In thinking about my bf and his "friend" that is a girl, it made me think of all the "side guys" I've had in the past 10 years. I have had a boyfriend or husband consistently for the past 10 years, but there have been plenty of side crushes. Nothing happened physically with any of these guys, but I sure wanted something to happen. Just about every job I ever had, there was some guy there that I had a crush on. It usually was a guy that was blonde and had either green or blue eyes. I would always feel bad for liking them, because I was with someone, but when you work together, you have to talk, and so you end up liking them.
My whole life I have jumped around jobs so much because there was always some guy I was trying to run away from that I didn't want to like. At Office Depot it was James and Stephen. At Papa John's it was Thomas and Jesus. At Coldstone it was Anthony. At Nelnet Student Loans it was Craig. Craig and I used to walk to the parking garage after work every day, and every day I wanted to kiss him but didn't, because I had a boyfriend. We went out to lunch during work once. I told my bf at the time about it and he was pissed. So then he started talking to a few women at work that I think he liked. We had a fight one night about a "friend" on Facebook that he was talking to. She wanted to meet him for lunch. After we fought I ran down stairs and hid in the trees outside. I felt a warm breeze and God told me "Everything is going to be ok." He went out drinking that night with a guy co-worker and he died from drinking too much. It was on 9/11 of the year 2012 and he was only 34 years old. I was overwhelmed with grief for awhile. I couldn't believe he actually died. But in the end I realized it was for the best. He was a bit crazy and we fought a lot, so it worked out well that it ended for us.
But it all got started with forbidden fruit, for me and him. Maybe I just wanted the fruit, another guy I wasn't with, because I was not happy with the guy I was with.
Affairs don't just happen. They are the result of a dissatisfaction with some aspect of the relationship. Maybe you guys fight about money. Maybe your man seems in love with his mom, or she won't leave him alone. That is very annoying. Maybe you fight over what food to eat or how it is cooked. Maybe one of you wants a baby and the other one doesn't. That is probably the biggest cause of affairs and divorces.
Maybe your partner is no longer responsive when you try to have sex with them. Maybe they push you away emotionally. Everyone points the finger at the person who cheated, as if they are the only bad person. But most likely, the other partner drove them to cheating. Maybe they even wanted them to cheat, so they could be alone for awhile and just have space.
It is easy to think the grass will be greener on the other side, and maybe it will be for the first month or so, but then the newness wears off. You will get tired of each other, just like you and your current partner might be tired of each other. No one can keep things fresh and exciting forever. No matter how hot or how nice they are, you will loose interest in them at some point. You both might say things that are mean, and then you will start to hate each other. So then people run off and find a new person to hate, but that is just a bunch of silliness really.
The forbidden fruit is not what you think it is. That person might seem appealing because you aren't currently living with them. Just wait until you live with them. They will annoy you just as much as the person you are living with now. Instead of chasing grass that appears to be more green, why don't you just water your own grass? Try to make things new again. Buy some cute clothes for both of you. Go out to eat together. Go swimming. Have fun, like you did at first, when you first fell in love. Try to focus on their good qualities rather then the bad ones. Try to fall in love again. Falling in love is a matter of the mind, not the heart. You can decide to be in love with someone, or you can decide to hate someone. The decision is yours.
God bless :)
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