New Years Resolutions

My New Years Resolutions are simply......1. To be a nice, kind person 2. To worry less about things  3. And to see everyone I come in contact with the way God sees them.  My main goal is to really love people the way God loves us.  :)  May God help me accomplish all this in this fabulous new year of 2013 that I am so excited for!  The world didn't end in 2012, so God must have something for us to do!  The question is; what is that?  May He reveal that to all of us.  Amen. :)  and may God be with you!

Australia

Australia is quite beautiful, just as I had suspected it would be. :)  The best part so far has been the parks and beaches.  There are many beautiful landscapes that I have gotten to see.  Yesterday I saw a colony of about a thousand bats in a park!  That was one of the most amazing things I have ever seen, and slightly scary because I have always been afraid of bats. 

Still trying to decide what to do regarding getting a masters degree.  Time will tell.  I am enjoying just exploring and seeing new things for now. 

Pray that God guides me to where He wants me to be.  Thanks!

I'm Flying!

I am about to embark on a great and exciting adventure.....I'm flying to Australia tonight!  Please pray for safety on the flight and that God would give me wisdom and direction on what He wants me to do when I get there. I feel a bit like Abraham in Genesis; in that God simply said go so I'm going lol.

I really have no idea what God will have in store for me there yet.  I just know that He is calling me to go to Sydney, and I have faith that He has great plans for me.  May he reveal his purposes for me when I arrive. 

 Thank you for your prayers and God bless! :)

"And I'm leavin' on a jet plane.  Don't know when I'll be back again......." :)



Perhaps I shall meet some angels on my flight or on this trip. :) May God send some my way.  lol :)

What is "Good" and What is "Bad?"

What is "good" and what is "bad?"  Good and bad are relative terms.  What may SEEM bad now may turn out for good.  As Scripture says, "God will work all things together for the good of those who love Him."  Amen?  I once heard an example that our lives are like baking a cake.  Each ingredient by itself would not taste good.  You would not want to eat the raw egg or the flour by itself.  But when EVERYTHING is mixed together it tastes amazing.  That is how our lives work.  You never know what ingredient to your cake God might be working on right now.  You never know when he is going to mix everything together and turn it into a beautiful cake!  So do not loose heart.  Do not give up.  God will bless you and show you why He has done everything that He has in your life.  It is only a matter of time. :)

We always think anything that causes us pain is bad.  But why do we always think that?  What if our perspective changed to see that what made us more holy was what was good and not just what made us more happy?  How would that change how we viewed the events of our lives?  Happy is a relative term also.  What might make one happy would not make another happy.  For example, the book the Four Love Languages; some people like receiving presents from those they love.  Presents mean almost nothing to me.  I prefer "words of affirmation" or hugs.  Others like acts of service to be done for them to make them feel love, like doing the dishes.  I personally prefer doing the dishes myself.  lol So we are all different.  We all have different thing that make us "happy," but happiness is fleeting.  It lasts for a very short time and then wears off.  So many people live their lives striving and straining against the wind trying to find things to make them "happy," but they are never..... actually.....happy.  Why is that?  Because things in this life are transitory, fickle and do not last.  Things in this life are merely a shadow.  The real, tangible, substantial good things are loving and knowing God and learning how to really love others.  God is what will make us happy but also will give us an undercurrent of joy that never fades no matter how down you feel.  When your whole world is falling apart, you will know that God is still there holding you up and that can give you something that anything in this world could not give you.  Peace.  Joy.  Reassurance. 

So what if sometimes God allows, causes, things in our life to draw us closer to Him?  Because He knows what many of us do not know, that our greatest joy will come when we know Him more and more and love Him with our whole heart, body, soul and mind.  What if He has to break us though first to show us this?  What if He has to make us unhappy to give us joy?   It seems backwards but it is how He works.  Why does He do things this way?  Because he has to show us that this life is transitory.  He makes us unhappy with the things in this life so that we will learn to lean on Him and Him alone.  Anything that you strive after in this life will only make you feel more and more empty.  It will fail you time and time again.  The richest people in the world STILL don't feel like they have enough money.  The people married to the most gorgeous people in the world still are not satisfied; look at Brad Pitt leaving Jennifer Aniston.  People might turn to food to make them happy but then regret what it does to their bodies.  Nothing in this life will satisfy.  It is all fleeting, a "chasing after the wind." 

What if we stopped trying to "chase the wind?"  What if we just sat still and thought about our lives for a minute.  Where are we going?  Where have we come from?  Where do we want to be?  Are we really content with out lives and why not?   

We are to be content to an extent but we also to be discontent.  We are to be discontent with this world and how it operates.  We are to recognize that we live in a fallen world.  We are to not idolize anything in this world becasue everything here is mortal.  It could be gone in a split second.  Do not hold too tightly to anything in you life.  Do not look to that thing to make you happy, because only God alone can make you happy, or rather give you joy.  Do not seek to be "happy."  Seek to be GOOD.  Seek after whatever will make you more holy, not happy.  Happiness comes and goes.  But holliness, joy, peace; these last forever in the very core of your being.  No one can take those away from you.  Develop the fruit of the spirit.  Work on yourself before you chase everything in the world, which is futile anyways.  If you are not happy, look within.  What is going on in you soul?  Many do not like to peer inside of themselves.  It scares them.  So they run from it.  They hide in watching TV all the time or shopping or running to and fro from one thing to the next, all in an attempt to keep from knowing themselves.  Know thyself.  See the truth, and "the truth shall set you free." 

We can also look at good and bad in terms of what we choose to eat.  We may decided to eat a brownie, as I just did, which tastes incredibly good.  But the good in that can actually be bad as it may result in cavities or gaining weight.  However what if one decided to eat spinach?  I pretty much destest spinach and think of it as "bad" but it is actually probably one of the most "good" things you can eat.  Look at what it did for Popei! lol.  Everything can be seen in new ways if we would just change our perspective.  I think an apple, or fruit in general, may just be the only food that tastes good and actually is good. lol :) 

Look at good and bad in terms of dating and finding someone to marry.  What may look "good" on the outside may very well be bad.  Many people are wolves walking around in sheep skin.  They may seem "good" or look "good" but they are in actuality bad.  One needs to look at the heart, not the outward appearance, when searching for someone to spend the next 60 years of their life with. 

We can also look at good and bad in terms of a job.  A job may pay very well, causing you to think it is "good."  But what if that job makes you miserable and you hate it.  Is it still "good" then?  Probably not. 

Good and bad need to be looked at more closely in any aspect of life.  What if we started seeing things with new eyes and saw that what is bad is good and what is good is bad?  Consider it.

May God bless you in all you do this week! Peace be with you! :)  

Give Up Trying to Fulfill Others' Expectations

No matter what you do, someone will have an opinion on how you could do it better; on how you could live your life better. 

There is only person that you must answer to, and that is God. 

No one else's opinion should matter. 

Don't let it matter. 

Other people may expect that you will make more money than you do, but who cares. Forget about what they think. 

Other people may think you should have so much accomplished at this point in your life, but let it go. 

Don't live to make other people happy; you never will. 

YOU are not responsible for anyone's else's happiness. You are only responsible to do what you can to make yourself happy. That does not mean being selfish; but do what you think God has called you to, regardless of what other people think. 

Don't let other people's opinions dictate what you do. Just be yourself and do what you love. 

If you try to please others you will be like that balancing act where one man might be spinning 10 plates at a time. It will make you exhausted. Or you may end up feeling like Atlas, with the whole world resting on your shoulders. 

Just let it go. Let go the need to impress others. Let go the desire to impress others, because they may never be impressed. So any effort on your part is futile, a "chasing after the wind" Solomon would call it. 

Live to impress God alone, which isn't very hard, because He is always impressed with you. You are the apple of His eye and He loves you more than words could say. 

Don't let negative people bring you down. Usually the situation is they feel miserable and they want to bring you down to their level. Don't let them. 

I love the phrase, "Just keep on smiling and one day the world will get tired of upsetting you." Or at least trying to upset you. 

Give up worrying what other people think of you. 

Also always remember, "Those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter." 

And one more good one, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." 

Just be yourself, and forget what other people say or think. 

Live for God and God alone. Period. 

May God bless you! :)

Live Your Life

Give Up on Things: Be Happy

Give Up Being Right  

It is more important to be nice than to be right.  Christians struggle with this a lot.  They want to get into debates with atheists that only show the world our anger, not our love.  Jesus said, "By this all men will know you are my disciples, if ye love one another."  NOT by proving to the world that we are right and they are wrong.  That has turned many, many people off to Christianity.  Many Christians want to judge the world, but Paul said directly that we are not to judge the world or anything in the world. 

Paul says in 1 Cor. 5, "I wrote to you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people— ¹⁰ not at all meaning the people of this world who are immoral, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters. In that case you would have to leave this world. ¹¹ But now I am writing to you that you must not associate with anyone who claims to be a brother or sister but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or slanderer, a drunkard or swindler. Do not even eat with such people.
¹² What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church?"

Those outside the body of Christ do not know better as they are have not been regenerated by the Holy Spirit.  We are to think of them as children who are LOST, not as "heathens."  What did Jesus feel when he saw the people?  He felt overwhelming COMPASSION towards them, and to Him they looked like sheep without a shepherd.  We cannot hold non-Christians accountable to our standards, as they are slaves to sin.  We were all slaves to sin by nature.  They literally cannot help it. 

All that we as Christians can do is PRAY for those who are lost, not insist that we are right and that they are wrong.  That won't get us anywhere!  You can try reasoning with people from the Scriptures as Paul did in Acts.  But argumentatively insisting that they are wrong will not win souls to Christ, but will only push people farther and farther away from God.  "Do not judge or you too will be judged."  We cannot insist that we are right.  We are not God.  So give it up.  God is the judge of men's hearts, we are not.

 
Give Up the Need for Control

A great and very true quote is, "If you do not have control you will become controlling."  I thought of this a lot the year I was a teacher.  We ARE meant to have control of something, and that something is OURSELVES.  The problem is when people are not able to control themselves they, for whatever reason, seek to control others.  Controlling people are very insecure people.  They seek to change in others that which they WISH they could change in themselves.  Another good quote, "We hate in others what we hate in ourselves."  Have you ever analyzed why certain traits in other people irritate you?  If you do not like pride in someone else, could it be that you do not like the pride in yourself?  If you do not like someone else's inability to control their eating, could it be that you do not like your own inability to control what you eat?  Instead of looking inward, as we ought to, we look outward at what is wrong with others.  What did Jesus says about this?  He said we are to first remove the plank from our own eye before we can remove the speck from someone else's eye.  Do you have a plank in your own eye?  Have you ever looked at your own eye?  "Know thyself," Shakespeare said.  May we all look inside before we try to look outside and seek to judge or control others.

Give Up Blaming Others

What did Adam do as soon as God pointed out his sin?  He blamed Even.  What did Eve do?  She blamed the serpent.  And what do we do?  We blame each other for our own sins and our own faults.  What if we took responsibility for our own choices instead?  What if we recognized that we alone are in charge of ourselves; our thoughts, our feelings, and our actions?  What if we recognized that we are the only ones to blame for any wrong that we do?  How would that change our lives?  We need to recognized that other people are not responsible to "make" us happy, we alone are responsible for our own happiness.  Also, other people cannot "make" us mad, we make ourselves mad, because we have expectations that the other person failed to meet.  If we did not have those expectations, we would not be mad.  If we never communicated those expectations, the other person cannot be at fault for not fulfilling them.  The first step in the salvation process is taking ownership for our own sins.  The first step is realizing that we are the ones at fault.  It is not anyone else's fault.  We need to stop blaming our own sin on the way our parents raised us, or on our teachers, or on our friends, or on any other outside influence.  We need say before God, "I was wrong.  I have been wrong many, many times.  Will you forgive me?"  But that cannot happen until we recognize that we alone are to be held responsible for our own lives and our own actions.  May we all come to truly see ourselves, as God sees us, and stop hiding behind others.  And I pray you will take that step to ask God to forgive you if you have not already done so.  Amen. :) 


Give Up Self Defeating Self-Talk


Satan whispers in our ears all day long, lies, lies about ourselves and others that he wants us to believe.  But don't let him in.  Most people do take the bait and they start to believe these lies.  Lies that say, "I am worthless." "No one could ever love me." "I will never do anything with my life."  BUT DON'T BELIEVE THEM.  That is not of God and that is NOT the truth.  God says to you, "YOU are my child.  I love you.  I have great plans for you.  I am always watching over you and I will NEVER leave you."  But often times we hear Satan as a yell and God's voice as a whisper.  Which voice will you listen to?  Don't let Satan win in the battlefield of your mind.  Don't shoot yourself in the leg before you even begin the race.  Remember that you can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens you and you are more than a conqueror!  Don't give up.  Always believe in yourself.  Always believe that the Spirit in you can accomplish great things in your life. :)  Scripture says, "He who began a good work in you is faithful and will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."  God is carrying you.  God is working in you.  So take up the shield of faith and call Satan out on his lies.  When Jesus was tempted in the wilderness by Satan He verbally said verses to counteract Satan's temptations.  We can do this as well.  Don't believe the lies.  Believe the truth, that God loves you, and He will always love you, no matter what! :) 

Give Up Limiting Beliefs

This makes me think of the scene in the Matrix when Morpheus tells Neo, "You have to FREE YOUR MIND."  We all need to free our minds.  It was said, "He who believes he can and he who believes he can't are both right."  What we believe about ourselves and our lives becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy.  If we think we cannot do something, then we probably will think our way out of ever being able to achieve it.  But if we believe that we can do anything we set our mind to, then we can.  Do not limit yourself.  Do not say because it has not been done that it cannot be done?  What if Edison said that about the light bulb?  What if the Wright Brothers said that about flying planes?  What if Tim Berners-Lee said that about the Internet?  That is something that still boggles my mind, how on earth the Internet came to be and works.  You never know what might be possible.  The sky is the limit, meaning there is no limit.  God created us in his image, that is why we are capable of so much!  We did NOT come from an amoeba.  We came from God himself.  Therefore, never stop believing in what you might be capable of.  Jesus said, "If you have faith as small as a mustard seed you can move mountains."  Do you believe that?  Do you really believe that?  I believe Christians today are capable of anything that those in the early church were.  I believe we can raise the dead and heal people if we would only have enough faith.  One man said to Jesus, "Lord I believe but help me in my unbelief."  May God help us all in our unbelief to believe.  Amen?  May God increase your faith so that you can move mountains! :)

Give Up Complaining

What was the reason why God did not let the Israelites enter their Promised Land?  Because they were constantly complaining.  They actually said to Moses that they would have rather gone back into slavery than be on their way to the Promise Land!  But are we any better?  We complain all the time; about our jobs, our family, our cars, our houses, our income etc....I love the verse, "Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, “children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe."  We are to be set apart, different.  We are to be the salt and light of the earth.  How?  We are to have thankful hearts before God in everything.  Any complaining that we do in regards to our lives is complaining against God, for HE GAVE US everything in our lives.  They are all gifts from Him.  Imagine if you gave someone a gift and they immediately complained about how much it wasn't what they wanted.  How would that make you feel?  That is how God feels all the time when we are not grateful for what He has given us.  And remember, He could take it all away in a heartbeat.  So rather than complaining, be thankful, and your outlook on your life will improve greatly. :)

Give Up Criticism

Criticism comes from the thought that we have the right to judge others, but only God alone is given that power.  We do not the full story of others people's lives.  We do not know their hearts.  Therefore, is it not our place to judge or criticize them.  Criticism also comes from the belief, "I am better than you, therefore I can criticize you.  I have more knowledge, skill, etc."  But why do we compare ourselves to others?  What is the benefit in doing that?  Will any good result from it?  No.  I love the quote, "The only person we should strive to be better than is the person we were yesterday."  Amen?  It does not matter if we are better than someone else in something, because there will always be someone better than us in that same thing.  Criticism is not loving.  It does not build others up, but only tears them down.  Scripture says, "Let your conversation be full of grace, seasoned with salt." Also, "So far as it depends on you, live at peace with all men."  And, "Make every ambition to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace."  So rather than criticize one another, encourage one another, and see what happens. :)  Guaranteed the world would be a brighter place if we all sought to build each other up rather than tear each other down.  :)

Give Up the Need to Impress Others

When we are children it is important for us to seek to please our parents, as God says, "Honor your mother and father."  However, when we become adults, we need to put the desire to please or impress people behind us.  As adults we come under the authority of God alone.  His opinion is to be the only one that matters.  "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom."  We are to fear God alone, not people.  Anytime we fear people or care what they think too much we need to check if we are idolizing them.  Proverbs says, "Fear of man will prove to be a snare."  Jesus said, "Whoever denies me before man, I will also deny him before my father in heaven."  Don't forsake God for people.  Don't let people eclipse God in your life.  The created should never become greater than the Creator.  You are to, "Love the Lord your God with your whole heart, body, soul and mind."  Give up on trying to impress others.  You probably never will.  No matter what you do, someone will have something to say about it.  So just give up.  Live to impress God alone.  His opinion is all that matters. :) 

Give Up Resistance to Change

Change is a necessary part of life.  I love the quote, "Embrace change; don't be like the dinosaur who couldn't adapt and became extinct."  Life is full of seasons and different stages.  We cannot stay the same.  We have to adapt and be flexible.  Many times God invokes change in our life in order to grow us and shape us into the people He wants us to be.  Change is not always easy, but it is good.  :) So embrace change. :) 

Give Up Labels

Labels involve judging a book by it's cover and putting people in a box.  Making general statements about people.  But each and every person is unique.  There has never been anyone like you and there never will be again.  We cannot say just because one person was this way, all people will be that way.  Let each person show us who they are as individuals.  Don't label people.  Things can be labeled, but not people.  We also cannot label ourselves.  If we failed at one thing, that does not then make us a failure.  Don't let one action cause you to make a blanket statement about yourself or anyone else. 

Give Up Fear

We are all afraid of something.  Not just things like the dark or spiders or heights.  Many people are afraid of love and intimacy.  Many people are afraid of change.  People may fear being rendered powerless in any way.  It was once said, "There is nothing to fear but fear itself."  To conquer fears we must run headlong into our fears.  That is the only way that they will be defeated and no longer be able to have power over us.  Don't let your fears cripple you and leave you in indecision.  Take the bull by the horns.  Dive in the deep water and stop being afraid of things.  Scripture says, "For you did not receive a spirit of fear but a spirit of kinship and by Him we cry Abba, Father."  Also, "God did not give you a spirit of timidity but of power, love and self-control."  God also commanded us, "Be strong and courageous for I will go with you wherever you go."  Fear is not of God.  1st John says, "Perfect love casts out all fear."  If we are trusting God, we are to be afraid of nothing.  Nothing.  So let go of whatever you are afraid of.  Give up fear.  Give your fears to God.  And He will give you his peace that passes all understanding. :)  Amen?  Amen. 

Give Up Excuses

I love the quote, "There are a million people to tell you why it cannot be done."  But do it anyways!  Everyone wants to put doubt in your head about the future, about your dreams.  But don't listen to them.  And don't listen to your own excuses, such as, "But what if....."  No one knows what the future holds, neither do you, and you will not know until you live it or try it.  Give up on making excuses for why you are not doing such and such thing and just go do it!  Live the life you've always wanted, and forget about the excuses for why it may not be possible.  Just believe and have faith that God can make the impossible possible.  Because He can. :)  Amen?  Amen. :)


Give Up The Past



A great quote regarding the past is, "You cannot live the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one."  The past is in the past; it is gone.  Don't let anything in your past dictate how your future will go.  Every day is a new day with a new beginning.  Also remember, "Anytime Satan wants to remind you of your past, remind him of his future."  The only benefit to remembering our past is in recollecting all the ways God has blessed us and come through for us.  But anything negative in the past, just let it go.  There's nothing you can do about it, except try to do better next time in everything.  Serenity comes when we accept things we cannot change.  The past cannot be changed.  Accept that what happened happened in your past and move on the the future.  When Lot and his wife were leaving Sodom and Gomorrah, his wife turned back to look at the city, and what happened to her?  She turned into a pillar of salt.  Why did God do that?  Perhaps to teach us a lesson that when he is calling us to something new, we need to not look back.  In order to run a race you have to look forward.  You won't go very fast if you are always looking behind you.  Live each day as if it were your first.  Live each day as if you had a clean slate, because you do.  God forgives us the moment we ask Him to.  Today is a new day, what will you do with it?  You have been washed white as snow, so live like it.  Like the rain washes away the dirt and cleanses everything, imagine every day is the morning after a good ,hard rain.  Everything is clean, refreshed, and renewed.  And never forget that God loves you no matter what is in your past.  No matter what you have done, his love for you NEVER changes.  It NEVER fails.  Nothing can separate you from the love of God.  So take heart and have hope!  Every day is a new day.  May God help you to rejoice in the idea that everyday can be a new beginning. 

Give Up Attachment

You never know if whatever thing you have attached to and are depending on will be there tomorrow.  Tomorrow is not promised to any of us, or anyone we know.  If you are attached to yourbank account or money, you could be robbed overnight.  If you are attached to your car, it could be totalled in a heart beat.  If you are attached to a pet, they could get sick at any time.  Do not get too attached to anything in this life, because everything is finite and mortal.  Nothing will last forever.  The only thing that will last forever is God.  You can and should attach to God.  But anything in this life, hold it with an open hand.  God does not promise that anything we have today we will have tomorrow.  So let it go; let go of your hold on it.  Let go of your attachment to it.  Realize that it is a created thing and therefore it is mortal and finite.  Depend on God alone, not anyone else, or anything.  If you do this, when something is taken from you it will not wreck your life or emotions.  Paul says, "Do not be mastered by anything."  God alone is our master, no one and nothing else is, so don't let it be.  If it is, it could also be known as an idol.  May God help us all to depend on Him alone and nothing else.  Amen. :)




May we all live more and more for God everyday!  May God bless you! :)

My Favorite Dr. Seuss Poem :)

Oh, the places you'll go!

Congratulations!
Today is your day,
You're off to Great Places!
You're off and away!

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.
You're on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the guy who'll decide where to go.

You'll look up and down streets. Look 'em over with care.
About some you will say, 'I don't choose to go there.'
With your head full of brains, and your shoes full of feet,
you're too smart to go down any not-so-good street.

And you may not find any
you'll want to go down.
In that case, of course,
you'll head straight out of town.

It's opener there
in the wide open air.

Out there things can happen
and frequently do
to people as brainy
and footsy as you.

And when things start to happen,
don't worry. Don't stew.
Just go right along.
You'll start happening too.

OH!
THE PLACES YOU'LL GO!

You'll be on your way up!
You'll be seeing great sites!
You'll join the high fliers!
who soar to high heights.

You won't lag behind, because you'll have the speed.
You'll pass the whole gang and you'll soon take the lead.
Wherever you fly, you'll be best of the best.
Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.

Except when you don't.
Because, sometimes, you won't.

I'm sorry to says so
but, sadly, it's true
that Bang-ups
and Hang-ups
can happen to you

You can get all hung up
in a prickle-ly perch.
And your gang will fly on.
You'll be left in a Lurch.

You'll come down from the Lunch
wuth an unpleasant bump.
And the chances are, then,
that you'll be in a Slump.

And when you're in a Slump,
you're not in for much fun.
Un-slumping yourself
is not easily done.

You will come to a place where the streets are not marked.
Some windows are lighted. But mostly they're dark.
A place that could sprain both elbow and chin!
Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in?
How much can you lose? How much can you win?

And IF you should go in, should you turn left or right...
or right-and-three-quaters? Or maybe not quite?
Or go around and back and sneak from behind?
Simple it's not, I'm afraid you will find,
for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.

You can get so confused
that you'll start in to race
down long and wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space,
headed, I fear, toward a most usless place

The Waiting Place...

...for people just waiting.

Waiting for a train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or waiting around for a Yes or a No
or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for Friday night
or waiting, perhaps, for their uncle Jake
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break
or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting.

NO!
That's not for you!

Somehow you'll escape
all that waiting and staying.
You'll find the bright places
where boom bands are playing.

Oh, the places you'll go! There is fun to be done!
There are points to be scored. There are games to be won.
And the magical things you can do with that ball
will make you the winning-est winner of all.
Fame! You'll be famous as famous can be,
with the whole wide world watching you win on TV.

Except when they don't.
Because, sometimes, they won't.

I'm afraid that some times
you'll play lonely games too.
Games you can't win
'cause you'll play against you.

All Alone!
Whether you like it or not.
Alone will be something
you'll be quite a lot.

And when you're alone, theres a very good chance
you'll meet things that scare you right out of your pants.
There are some, down the road between hither and yon,
that can scare you so much you won't want to go on.

But on you will go
though the whether be foul.
On you will go
though your enemies prowl.
On you will go
though the Hakken-Kraks howl.
Onward up many
a frightening creek,
though you arms may get sore
and your sneakers may leak.

On and on you will hike.
And I know you'll hike far
and face up to your problems
whatever they are.

You'll get mixed up of course,
as you already know.
You'll get mixed up
with many stray birds as you go.
So be sure when you step.
Step with care and great tact
and remember that Life's
a Great Balancing Act.
Just never forget to be dexterous and deft.
And never mix up your right foot with you left.

And will you succeed?
Yes! You will indeed!
(98 and 3/4 percent garanteed!)

KID YOU'LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!

So...
be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray
or Mordecai Ali Van Alenn O'Shea
you're off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So... get on your way!

Love and Respect: Making Marriages Work

Why does the Bible say that husbands are to love their wives?  Why does the Bible say that women are to respect their husbands?  What is the significance of love and respect and how are they played out practially?  How can women show respect and men show love?

Respect does not come naturally to women, because we think in terms of love.  Love does not come naturally to men, because men think in terms of respect.  Women love to love.  Men have a "Man Code" of honor and respect amongst each other.  Watch the movie Gliator and you will understand this.  What do the men repeatedly say to each other in that movie? "Strength and honor!"  Then look at chick flicks.  What is the main theme?  LOVE, of course. :)  Men understand the rules and conditions of "The Man Code."  Women, however, usually do not.  Women need to seek to understand men more, just as men need to seek to understand women more. :)  And then there will be peace and hormony in the world. lol :) 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MR6n6LFy8tU

The host in this clip says that has almost been married for 20 years.  He admits that there were some rough years in his marriage, but he said that the principles in the Love and Respect book really made a difference in his own marriage.  That book opened his eyes a lot.  He says every guy needs to read these books, because they are one of the only relationship books that makes sense to men.  So go buy the book Love and Respect by Emmerson!  And read it with your spouse! :)

The host asks Emmerson, "What do you say to a guy who says, 'I don't have a good marriage. I am miserable.' "

Emmerson says that many times writers and leaders in the church have contributed to these marriages that just don't work by giving the wrong advice.  He says that most relationship books that you read and most pastors will say it is the man's fault that things are not working.  But the fact is, that is certainly not always the case.  I know us women, especially when it comes to our time of the month, are capable of making a considerable amount of waves ourselves.  Women are not angels by any means.  It takes two to tango right?  As in it takes two to have a fight, and it takes two to not have the kind of marriage that would be possible. 

Emmerson himself used to think that men were primarily the reason for problems in marriage.  But look at what Solomon says repeatedly in the Proverbs.  "Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife." "A quarrelsome wife is like the constant dripping of a leaky roof."  "Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife." 

Wives can be just as guilty of ruining marriages as men can.  Sometimes women are the victims in cases of domestic violence.  But sometimes it is the men who are the victims, of emotional violence.  The world is so easy on women, and with feminism we always want to point fingers at the man and say it is his fault.  Well what if it isn't?  What if it is the woman who is causing the issues? 

Emmerson says, "The love and respesct message is based on Eph. 5 which says a husband must love and a wife must respect."  But what happens is that when she feels unloved, she reacts in ways that seem disrespectful to the man.  And when the man feels disrespected, he reacts in ways that feel unloving to the woman. 
 
Many good willed people are in this crazy cycle in their marriages, and we need to decode this and understand what is ACTUALLY going on.  The truth is that when a woman acts disrespectfully she is most likely crying out that she needs to be loved.  To stop the crazy cycle the man needs to love the woman even if the women is not acting in a way that is loving or deserving of love.  Why?  Because we love each other "as unto God."  Even though our spouse does not deserve our love or respect, we are STILL called to love and respect them. 

Without respect from the woman, the man will react defensively without love.  The man really does love his wife, but he goes into a self-protectant mode when she is acting disrespectfully.  In his mind, she has now become the enemy and he must gaurd against her so that she cannot hurt him anymore.  However, if her life was threatened in that moment he would still lay down his life in a heartbeat for her.  His unloving actions are only a momentary self-preservation mode.  Like pulling out an umbrella to protect us from the rain, men pull out unloving acts to protect from the woman's disrespect.  He may say something hurtful to her in an attempt to push her away.  Or he may just shut down, stone-wall, and retreat into his "cave" as John Gray likes to call it, the author of Women are from Venus, Men are from Mars.  We all have our ways of self-protection.  Women see this as the man has stopped loving her.  But the fact is, he will always love her, but he very well may have stopped liking her in that moment because of her actions, and that is ok.  Like moms say to their children, "I'll always love you, but I don't like you right now."  Husbands will always love their wives, but sometimes they feel the need to hide when the storms are raging.  And women, you know we can start some storms. lol  What men want most in relationships is for them to be more positive, more happy.  But women love drama.  Why we do, I do not know.  Perhaps because women see drama as a way to connect more.  But men see drama as a disconnect.  Women love the thrill of heightened emotions.  Men like to stay calm, keep things mellow and easy.  Women love discussing problems.  Men like to ignore problems and pretend they don't exist.  Thus the battle of the sexes.  :)

Ultimately marriage is not about your spouse, it is about serving God in your marriage.  We are to do everything as unto God.  Regardless of how respectful your husband is, RESPECT him.  Regardless of how loving your wife may act, LOVE her.  Love her as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for it.  This is unconditional love, loving or respecting someone no matter what they do.  This is what God is calling us to do in marriage.  This is what He empowers us to do when we stay connected to Him.  Jesus said, "Apart from me you can do nothing."  So remember to stay connected to God, and you will then be able to love or respect your spouse as much as is humanly possible. 

When men choose to put on love toward a woman who is angry she will immediately soften.  Try this men, the next time you are in a fight.  Try walking up and holding your wife when she is yelling at you and see what happens.  The fight will most likely instantly be dissolved.   

We have to believe that each spouse has good intentions towards the other. 

Every couple WILL have troubles.  But successful couples know how to do that dance better and come out of it ok.

It's hard to be thankful while being negative.  We need to give thanks for everything regardless, because we recognize that God has our best intentions in mind.  In marriage it is common for people to develop a negativity.  But we are called to give thanks and that releases the peace of Christ in our lives in every situation.  In marriage, we have to force ourselves to give thanks, even when we may not feel like it.  Our actions can lead our hearts to where they need to be.

I kept a thankful journal for my late husband where I would periodically write all the reasons I was thankful for him.  I would share this with him and he would write me letters about why he was thankful for me.  It is so key that people in marriage do that often.  It will greatly improve your relationship.

Only husbands are commanded to agape love their wives, but not the wives.  The reason being is that women do this naturally.  That is why God commanded it to men in Eph. 5.  Women speak the language of love always.  Likewise women do not naturally understand the language of respect.  Men live by the honor code.  If men disresepect each other, they become enemies.  Therefore, if a woman disrespects her husband it is very hard for the husband to not think of his wife as an ememy.  But he needs to see her motives behind the disrespect.  It is because she does not feel loved. 

May we as women learn more and more how to respect our husbands and may men learn how to really love their wives as Christ loved the church.  Grace and peace be with you. 

God bless!

Women Are An Enigma

Why don't women just say what they want?  Why are men and women so different?  Why do women have a hard time receiving?

Check out this video:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MR6n6LFy8tU

The host asks, "Why can't women just say what they need."  Ah yes, that is a universal question that men have.  Why do women want men to read our minds?
 

Here is why women have a hard time saying what we need, because we don't want to be rude.  We don't want to come off as selfish.  Women naturally love to give, so to receive anything is very hard for us.  God probably wired us this way to be able to take care of children, who cannot give anything in return. 

However, many women give and give to their kids and never ask to receive anything from their husbands, who would be capable of giving to them, and then they burn out or end the marriage etc.  It all could have been avoided if the woman would have just been more bold and forward about what she needed and wanted from her husband.

We women think we are supposed to be gentle and meek and not ruffle any feathers.  That is how our culture tells us to be.  But as is said in the marriage series "Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage," sometimes we as women have take what we want.  We cannot just hope and expect and pray that the man will figure it out.  He won't.  YOU HAVE TO TELL HIM.  The number one most important word in the English language is communication, because if we cannot communicate what we need, our needs will never be fulfilled.  Jesus himself says, "You have not because you ask not."  So Jesus and God function the same way as men do?!  Imagine that. lol :)  We have to ask in order to receive.  God can read our minds, unlike men, but he still wants to hear us ask.  Men cannot read our minds so therefore it is imperative that we ask if we want something. 

This is the main cause of arguments in marriage.  A woman thinks the man should intuitively know what she needs.  She thinks, "If he really loved me he would just know."  Well unfortunately women, no matter how much he loves you, he still will not know what you need or want.  You have to say it.  His not giving you what you need does not mean he does not love you.  It just means he does not have a clue what you want.  So tell him.  :)

Another reason women do not just say what we want is that we ourselves, ironically, often do not know what we want.  Hormones make this very, very confusing for us.  Men are confused by women and guess what, women are confused by women too!!! lol.  God created a very complex, enigmatic creature when He made woman, and I don't know why.  It would be easier if we were all as simple as men can be, but we are not.  For whatever reason, God made woman to be mysterious and complex.

Perhaps because God himself is mysterious and complex, and we are made in his image.  We cannot figure out God just as much as people universally, men and women, cannot understand women.  But it is this complexity that can be attractive.  If God could be easily explained, where would the fun in that be?  If we knew everything about Him, life wouldn't be as exciting.  Sometimes mystery is good.  Sometimes not knowing is good and keeps things interesting. 

May God help us understand our differences more and more.  Peace be with you. :)

We Can't Control God

One of Kenton's sermon at Mariners is called "Uncontrollable Grace."

He says, "All of us struggle with trying to control things; our spouse, our family, our business, oursevles....."

"It's natural for us to think, 'How do I control God?  I try to control everthing else. What's the formula to get him on my side?  To release his power in my life?  Do I give a certain amount?  Do I pray?"

Yes we have all asked these questions.  Prayer is the trickiest thing because there are passages that say do not doubt and believe you have received it and you will.  But ultimately we cannot tell God what to do in our lives.  He will accomplish in our lives what He wants to accomplish.  God is God and we are not. 

God says, "Not only am I uncontrollable.  I want you to trust me with your whole life; the most uncontrollable response."

How many of us really give God full control over our lives?  It is hard to fully do so sometimes because we cannot SEE Him.  That makes things harder sometimes.  But that is when we need faith.  "Faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see."  God does LOVE us.  We can know that for sure.  And He does have good plans for our life.  Beyond that we just have to trust Him. 

My favorite song in relation to this is "Jesus Take the Wheel."  When we hit rock bottom, we are finally willing to give Jesus the steering wheel of our lives.  When we finally realize that we cannot do life by ourselves, we learn to lean on Him. 

God uses tragedy in our lives to bring us to the end of oursevles.  He uses them to show us how fagile life is.  He wants to show us not to depend on anything in this life, other people and ourselves.  God alone can be depended on. 

I love the quote, "Bend the knee or have it broken.  Either way, you're going down."  If we do not of our own will submit to God, He sometimes will make us.  He punishes those He loves as a father does with his child.  He knows that sometimes he must hurt us in order to make us better, in order to help us grow. 

Like a tree being pruned, sometimes he must cut things out of our lives or off of us such as pride or an idol.  The cutting process can hurt, but it will make us so much more beautiful! :)

God says that He is a jealous God.  If we put anything in His place, he just might take it away, so be careful, including ourselves.  Many people put themselves in God's place, thinking they can achieve and be self-sufficient on their own.  Other people put other people in God's place.  In either case, God has a way of making us depend on Him again.  Unless we do, our lives will have more and more self-induced trials.  The trials could be God trying to get our attention.  It could be Him trying to tell us we're not doing things as He wanted us to be doing things. 

So think about that next time something hard happens in your life.  Is God trying to get your attention?  Was there something that you were doing wrong possibly? 

Sometimes trials are unrelated to our own failings, as we know Job went through hell but he was blameless before God.

But sometimes it IS God trying to get us to see something that we were not seeing before.

I am coming to see more and more that the death of my late husband could have been God trying to help me appreciate what He gave me in giving me Roger more.  I think while my late husband was alive I did not appreciate him as much as I could have.  It also could have been that I was eclipsing God with Roger.  Both are possibilities, but I will not know for sure why God did that until I get to heaven. 

Regardless, God must always stay at the center of our lives and we need to love everyone we can in our lives as much as it is in our power to love them.  Amen?
 
May God give us all eyes to see Him more clearly in everything.  Amen! :)

My Proverbs

I met the most delightful young lady yesterday at a Bible study lol.

I felt compelled to pass on some advice to her. 

So feel free to pass this on to any young adults you know that it might help. :)

Advice:

1. Always Love God MORE than people (This will save you a lot of frustration, heart ache and pain)

2. Make sure you pick good Christian friends to hang out with.  You are who you associate with.  Do not make your closest friends non-Christians. 

Think of the analogy of someone standing on a chair and the other standing on the ground.  It is much easier for the one on the ground to pull the other down then for the one standing on the chair to pull the other up.  Remember that.

3. It is better to be alone than in bad company.

4. Don't be embarassed to try online dating.  I think it is the best way to meet a good Christian guy and know that he is good, as you can ask a million questions before you ever even meet in person.

5. Do not let physical involvement with any guy cloud your judgement of him.

6. Do what you love, not just what makes money.

7. STAY HUMBLE (this will keep you from sin in general)

8. Honor your parents (they deserve it)

9. Never stop learning. 

10. Spend as much time as you can with siblings on road trips etc.  Value them :)  They will always be your best friends. :)

11. Remember to take breaks in life, in work etc. and allow yourself to relax or you will burn out. 

12. Be very cautious with anger, it usually only results in hurt.

13. Always drink in moderation.

14. Never let anything master you; money, cars, jobs, people, games, food, sleep, time etc.

15.  You are responsible for all of your own decision in life, no one else is. 

16. Love as many people you can in as many ways as you can. 

17.  And never give up. :)

Amen?

May God help us all to live more and more wisely everyday! :)

Traveling/Trips I've Been On

I did not even realize how blessed I have been until writing this out! 

Yes my dad abused me as a child and my late husband died, but God has blessed me in SO many ways! 

I have gotten to go on so many wonderful road trips throughout my life. :) 

God has been so good and allowed me to go on many adventures! 

And hopefully many, many more to come! :) 

lol It is almost ridiculous how many things I have already gotten to do and places I have gotten to see.  God you are AMAZING! lol :) 

Joyce Meyer often says when she speaks that God will give us a double reward for our former trouble, a double recompense.  Some feel that that is the prosperity gospel.  But we would all agree that He gives us beauty for ashes yes?  Therefore why not say that He wants to bless us?  He does!  We are his children and He LOVES US!  He will NOT ALWAYS bless us, but He certainly does tremendously at various points in our lives. :) 

Take time to log all the events and ways that God has blessed you throughout your life.  :) It will probably astound you as much as writing all this out astounded me.  We forget, you see, all that God has done for us, so we always need to remind ourselves where we have been to give us hope for where we are going.  What has God done already?  A lot!  So why not think that He will do so much more for us in the future?  He will!  Just believe.  :) 

My Life Timeline: Trips of my Life

1. Age 9, first road trip, a drive out to Nebraska from California.  It took our family about 5 days  to get there.  We pulled into Nebraska on the 4th of July and it felt like the were fireworks welcoming us! :) 

2. 10 road trip to Twin Lakes summer camp with church group, theme Dare to be a Daniel :)

3. 12 road trip to South Dakota to see Mt. Rushmore, fed prairie dogs lol

4. 14 back to California from NE with just my mom (We drove up Pike's Peak and drove through a lightning storm! We also visited the Focus on the Family base in Colorado Springs.)

5. 14 flew to India with YWAM, missions trip, gave testimony for the first time (Was taught how to do gospel related magic tricks and performed them in the 5 or 6 churches we visited. :)

6. 15 road trip to Sacramento, State Youth Conference, showcased the promo video YWAM had made of my India team, since we were the first YWAM team to go to India :)

7. 16 flew to Taiwan to teach English (ESL), gave testimony, we were high school students teaching high school students, that was funny lol :)

(16 gave testimony in church at Mariners in front of about 1,000 people, 4 times at 4 services.  I was shaking like a leaf lol) :)

8. 17 Spring Beak missions trip to Mexico, VBS work with kids, lived in "tent city" for a week, played a lot of soccer. :)

9. 17 snowboarding road trip to mountains with Mariners youth group

10. 17 summer camp, road trip to Hume Lake with Mariners youth group

11. 18 second Spring Break Mexico missions trip, gave testimony

12. 18 road trip out to the Grand Canyon, backpacked hiked down and camped out for a week with a group of about 80, missionary families, did some cliff jumping :)

13. 19 lived in Hawaii for 2 months with cousins (snorkeling, road trip around the coast of the big island with my grandparents)

14. Road trip to Oregon for Shakespeare festival
15. 21 road trip to Washington, choir tour, gave testimony

16. 21 family cruise to the Caribbean; Jamaica, Haiti, Grand Cayman Islands

17. 22 road trip to Northern Cal, choir tour

18. 22 road to Sacramento, CA, summer school type program (Berkeley)

19. 22 missions trip to Taiwan again, helped with youth summer camp, gave testimony

20. 23 family cruise to Alaska (won karaoke idol contest, dedicated song to God lol)

21. 23 missions trip to Mexico, painted the house of a pastor in a church there :)

22. 24 road trip from NE to CA with my mom and brother when Nate was back from Afghanistan, drove through Yellowstone

23. 24 road trip up to central CA, wedding, sea otters

24. 24 missions trip to Mexico, played sports with orphanage children, gave testimony:)

25. 25 missions trip to Mexico, brought Christmas presents to a different orphanage

26. 25 worked on Mexico cruise, 4 trips down to Mexico

27. 25 flew to Seattle, worked on Alaska cruise, 10 trips up through Alaska

28. 25 road trip from CA to NE to live with my brother, hiked in the Grand Canyon
29. 27 most recent road trip, NE to CA to live back with my mom, stayed in the Luxor in Vegas :)

30. 28 Australia..... :)

And God only knows what's after that.  :)

Wisdom for Success

Check this out; Interviews with Will Smith.
 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q5nVqeVhgQE

Will Smith talks some about the universe.  I am unsure where these philosophies come from.  I know he was raised in a Baptist church, went to a Catholic junior high, but as of now I think he defines his religious beliefs as Scientology.  Which is quite unfortunate, but that is the way most Hollywood actors tend to go sadly.  The advice regarding the universe might be from the book "The Secret" that basically talks about karma; what you do is what will happen to you.  If you put out positive engery, positive things will happen to you.  I do not know about that though, knowing the biblical story of Job.  Job was blameless in God's sight.  He would have put out a lot of "positive energy" but part of his life was absolutely horrible.  As much as we would like to, we ultimately have no control over what happesn to us.  The rain falls on the good and the bad. 

However, Will Smith has great wisdom on other topics. :) 

Great quotes from Will Smith:

"Greatness is not this wonderful, elusive god-like feature that only the special amoung us will ever taste.  It's something that truly exists in all of us."

"We didn't grow up with the sense that where we were was where we were gonna be....we were becoming something greater."

"My dad said don't you ever tell me there's something you can't do."

"My grandmothers always said if you're gonna be here there's a necessity to make a difference...the responsibilty you have to make every group you have in contact with better."

"If you're not making someone else's life better, then you're wasting your time.  You're life will become better by making others' lives better."

"I believe that I can create whatever I want to create.....the first step before anyone else believes it is YOU have to believe it."

"You have to believe that something different than what has happened for the last thousands of years of history can happen.

"Confucious says, 'He who says he can and he who says he can't are both right.' "

"Being realistic is the most commonly traveled road to mediocrity." He says electricity and flying in a plane does not seem realistic, but it happens.

"I'm motivated by fear....fear of fear, I hate being scared to do something."

"In my early days I started attacking things that I was afraid of."

"Roosevelt said the only thing you have to fear is fear itself."

"Don't ever let somebody tell you you can't do something....you got a dream, you gotta protect it.  People can't do something themselves they want to tell you you can't do it.  You want something, go get it, period." 

Will Smith said he never considered himself that talented, which is funny because I have always considered him one of the most talanted people alive! lol  But he just has a very, very hard work ethic.  It is true that if you want something in life, you have to work at it.  Things don't just come to you.  A farmer's crop will not just grow by itself.  You have to sow so that you can reap. 

Something does not come from nothing.  If you do nothing, you will get nothing.  If you do not invest in something, you will not get a pay off.  If you want something, you have to do something about that want. 

I love the quote from Thoreau, "I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately."

How many of us DON'T live deliberately?  We just sit around and expect life to happen to us.  We want things to just happen for us without putting any work into it.  Life doesn't work that way.  Relationships don't work that way.  Everything worth doing is hard.  Every good thing takes hard work.

Jesus: A Bridge

Jesus bridges the gap between man and God.  This is why He said, "I am the way, the truth and the life, no one can come to the Father BUT BY ME."

He also said, "I am the vine, you are the branches; apart from me you can do nothing." '

The Christian walk begins with a dependence on Jesus, and it continues with a dependence on Jesus.  We can't say at the beginning, "Jesus save me.  I am lost without you" and then go about our lives after we are saved as if we do not need Him.

We can do NOTHING apart from him.  Do you kind of believe that or really believe that?

I know I myself have struggled with the desire for self-sufficiency.  But we cannot be fully self-sufficient. 

That means you cannot do your job apart from Jesus.  Well you can, but you would be so much more successful if you let Jesus take over in your work.

You certainly cannot do your marriage without Jesus.

You cannot truly love others without Jesus.

So let Him take the wheel in every aspect of your life and see what happens.  Let Him have the reins.  He is a much more capable driver than you anyways. lol

May God bless you! :)

Holding Things with Open Hands

I believe the two most important components for a relationship are loyalty and freedom.  Love cannot grow in a relationship unless there is loyalty and freedom. 

If you do not have loyalty, there is no relationship.

Likewise, if you do not have freedom, there is no love.  Love gives the beloved freedom to grow and be and do whatever they want.  Love does not seek to change the other.  Love does not seek to hold them down against their will.  Love gives freedom.   

If there is not freedom, then there is control.  Control is the opposite of love.  Love cannot grow in a controlling environment. 

The problem is that in many relationships, one person is not loyal which causes the other one to become controlling.  At that point, the relationship is over emotionally.  It should be ended. 

But people seek to hold on to it past when it should be held onto and they kill love more and more everyday with control which leads to more disloyalty which leads to more control.

In the book "Love and Respect" the author would call this "the crazy cycle."  There are many crazy cycles in relationships, that if one simply stopped doing the crazy behavior, whether it be controlling or dishonesty, the other would also stop.  And like the clouds breaking after a storm, the sun would come out, and there would be peace and balance again.

Everyday we have to make a choice if we are going to try to control people or love them.  You cannot do both at the same time. 

Love needs freedom to grow.  Scripture says, "Perfect love casts out all fear."  For love to grow, one needs to not be afraid of punishment etc. 

There is also the phrase, "When you love something, let it go." 

As long as we try to hold on to something, it will only cause that thing to weaken.  It is in freedom and opening things up to roam free that they can grow.

Jesus said, "Whoever wants to save his life will loose it but whoever looses his life for my sake will find it."

We are to hold everything in our lives with an open hand.  We never know when God will take them, and we have no control over that.  If we hold things loosely, then when they are lost it will not devastate us.  Jesus has to stay at the center, because He is always faithful and He is not going anywhere.  Anything else good in our lives in a temporary bonus.  You never know when that person will be gone.  You never know when that job will be over.  If we put stock in anything in this life we are only then giving it the power to disappoint us. 

God alone deserves our complete trust and our complete faith. 

When we put faith in other people, it should be that we put faith in God's spirit who is in them, not in the person themselves. 

When we put faith in our jobs to provide for us, it should be that we put faith in God giving us the ability to do that job, not in the job itself.  Any job we have is from God.  He gives us everything.  When we loose sight of that we start to have idols.  It is not you who has blessed yourself.  It is GOD who has blessed you.  Never forget that. 

If you need it, God will provide it for you. 

If you don't need it, you won't have it or get it.

God knows what we need and when we need it.  Trust him with your life, your job, your relationships, etc.  And remember, ANYTHING good in your life is from Him!

Amen?  Amen!

So thank God for anything good in your life today!  And remember that He is the source of all that is good in your life! :)

God bless!

The Tragedy of Sexual Abuse

What are the long term effects of sexual abuse?  Does it affect one's day to day life once one is an adult?  What are some of the issues sexual abuse causes and is there a solution?  Yes.

First let's define what sexual abuse is.  "Sexual abuse is any contact or interaction (visual, verbal or psychological) between a child/adolescent and an adult when the child/adolescent is being used for the sexual stimulation of the perpetrator or any other person."

You can ask yourself if anything that happened to you fits that description or you can also ask yourself, "Have I ever been in a situation where I felt sexually uncomfortable, awkward or debased?"  It does not have to be from an adult, it could have been from a peer or someone you were even in a relationship with. 

I am reading a book on the topic of sexual abuse.  This is probably the BEST book out there regarding sexual abuse.  It is called The Wounded Heart: Hope for Adult Victims of Childhood Sexual Abuse by Dr. Dan Allender.  I will share quotes from the book and my insights in hopes of helping others who have suffered abuse.  Statistically they say one in three women and one in five men by the age of 18 are sexually abused in some way.  So if you or someone you know has been sexually abused, I hope the information in this blog will help you. :) 

The Wounded Heart:

The author, Dr. Allender himself, was sexually abused.  He states, "I recalled forced masturbation at a camp I had attended as an adolescent, a homosexual invitation I turned down in Boy Scouts, and a sexual assault that occurred at a football camp."

Sexual abuse can happen anywhere.  Mine happened while taking a nap with my dad.  My brother's happened while taking a shower with my dad.  Many women have been date rapped, by a guy they were dating and trusted.  My late husband was sexually abused in high school, in the school hallways!  And the teachers said nothing and did nothing.  He also was kind of raped by some co-workers when he went to a party at their house.  They literally slipped a drug into his alcohol and essentially raped him.  That poor guy had probably been severely sexually abused 20 times in his life.  It really is by the grace of God that he was allowed to go home to heaven 3 months ago, because to live with that much pain and shame.....I cannot imagine how hard it must have been for him to be him.  I know he had night mares just about every single night.  He never seemed to be fully at peace.  He had gone through so, so much.  In many ways I really praise God that he is safe finally in heaven!  And that he can finally be happy and at peace!

There is also a verse in the Old Testament that refers to a generational curse.  It says, "The sins of the father...visited up to the 6th and 7th generations."  It essentially says that the consequences for one man's sin might continue up to 7 generations after him.  That has somewhat been a fear for me in having children of my own.  What if the cycle of abuse continues with them somehow by someone?   However, it is possible that the chain of abuse was broken with me. 

I don't know what happened to the women in my family before my grandma, but my grandma was raped by her dad when she was 18, my mom by her cousin when she was 8, and the incident with my own dad, I believe he was about to rape me, but I jumped out of the bed and told my mom what happened when she came home.  My dad admitted to her later that he would have gone all the way eventually if I hadn't told.  So what happened to me was quite crazy, but I really have a lot to be thankful for; that God saved me from actually being raped.  And that God created me gutsy enough to jump away, as many young girls do not or feel they cannot.  It's possible that I had the courage to do so because I was already saved at that young of an age also.  I did grow up in the church.  So it could have been that God was leading me in all that.  HE gave me the boldness to tell my mom the TRUTH.  I told my mom, because I knew in my soul that what my dad was doing, or was about to do, was wrong.  I can only imagine it was God who would give a 6 year old the boldness to turn her own dad in like that.  I think even then I knew, I had faith, that God would protect me and provide for me.  Even at the age of 6, I RECOGNIZED THAT IT WAS GOD WHO WAS MY REAL FATHER, my true daddy. 

Here is a great song on this topic: "Ask Me" by Amy Grant.  I grew up listening to this song a lot, ironically.  That was probably a very good thing as it helped form my theology and perspective about God regarding the whole situation.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q2bOMpZa7mQ

Please realize from these stories that sexual abuse happens everywhere, all the time.  If you are reading this and know of any possibility of sexual abuse or any kind of abuse, REPORT IT.  Do not allow abuse to go on.  It enrages God when it is not stopped.  If we have the power to stop it, WE NEED TO. 

The author's 8 year old daughter asked, "Daddy, do abused people have walls in their hearts that keep them from being happy, and will they have less bricks in their walls after reading your book?" lol so cute! :)

When we are abused, we do tend to put walls up.  The reason for this is that we do not want to be hurt again.  Joyce Meyer once said she heard God telling her, "When you wall them out, you wall yourself in."  Very true.  Abuse makes trusting anyone very difficult, which leads to one being very lonely. 

The cure is to be around good Christian people who will help the abused person to believe that people can be good again.  We are hurt by people and we also must be healed by people. 

Another classic way to heal is to face your fears.  Anyone who is abused is very afraid of opening up to someone else and being vulnerable.  And that is exactly what you must do to be healed.  Whatever you are most afraid of, GO DO THAT.  Until you do, you will not get better. 

Dr. Allender states, "When people....are subjected to terrible crimes against God and against their soul, like sexual abuse, powerful forces are set in motion within them that make it especially frightening to give themselves to others."

Because we were abused by a person, it is very hard to trust another person, because what if they hurt us too?  The fact is, we live in a fallen world, and it is inevitable that other people WILL hurt us again.  No one is perfect.  Everyone we are surrounded by in life is fallen and broken just as much as we are.  But God can heal us when they hurt us.  That is why God gives us the gift of forgiveness, so that we will not hold onto hurt inflicted by other people.  God has promised to comfort us.

Psalm 34 says, "The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."

It was not God's will that you were abused.  He does, however, ALLOW bad things to happen to us for reasons we cannot fully understand in this life.  God allowed many, many terrible things to happen to Job.  But despite what we have gone through, we still need to trust Him, even when we are confused by how the world works sometimes. 

Allender says, "We sometimes manage to persuade ourselves that God is as pleased as we are with our developing maturity, while in fact His Spirit is gently pushing open doors into the darker regions of our hearts that we pretend don't exist."

We often want to run from ourselves, and we hide in our busyness.  I used to have, and sometimes still do, recurring nightmares that I was being chased by someone.  It is possible that the dream represented that I was running from myself or my past.  We like to cover our wounds as someone might put a band aid over a scrape.  But it is not until we expose our wounds to the air that they will be healed.  Sometimes our wounds have to be washed and cleaned out.  This process can be painful but it is also necessary. 

Allender says, "One of the central messages of most books on abuse, this one included, is freedom from the guilt of the past abuse.  What occurred is not your fault!"  Amen!  Yet so many people, sadly, think that whatever happened to them was their fault.

I used to be angry at the little me, as if it was her fault for the abuse from my father.  In one counseling session I was asked to bring in pictures of me when I was younger.  After that session I was able to look at those pictures and see a cute little girl rather than a seductive or bad little girl.
 
 When someone sexually abuses someone else they get the abused person to think it is their fault, that they, the abused, wanted what happened to them.  The abuser actually can be so deceived by Satan that they believe that themselves.  They actually think the child is coming onto them in certain cases.

  This is why Jesus states that such a person should be thrown into the sea with a millstone tied around their neck, because they have become completely disillusioned to reality.  The fact is, the child is not sexual at all.  The child does not have a sexual drive.  Human beings do not develop a sexual drive until about 12, contrary to what Freud may have said.  Children have no concept of sex etc.  The abuser is not able to see children as children.  The abuser sees the child as an adult, for whatever reason. 

Children are innocent, pure and free.  Any sexual act on a child is NOT wanted by the child.  The confusion comes because children do want general AFFECTION and to feel that they are loved.  The abuser, in their sick mind, confuses that want for affection for wanting sexual affection.  This is why they sexually abuse the child.  They often times convince the child that they want it also. 

This is why many people who were sexually abused as children grow up thinking it was their fault, because the abuser fed them those lies.  The lies that the abuser himself believed from Satan himself, the father of all liars.   

Realizing all this can help the abused person see the truth.  The TRUTH is, you were only a child.  YOU DID NOT WANT ANYTHING THAT HAPPENED TO YOU.  So believe that.  And STOP believing the lies that the abuser or Satan wants to tell you.  You are innocent.  You did nothing wrong.  You were sinned against.  As a child you were powerless to get out of the situation.  Children do not have jobs or cars.  They are stuck wherever they are.  Therefore, there was nothing you could do about it.  You could not have run away.  Your reason most likely told you you would end up homeless and starving to death. 

Another reason abused victims believe it was their fault is that for children it seems safer to believe that it is themselves who are bad rather than that their parent is bad.  It is a very scary thought for a child to believe that their own parent or uncle or adult in their life can be that evil.  So they take the responsibility for what happened on themselves. 

Now that you are an adult, however, and are removed from the adult that abused you, hopefully you can see that they were capable of extreme evil.  It was not 50/50, as in half their fault and half yours.  It was 100% their fault and 0% yours.  Remember that.  Believe that. 

"THE TRUTH SHALL SET YOU FREE." 

Allender says, "The answer involves a strategy that seems to intensify the problem: peer DEEPLY into the wounded heart.  The first great enemy to lasting change is the propensity to turn our eyes AWAY from the wound and pretend things are fine....the journey involves us bringing our wounded heart before God...the problem is that the path does involve His hurting us, but only in order to heal us."

Like a wound must be scrubbed out before it can heal, so our hearts need to be scrubbed out before they can fully heal.  As a broken bone may need to be re broken in order to reset it so our hearts may need to be re broken so that they can heal correctly and in place. 

I remember in counseling, even as young as when I was 6 or 7, the counselor would always say we needed to bring my issues out on the table.  "Let's get everything out on the table."  I would always say, "But why?  I like things being under the table."  lol, As so many of us do.  We do not want to face the darkness within ourselves.  We are afraid of the darkness.  We are afraid of our own anger.  We are afraid that if we let any of the pain out we might have a mental breakdown, so we hold it all inside.

But it is in holding everything inside that can lead to a mental breakdown or a psychotic break.  Healing needs to be done by letting air slowly out of the balloon of our hearts, before it pops from the pressure.  Life has a way of adding more and more pressure to our already filled balloons, until one day, they pop, and people commit suicide or turn to drugs or become an alcoholic.  All of these things could be prevented if we would do the hard work of looking at the darkness in our own hearts BEFORE something like that happens.  God wants to heal you.  The question is; will you let Him?   

In the healing process, ALWAYS remember that IT IS OK TO CRY. 




Often times abused people become very good actors.  We pretend that everything is ok, that we are strong; we can handle it.  We do this because we do not want to be a burden on anyone else.  But God is always there for you to cry out to.  He is ALWAYS listening.  He is ALWAYS willing to see your tears and look into your pain with you.  Whatever it is, He can handle it.  Crying may be the best thing you can do for your relationship with God. 

When we cry, the walls come tumbling down.  We cannot cry and be angry at the same time.  Often times, crying releases the anger and the bitterness we were holding inside.  It lets the sadness out that was hiding behind the mask of anger.  It allows oneself to be vulnerable with oneself, and with God. 

I read recently that there is actually a poisonous chemical that is literally released from the body when we cry.  That is why some women say, "I needed a good cry."  We literally do NEED TO CRY every once in awhile.  God gave us the ability to cry for a reason.  So if you have not cried in awhile, I recommend that you do so! :)  It can be VERY, very healing to your mind, body and soul.

So have a good cry for Jesus!  And you will  most likely see the clouds part in your heart and the sun come out, as after a good hard rain.  Release the weight in your heart, as the clouds release the weight they carry from the water in the clouds.  Let your heart rain, as much as it needs to.  :)  And feel the freedom and the joy when you can see the sun again.  :) 

May God help all of us who have been abused to heal and become whole again!  May he restore us to who we were meant to be before we were abused!

May God bless you and keep you!  May he cause His face to shine upon you, and give you peace! :)  Amen.