Arms Length

 I tend to always keep a safe distance from others. With my mom I have always just called her about once every 2 months. My best friend Ashley I call about once a month. My brother I used to call only like once a year, but now I try to once a week.

 In any relationship I have been in, I sleep in a separate bed at night. Mainly due to me snoring and the guy snoring, but also because I don't like getting too close to people. During the day with whatever guy I am with we mainly watch movies. That is what I grew up doing with my family to hang out, so that is what I do now. My family would always eat pizza too. I still eat lots of pizza.

 I literally don't remember talking to my mom until I was 18. She would want to talk on the way to school in the mornings but I never liked talking then. When I went to college I would call her often. She helped me handle all the stress. But it was like when we lived in the same house, we had a hard time being friends. So now I am just as distant with others as she was with me. 

My dad and I talked some, but it was always a one way conversation. He would talk and I would just listen. My grandma was the same way. 

I had lots of friends in school though. So they were always the main people I talked to. We would hang out and play monopoly, truth or dare or dance around to music. My friend Nicole would call me every day. She asked me one time why I never called her, and it was always her calling me. 

I don't usually get close to others because it usually ends badly. Any friendship or romantic relationship I have had ends in an explosion. Or they get mean at some point so it has to end or I need a break from them. I feel more at ease trying to remain an island. Out in the middle of the ocean unfettered but comfortable and safe. I keep others at a distance and I never get too close. But is that the best life possible? I don't know. But at least it is safe.