Kids

 When my older brother was 20 he got his girlfriend pregnant. She was a pretty cold and evil person so he left Nebraska where they were and came to CA to be with me and my mom for about 5 years. He hung out with me for all of my college years. We went to movies a lot and played pool at my college and frisbee at the beach. Maybe he just wanted to see me through it, and make sure I finished college. Shortly after I graduated he went back to Nebraska to be with his son. My grandpa said he should go back there and try to make visitations happen. But he missed a lot of his son's growing up time. Probably from the time the boy was 2 to 7 my brother wasn't there. He had also joined the National Guard in that time and got sent to Afghanistan. 

I was thinking how my life now is similar. I am having to take a long break from my daughters, because my ex is also a very cold person. Maybe it will be a long time, just like it was for my brother, but hopefully someday I can set up visitations with them. I think about them all the time, and all the fun memories I have with them here in my house. 

If I could go back in time I wish I would have never met my ex and that I would have never had kids. My life now would be easier if I didn't have these memories and dreams constantly in my mind. I suppose that is how it is for any parent, they never can forget about their kid or kids. 

No matter what I'll see them in heaven someday. That will be a wonderful day, when I finally get to heaven. :)