Motherhood Sucks

 I haven't seen my daughters in 2 years, but at least I got to raise them for 7 years. I got to have the mom experience at least for awhile. I would say overall, it sucked and I didn't like it. I probably will never try to be a mom again. There really is no reason to do it. There are many negatives and very few positives to motherhood. 

I was just thinking how every parent has to let go of their kids at some point. Of course some parents never let go of their kids, but those parents have issues, serious issues. And then there are families who barely ever talk. I haven't seen or talked to my dad in 18 years. There are many good reasons for that though. I only see my older brother about once every 2 years. I now only see my mom about once a year, even though she lives like 30 minutes away. We are all very independent people, because we have learned to be. 

Family has always been a very messed up thing for me. I don't really know what a family is supposed to be like or what it should mean. Just because someone is your blood, that doesn't mean you will stick with them or they will stick with you forever, and maybe it is best that you don't. The world is so messed up now and families are super messed up now. Some families stay together forever. Some fan out and find new people and a new family that is not biological. 

I always admired people outside my family a lot more then people in my family. I suppose with my girls, I wasn't sure if I was the best role model for them anymore. I said to my ex one day, "I just feel like you and the girls would be better off without me." He didn't say much to change my mind on that, so that was sad. But I had gotten lazy as a stay at home mom for 7 years. I let my girls be couch potatoes for years. I suppose mainly because the weather in Texas is so freaking hot, it seems like that is all there is to do, just watch TV all day. If I would have raised them in CA, where I am from, maybe we would have gone outside more and we would have all been more happy. Every day I tried to get us all outside at least 2 times. My youngest, Joy, would just lay around, probably because it was so hot. My oldest, Serenity, would ride her scooter around the driveway. Those were happy moments. 

But overall, motherhood was not what I thought it would be. Marriage was not what I thought it would be. I was disappointed with both almost 24/7. Both just felt like a huge burden with almost no happy moments, no reward, no pay off. At least when you work, you get a pay check. You don't really get anything when you're a mom. Nothing....Just a husband who picks on you for any money you spend and kids who get sick all the time and you loose sleep to care for them. At least most married couples have wonderful sex. My ex and I did not have great sex. I'm not sure why, but it always just seemed robotic and passionless.  That was why I always wondered if he was gay, but only God knows. Or he was just heartless, like his whole family is. 

Marriage is not for everyone. Motherhood is not for everyone. You might think it could be fun, but think again. May God give you wisdom if you are thinking of marrying or becoming a mom. God bless. :)