Giving Up

 I gave up on my ex husband 3 years ago. I didn't realize then that would mean giving up on my daughters too. When you are in the heat of marital issues, all you can think about is wanting out. You just want the drama to end. You don't think about how many people it will effect. I am sorry Joy and Serenity that you are having to live without a mom. But I had to keep myself safe. 

I gave up my oldest daughter first because she was visiting her grandma. It was a state of emergency. I found a pocket knife in my ex's bed one morning. I texted and asked him why it was there. He said in case I attacked him in his sleep. I told him to go stay with his mom. I had told him a month before that I had prayed for him to die, but I would never have tried to kill him myself. I just wanted God to end it all, and he did, but in a much different way. 

Every other day my ex accused me of cheating on him. Maybe he was the one cheating, or he just wanted an excuse to leave me. Possibly he was hoping I was cheating so he could be free. I wonder if he is enjoying his freedom now. 

We always think the grass will be greener on the other side. My grass is greener now as far as my new hubby being a heck of a lot nicer and not crazy. But I don't get to have my daughters. We all have to make huge decisions in life. So many women stupidly stay with an abusive man so they can keep their family intact. I decided when I was very young I would never stay with a crazy man. Ever. I had to keep living with my dad because my mom made me, but as an adult I knew I would never willingly put myself in unsafe situations. Praise God for allowing me to be free and opening doors for me so I could be free. I had to surrender my daughters but at least I am happy and in love again. I am safe. I am well cared for. I don't have to be afraid anymore. 

If you are always living in fear of your mate, stop and pray for help. God will provide a safe way of escape for you. Just believe. He always  wants to take good care of his children. 

A word of wisdom to any married people. Be very careful what kind of church you attend. I mainly blame my ex going crazy on his Charismatic church involvement. It is a cult and they will try to make you leave anyone you love if they don't fully agree with their sometimes off base teaching. Be smart. Think before you fall in line.  You might have to give up a lot to fully fit in with them. I pray in tongues like they do now, but I disagree with their methods of control in relating to other people. They think they know better then everyone else, but they don't. Pride comes before a fall. They need to remember that. 

Life is very messy, unpredictable. You can't get caught off guard by the curve balls. When you get knocked down, all you can do is get back up and keep running. Then someday you will say like Paul, "I have fought the good fight. I have finished the race. Now there is in store for me the crown of life which God has prepared for me." 

Stay strong. :)