

First it is verbal abuse and then it becomes physical abuse.  You don't reach out to others for help because you don't want to burden them with your crazy life.  You know they will just say, "I told you so.  I told you to stay single."  Or "I told you not to be with that guy."  So your pride causes you to keep it secret.  You picked him so now you think you have to put up with it all forever.  But you Don't.  Just because you have been with him for some time does not mean that it has to be until death do you part.  Please don't wait for him to kill you before you separate.  

I told my boss at work about my ex almost choking me.  I said, "I think I am done with him."  She said, "Oh great, he might kill you but you Think you are done with him."  She is so funny.  I love her so much.  I needed to hear that truth.  And the truth shall set you free!

If you are being abused, you deserve better. You know you do.  God is trying to tell you that you deserve better but you won't listen.  You might think you are "damaged goods."  Maybe you were sexually abused as a child so you think you don't deserve a normal guy or a normal relationship, but that is a lie from Satan.  You deserve the whole world!  Think of all the nice things you have done for others.  Try to focus on your positive qualities rather then any negative qualities you might have. You deserve a better life.  You deserve to be happy.