A comment from a friend regarding sexual abuse:
"Imagine having a child yourself. Would you consider this 3 year old child to be capable of seducing a fully grown man? This child just wants to be loved - real love - not sickly twisted love.
And yes, this child will want love and will try to be loveable but not to seduce sexually! This child doesn't desire to be touched in any other way than to be held, to be calmed and to be hugged and fed. And it doesn't desire to be made to touch either.
No matter whether this abuser has themselves been abused and is 'playing out' this abuse themselves. This is no excuse! There is never an excuse for abuse!
We have to learn to take the lives we were given and to give ourselves, and our own families, a better experience. The love we should have had."
I couldn't agree more! And that is the main tactic of abusers, getting others to think the kid seduced them, that the kid wanted it! My dad even tried to convince my mom that I seduced him as a six year old. So crazy! :(
I have worked with kids for the last 14 years and kids do not have a single sexual thought until about 12, maybe 10, but definitely not 6.
That is how the abuser justifies it in their own sick mind, that the kid wants it. But the reason is they, the abuser, are somewhat crazy. Their mind is not thinking rationally or logically at all!
My theory is that anyone that would abuse a child is temporarily possessed. I don't otherwise get how someone could be capable of such evil.
If you have not heard Joyce Meyer's testimony check it out on youtube. The stories she tells it seems apparent her dad was possessed. He would take her to grave yards to have sex with her. That had to be a work of Satan. Satan maybe knew that she would become great someday and was trying to take her out. He was trying to stop her. So he had her dad rape her for years and years.
It is just crazy the sickness in this world really. :(
I joined some sexual abuse survivor groups on Facebook which I think will be very healing.
One person asked, "If you could see your abuser again what would you ask them?"
Mine would be how on earth did you let your mind slip to such a depraved level? How did you not realize something was wrong in your thinking and get help? How did you not talk to my mom about it or a friend and confess your sins to others, the thoughts you were having, before you acted on them?
But most abusers literally still think they didn't do anything wrong. They still think it made sense what they did. They literally still think it was the kid's fault for seducing them and not their own. I'm pretty sure that is still how my dad thinks or else he wouldn't be so cruel to me even to this day.
About two year ago my grandma died and he literally texted me and told me not to come to her funeral. That if I came I would be walked out. That doesn't show a lot of repentance does it? He still must blame me.
Abusers are really, really good at getting everyone around them on their side. They are incredibly deceived and they are masters at incredibly deceiving anyone around them. It is so sad. :(
Ultimately those who are sexually abused didn't really have a choice. What could they do as a kid, run away from home? To where? I tried to bring that up in counseling that I should have gotten away somehow. But where else would I have gone? I had to live there.
So there is no way out in most cases. But the shame comes because we think we should have stopped it or gotten away somehow. We think we should have fought back. But sexual abuse seems to paralyze people. It's hard to react often times, especially when the person doing it is someone you love and trust. You don't know what to do. :( It's very sad.
A comment from my mom about my abuse: "Of course I do not think that you seduced him. I never did. Your father exploited you for his own twisted pleasure. He broke a sacred trust between father and daughter - instead of protecting you he abused you. I still am dismayed that it was happening right under my nose and I didn't have a clue until you said something. I'm so thankful God gave you the courage to speak up and also gave me the courage to call Focus on the Family hotline and the Child Protective Services system was set in motion. The abuse could have become much worse."
Yes it definitely could have. What a great mom I have huh. :) lol Praise God for her! :)
A friend of mine said, "I was convinced into believing that I somehow wanted it." Yes most are. :( That is very sad and a total lie. That's why most sexual abuse victims blame themselves. But it wasn't your fault.
That makes me think of the scene in Good Will Hunting when Robin Williams says over and over and over again to Matt Damon, "It wasn't your fault." Watch it if you haven't already. It's a great movie! Finally Matt Damon breaks down crying, because all those years he had blamed himself for his own physical abuse.
He says in the movie that his dad would ask him if he wanted to be beaten with a wrench or something less painful. He said he always picked the wrench. Robin Williams asks why and Matt Damon says, "Cause f....him." lol :) Yep.
My friend said she always wants to blame and punish herself for what happened. I said, "Yeah it's hard not to. It took me a long time of healing to realize it wasn't my fault. I couldn't even look at pictures of me as a kid for the longest time cause I was mad at myself."
It wasn't until after years of counseling that I made peace with the little me. My counselor asked me to bring in pictures of me as a kid, which was a really good tactic. At first I talked about how I thought the little me was dirty etc. Finally she convinced me that no, I was innocent. She gave me an assignment to go watch kids play at a park and realize how innocent they are and not dirty etc. Working with kids has helped me a lot with this, seeing how innocent kids are and how much I was. It wasn't my fault. I was innocent. Amen. :)
Another friend's story:
"I understand this and I feel it to my bones. I was called a whore at the age of 10 or 11 by my grandmother who also convinced the rest of the family to disown me, too. My perpetrator still lives with her. In their mind, I wanted it and seduced him."
That is SO sad! :(
Another friend's story:
"I was abused from the age of 2 yrs old. Indeed a child likes the sense of touch. However a child is unable to attach it to a sexual thought in the way an adult does.
I liked it when my abuser touched me. As far as I was concerned it was a nice feeling just like a hug or kiss.
As I got older I became more aware of the fact that this touching only took place in private.
I wondered why that was the case since other family members kissed and hugged and showed affection for all to see.
I was 12yrs old when I started feeling uncomfortable with the touching. I asked a friend of mine if her father touched her like mine did? It was then I was told NO and that it was wrong.
Any adult who could say such a sick thing is only trying to justify their sick behavior.
My abuse continued until I was 18, not that it wasn't known about because I did speak out. But the adults I know also placed blame on me. They said it was my fault for wearing my towel while going to the shower and doing so was exposing myself in a sexual manner etc."
That is so sad. :(
Another story:
"I can recall from my own personal experience that when I confronted my abuser who happened to be my half sister 10 years older than I, at first she denied ever touching me inappropriately & then twisted it all around by saying that it was me who molested her! And that I had no business touching her! I responded, 'How could a young boy, a child from the age of 2 up to the age of 11 molest someone who was 10 years older who was 12 when the abuse began & 21 when it ended?' It is very common for the abuser to both deny their wrongful actions & or accuse their victim that it was all their fault."
Yep, that happens all the time. :( Then they can feel more comfortable about the situation and rationalize that they are not the one at fault. Very sad and wrong but it happens a lot.
Another friend's story:
"This happen to me when I told my mom that my step dad abused me. He got angry and shouted to my mom that I was lying. She wasn't sure who to believe. It's sad that most parents are lost in denial."
That is really sad when parents don't believe when their kids try to tell them. :( My mom admitted that she almost wasn't going to report my dad, I guess because she didn't know if I was telling the truth sadly. Kids don't lie about things like that, let me just say that right now. If a kid is saying something happened, believe them! It probably did. Kids have no concept of sexual abuse usually so how could they make that up? My mom had called Focus on the Family just to talk to someone about my abuse and they said they had to report it. Thank God!
Often times those who are abused will have more anger at the parent who didn't do the abuse because they are the ones who aren't crazy. So we expect more from them. I can write my dad off as crazy or possessed for the most part. But my mom, she should have known better. It seems she should have protected me better etc. But no parents is perfect. Every parent feels they made a million mistakes with their kids. It's hard to know what to do in every situation.
From a friend:
"When the actions are between two children, then you have to blame whoever abused them." Very true.
Be on your guard about people that may be abusers. The best way to tell is if someone is very secretive and they never share things or talk about things. Sin lives in the shadows. Sin festers in silence and darkness. People have to talk about things or sin will just get worse in their lives.
Make sure the people you are closest with are open and honest with you about everything. Keep communication lines open at all times to prevent abuse in your own life with anyone you know.
That is the best preventative measure I think.
Lots of people are capable of sexually abusing kids. I even worked with this great Christian guy at a school for a year and even he was accused of molesting a kid. I guess what happened was a girl who was in 5 grade was in his office and he told her to pull her pants down. Why? I have no idea. Very strange. But he was super involved in our church and ran the youth group and did a lot of great things. But he was very secretive. No one seemed to know the real him. So you have to be careful when people won't open up.
Openness is the key. To defeat any sin in your life. If you talk about it even with one other person and bring it into the light you will be set free from it a lot easier. :) Don't remain silent in your sin. Talk to someone about it. Join a group of random people on facebook and talk about things with them. You will never see them so why not? :) You have to get things out in the open. Satan wants to keep us hiding and that is how he gets at us. Bring things into the light and God can help you.
Amen. :) Go share things with someone. And you will be blessed with peace and wholeness.
God bless!
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