Loosing Things

 Part of me really wants to get my daughters back, at least for a week or a month. But the timing would be terrible. My house might sell at auction in a week. So sad....I have mixed feelings about if it sells. There are so many memories in this house, it might be nice to move to a new place. It would be like finally being able to forget the past. I could finally wash my hands of my past life and past failures and just move on. But I love this house so much. It sounds odd, but it's like this house has been my best friend the past 5 years. I had never lived in one house for 5 years before. Literally. My whole life my family moved or I moved pretty much every 3 or 4 years. I remember when we bought this house, I was not sure if I could handle being in one house for a long time. So funny. :)  Now I would be so sad to leave it. 

 I suppose one reason why my ex hasn't shared my girls with me is because I am still in the house we had that's now in foreclosure. Not the ideal place for kids to live. I am assuming though the bank will give me a 30 day notice when it's time to leave. That would be nice. :)

Those two reasons are why I really should go back to work, so I won't think about loosing my house and not having my daughters. Work is a good anesthetic. But maybe God wants me to sit in my feelings for awhile and think about things, which is why I write. So many people run to work or drugs or chasing money in other ways to anesthetize themselves to what they feel. They don't want to really look at their hearts, so they distract themselves in any way they can. Us humans have many diversions that we hide in. 

When I'm working I barely think of my girls or people that I miss at all. I'm so focused on work. But in times when I have taken a break from work it seems like all I think about is my daughters. It's like that part in Forest Gump when he's on the boat and he says, "All I thought about was Jenny." 

I believe that they are happy where they are, but it feels so odd. It is so unnatural for a mother to not see her daughters for 2 years. Now it has been 2 years and 2 months. After my ex left me, my plan was to take my girls and go up to my brother's house in Nebraska. There was a crazy group text going with his whole family and my whole family. My ex's aunt brought up that my brother molested me as a kid, so why would I want to take them to his house. He read that. I was so pissed at her for bringing that up. 

They were just trying to get my girls all for themselves, and they succeeded. 

But what does the Bible say about stealing? "If someone takes your coat, do not withhold your shirt from them. Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back." Luke 6:29

This is easier to do when it is clothes or food, somewhat. I have a funny story about that. My room mate recently stole food from me and my bf. That was my first time having food stolen from me. I had asked her to move out because I swear she was addicted to slamming doors all over the house. She was just the most inconsiderate person I had ever met. So when she took her food, she took some of our food too. I was pretty pissed about it. But according to that verse, I should just let it go. If she needed it, God says just let her take it. 

The world is getting crazy now. Who knows what will happen tomorrow or who will have what stolen from them. Especially now that a lot of people aren't working and they are used to free money. What happens when that money stops coming for free and all the businesses are shut down? Then what will we all do?

That makes me think of this verse, "The time is short. From now on those who buy something should live as if it were not theirs to keep; those who use the things of the world, as if not engrossed in them. For this world in its present form is passing away." That is way more true now then it was back then. 

May God help us. It is more important now then it ever was, to be on God's good side. Whatever he asks you to do, do it. Don't go against God, for any reason. If there was ever a time to cling close to God, it's now.