Monday, February 17, 2020

My Life Now


Life has been very, very good for me lately.  I have a wonderful fiance now who I love very much.  He is super handsome, tall, a great cook, strong, highly intelligent, healthy, disciplined, funny, and the best friend I've ever had.  I have never loved anyone in my life as much as I love him. You are awesome Josh! :)
I have no internet for now, except when my fiance turns the hot spot on his phone on for me.  It has been interesting.  I feel like a nun living in a monastary.  Life is actually much more simple and less stressful without the internet.  I am actually reading books again.  It has been quite awhile since I had even tried reading books at all, but I always felt guilty about not reading.  I am reading a wonderful devotional by John MacArthur called "Ordinary to Extaordinary."  I recommend you all buy it on Amazon.  It will bless you a ton. :)
It has been a pretty fun but also unusual past 7 months, because I haven't seen my two daughters for 7 months.  I have enjoyed the break from being a mom overall though.  Being a 24/7 mom is for sure the hardest job anyone can ever do.  The main reason is getting woken up at night a lot and cleaning up throw up from time to time.  Not fun. :)  I am grateful to my former in laws for caring for my girls so my ex could still be with them.  He had been going more and more crazy over the past year so I didn't feel safe living with him anymore, but I hoped him having the girls still would bring him back to reality, which it seems to have done that by now so praise God for that.  But I miss my girls and hope to at least have my youngest daughter home with me again soon.  I'm sure my former in laws are tired of paying $800 a month for her daycare.  She is 4 and isn't in school yet.  So please pray that that might work out.  Thanks all. :)
My ex husband and I are still seperated.  We will probably never get back together.  I feel like God is saying he has cancer from smoking the past 25 years and might only have one year left to live.  He and I really should have never gotten married, because he was into weird supposed "Christian" experiences that I was never into.  He loved getting "slain in the spirit" and I always saw that as totally demonic.  That was a major topic of tension our entire 7 years of marriage.  If I would have not rushed into marrying him, I probably would not have.  But we mostly had a good 6 years together before he went crazy.  I blame his obsession with odd "Christians" and odd "Christian" experiences for why he went crazy.  I didn't think such people or the experiences were Christian at all, but I could never convince him of that.
I am currently trying to decide what's next for me and my fiance.  I have been in my house this past 7 months without making a house payment, because I couldn't afford to with my ex husband not working and being gone.  Somehow I am still able to live here, which I feel God is saying is a miracle and he tells me "You're welcome." :)  Thank you God that I still get to be in my awesome house!  I praise you for that! :)
I wonder what is next for us though.  I have been thinking about moving up to Nebraska to live with my brother this past 7 months, which might be my best option.  I am currently in Austin, TX, which apparently is the Worst city for allergies in the entire U.S.  Pretty funny, but not funny also.  I get really bad allergy headaches in the winter here when the Cedar tree pollen gets activited and flies around in the air.  Sometimes these migraines even make me throw up a lot.  I promise I'm not pregnant for any wondering. ;) 
So my body would like some relief from the Cedar here. Being in Nebraska again would be nice.  But my heart isn't ready to let go of Texas yet.  People put up with allergy issues here in Austin because it's so, SO beautiful.  In the spring the land is pretty much covered in wild flowers.  It's so gorgeous.  In the winter there are still fun nature trails all over this city to explore.  And there is no snow here, so such adventures are possible and easy.  Although I've been getting horrible lip swelling when outside lately which is hard.  I think it's another odd allergic reaction to the Cedar here. 
So please pray for my fiance and I, that we will know what God has for us next.  And please pray that I'll get one or both my daughters back soon.  Thanks all!  God bless!