Sunday, February 1, 2015

How to Guard Your Heart in Christian Dating

The Bible says "above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." Also, in Song of Solomon, it repeatedly says, "Do not arouse or awaken love until it can be fulfilled." Here are some tips on how to guard your heart in regards to love.

 



Steps


The most important tip for anyone who is dating is DON'T date until you are ready to get married. Otherwise broken hearts will be the only result.

The second most important thing is DON'T have sex outside of marriage. And sex can include a lot of things besides just intercourse. Some know that sex before marriage should be off limits but others do not. If you do have sex with multiple people before marriage, it will kind of deaden pieces of your heart. Every time you have sex with someone you are cleaving to them like a sealed envelope. The Bible describes this as the two becoming one. When you split up with the person it is like ripping that envelope open, which represents your heart. Eventually, your heart becomes so scarred from love that was lost that it is hard to feel anymore. If you want your someday marriage to be full of life and beautiful, don't have sex, or anything that arouses passion, with anyone until you are married.

If you are in a relationship but you know it won't work out, don't put off breaking it off. The longer you are with them, the harder it will be to break up. Also, the longer you stay together, the more of an imprint they are having on your heart, which will make it harder to forget about them later. Keep your relationships before marriage short. For most people, it takes about two months to be able to tell if someone is the one or not. If you really don't think they are after that time, end the relationship.

To avoid getting to physical and letting someone into your heart too much, try to only date in public. Go out to dinner or to the movies, but never be alone with that person. In general, I would recommend meeting at the restaurant or movies rather than driving together there. This will greatly save you from temptation.

Keep your guard up when you are around them. You never know, they might be after only one thing. Don't let them into your heart until they have proven that they are worthy. Don't wear your heart on your sleeve, so to speak. Don't be easily affected by them too soon.

Have Boundaries, with the other person and with yourself. Tell them what is ok and what is not. And don't let yourself fantasize and think about them too much when you are not with them. Guard your thought life.

Beware of watching too many romantic movies or listening to love songs when you are dating that person. They may cause you to get "swept away" in love. Always keep your feet on the ground. Romantic movies have a way of painting love in a very unrealistic way. In the movies, it always works out and it is almost always wonderful. In life, dating is not always wonderful and most of the time it does not work out. Stay in reality, not in fantasy.

Introduce the person to your parents and see what they think of them. Have them over for dinner. Invite them to come to church with you etc. Ask for advice from people in your church or mentors on what you should do in regards to the relationship. If your parents don't like the person, listen to them. One of the greatest commandments is "honor your mother and father, that it may go well with you and that you may live long on the earth." Your parents have been around the block a few more times than you and they know what they are talking about. LISTEN to them. They aren't trying to spoil your fun, they are just trying to protect you.

Lastly, don't have an overly long engagement if your plan is to marry. Don't be overly concerned about wedding plans etc. The longer you stretch out the engagement, the harder it is to guard your heart and live in a pure way. Also, many times engagements are broken off. Get married as quickly as possible, if you have both decided that is for sure what you want.



Tips


Date as few people as possible. Make a general list of what you are looking for and only date people who meet the requirements on that list.

Online dating does sometimes work. There are a few free websites that you can try. It is a good way to somewhat interview the person before you even meet. Always talk on the phone too before you meet in person. It is harder to fake who you really are on the phone than it is just in e-mails.



Warnings


Believe in love, but don't believe in love too much. Being in love or that other person will not fix all your problems. Only God can. They will not always make you happy all the time. Don't expect the other person to make your life perfect.

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