Fear Sucks

 I have struggled with fear my whole life.  This is partly because I was sexually molested as a child. I remember as a kid in school I never wanted to raise my hand or speak up in class.  I never wanted to put myself out there.  I was very shy, quiet, and reserved.  I did not have much confidence in myself, even though I was a very smart kid.  But I was very insecure.  Whenever I had to get up to give a presentation I would get so nervous.  I suppose I have always cared too much what people thought of me.  I said something to my ex husband that has helped me a lot too, "Don't worry what people are thinking about you.  Most people aren't thinking about you because they are too busy thinking about themselves."  The older I have gotten, the more I have realized that is very true. Most people are just thinking about themselves and not about you, so there is no need to worry. 

My fear may have been there from a young age because I got more attention then I wanted as a child. My teachers always knew that I knew the right answer so they would call on me a lot.  I think I experienced jealousy from my peers because I was so smart, so I didn't want everyone to know I was smart. I was afraid of how smart I was, and I tried to hide it. I read in a book that we aren't afraid that we are nothing; we afraid that we are something, because to shine is very vulnerable.  When you are average, you don't really stand out.  But if you are excellent at something, you are noticed, and that can feel awkward.  It is easier to blend in with everyone else.  It feels more comfortable.  So we often hide our talents, mainly because we don't want to be attacked when people are jealous of us. We become fearful of others and so we hide.  

People can be so cruel.  If you are better or worse then them in anything, they will criticize you.  The reason for this is that we all fear what we don't understand.  When someone is different from us in any way, it is easy to be critical.  We want everyone to be like us, and when they aren't, we want to make them just like us.  The older we get, the more we give people freedom to be themselves and do what they want to do.  Often times people say they are being loving when they are being controlling and critical but no, they are just being controlling and critical.  If you love someone, you let them be who they want to be and do what they want to do.  You give them freedom. 

This often makes people afraid to fall in love, because they think the person they love will just control them.  There is an element to this that can be good.  We can help each other rise higher and be all that we can be.  "As iron sharpens iron so one friend sharpens another." But it can get ugly when we don't accept the other person at all.  Love tries to make others better, but it is never good to force someone else to be better.  There has to be a balance of acceptance and challenging someone to be better. 

It is easy to let fear stop you from many things in life.  Fear can be crippling.  It can make you never want to try anything because of past experiences.  But I say, go ahead and jump off the high dive.  Believe in yourself. Believe in others again.  Put yourself out there.  "Whoever wants to save his life will loose it, but whoever looses his life for my sake will find it."  The more you try to preserve your life and play it safe, the more you loose.  But the more you put yourself out there and take risks, the more you will really Live life.  May God bless you!  Now go do something fun. :)