World Religions

 I have been to India, Taiwan, Australia, Thailand and Mexico. I feel compelled now to analyze the religions of the world and help us to be more unified. I am not trying to start a one world religion. :) I just know we are all more similar then we realize. 

Asia has Buddhism. India has Hinduism. South America has Catholicism. The Middle East has Islam. Australia has Hillsong church. 😃 What does Africa have? We need to keep praying for Africa. 

Africa has witch doctors, sadly. We all know that. But why? Why have they always loved witchcraft over serving our true good God? I have never understood that. 

I mostly believe the Allah of Islam is the God of the Bible. Their Koran ironically is almost identical to our Old Testament. Are they saved? I believe some of them are. They are way more devout in their faith then about 85% of Americans. I think we need to stop hating them so much. They hate us because we seem immoral and godless. That makes sense. We do. 😢 Maybe God is on their side. Maybe God loves us all. 

Hindus have a main head God. They have many sub gods. Some say their sub gods are demons. Or it could be just that they are following their innate desire to worship something. The people of India are very kind and good people. We may not understand them, but we can still love them. 

Buddhists actually do not have a god. Buddha is like a god but he was more like a prophet. I have always felt Asian people have their life together better then any other ethnic group. They are smarter, more disciplined, more peaceful and more organized. They rarely hurt anyone else. The only reason some Asians have been evil is due to the influence from other cultures. Of course Satan can creep in to their countries too. But I think, because they keep a more disciplined mind, they are less susceptible to Satan invading their societies. 

South Americans are mostly Catholics. Are catholics saved? Absolutely. I know beyond a shadow of doubt they are. There are almost no differences between Christianity and Catholicism. I never understood why there were so many wars between those two groups. That was quite ridiculous. Catholics are some of the most religious, God fearing, and kind people alive. 

There is great news about Africa. Now a new wave of Pentecostal beliefs are sweeping through Africa. I say that is awesome. Finally they are being saved. Praise God. :) May they grow in their knowledge of the Bible while they seek supernatural experiences. May they cling to the cross and not the world or Satan any longer. May God soon make them missionaries to the rest of the world. 😁

What religion is the most correct? They all are! Jk I still believe the Bible teaches the most perfect truth, but God loves us all. God can save anyone. No one is beyond his reach or his ability to love and accept into heaven. 

God bless :) 

Tongues

 Why does the gift of tongues exist? To draw us nearer to God. The name is fitting because the more you love a person, the more tongue you use in kissing them. The closer you become with God, the greater chance that he will give you the gift of tongues. It actually is to make the relationship more tight knit. 

Those who are afraid of a close relationship with God are also afraid of a close relationship with other people. They hide behind their phones or TV or work. They hide from God and others. Of course this leads to an easier life. No conflict. No demands. But do you win or loose in the end? 

You can continue to keep God and people at arm's length, but why not dive into love? Dive into being close and bonding. God wants to bond with you probably more then any person does. People generally have a secondary motive for getting closer to you. God only wants to be close for the sake of being close. He does not want or need anything from you. He just wants to talk to you. 

Let God in more. Let him be your closest friend. He deserves to be close to you more then anyone. If you open yourself up to tongues, it is allowing yourself to become closer to God. 

God bless :)

Deliverance

 I have always wanted to try delivering someone from demons, but I've always been scared of it. It could be said that recently I delivered my hubby from a spirit of alcoholism. I fasted and prayed for him for 2 days. After that he decided all on his own to quit drinking. Praise God! He has not had a drink since. God is so good! 😃👏🤗

There also was a young girl I babysat for awhile. Her eyes were very dark so I could tell she had a demon inside her. She was still a nice kid though, surprisingly. I prayed for her while she took a nap every day. A month later her eyes went from black to light blue. The demon had left. Praise God! 

When Jesus cast out demons he just said, "Demons come out!" Now people draw it out a bit, which seems unneeded. But it is hard to know what to say in that circumstance. If you want to see some deliverance services, look up Hungry Generation on YouTube. That might be one of the only churches in America where they do deliverance services. 

I went to a deliverance Bible study 8 years ago. The last class was a day long deliverance service. Some people coughed a lot if they had demons that came out. I admired the courage of those casting the demons out. I seemed to sense a spirit of fear in or on me. I do not think I was possessed with it, but it has harassed me most of my life. I was crying, so a lady came over and asked me if I was saved. I was thinking, "Of course I am. Don't I look like I am saved?" ☺ She prayed for me regarding fear. My battle with fear got better after that day. 

The main spirits people have in them, or harassing them from the outside, are a spirit of fear or a spirit of heaviness. These cause anxiety and depression. 

I will pray for you, "In the name of Jesus, evil spirit of fear or spirit of heaviness come out, or away, from this person. I declare you have no right to be around them anymore. They are one of God's children. Leave them alone. Go away from them forever. In Jesus' name amen!" 

Now you are free. So act free. Believe you are free. Then you will actually be free.

"As a man thinks, so is he." 

"According to your faith, it will be done to you."

 "He who the son sets free is free indeed." 

"God did not give you a spirit of fear, but instead a spirit of love, power! and a sound mind." 😁

"He will replace your spirit of heaviness with a cloak of praise." 

"He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion." 

"Submit yourself to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you."

"The truth will set you free!!!!" 🤗

"Perfect love casts out all fear." 

May God bless you and may he keep you free of demons. :)

Strange Fire

 I am re-watching on YouTube a great conference that John MacArthur held 8 years ago. It is the Strange Fire Conference. After I watched it last time, I wrote my self published book "On the Charismatic Movement." Check it out on Amazon. I think I did a good job on it. 😁 I had read his book Charismatic Chaos and realized I had lots of my own things to say about Charismatics. 

There is good on both sides of this religious verbal war. It seems that is really what it is. John MacArthur is by far the smartest preacher to have ever preached in America. He is a genius. But with great intelligence often comes great pride. I know because I was smart too and used to have lots of pride. He is picking on what he doesn't understand, because he has not been there. He is somewhat mad, maybe at God, that he hasn't ever spoken in tongues. He probably feels like I used to feel. Why would God withhold tongues from me, if it is wonderful, after all I have done to grow his kingdom? Don't I deserve that blessing too? But if you do not see as a blessing, why would God want to force it on you? I got the gift of tongues 4 years ago. Since then I have talked with God almost 24/7. It definitely opens up a deeper friendship with God. 

However, for most of my life I was scared of supernatural things. I blame Benny Hinn for that. His video of his "healing" service freaked me out. A friend gave it to me in High School. I only was thinking, "I want nothing at all to do with the Holy Spirit if that is what it is like." But Benny Hinn did not know the Holy Spirit, or operate in the Holy Spirit. He was only filled with demonic spirits. 

The reason MacArthur had the Strange Fire conference was to correct the errors. He didn't want people to see things that seemed insane and credit them to the Holy Spirit. Just because an event or a feeling is supernatural, that does not mean it comes from the Holy Spirit. Demonic possession is supernatural too. That still happens a LOT today. You might Think you are being filled with the Holy Spirit but it could be a demonic spirit. How can you make sure it is the Holy Spirit? Don't be an idiot. Listen to your gut feelings. 

I have been afraid since I was saw that Benny Hinn video at age 16 to open myself up to anything supernatural. But that is how Satan works. He wants us to be afraid of the Holy Spirit. 

I beseech you to desire more of the Holy Spirit. I pray that MacArthur may pray in tongues soon. But realize acutely that demons are real. Test the spirits. Not every supernatural spirit is from God. Witches pull up dead spirits and evil spirits all the time. There are tons of demonic entities that would love to have access to your mind, just as much as God wants to. Be cautious. Be wise. 

Why does God allow evil spirits to exist? He tells me that it keeps life interesting. Don't get deceived by all the evil. God gave you a brain for this reason. Use it. Yes be filled with the Holy Spirit, but please never let an evil spirit fill you. How can you tell the difference? 

Do you feel peace? 

If only the Holy Spirit is in you, you will have peace. If it is evil spirits, you will never have peace. 

Be on your guard. Protect yourself. You owe it to people that love you to take good care of yourself. Besides, you definitely cannot take good care of them unless you take care of yourself first. Guard your mind well from evil entities.

Be wise. God bless. Stay alert. 

Ghost Stories

 I have never seen or heard a ghost. Thank you Jesus! But I have heard several stories of people who have. 

At my last Papa John's a ghost would turn the sink water on at times, just at random. At another pizza store a ghost came in after closing a lot and made big messes. 

A friend said she saw a black hooded figure walk down her hallway. 

A lady I used to babysit for said that at night lights would randomly turn on in her house. She could smell fire at times, but there was no fire. It was a totally new house, but her aunt was a witch. I told her about a class I was taking at church on evil spirits. 

An ex said he heard ghost kids play in his hallway a lot. 😳

Another ex was visited by a ghost almost every night. He said he could hear it pace up and down the hallway from 2 to 4am. I was living in that house then. Praise God I never heard it. I think it was an ex he had who was a witch. The spirit would walk around his room and stand over his bed. The poor guy. I don't know how he could sleep at all. 😢 

My theory is that spirits attach to people for reasons such as revenge, if they were mistreated. I don't totally understand how evil spirits or ghosts appear. I just know they do. If you want God to protect you, read the Bible more. 

Also hang a cross in every room of your house. They just might protect you and your family better. 😉

God bless :) 

Forgive

 "If you do not forgive others, your heavenly father will not forgive you." 

My testimony that I have been giving to crowds since I was 14 is that I forgave my father for sexually abusing me. I think I always hoped he was the only person I would have to forgive. Not even close.  Maybe God let me go through that to give me excellent practice at forgiving. 

Now it is not just my dad I still struggle to forgive but my mom, my step dad, my ex husband and my ex mother in law. I hate them all for different reasons. I wish my life could be over most days so I won't have to think about how much they all betrayed me. The 4 of them together ruined my life. They made me loose everything. Now I am having to rebuild from scratch. It is like after 9/11 and the building was a huge pile of rubble. That was my life the past 3 years. But there can be a re birth, a redoing of everything. It takes work but all things can be restored. It can all be re built. 

I just hate it that I lost all that I had worked very hard to build. Was it all their fault? I had my own contribution to the mass chaos and destruction. 

Why can't families be indestructible? Maybe because my ex and I did not build a good foundation. All we both cared about was money. We didn't care about listening to sermons at the beginning. We never read the Bible together. I thought I had picked a godly man, but I got fooled. He was almost no better then any other worldly man I had known. So our house came crashing down because it was not built on the strong foundation of Jesus. 

Ladies pick a godly man. Men pick a godly woman. You will find that great Christian person eventually. Just be patient and wait on God. 

Jesus Packets

 I started making my Jesus packets in October of 2013. Can't believe that was almost 10 years ago. 😃 My oldest daughter was 9 months old. My ex was working 70 hours a week. I was bored and needed a worthwhile hobby. Missions has always been my number one goal. Saving the lost. Shinning God's light in this dark world. I was listening to Joyce Meyer and Joel Osteen sermons almost non stop. They inspired me to reach the lost, to encourage others. The only way to do that as a stay at home mom was to make my Jesus packets. I made bracelets with a cross on them or a phrase like "God cares." I put lots of candy, the bracelet and a Bible tract in a little present that I wrapped up. Eventually I ordered goody bags because the assembly went quicker. I delivered them next to cars and at apartment complexes. Now I leave them in stores on shelves and hope the managers won't be annoyed. 😁 I always think maybe they really could save a person. You never know what simple act might make a huge difference in the world. 

I got the idea because I figured a Bible tract alone probably won't work. People don't care to read much these days. Art speaks to the heart. 

If you are an artist too, how can you use your creativity to reach the lost world? I'm sure you can think of something. 

God bless. :) 

Regrets

 I regret marrying my ex husband. I could tell he was crazy when I met him. 

I regret finishing college. I wanted to quit freshman year but my mom wouldn't let me. Maybe because she wished she would have never gotten married and she wanted me to support myself my entire life. But that would have been a sad life. 

I regret not marrying Stephen when I was 19. I think my entire life might have gone way better. 

I will never regret having my two daughters. They were the Only happy and sunny things in my entire life. 

I regret most of my past bf's. They all ended on a very sad note, and they were all so selfish. 

I regret ever meeting or trusting my step dad. If a man was formerly accused by Anyone of molesting children, believe them. I wish he never would have entered my life. 

I regret not calling my brother more throughout my life. He and I are almost like twins because we are so similar. I wish I would have kept in touch with him more. 

I regret not saving more money and spending so much on fast food. I should have made sandwiches for lunch. 

I regret quitting working on the cruise ship. That was a very fun job. I should have stuck with it for like 5 years. 

I regret yelling at my girls. It is frustrating to be a mom at times but they didn't deserve that. I can only hope every person caring for them now is super nice to them. 

I regret every time I got back with my ex Eric. I should have gotten my own apartment and supported myself for awhile. He had tons of issues. 

I regret buying the car that I have. It has stressed me out a lot for a long time. 

I regret selling my first car. I loved that car so much. I had it for 12 years and it was still in perfect shape. 

I regret ever trying to own a dog. They are the most annoying animals ever. 

I regret working at Papa John's for so long. I should have worked in a restaurant or anywhere but there. It was non stop crazy....but it helped me forget my divorce so that was good. 

I regret loosing touch with Faith and Crystal, my two best friends for a long time. I hope they are doing well. 

I regret buying the only house I tried to buy. The back yard seriously sucked. We should have bought the house in Manor with the perfect back yard. 

I regret yelling at my ex husband when he was loosing his mind. I was trying to alert him to pull himself together, but that was probably the worst way to go about it. But I was so frustrated. I didn't know how to help him At All. All my perfect grades in school didn't help me then. 😣😢

I regret ever staying in touch with my dad. I wish after age 6 when he molested me I could have never talked to him again. All he did was stress me out and try to corrupt me in many ways. 

I regret not calling my 3 grand parents more. They were the best grand parents a girl could have and now they are all gone. 😣

I regret not going swimming more. I love swimming so much. 😃

I regret never settling down in a beach city but hopefully someday I can. 

Repeat

 When I was single before I met my ex husband I was praying for another Roger. I wanted a man I could be just as in love with as Roger, and I was with my ex for the most part. They were both great guys but with a bit of a crazy side. Roger worked as a prison guard and loved to drink. My ex actually liked crazy people and loved to get "high in the Holy Spirit." 

This last time I was single I was praying for another Bryan. I wanted a man I felt totally calm and comfortable around like I did with him, and I found him. :) Again we like the same foods, the same movies. We both like going to church. We both want kids. We are stable and normal. We just want a simple and easy life after all the drama of our pasts. 

As I was driving to this city I kept telling God, "I just want a normal life." I finally have it. 

I don't think I would ever want a repeat Eric. That was the hardest relationship ever. But I can only hope I helped him in some way. 

And soon I will repeat raising children. I hope it will go better this time. I hope I will hold my future baby more and give her more attention. It is always nice to get a second chance. This is my second chance. 😃 

What do you wish you could repeat? You can if you just believe you can. Start praying for it. 😁

Reach the Lost

 There are not too many ways to get to lost people. You can work at a job and try to save all your co workers. Eventually you will annoy everyone and need to quit. This is a common theme in my life. 😢 You can invite random people to a church, but what if they hate church? You can post Bible verses on social media. God said his word will not return void. It has helped me in my walk with God when people post verses on Twitter. I always think, "Yay thank you for the reminder." 😃 You can try door to door evangelism. I give you lots of congrats if you do that. I never have actually. I don't have the guts to. I have dropped my Christian Jesus packets in front of possibly 3,000 doors. That required a bit of courage. But I never knocked. Probably because I hate when people knock on my door so I don't want to annoy other people that way. 

The best way to be a witness is to not be afraid to do things God tells you to do. In Acts the disciples always prayed for boldness. It is not natural for us to be bold about our Christianity. There is actually lots of opposition from witches these days. Listening to John Ramirez on YouTube made me a tad more afraid to witness. He used to be a male witch. The more you spread God's word, the more people who do witch craft might try to stop you or ruin your life. You have to decide, at some point, that this world is nothing compared to preserving your place in heaven. Can your salvation be lost? I'm not sure but Paul said "work out your salvation with fear and trembling." No person is worth stopping you from living for God and fulfilling his calling. "Go into all the world and make disciples of all people." 

How many disciples have you helped to grow? If you say zero, go find some. 😁

My Testimony

 I was born November 30th, 1984. I have an older brother who is 4 years older. He was a bit of a wild child. I suppose I have been too at various times. How was I wild? Well.... I used to enjoy getting drunk. I smoked cigarettes from age 11 to 14 and 34 to 37. I have tried pot but, praise God I never liked it too much. I shoplifted cigarettes when I was younger since I couldn't buy them. That was actually really exciting when I got caught twice. It was kind of like going on a roller coaster. 😃 That thrill that I loved of getting in trouble sent me into hardcore ministry. I love the quote, "The most reprobate sinners can become the most devout saints." 

I got saved at age 14 and went to India with my church. My youth pastor asked me to pick where we would go. I said, "We should go to India because they burn Christians there and everyone else will be too scared to go!" We went for a week to Calcutta and Guwahati and we had lots of fun. I did Christian magic tricks in church services that we put on. My next missions goal is to go to the Middle East, because most people are too scared to go. Who else wants to go? :) In the past 10 years I have been making what I call Jesus packets. They are goody bags with candy, a Bible tract and a bracelet I make. I think my goal since I was little was to help the lost find God because my dad was very, Very lost. He was a child molester. He molested me and probably many others. He went to prison recently for molesting his step grand kids.

 I now realize I should have seen that as God warning me. A few years ago my step dad molested his step grandkid, my oldest daughter. If I didn't care about honoring my parents I would love to beat him up for that. I did not press charges because he is supporting my mom and I need him to do that. Him messing with my girl Serenity was the biggest betrayal of my trust in my life. He Seemed like a great Christian guy. He went to church every Sunday his entire life. He was smart and kind. But I guess he has an affinity for messing with kids sexually. I don't understand him at all, but I plan to never see or talk to him again.  

There seems to be a generational curse of sexual abuse in my family. My grandma was raped by her dad. My mom was raped by her cousin. I was almost raped by my dad but God rescued me. My daughter could have been raped eventually but God alerted me that something was off. The molest of my daughter was the central issue that caused my divorce 3 years ago and me loosing my daughters. My ex and his parents treated me, and still do treat me, as if I was the one that molested her. It is very frustrating. Someday I can only hope my step dad will buy me a huge beach house to make up for everything he did. 

Another big part of my life story is how annoying it was for me that my ex was involved in what I call Charismania. I always felt like they brain washed him. It is a cult and they program their followers with what seems like scripted answers to various questions. One example is if you question the practice of being slain in the spirit, they all will say, "Well the soldiers who came to arrest Jesus fell backwards." To which a normal response would be, "But they weren't saved. They were the bad guys." And then they get mad at you for questioning them. 

My ex's loyalty was to them more then me. He valued them more then me because they were "anointed" and I was not, according to him. I think I started my Jesus packets to prove to him that I could be just as on fire as the Charismatics. I don't think it worked. To him I was nothing compared to them. So that caused a lot of tension and sadness through our 7 years of marriage. 

A few months before we broke up I finally received the gift of tongues. I was so excited. He said I wasn't doing it right. That was kind of an ongoing theme in our marriage, that nothing was ever good enough for him. Then he went crazy for no reason. It was like part of his brain got cut off or he got a spirit of insanity. I have no idea what caused it or why he became so insane. He thought his phone was being hacked and that people were following him in cars. I was super confused and distraught over the whole thing. His mom medicated him to possibly fix it, but I think to this day he is still crazy. 

After separating from him I had a few boyfriends. None of them worked out because they were all just as crazy as my ex. 

My story has a happy ending though. Praise God I found a new great and handsome man online. I am 3 months pregnant with our first kid and maybe 8 more kids will come. God willing I can finally have a perfect family this time and hopefully Satan will not rob me of that again. I believe this 3rd try at a good family will be successful. "All things are possible to those who believe." Pray for us. Thanks for reading. God bless. :)

My Great Road Trips

 My next grand road trip hopefully will be to New York with my lover Zach. 😍 Then I can say I have traveled to all 4 corners of the US. 

In college I did a fun road trip to Oregon. My college choir also went to Seattle for a tour. 

I drove to San Diego a lot in my 20's to visit my favorite uncle and grandma. 

Recently I did an arduous, long road trip all alone from Austin to Miami, Florida to see how much of a warrior I can be. :) It was a 28 day road trip. I took my time. I had wanted to do that road trip for 10 years and I finally got to do it woot! 

And next is New York. I can't wait!

Things I Learned

 From my exes...

Roger taught me to be smart, to analyze everyone, to not easily trust others. He taught me to be tough and resilient. He was an MMA fighter. He very much valued being strong. He taught me that family can really be a great thing. That we need to respect our parents, even if they don't deserve it. 

Tim taught me to have fun and enjoy life more. He taught me that I was actually important and that the things I say are important. He helped me to become a great writer. 

Ben taught me how annoying it is to be prideful, because he was annoyingly prideful. He taught me that Charismatic have a few good characteristics but to be careful with their ego and how they try to control people. He taught me that men can be extremely sensitive, even more so then women. He taught me that there are many things in life that you absolutely cannot control, like how other people's brains work. 

Bryan taught me to value church again and to honor church leadership. He taught me to enjoy your kids and try to keep a connection with them. He taught me to cut loose and have more fun. He taught me to enjoy food and drinks and music and people and nice things more.

Josh taught me that you have to be more strong to handle life. He taught me that most men are extremely shallow. Most men only care that women have a tight but and a perfect body. He taught me to take better care of my body and to be more healthy. And he taught me that guns should be illegal. 

Eric taught me how to be lazy, which actually is good. I have always been a big time workaholic. I never really knew how to have fun. He taught me it's ok to do nothing and to just be alone with yourself. 

Zach taught me to love. Like to really, genuinely love people. To be soft hearted and kind. He taught me how great it is to be chill and calm. He continues to teach me how wonderful true love can be. Awe....

And hopefully there will be no more bf's and I'll learn to genuinely love from Zach until I die. I love you Zach! 🤗👏😁

Giving Up

 I gave up on my ex husband 3 years ago. I didn't realize then that would mean giving up on my daughters too. When you are in the heat of marital issues, all you can think about is wanting out. You just want the drama to end. You don't think about how many people it will effect. I am sorry Joy and Serenity that you are having to live without a mom. But I had to keep myself safe. 

I gave up my oldest daughter first because she was visiting her grandma. It was a state of emergency. I found a pocket knife in my ex's bed one morning. I texted and asked him why it was there. He said in case I attacked him in his sleep. I told him to go stay with his mom. I had told him a month before that I had prayed for him to die, but I would never have tried to kill him myself. I just wanted God to end it all, and he did, but in a much different way. 

Every other day my ex accused me of cheating on him. Maybe he was the one cheating, or he just wanted an excuse to leave me. Possibly he was hoping I was cheating so he could be free. I wonder if he is enjoying his freedom now. 

We always think the grass will be greener on the other side. My grass is greener now as far as my new hubby being a heck of a lot nicer and not crazy. But I don't get to have my daughters. We all have to make huge decisions in life. So many women stupidly stay with an abusive man so they can keep their family intact. I decided when I was very young I would never stay with a crazy man. Ever. I had to keep living with my dad because my mom made me, but as an adult I knew I would never willingly put myself in unsafe situations. Praise God for allowing me to be free and opening doors for me so I could be free. I had to surrender my daughters but at least I am happy and in love again. I am safe. I am well cared for. I don't have to be afraid anymore. 

If you are always living in fear of your mate, stop and pray for help. God will provide a safe way of escape for you. Just believe. He always  wants to take good care of his children. 

A word of wisdom to any married people. Be very careful what kind of church you attend. I mainly blame my ex going crazy on his Charismatic church involvement. It is a cult and they will try to make you leave anyone you love if they don't fully agree with their sometimes off base teaching. Be smart. Think before you fall in line.  You might have to give up a lot to fully fit in with them. I pray in tongues like they do now, but I disagree with their methods of control in relating to other people. They think they know better then everyone else, but they don't. Pride comes before a fall. They need to remember that. 

Life is very messy, unpredictable. You can't get caught off guard by the curve balls. When you get knocked down, all you can do is get back up and keep running. Then someday you will say like Paul, "I have fought the good fight. I have finished the race. Now there is in store for me the crown of life which God has prepared for me." 

Stay strong. :) 

Homosexuality

 Is it a sin? Yes. But "judge not lest you be judged." We all sin. We all do wrong things. Homosexuality is not worse then other sins. Also God can heal anyone of anything. 

If you are gay or used to be gay, I understand, at least somewhat. If I didn't care what the Bible says I possibly could have turned gay too. I was sexually molested. I hated men and how sex driven men are for a while. But God renewed my belief that men can be good. Just because one hurt me, or a few, not all men will. 

It is ok to be tempted to be gay. When it is a sin is when you live it out. The temptation itself is not a sin. Don't let Satan tell you that you are already guilty so you might as well do gay acts. You are only guilty if you physically have gay sex. 

But God can forgive you and help you no matter how bad your struggle is. "All things are possible to those who believe." "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." You can be renewed and changed if you want to be. 

Jesus cares for you. 😁

In Laws

 Every in law I have had seemed to hate me. It all began with my first serious bf at age 23. He was a Pentecostal. I went over for dinner to meet his family one night. We had dinner, played board games, and then all 6 of them starting attacking me and telling me I wasn't saved because I didn't pray in tongues. I simply told them, "I realize you think that but I know I am saved." I don't know how we stayed a couple after that but we did somehow for awhile. 

Then with my next bf I tried moving in with him. But he was living with his mom. One day she moved all my stuff by the door just to send the message that I could not stay there. He and I got an apartment. I was amazed someone could be That mean. 

With my next in laws there was always a bit of tension. I could tell my man worshipped his parents and he seemed bothered that I didn't. Toward the end of being with him, his mom sent me a giant box of make up for my birthday. She knew I hated make up. It was like she was saying, "You need this. You are ugly." 😢 We didn't stay together much longer after that. 

My next mother in law seemed to like me. Until one day my bf said that she said, "Isn't she still legally married?" Implying she didn't want him to be with me until I was divorced. Makes sense but I was still hurt by it. We broke up soon after that. 

My next in laws were the worst! My bf was a guy that was renting a room from me. After he told them we became a couple, they came and moved all his stuff out and into an extended stay hotel. We got back together after that and were mostly still a happy couple, but that was a very sad day for me. Talk about super controlling parents. Good Lord. 

And my last in law was mostly ok with me. But then one night my bf tried to choke me. He was literally just mad about not finding his cat. He thought I put it outside. I called the police and he was arrested. His mom told him to not get back with me but eventually we were a couple again. That was probably an idiot move for both of us. It didn't work out. No surprise there. 

May God help me to believe that in laws can be kind. May my experiences be better with them in the future. 

Presents from God

 I make little presents now as my own outreach idea. I put glitter stickers on cardstock of inspirational words like, "God is Love," or "Close the Door to Satan." I fold that up and put a bracelet and candy inside. Then I tape it on the sides. On the outside I write "To: You  From: God" And "Watch Joyce Meyer on YouTube." 

When I go shopping I leave them on the shelves of any store I shop in. It is fun. :)

If you are wanting a way to serve God with your family, or just something to keep yourself entertained, consider doing that too. You never know what positive effect it might have. It could stop people from suicide or domestic abuse or living a bad life. God will guide you. Ask him to give you more creative ideas to reach out to our broken world. The more you bless others, the more blessed you will get. 

Jesus loves you! 

Health and Wealth

 The reason most normal Christians don't like Pentecostal Christians is because they focus on the believer acquiring total health and wealth. They are forgetting though that the love of money is the root of all evil. They also seem to forget the verses where Paul describes his thorn in the flesh. God refused to heal him of his painful eye problems. Why? Because God said "my power is made perfect in weakness." Could the same be said if we become poor for our faith? Or as an act of faith we remain poor. Does that make us perfect in God if we are weak? It could be said it does. 

Don't chase wealth. Make enough to survive, but you don't need to fixate on getting rich. Money very often will fly away the day after you get it. 

Don't expect God to give you perfect health. If he even refused to heal Paul, who did way more then most of us do for God, why would God guarantee our total health 24/7? 

There are things you can do to be more healthy. Eat more salads. Never drink soda. Get more rest. Don't worry too much. If you take good care of your body, you might not need God to heal you of anything. 

As far as wealth, don't chase it. Chase wisdom instead. If you are not wise, you will not use any wealth that God gives you properly. I used to have some wealth. But greediness took ahold of me. Stuff became an idol for me. I always wanted more. If you do not have wisdom, no amount of money or stuff will ever seem like enough. "Godliness with contentment is great gain." 

Find ways to entertain yourself that do not need money. A penny saved is a penny earned. Try to stay less active so you will need less food to eat. Cut back and learn to be frugal. Then you won't need to beg God for any more money. He meets all our needs but not all our wants. Try to want less. 

May God bless you. 😁

Moral Inventory

 In Celebrate Recovery they want us all to say a moral inventory. Confess about all the people we have hurt. Here are my confessions...

A few times I have sent many angry texts to my mom saying how mad I was that she married my dad.

I yelled at my daughters a few times. All parents yell at their kids but still it felt wrong to me and I felt bad. 

I shopped way to much on Amazon when I was with my ex husband. I basically bought anything I wanted because he made plenty of extra money. All our bills got paid on time so it seemed ok. But it made my ex mad so it was wrong. He wanted me to ask him before I bought anything, but I didn't like the idea of doing that so I didn't do it. 

I got an apartment with my brother but then ditched him after a month. I met a great guy and chose to live with him but it frustrated my brother quite a bit. 

And those are all the bad things I have done that hurt people. Hopefully I will never do things like that again. 

New Church Family

 I had the best night of my life at church tonight. Well it was one of the best nights of my life. My lover and I went to Celebrate Recovery. I used to go to this same Celebrate Recovery 8 years ago. 3 of the leaders are Still running it. Amazing! The worship leader is the same guy. A lady who cooks the dinners is still cooking for all of us. And a pastor who runs the program is still the same. That was so encouraging to see them still working for the Lord and serving that group! It has grown so much. When I went before we only had like 15 people going. Now there are about 70. So cool! Praise God. I always wondered why it wasn't a packed room like it was tonight. Everyone needs to recover from something. We all have a struggle we need to work through. I am now going to heal from all my exes and the crazy mental hell they put me through. 

You may have a church near you that has a Celebrate Recovery night. Look into it. It will make your life go much better. First there is a church service, and then we all eat dinner and then there are small groups. If you have the chance to go, check it out. It could flip your life 180. 

May God bless you! 

A Crazy Family

 I wish I could forget about my daughters. That would make my life more simple. But I keep seeing them in my dreams. I had a dream that me and my mom were planning to bring them home. 

I have essentially been banned from seeing them for the past 3 years. I guess because my ex's parents blame me for him going crazy. Or they are afraid of him. They think if they let me have the girls for even a few hours, he might get physically violent with them. That is one reason I divorced him. I grew to be very afraid of him. I even was scared he might kill me. 

About a year ago my mom was blocked by my ex mother in law. For no reason, she stopped texting her. No more updates about Joy and Serenity. God told me it is because Melanie could not get any money out of my mom. Well miss greedy bitch, my mom doesn't have as much extra money as you guys do. So get over it. And stop being so cold. Text her. She deserves to know if her granddaughters are doing ok. Unless you are hiding something? 😒

 6 months ago my ex Ben blocked me on his phone. I think it was because on Father's Day I told him he reminded me of my dad and that he needed to be nothing like my dad. It is a good thing that he went silent probably. I need to only have a heart for my new man now. There is no reason to keep texting exes if you found a better person. You have to just forget about any and all exes. All they will do is mess up your future. He messed up enough of my life already.  

I have not pushed legally for visitation with my girls because I have no desire to get back with my ex. I don't want to even be tempted to. I don't want to relive seeing him go insane. That was the hardest and scariest year of my life! Now his parents get to deal with that. In my opinion it is all their fault that he went crazy. They did not adequately supervise him his entire childhood. All he did was watch hours of porn in his room. They barely fed him. They got him addicted to Ritalin from age 6 to 18. Now they have him on psychiatric drugs to make him half dead. They never took him to church. They were horrible parents. And they almost never cleaned their house and had a serious mice problem. 

I can only hope and pray they are taking better care of my girls. I am trusting that my ex is ensuring that they are fed well and taken to church. I know he was a good dad, and I know he can raise them well. 

Please all pray for his insane mind though. May God help him recover from whatever caused his very odd insanity. May it not affect my daughters at all. Hopefully someday I will get to be a mother to them again. 

7 Years

 I was married for 7 years but there is so much that I didn't do. I often can't believe it lasted even that long. I never greeted my hubby after work. He came home at 3am but still, I could have. I almost never called him at work. I barely texted him. He wrote me love notes. I didn't write very many for him. 😣 I almost never hugged or kissed him. I never complimented him. I never seemed to like doing it with him, the one time each week we did it. I never made him coffee in the mornings. I did make him eggs everyday and kept his room clean. That was basically all I did for him. I never cuddled with him, but I was pretty sure he didn't want me to. 😢 I only bought him a present a few times, a blanket he wanted and some boots. I made him come to church even though he was super uncomfortable with it. I always told him smoking cigarettes might cause him to not make it to heaven. 😞

No wonder we did not work out. 

I think maybe we secretly hated each other for 7 years, but we were just good at pretending to like each other. 

I think I figured as long as I never insulted him, I was a good wife. My standard for myself was quite low. 😣 

If you have a partner, I hope you are doing a better job. Good luck to you. 😁 Make sure they know how much you love and appreciate them. 

Church

 Every time you get around a group of people they can hurt you. When I was a kid, my dream was to someday go live on an island all by myself. I wanted to fend for myself and not depend on anyone. I wanted to be Zena the Warrior Princess! But that dream never happened. I have been very much in society and around lots of different kinds of people my entire life. Sometimes it was rewarding. Other times my life was harder the more crazy people I chose to be around. 

Church has at times been the best decisions I ever made, but I also have been burned the most by church people. The problem is you expect them to be saints, but they are not. 😞  They are equally as mean as people in the world. You can't let your guard down too much with anyone. Very few people can be totally trusted. 

If you don't fit the quota, you can get burned. In jobs, there are expectations. In church there are too. They want you to agree with anything they say and do whatever they want. But we are all free. We can make our own decisions. 

I have enjoyed just doing online church for the past 2 years. You hear a good sermon and no one tries to control you. So nice. :) But corporate worship can be fun. It is hard to say if in person or online church is better. 

It is good to at least do one of the two. It makes your life feel more in control. 

Assumptions

 I remember one night I was driving my co worker home and he said about another co worker, "I think she is prejudice against me because I'm white." I said, "No it's because you are a guy and in her last relationship her boyfriend was very abusive. He beat her." He just said, "Oh" and looked shocked and sad. So he and her had lots of conflict due to that. She had anger at all guys and he was a guy. 

This can happen with gender or races. One night a really stuck up white lady came to the Papa John's complaining about anything she possibly could complain about. I could tell she very much looked down on my friends because they were hispanic. After she left I said to my two co workers, "That's why you guys hate white people huh? Cuz a lot of us are like that." We were all close enough to laugh about that. But at first I always felt like my hispanic boss hated me. I figured she hated me because she thought I hated her, just because she was hispanic. I always wanted to tell her, "Liz I swear I don't hate you or look down on you because you are hispanic." But so many people do. So for those of us who don't, they still assume that we do. Just because another person is a different nationality or gender they can be hated, but they can't change that. So it's not fair to hate them. 

In my last job I felt like all the men hated working with me just because I was a woman. I think all of them had been hurt badly by women and so they had misplaced hatred toward me. I had been hurt by men too, but I guess after 30 I realized it was pointless to hate all men. Just because my dad sexually abused me didn't mean every guy out there had. 

Stop hating all men or all women just because one hurt you badly. There is no point to that. And don't assume anything about someone of a certain race. Every person should be innocent until proven guilty. When you assume, it makes an ass out of you and me. 😉 No more assuming. Believe the best about other people, rather then assume the worst.  

Racism

 The movie Elisium seemed to shed light on the racism between Mexicans and Americans. White people think they are superior to other races and that anyone who is poor does not matter. 😣😢😟 District 9 seemed to to be about the racism of black people against white people. That whole movie I was thinking, "Is that really what South Africa looks like?" No wonder black people hate white people, because we cause them to live like that. We could go there and clean up their countries, pick up trash, paint walls, or at least pay them to do that, but we don't. We just let them continue to live in hellish conditions. I suppose because it is easier to just mind our own business. Why put out that much effort? Why should we care about them? What did they do for us? I have no answer for that, but it is very sad that they live that poorly. Our surroundings affect our behavior. It is no wonder they commit their life to crime and crazy acts of violence. They are all suicidal. If I had to live in an ugly place like that, I probably would be too. It could be said they know no different so they are fine, they are comfortable. But maybe they aren't. I suppose the best thing to do is pray for them. 

God I pray for any who live in 3rd world countries. May they respect their cities and their people. May they clean up their environment and stay clean and self controlled and good. May they try together to make their countries look honorable. Amen. 

The Movie Elysium

I finally saw this movie. It was awesome! The main thing that caught my interest in this movie were the healing beds. Anyone could lay on a cat scan looking bed and be cured of any illness they had. It made me wonder if those currently exist in the way upper class life. I think they wish it was that simple. That it was simply a medical apparatus that could heal them. In real life most of the insanely wealthy people consult a shaman or a witch doctor to heal them. I am sure they have more sophisticated names then that. 

In Mathew 24 Jesus said that at the end of the world, "False christs and false prophets will arise and perform great signs and wonders, so as to lead astray, if possible, even the elect."

Watch out for anyone who claims They can heal others. This can get hard to figure out, because there is a spiritual gift of healing listed in 1st Corinthians. I have always wanted this gift very much. With people who have that gift, everyone knows that God is the one doing the healing because the person is humble and gives God all the glory. When it comes to witches and black magic, it seems to be the person that is doing the healing, but it is through Satan's power. 

There was a "healer" named Todd Bentley. So many people thought he was sent from God. He actually was just a modern day witch doctor. There have been countless "faith healers" who are either con artists or they have genuine power to heal, but it is black magic. 

Be on your guard of any human being who claims they can or will heal you. Test the spirits. Check your gut. If it feels shady, don't trust them. 

When we pray for a healing, why doesn't God heal us more often? To teach us a lesson. Maybe we strayed from him in some way, and he can use our pain to cause us to fall on our knees humbly before him again. I have asked God many times why he allows my horrible headaches to go on. He says, "I'm sorry. But all people have pain. You will get through this, and I will help you to have the strength to endure it." 

As Justin Bieber wrote, "I need you to hold on. Heaven is a place not to far away. Take my hand and hold on." 

Our pain reminds us how much we need God and each other. Reach out to others when you are hurting. They can help you, and in some way you can help them too. 

May God bless you and heal you! 😀💖🌟

Finding the One

 Before you can find the one meant for you, you need to decide what you want. Men can either try to find a career woman or the clean housewife. It is not common for a woman to be both. Either she is good at making lots of money or she will keep your house tidy. 

 Women can either find the steady Eddie or the crazy Tom. Those terms were given to me by my uncle. Every man is one or the other. Either they are safe and calm or they are ambitious and crazy. Maybe their ambition makes them go crazy. The crazy ones are wild and unpredictable. At least they are almost never boring, but eventually you will feel like you have reached your emotional limit with them. The steady Eddie feels safe and reassuring to be around. You hardly ever doubt if they love you. They are very kind. The crazy Tom is a pain in the neck, but they are more passionate then most people. 

Who will you pick to be your ideal match? Pick the steady Eddie. Your life will be much happier in the long run. 

Honor Your Parents

 I have had a very hard time with this law my whole life. My dad molested me so how could I honor him? Can you honor someone if they are not honorable? Can you respect someone if they do not respect you? 

The Bible does not say honor your parents unless....It simply tells us to honor them. However once you become Christian, God is your God, not your parents. To honor your parents does NOT mean that they are your God. If they tell you to do anything that you Know God does not want you to do, you can refuse to obey them. If God is your number one, your parents cannot also be your number one. Your ultimate loyalty can only be to one entity. "No one can serve two masters." It is hard to do everything your parents want and everything God wants, unless they are in sync with each other. 

People can become easily coerced by Satan to try to control you. People can try to pull you into the darkness without even realizing they are doing it. You have to guard your heart, yes? That means don't let anyone try to master you, including your parents. Sadly many parents try to still master their adult children, and the kids let them. This is called a dysfunctional family. Kids who are adults should be capable of leading their own life. They are not meant to be subject to any authority other then God. 

Demons

 I was listening to a sermon on deliverance yesterday and God revealed to me that I have never had demons. That is wonderful! At least not inside of me. I think I have felt demons of sadness around me but they can't get in me. Praise God!

 I grew up going to church always on Sunday and Wednesday. Ever since before I was born that is what my family did. I think that kept me well protected. It also helped me learn all the important Bible verses from an early age. I went to Awanas as a kid, which is like a Christian girl scouts. I still remember the verses I memorized from being in that group.

You can't fend off demons unless you know God's word well. When Satan tried talking to Jesus, how did Jesus respond? He quoted Bible verses back at him. His only needed weapon against Satan was the word of God. When you finally realize how powerful God's word is, you become a lot more inclined to memorize it.

In high school I made Bible verse flash cards. I kept them in my backpack all 4 years of school. Any time there was down time in class I would pull them out and work on memorizing the verses. 

You cannot fight off Satan without knowing God's word. Here are some good spiritual warfare verses to memorize. 

"Be not afraid. I am with you. I will never leave you or forsake you." 

"Be strong and courageous. The Lord is with you wherever you go." 

"Be sober minded. Be watchful. The devil prowls around like a roaring lion seeking someone to devour." 

"Take up the shield of faith with which you will extinguish all the flaming arrows of Satan." 

"I have fought the good fight. I have finished the race." 

"To him who overcomes I will give the crown of life." 

"Satan masquerades as an angel of light." 

"Where two or more are gathered in my name there I am in the midst of them." 

"This kind of demon cannot be cast out except with prayer and fasting." 

May God bless you! 

Fight Satan

 "Our battle is not against flesh and blood but against Satan." 

"Resist the devil and he will flee from you."

You are meant to be kind and sweet and endearing with people. You were not at all meant to be that way toward Satan. If you ever had a person badly wound you, think of the anger you felt for that person. That is the anger you are meant to have toward Satan. Stop letting him in. He is not your friend. He might promise you a happy life. Don't listen to him. You know what you are supposed to do. Now simply do it. Don't get sidetracked by Satan's glittery lights, the fun, the escape, the enticing sins. If you are going to walk God's walk, you have to learn to accept loneliness, sadness and dying to yourself. You can't live a party and stay close to God. You have to forsake things of this world and stay tight knit with God. Pleasure will only make you happy for a few minutes. Knowing you are close to God will keep you joyful forever. 

So many people fight off God but talk to Satan. You are meant to do the opposite. Fight off Satan and stay close to God. 

Get Rich

 I am sitting in my living room with the window open letting in the wonderful fall air. It makes me dream of an amazing possible future. My goal is to work hard for awhile so I can get 3 beach condos someday. I want one in CA, one in Florida and one in Virginia. I am going to try to be a manager again. I can do it! I think the nausea from my pregnancy is getting much better, so now I can contribute to a wonderful future for my new family. My dream since I was a kid was to have a beach house someday. I believe I can make it happen. 

Get rich or die trying right? Or just get rich. Believe you deserve to be blessed and you will be. 😁 

Apartments Are Horrible

 If you have a house, don't ever miss living in apartments. Sure maybe you had a nice pool but the rest of apartment living sucks. Here are all my horrible apartment experiences...

In my last apartment almost every inch of the carpet smelled like pee. I poured body wash all over to help it smell better and got lots of Glade plug ins. 😁 The bathtub smelled very strongly like paint. I guess they just painted the tub and shower walls instead of cleaning it. 

My first apartment in Midland with my ex was crazy hot in the summer and freezing in the winter. The vent only worked in one room. 😒

Our apartment in Odessa was a luxury apartment, but it was not built well. There must have been holes in the walls because a pretty big scorpion got in my bed. I killed it. And a spider bit my ear in my sleep and it was red hot for weeks. Then the whole apartment got infested with chiggers. They would wake me up around 1am every night biting me all over. I would change the sheets and my clothes and that fixed it for that night. 

Our next apartment had big gaps in the windows. They were new apartments that had also not been built well. So again chigger bugs invaded the apartment and aggressively tormented me. 😟 If anything made me feel suicidal, that really did. 

Our next apartment was relatively ok. It was in Austin. The demon bugs had followed us from Odessa so I still had to clean a lot to get rid of them. The pool and hot tub were super cool though.  

Finally I found a duplex for us with all wood floors. You really can't fix a bug issue as long as you have carpet. Vacuums don't totally work. The bug issue finally was solved. But the back yard had fire ant hills all over. 😟 That was annoying. The lady next door smoked and it came through the vents a lot. So we moved. But I've always kind of wished we had stayed there forever. 

An apartment I had at age 25 I could hear the couple next to me hitting walls and beating each other up. That was highly stressful. 

Another apartment smelled horrible after my bf tried do it yourself carpet cleaning. It brought out all the smells from pets who had peed on the carpet from previous residents. There was also a dog that would bark non stop sometimes next to us. And a motorcycle guy went out and revved up his motorcycle at 3am a lot of nights. I think it was just to piss everyone off. I put a note on his motorcycle nicely asking him to stop and he actually did. :) 

All that is just to say whatever your living issues are, at least it's not all that. 😉

Jesus loves you!