Hypocrites

 My first bf said it's amazing that I stayed in church my whole life considering how big of a hypocrite my dad was. He was a worship leader at our church, but the whole time he was molesting me. For some reason, that hypocrisy didn't bother me so much, maybe because I was just a kid. What really bothered me was recently having to deal with my step-dad sexually molesting my daughter who was only 5. I was around my step dad for 17 years. I went to church with him and my mom countless times. I knew he donated tons of money to charities. He "seemed" like a perfect Christian. And then that happened. I think ever since then I have lost my faith a little bit, or I have lost my desire to try to be good. I started to think, "What's the point? None of the other Christians are trying to be good at all, so why should I?" So then I had a few wild streaks. After my ex left I slept around for a month. I am very lucky I didn't get randomly pregnant. After I broke up with my bf I went wild again. He called me out on it, like how hypocritical it was, which is ironic because he isn't even Christian, but he is Jewish, so that counts for something. :) But I just stopped caring. I always saw my step-dad as a strong oak tree, a beacon of Christian purity and sobriety, an even tempered saint who could do no wrong. Then he messed with my daughter and it wrecked me, but people are just people. They will mess up a lot, but keep running pure. In the end, it will be worth it.