Madness

"Insanity is like gravity. All it needs is a little push."

"By all means marry. If you marry a good person, you will be happy. If you marry a bad person, you will become a philosopher."

In regards to my relationship life, I have very much transitioned from darkness to light. My life before was like living in a haunted house. Now it is paradise. 

Some women can handle it when their man goes crazy. I couldn't. I was thinking this morning, I think my main sadness over it all was that I couldn't help my ex keep it together, but can any woman? We can influence people, but we can't totally control anyone, which is a scary notion when it comes to marriage. We are all free to mess up our lives as much as we want to. Others can stand nearby and watch the disaster, or they can run away to safety. We all decide to do one or the other with crazy people. I think it's better to run away. It feels like abandonment, but you deserve to be at peace. You didn't want the madness to happen, so why needlessly suffer through it?

I always knew my ex would lose it someday. Partly because he was sexually abused as a kid, more then I was. My brother used to tell me since I was sexually abused that someday I would just snap. Well I didn't, but my ex did. He always talked about wanting to retire. I was thinking, "Nope, that's 30 years away for you." He always talked of wanting us all to live in a commune. I said, "No you can't do that with kids." One time I asked his parents if they wanted to get a big double wide trailer with us. His dad simply said, "I am not interested." I always had a feeling my ex would fail us all and not be capable of providing forever. But who can work 12 hour days, 6 days a week? It wouldn't be easy for anyone. I have only worked a few 12 hour days in my life. 

I have asked God several times why he allowed my ex-husband to go crazy. He tells me, "Because I knew he was never the right one for you. He was too abusive. Him demanding you to wear make-up and be Pentecostal when you didn't want to be. He was never very nice to you as he should have been. He just didn't know how to love properly. It wasn't your fault."

So praise God that he made room for me to have a nice guy now who treats me as he should. He is never mean or controlling with me. He never tries to change me. Thank you God for my boyfriend and how kind he is. 

I think most of the time that I was with my ex, he just assumed I would never leave. He assumed he could treat me anyway he wanted to and it would be ok. Maybe he was trying to scare me away, or he thought he never could scare me away. Assuming makes an ass out of you and me. Never assume your mate will put up with just anything. We all have a limit. I was pretty patient with him for a long time, until it became too much. 

It is good to have boundaries, especially in love relationships. You don't have to stay linked to someone forever if you don't want to be. My reasoning for letting him go was the verse, "If the unbeliever leaves, the believer is not bound. God has called you to peace." I figured since he went insane, he was not saved. I have never heard of a Christian going insane. It just doesn't happen, or at least it for sure should not happen. 

Here are some interesting Bible verses on madness.

Ecclesiastes 10:13 

The beginning of the words of his mouth is foolishness, and the end of his talk is evil madness.

1 Timothy 6:4 

He is puffed up with conceit and understands nothing. He has an unhealthy craving for controversy and for quarrels about words, which produce envy, dissension, slander, evil suspicions.

John 10:20 

Many of them said, “He has a demon, and is insane; why listen to him?”

Proverbs 23:33 

Your eyes will see strange things, and your heart utter perverse things. (due to drinking too much wine)

1 Corinthians 14:23 

If, therefore, the whole church comes together and all speak in tongues, and outsiders or unbelievers enter, will they not say that you are out of your minds?

Don't go crazy. Be a normal person that others feel safe being around.