"Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed." James 5:16
I would like to be healed so I thought I would confess two things here. It is a bit easier to do this kind of confession then to people I talk to all the time.
Two things that I will try my best to not do for a week or longer is self pleasure, for those who are older you know what that is, and looking at things to buy on Amazon. I actually consider both to be equally bad, one is lust and one is greed. I suppose then that this blog might appeal to men and women, because usually men struggle with self-pleasure and women struggle with greed and shopping.
I wasn't sure about writing about those on here but I felt God said it could be powerful. I know lots of people struggle with self-pleasure but never talk about it, because it seems to shameful to talk about. I don't look at things like some people do, but I still feel that it is wrong.
When I shared with a friend about it and if she thought it was a sin if I just thought about my husband she said, "Well I think it can open a door to Satan to attack you." Which is very true.
I suppose I struggle with these two things because they were the sins of my parents. My dad was a sex addict. He molested me when I was a little kid for a long time. I don't have too many memories of that, but he is now in prison for molesting other kids. I praise God for that, not out of revenge, but so he can't molest other kids for a time. Please pray for the restoration of his mind though. His psych evaluation was that he was "highly intelligent but with a skewed sense of reality." That skewed sense was he literally thought it was a dad's job to teach his daughter about everything, including sexuality. Quite strange for sure. The strangest thing was that on the outside he looked like a stellar Christian, which I still have a hard time wrapping my mind around. He would be in that group I guess where people say Lord to Jesus in heaven and he says I never knew you. Unless he really and truly gets saved, which I know is still possible and I do hope for that. May God save you father, wherever you are, and wash your mind until it is as white a snow. Amen. :)
And then my mom has always struggled with shopping. She has always had countless bags that she needed to return from shopping, kind of a binge and purge cycle that she had for a long time. So now I struggle with spending more than I should when under more stress.
We all have our copping mechanisms, and those have always been my two. My healthy two coping mechanisms though are writing like this and riding my bike or walking. So hopefully I can do more of those from now on and not slip.
The ironic thing about both is that God seems to have chastened me as a warning maybe to stop both. I am developing painful arthritis in my fingers, from holding my phone looking at Amazon so much and the other thing. But the Lord disciplines those he loves so that we will repent and turn the other way, and I know that's what he is doing with me.
I also feel more of a need to write more because who knows how bad how soon the arthritis will get and I won't be able to type. But pray for a miracle on that for me please and I will too.
May God bless you all!
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