To the Bedricks

 I have no idea if you all will read this, but I hope you know how evil you all are. You want me to pay child support, but you won't even let me see my kids? That makes no sense. If you want child support from me, you would have to allow me to see them every week. Why would I give you child support when you don't need it? If you all are working like you should be. "If a man will not work, he shall not eat." 

I have always despised your extreme greed. "The love of money is the root of all evil" and you all love money far too much. Someday God will be done blessing you due to your extreme greed and pride. Seek first the kingdom of God and all those other things will be added to you. 

I'm sorry I married Ben. He had many evil spirits due to Charismania that I finally saw. Being with him was the stupidest decision of my life. He was not good for me at all. That is why things never went well for us. But now you all get to be blessed with 2 wonderful girls. You're welcome. I have moved on and have a new life, since you wouldn't let me stay involved in their lives. 

I hope you all stay healthy and I wish you well. Just pretend I don't exist like I have had to pretend you all don't exist. And take those girls to church. That is my final request in regards to them. Hopefully you all will find God someday too. 

Rigid Versus Casual

 You always see the pairing in movies of the straight edge and the loose person. Plains, Trains and Automobiles, Titanic, Due Date, all those movies have this pairing, which makes those movies so interesting. Along Came Polly has this same dynamic. I just watched that again. I think we all tend to swing between those two extremes, or at least I do. There is the child-like side of ourselves that just wants to have fun. Then there is the mature side of us that wants everything to be perfect and planned out and predictable. Sometimes we get tired of being so uptight and we finally let our hair down. We finally cut loose. I think the reason us serious people don't cut loose more often is because we have seen irresponsible people get hurt a lot. We have seen other people who weren't perfectionists mess up their life. So we become more rigid. We don't want to take any risks. We keep things predictable and not messy. We like things to be cookie cutter, but then it gets boring. I thought I was Polly from the movie for my boyfriend. I think he has been more Polly for me, in that he has helped me to cut loose. I tend to be very rigid. My house has always been spotless. I don't like messes. I want things to be perfect. But very few things in life are perfect, and we just have to accept that. Life is messy. Life is crazy very often. We have to cut loose and just have fun sometimes. When is the last time you had a lot of fun? Go have some fun. 

😎😀🙂😌☺🎊👏😁🎉☺🙂😌😀

Dogs, Doctors and God

 The reverse spelling of God is dog. I always found that to be interesting. God is meant to be our sole provider and protector. He uses people to help us, but he is the source, ultimately.

Have you noticed? It is common for people to worship their dog.  People used to depend on their dog to provide for them, in the days of hunting. People still hope their dog will protect them. I have always said God is my guard dog. I don't need a dog to protect me because God does. 

Be careful of making your dog your God. It is just a dog. Don't make any pet your God. They are just a pet. 

Watch out for making any created thing your God. For some people, doctors are their God. They rely on a doctor to protect them and keep them healthy. You can keep yourself healthy. You already know what to do, so just do it. 

The only Bible verse about doctors is about one woman who spent all she had on doctors and only got worse. Isn't that what generally happens? We hope a doctor will save us, but they often only make us worse. That is because they are humans, and us humans usually are not that smart. No amount of college will ever make a human as smart as God. Doctors are not God. Only God is. 

Never look to a human to be your God. Only God the Father should be your God. 

And don't force others to see you as God. You might try to make yourself God to others by being controlling and dominant. That is demonic and it is what witchcraft is. Any time you try to dominate and control others, that is inspired by Satan. "Where the spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom." Where control and domination is, there are Satanic spirits. 

 Let God be God to those you know, not you. If you try to be their God, they will make you an idol and that is a sin. "You shall have no other gods before me," God said.

 None of us are meant to act as a god to anyone else. If we do, that is pride and "God opposes the proud." Stay humble and give up trying to control those around you. 

God loves you all! May he bless you a ton as you try to keep him first in your heart. 😀🎉

Self Protection

 I am super good at forgetting about certain people in order to protect myself. It all started with my big brother. He was a somewhat bad influence on me growing up, so I had to forget about him for about 5 years while he decided to be wild. 

Then I had to let my dad go. He was verbally abusive my entire life. At age 20 I was ready to say goodbye to him forever. I have not seen him or talked to him since then. The last people I had to let go of were my daughters. It was to protect myself from my crazy ex. Why did I let him keep them? It was more that I let his mom have them because she was kind of obsessed with them. Then I let go of my step dad, because he turned out to be a con artist. 

The only family member I plan to never ever abandon is my mom. She will always mean the world to me. I hope someday I will get to take care of her. For now she is sadly trapped in the cage of my step dad. 

Another adopted family member that I could never let go of is my best friend Ashley. She has been like my sister for a long time. She has helped me get through every tough season in my life. I have leaned on her in every hard time in my life. Thank you Ashley for your friendship and advice. :)

And now I have the sweetest man ever who I hope to never let go of. You are so great Zach! Thank you for being so awesome!